Holiday Expectations

This week is Thanksgiving and then we rush headlong into the busy season: Christmas.

Everyone knows holidays can be crazy. Extra people, lots of food meaning lots of planning and preparation, decorating, special events, concerts, recitals, parties. I don’t know of anyone who doesn’t have a hundred things going on between now and December 31. And even though we love family and doing special things and making the season memorable for our kids, it’s hard to not become a little overwhelmed.

As my kids get older, I feel more pressure to do things that they’ll remember. If they loved something we ate or did last year, we have to do it this year and the next and the next…. Traditions are important, right? As moms, it’s easy to believe tradition making is all down to us. We have to make every moment of the holidays special, no matter what it requires or how tired it makes us.

The thing is, no one can do everything, as I was recently reminded by a friend. We can pin all the ideas, buy all the trendy stuff, stay up all hours but we’re only human. If we’re too drowsy to enjoy the fun, too irritated to be joyful, too busy to sit and eat, what is the point of it all? It’s not bad to want to make the holidays memorable and keep traditions going, but if we’re so focused on doing all the things that we don’t enjoy them and our joy is actually being replaced with anger and complaining, it’s not worth it.

So how do you stop a grumbling spirit from ruining the holidays? Be honest about why you’re doing things. Is it out of true joy or a feeling of obligation? Are you afraid the holiday will be terrible unless you do XYZ? Are you putting too much on yourself in this season?

Let me give you a silly example. When I was growing up, Thanksgiving meant pulling out the china and making place cards. I loved the food but as a little girl who aspired to be a princess, I loved the beauty and specialness of a well set table. I still love making holiday meals really special by using china, real silverware and cloth napkins, and decorating the table with place cards and candles. Even after having children, I’ve pulled the china out of the cabinet for Thanksgiving, Christmas, and Easter. But this year for Thanksgiving, I bought paper plates and napkins at Hobby Lobby. We’re hosting my parents and some of Tommy’s family and the number of people coming just made real dishes and napkins not realistic. I knew I would love the look of the table set with fine china but I would also be standing at the sink washing dishes long after the meal was over. And probably grumbling to myself that everyone else was off playing games and watching football.

Maybe this would never bother you but I half jokingly sobbed to Tommy that my standards were slipping when I told him we would be using paper this Thanksgiving. Maybe for you it’s not preparing a whole turkey or buying pies from Costco instead of homemade. Maybe it’s asking for help with the meal or changing a tradition slightly. Things like illness, a new baby, changes in the family, or moving are events we sometimes experience around holidays that make traditions difficult or impossible. Give yourself grace and do what you can with a joyful spirit, not expecting perfection.

Photo by Sweta Meininger on Unsplash

The Importance of Story

I love a good story. There are some genres or styles that I prefer, but if there are well developed characters with a compelling plot, I’m all in.

I’m not only interested in fiction stories, however. I love hearing about someone’s life stories and experiences. Many times, I’ve been completely surprised to hear the jobs people have had, the things they’ve seen or places they’ve traveled. It’s one of the joys in talking with friends and meeting new people. You can’t tell someone’s story with just a quick glance. It takes time, effort, and genuine interest.

In today’s ‘me’ focused culture, I’m afraid we’re losing our love for story. Sure, we are thrilled to share OUR story and experiences with everyone, but how often do we actively ask and listen and pursue the stories of others? Sometimes experiences shared with others are hard to hear. Real life doesn’t come with guaranteed happy endings and often our greatest moments of learning and growing in life come because of difficult things. But that’s why it’s so important to listen and care about the stories people share with us. They are giving a glimpse into themselves. And often the passions, values, and traditions of people are a direct result of their experiences.

Another benefit I find in listening to others is hearing their perspective. We all have our own voice, our own way of perceiving the things around us. I love listening to my kids tell about their day. The things they choose to include in the nightly report and the details they give tell me something about them. Often my takeaways from the day are much different than theirs, and we’ve been together all day, doing the same things! Yet their perspective and voice are not mine. Some events are so shattering that we all experience them. Pearl Harbor, the assassination of JFK, 9/11. For the people who were alive during those events, they each have memories, a story, a perspective on where they were and how things changed after. Unless it is shared and recorded, that perspective will be lost.

So how do you start sharing your story or appreciating the perspective of others? For yourself, start a journal. Even if you write sparingly, record your strengths, fears, thoughts about life, and memories. Then start asking questions from the people around you and listen — actually listen. Listen with interest and intention. I believe if we start appreciating the stories of others and investing time in those around us, we will grow closer to each other and learn more.

Photo by Wu Yi on Unsplash.

Thanksgiving Activities

As I mentioned in my last post, an attitude of being grateful is so important for us and necessary to cultivate in our kids. We are not naturally thankful people. Our mind and desires are constantly pulled by what we want, not pleased with what we have. If we are truly to be good stewards and appreciate what God gives us, we must be thankful people.

It's easy to talk a good talk but true thankfulness is demonstrated by our attitude and actions. When we complain or worry or covet, we are showing how ungrateful we are for the blessings we already have. Sitting down and literally counting our blessings is one of the best ways to fight off the bad attitude blues and there are a variety of ways to get kids involved in this practice. November isn't the only month to use these ideas and I'll give some adaptation ideas if you want to practice thankfulness in May.

Wreath

Last year at Target in the dollar spot I found a foam wreath and 20-something leaves that you could write on and attach to the wreath using double sided tape squares. This year I saw a similar idea there but it was snowflakes instead of leaves. Something like this is a great afternoon craft and then it can go on display for the rest of the month with something you are thankful for written on each leaf. If you can’t find these at Target anymore, the Dollar Store would be a great place to look.

Tree

If you have a tree in need of pruning, cut branches off and put them in a vase or container — in essence making your own tree. Cut leaf shapes out {I found free leaf printables on Pinterest and printed them on colorful paper}, hole punch, and tie loops with yarn or twine. In the past, we’ve used this as a centerpiece on Thanksgiving Day, giving people a leaf or two to write what they are thankful for. Before our meal, we go around the table reading our leaves and hanging them on the tree. This can easily be changed into Christmas ornaments with time given to express thanks before we open presents.

Garland

One year I printed enough leaves for everyday in November leading to Thanksgiving and gathered clothespins. I hung twine across the family room, attached to the walls with Command hooks. Each morning at breakfast, I would ask my kids what they were thankful for, write it on two leaves {I only had two children at the time}, and hang them on the garland. When the leaves in our box ran out, it was Thanksgiving Day and our garland was a full decoration for our guests to read and enjoy. This is a great way to count down to an event and keep the focus on what we’ll be celebrating, not on how long we have to wait for the day to get here! Change the leaves to snowflakes, flowers, watering cans, or pumpkins depending on the season and make any time of year a time to give thanks!

Journal

Another great Target dollar spot find is a set of eight journals, each with 16 or so pages. Challenge older kids to write something everyday they are thankful for, maybe with a little more embellishment than “I’m thankful for food.” For younger children, they can draw a picture. This activity can be modified for different ages and various seasons very easily. In the spring, have children list what they are most excited about for summer then ask how it makes them thankful {“I’m excited to swim” becomes “I’m thankful we can go to the pool” or “I’m thankful I know how to swim”}. If you don’t have a journal or notebook, have kids make their own by hole punching copier paper and stringing yarn through the holes. These would be fun to keep and look back on each year.

A-Z Game

My dad is famous — maybe infamous — in our family for always instigating this game on Thanksgiving Day. No matter who is sharing the day with us, we always gather after dessert and before football to play. The challenge in this game is that nothing is written down, it all comes down to memory. Everyone takes turns and every turn begins by saying, “God is the source of all good things and I thank Him for…” and the first person says something starting with an A. The next person says the phrase, repeats what player one said for A, and adds B. You get the idea where this is going. This would be a great game to play in the car or on vacation, camping…. Because you don’t need any supplies, just a group of people, it’s perfect for anytime.

I hope you see that anything can be used to show what we are grateful for. What I try to do is something tangible that kids can see. When they can see how full the garland is, how many leaves are on the tree, it’s helps them to grasp how much we have to be thankful for. A running list on a chalkboard or post it notes stuck to a mirror can be just as good! Make a game of it and set a timer for 5 minutes. For every thing they mention, they get a block or a sticker or anything! When the timer goes off, count it up.

Giving thanks can be fun and creative. It can be done as a group on Thanksgiving Day or alone throughout the month. You can do it with your preschoolers all the way to college age and beyond. We are never too old to say, “Thank you, God, for all your good and precious gifts.”

Photo by Kiy Turk on Unsplash

Cultivating Gratitude

It’s that season of Thanksgiving.

I love Thanksgiving. The food, the football, Fall, a chance to reflect on the year. It’s easy to think our thanks is relegated to this one day. But really we should be grateful all year. I’ve found being thankful is something that is often the first to depart in the midst of life. We’re busy, stressed, frustrations happen, disappointments. The car breaks down, the kids get sick on vacation, we don’t get a promotion, a friend gets difficult news. All the perfect plans we have made and counted on are suddenly ashes. And our attitudes become the first casualties.

I hadn’t really noticed how much work gratitude takes until I became a mom. Once my kids were old enough to voice an opinion, it quickly became apparent it didn’t take much to ruin their day. A toy goes missing, a playdate is cancelled, they aren’t allowed to just eat chicken nuggets and fries. Then they start throwing around the words, “never” and “always” and it sounds like they have the worst life ever.

Suddenly, any fun they were having is gone. All joy is taken from their faces as they focus on one thing: what they don’t have. It used to frustrate me until I applied the admonitions I gave to my children to myself. We can choose to be happy, even in the midst of disappointment. We can choose to be grateful in what we have, even while we mourn something that was lost. It’s all about choosing where our focus will be and dwelling on gratitude not complaining.

We don’t like to think of ourselves as ungrateful because we usually don’t like to be around complainers {am I alone in this?!} And when we aren’t thankful for what we have, it tends to manifest itself in complaining. Have you ever considered that adults have the same emotions as children? The difference is that we’ve learned we can’t physically display it in tantrums — maybe I should say most adults have learned this. When something disappoints us, we probably don’t sit on the floor screaming that life isn’t fair but we might tell our friends all our woes, state nothing good happens to us, everything is against us, etc. In those moments, we are complainers, seeing what we don’t have instead of having a grateful heart.

November is a wonderful time to form a habit of cultivating gratitude. We are reminded to, '“Give Thanks” through home decor, plates, pillows, and garlands. And while kids might already be writing Christmas wish lists, it’s the perfect opportunity to talk with them about being thankful for what they already have before they go wanting more.

On my next post, I’m going to give a few suggestions for cultivating gratitude in yourself and your kids this November. They aren’t difficult or time consuming. Just gentle reminders that choosing thankfulness makes all the difference.

Photo by Freshh Connection on Unsplash

Admitting Struggles

It’s easy to look like everything is okay.

We do it all the time. We go to parties and lunch with friends but internally we’re weary. There’s a medical problem, a family issue, we’re worn out moms trying to disciple our children, we’re facing trials at work or strife with a coworker. We have weights pressing on us that no one can see. But we can’t admit them. No one wants to hear about our issues — our friends probably have perfect lives. Maybe it’s our pride, our unwillingness to let people know we need a shoulder to cry on. We might fear they will think less of us or laugh because our problem is so small. So we smile and laugh and answer, “I’m fine.”

So where do we fit in? There is a responsibility on both sides of the equation. First, be willing to listen. If you ask someone how things are going, if she’s struggling, or in need of anything, be willing to slow your own pace down and actually listen. I’ve found when people believe we’re in a hurry or busy they purposely choose to smile and say, “I’m fine” and let us continue on. They don’t want to stand in the way of whatever important thing we are heading to. So we miss the opportunity and they continue to shoulder the burden they desperately want help with.

Second, if we are the one struggling and a friend offers a shoulder and a chance to confide, we need to put away our pride and talk. Forget the pressure of looking perfect or having it all together. We are given friends because we aren’t meant to walk alone. There is no shame in admitting we need prayer or wisdom or just the opportunity to explain a hard situation. We might not come away with all the answers but we won’t be lying under the weight of it alone. {I Thess. 5:11}

Third, we have a Heavenly Father who already knows we need help and is ready to supply our needs. He listens when we cry out to Him and He hears the brokenhearted {Psalm 77:1}. I believe we sometimes think since God knows our thoughts and struggles there’s no reason to pray to Him about them. But He wants us to seek Him — actively, purposefully, intentionally.

Think on these words from Psalm 94:18-19 — When I thought, "My foot slips," your steadfast love, O Lord, held me up. When the cares of my heart are many, your consolations cheer my soul.

Will you bring your trials and heartaches to God today? Will you approach a friend with a clear intention of listening to whatever she shares?

Photo by Roberto Nickson on Unsplash

Why I Don't Tell My Kids They're Perfect

Before you become a parent it’s so easy to plan the way things are going to go. Great family pictures, daily memories made, everyone enjoying the same things, in bed by 8pm. The sky’s the limit when you’re dreaming about your “perfect life.”

It’s not that your ideas about parenthood and children were wrong or impossible. They just might need some tweeking. And a healthy dose of reality.

Aside from the outward plans we have for how our family looks, we also have to consider the inner. The wills, emotions, and personalities we are charged to bring up and discipline.

I’m afraid sometimes in our culture {maybe world} we expect perfection in some small doses in our children. And I’m not talking about when our children are perfectionists {see my post here about raising a perfectionist}. I’m talking about expecting our children to follow every rule, to clean up messes without being taught or told, to be naturally kind and humble and grateful. All those qualities that you appreciate in others.

Obviously I’m saying part of this with my tongue in my cheek but don’t our grand expectations sometimes amount to that? We forget that such things must be taught and modeled for our children. We look around at other kids and wonder how to get our kids to copy them. Maybe in a moment of weakness, we even ask our children why they can’t do such and such like so and so. We teach them to compare their abilities to others.

And just like comparison is dangerous for adults, it is equally dangerous for children. They might think, “I’m not as bad as him, I would never do that, I’m so much better than her.” Or conversely, they might start to believe they will never be good enough in our eyes, “My mom loves him better than me because he’s kinder, I never measure up to her.”

Although I don’t enjoy demonstrating my flaws to my kids, I also don’t shrink back from apologizing to them or admitting when I make a mistake. We have many conversations about how Jesus is the only one who lived a perfect life and while we try to follow that example, we know we will fail and should be ready to ask forgiveness when needed.

While it is very important for our kids to know we love them and listen to them and pray for them, I don’t want my children to ever think they don’t need God. I don’t want them to believe they can attain perfection or that they need to copy someone else to gain my attention. Instead, I tell them I love them, I give praise when they do a good job, and encourage them when they try something new. No matter what they choose to do in life, I want them to always know ultimately the strength and wisdom and guidance they need to succeed in anything doesn’t come from themselves, but from their Creator.

Photo by Ricardo Viana on Unsplash

Giving Away Grace

Over the weekend I was able to travel to Indianapolis and attend a women’s Christian conference. This was my third time going and I do enjoyed the speakers and time with great friends. Every session of this conference taught me something, showed me something, challenged me in some way. And it was wonderful to head back to the hotel with some friends after a full day of listening and just pour out everything I learned and hear what challenged them and cry and grow together.

I can’t really choose a favorite session or speaker because they all spoke to me in a different but good ways, however, one session I plan to rewatch when it hits YouTube is the one on grace. I love the word grace — the meaning, the way it works in lives and changes us — it truly is an extraordinary gift from God. I love it so much it’s on my author tagline {Grace. Hope. Everyday.} and we gave one of my daughters the middle name Grace.

The problem is we seem to limit grace to salvation. When we are witnessing to someone or marveling at our own salvation, we are quick to point out it is by grace alone. Nothing we do. Nothing we earn. Just plain grace from a Holy God who loves us and gives us the amazing gift of grace that we don’t deserve. But after we accept this free gift, we tend to keep grace to ourselves. Maybe we don’t realize we still need it daily. Maybe we don’t know we can continue to share grace with others. Or maybe we’re just plain selfish. But the truth is, grace is not a one time occurrence. We continually need it and God continually gives it. {James 4:6} And guess what?! Other people need it after salvation too! Now we can’t give them the same grace God bestows on us but we can show them love, patience, acceptance when they haven’t done anything to earn those responses from us. And isn’t that what grace is?

Back to the conference. The speaker gave an illustration that caused us to chuckle but also struck a nerve. She said sometimes we walk around in need of a toe-stub amount of grace. That’s not a whole lot and then we look over at a friend who’s lying on a stretcher, she can’t even move she’s in need of so much grace during a certain trial or stage of life. We might be tempted to say, “Don’t worry, God, I don’t really need this grace. Give it all to her and I’ll just stumble along until I need more than a stubbed toe amount.”

Meanwhile, our friend on the stretcher might look at us and think, “Why in the world does she need grace? She only stubbed her toe! She’ll live. She can do anything she wants, she doesn’t need grace from me or anyone else. Her life is fine. I’m the one in need here!”

Both of these responses are wrong. The person who says she doesn’t need grace until something big happens is trying to live life without God’s help, trusting in herself to make it through the everyday. She appears to be self sacrificing and thoughtful of others but in reality, she’s refusing the grace God offers because she doesn’t believe her problems are big enough to need God.

Her friend on the stretcher believes her unique, huge, difficult circumstances demand more grace than others around her. Maybe she’s bitter or angry when she hears them talk about their situations because it all seems so small compared with what she’s facing. She wonders why they need grace and resents them.

The truth, and the point the speaker was making, is we always need grace. For salvation, of course. But everyday after we must be dependent on God’s gift of grace. {Heb. 4:16} Without it, we start depending on ourselves and thinking we can do things in our own strength and wisdom. Grace meets us in our weakness and carries us along. {II Cor. 12:9-10}

And we also need to come alongside others and show them grace. Maybe you have a friend in a deep valley of life. When she doesn’t text you back, never wants to meet for lunch, instead of brushing her aside you can show grace through your prayers and continued friendship, even if you’re the only one trying. {I Peter 4:10} And if we’ve just stubbed our toe and we’re okay but feel on the verge of stumbling deeper, we can ask for prayer, look to God, and he will abundantly provide what we need.

Think about this in closing: God doesn’t just give us the exact amount of grace we need for a day. He lavishes it on us, giving more than we need at a time. Our cup overflows with his goodness. {Eph. 1:7-8} And what do we do with this abundant grace? We pass it on to those around us. God isn’t going to run out. We don’t have a set allotment of grace for our lives so we need to keep some in reserve. We can give grace to others in gratitude for the grace already showered upon us.

Photo by Ina Soulis on Unsplash.

Teaching with Patience

I love that we never stop learning. The truth that there will always be something we could do better, something we don’t fully understand, something to aspire to. I’m sure for some it’s frustrating, but I find it exciting. I love learning new things.

As a homeschool mom, I’m constantly learning new things with my kids. But I’m also noticing things that I have forgotten I ever learned. Do you sit and think about things that are second nature to you? You can’t remember when you learned them or how they clicked. You just know it. Like explaining how to hold a knife and fork to cut something or fold laundry or rinse shampoo out of your hair. I think for adults it’s easy to forget all the basic things that we’ve had to learn.

Then we have kids. And whether you homeschool or not, we suddenly find ourselves having to explain things that seem natural to us. Definitions of words, how to perform a task, why we do things a certain way or why something is necessary. It’s all new to our children. They are discovering this world for the first time and everything is fresh and uncertain and unfamiliar. It’s up to us to guide them.

My son has a large vocabulary for a five year old. He was an early talker and if anything, his communication skills have increased tenfold. But he also listens and pays attention more than I’ve given him credit for. When he hears a word in a sentence, he can use that word in another sentence and it will make sense. But I’m finding out he doesn’t know what the word actually means. He just knows how to use it from hearing it in context. So all these words like ‘especially’, ‘specific’, ‘spontaneous’, ‘direct’, etc. that he’s been saying for years he is finally asking me what it means. And I often have to think a little longer than I want to admit to come up with a good definition.

A huge part of parenting is breaking down information, making it accessible and relevant to our kids. We need to demonstrate and explain why knowledge is important. If they feel like they don’t need a certain set of information, why learn it? I felt this way about math. If I have a calculator, why memorize times tables? {That argument didn’t work with my parents and I’m not letting my kids off either.} But to keep them learning, we need to foster an environment where they 1} want to ask questions and 2} feel safe asking questions.

A Desire to Ask

And this is where patience comes in. It can be incredibly frustrating when everything you do or everywhere you go is met with a slew of questions. “Why are stoplights red? Why is there a yellow light? What does definitely mean? Why can we definitely not buy that? How long is a month? How long is an hour? Do we have to count to 60 for 60 seconds to pass? Why is my birthday in March? Why do I have to hold my pencil like that? How do you know the chicken is cooked? Why are you cooking those carrots?” In case you’re wondering, I’ve been asked all these questions right in the middle of tasks I was attempting to complete and it is very frustrating and distracting to think of answers and explain reasonings while trying to drive, cook, shop, etc.

But I try to remind myself my kids aren’t asking these things to be annoying. They have a genuine curiosity about the things around them. They also know the best way to learn is to ask. I try my best to answer but sometimes I have to resort to a new default we 21st century parents have: let’s ask Google. Sometimes I don’t know the answer or I don’t have the brain power to explain coherently why there are 24 hours in a day. So we ask Google or look online together.

I never want my kids to think their questions are dumb or unimportant because that’s the first step in them not asking me questions anymore. If they feel silly or like I’m too busy to answer, they will assume it’s not worth the embarrassment to ask and move on. I think we’ve all either been the kid who doesn’t ask questions or witnessed a kid not asking questions because of how adults responded. I see this happen just going to the grocery store. A child asks the parent how bread is made and the parent either ignores him in an attempt to get through the shopping trip or says something like, “Machines make it” and moves on.

The Safety of Asking

The second point I mentioned above is feeling safe enough to keep asking. Part of this is the child’s personality — naturally shy children usually have a harder time speaking up, even in a nurturing environment. But if we laugh, tease, mock, or ridicule children for asking about the world around them, any child is going to feel silly and eventually stop asking. Remember at the beginning when I mentioned so many things being second nature to adults, we have forgotten we learned them? When our children ask us why we have to wash hands before eating, it’s easy to say, “To get rid of germs” and move on. But they might then ask what germs are, how we get them, why we don’t want them, what they look like. If we put a blanket statement of, “Just wash your hands!” over all inquiries about germs, they will continue to wonder about them but they might not feel like asking about them anymore. We have forgotten that at one point, we had to learn everything we know about germs too.

It can be incredibly difficult to not laugh at some of the things kids say or ask. I’m often caught completely off guard by the things they wonder about or how they pronounce words. But even if I have to bite my inner cheek for a few seconds before responding, I try to not treat their questions like a big joke. I haven’t always done a good job of this and I can remember watching the embarrassment rise in their little faces and the quick, “Never mind” as they acted like it wasn’t important. And I immediately felt guilty for making light of their natural curiosity.

We as parents need to realize children learn through asking and wondering and if they don’t believe we care, listen to, or take seriously their questions, they will stop asking us and find an outlet that will listen. And they might start getting answers we don’t agree with. We live in an age of information but not all information is equal or correct if we want to instill a biblical worldview in our children. God has given us these little blessings called children and it is our responsibility to teach them, train them to follow God. Yes, it takes time and patience. It requires us to think through things in different ways and see the world through their eyes. But it is a task well worth the effort, for our children and for us.

In closing, I’ve been convicted by two verses recently that go hand in hand with teaching in patience:

Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear. Ephesians 4:29

Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward. Psalm 127:3

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The Importance of the Journey

I love a freshly weeded flowerbed. Nothing but beautiful flowers and clean mulch, nothing sticking out where it shouldn’t be. Just beauty.

The problem is I hate weeding.

Sitting in the dirt, grabbing as close to the base as possible so I pull the root, frustration when I get a handful of weed ‘leaves’ and no root, time in the hot sun, and the knowledge that those weeds I just pulled will somehow come back next week.

I dread and put off the process while looking with envy at weed-free flowerbeds, somehow forgetting that they are weed-free because of effort on someone’s part. I want the success and satisfaction of the goal without the time and effort required to get there.

The crazy thing is my kids are the same way. My son really wants to read but he doesn’t want to learn how to sound out individual letters. My daughter wants to play songs on the piano but sighs in frustration at the simple exercises she has to practice to learn scales and fingerings. And I remind them constantly that practicing and doing the little things will result in greater things. But it takes time and energy and diligence and faithfulness. Now. Today.

I really need to apply my own peptalks to myself.

I think many of us struggle with the idea of the journey. Making the little steps now toward a bigger future goal. We want to arrive, to achieve something, to reach a goal. We want to be a certain weight or master a skill. But it’s the pesky little daily practice that proves so difficult.

Our Christian walk can have the same frustrations. We think how content we’ll be once we reach a certain point in our Christian life. We’ll be the one mentoring others, we’ll know all the encouraging Bible verses, we’ll understand all the difficult passages. But daily Bible reading? Who has time for that? Actually studying a passage instead of just skimming it? That would take too much effort. We want to skip the journey, the actual process of learning and growing. But as with all tasks, the journey is necessary to reach the end.

We can point to numerous biblical characters who had to wait through a long journey before they reached the desired goal. Sarah was barren for decades. Joseph was in prison for crimes he didn’t commit after being unfairly sold into slavery. The Israelites were forty years on a literal journey through the wilderness before reaching the Promised Land. David knew he would be king years before it happened and once he was king, life didn’t get any easier.

The important thing to remember is that when we’re in the process of learning, doing, waiting, God doesn’t leave us. He is walking the journey with us, helping us, loving us, proving himself faithful. As much as we want to skip this step in life, it is in the journey that we learn the most and see God work. If we skipped straight to the end goal, oh the blessings we would miss! The journey isn’t glamorous or always fun and it usually requires patience and consistent effort, but how much more satisfying it is in the end.

So if I were to sit down with you and we were to talk about the waiting stage you’re in and how I hate weeding and just want the results without the effort, I would smile and nod in agreement and then encourage you to keep on being faithful. Because the journey is just as important as the destination.

Photo by Nanda Green on Unsplash

When Discouragement Hits

**NOTE: I wish discouragement was something we grew out of. Unfortunately, it doesn’t end with a certain age. I wrote this about a week ago and then I received some discouraging news and what I’m writing here was as true for me in last week’s disappointment as it was 20 years ago. Things happen that discourage us and seem to knock us over but the truth of God’s Word still stands. I hope this encourages you and I’m repeating these things to myself in the wake of my disappointment.**

When I was in college, I tried out for a play. It was something a little out of my comfort zone but as a speech minor, I had taken an acting class and wanted to try. Days passed but no callback. I was disappointed but proud of myself for auditioning. Several weeks later, I was talking with my voice teacher and he asked why I hadn’t responded to his email about singing in a recital he was conducting. I hadn’t gotten an email. He said the campus address he had sent it to and I immediately recognized it as the work email I had used over the summer in my campus job. It was supposed to be deleted because I wasn’t working there anymore. I ran to the computer lab and checked the email I hadn’t used in months. There was the invitation to sing in the recital and there - sent days after my audition - was a callback notice. I quickly emailed back explaining why I never made it to callbacks and apologizing. But it was too late. The cast had been set and two of my friends had received the lead women speaking roles.

Seeing that email was more disappointing than all the weeks of not knowing I had been called back. I kept thinking, “Why did they use this email instead of the one I wrote on my audition paper? Why wasn’t this email account deleted? How would I have done in callbacks? If only….”

Life is filled with disappointments. Sometimes they are small and quickly forgotten. Other times they stick with us and we rehearse over and over what went wrong, what we could have done different, if things will ever get better. And while disappointment itself isn’t wrong to experience, our attitude in the face of disappointment can be good or bad.

Usually when disappointment or discouragement strikes, it’s because things didn’t go the way we expected or hoped. We have in our mind how we want things to play out and when that doesn’t happen, we might question what brought us to that point. A lot of times disappointment comes from a result of things we can’t control. Like weather ruining our picnic plans, a missed flight changing vacation schedules, or a sudden illness canceling a fun trip. We know we can’t do anything to change our circumstances but disappointment still weighs heavy when we think about what we’re missing.

Then there’s broken friendships and missed opportunities, things we think “Maybe if…” and try to analyze what happened to bring on this struggle.

God’s people are not immune to disappointment. Isaiah and Jeremiah preached the same message again and again, waiting for the Israelites to listen. Naomi mourned her husband and sons and traveled back to her homeland with discouragement about the future surrounding her.

When we find ourselves in the midst of disappointment for whatever reason, we need to remember we are not ultimately in control of anything. Disappointment often gives way to many other emotions — anger, fear, bitterness — but we can’t let those things control us or our attitude about life. The Bible says that we are to be content {Phil. 4:11; Heb. 13:5} and we aren’t supposed to be anxious or worried {Matt. 6:34; Phil. 4:6; I Peter 5:7}. In the moment, those are difficult things to remember but focusing on God instead of ourselves brings things back into focus.

So did I overcome my disappointment at missing my chance? Yes, and I was given another opportunity the next year. I went to auditions again with no expectations but wanting to try. And I got a callback. And then a second callback. And finally an email with my name listed as the lead female character. It was so much fun to be part of the original musical production that I was cast in. And I’ve not forgotten how disappointment is sometimes the first step to something else.

Photo by Toni Lluch on Unsplash.

Making an Impact

I've been thinking of the word impact lately. Particularly how we impact those around us. My daughter recently finished a book about various Christian women who did amazing things. One that caught her attention was Joni Eareckson Tada. 

In case you're unfamiliar with the story, when Joni was 17 she dove into a river, hitting the bottom with her head and paralyzing her from the neck down. After battling depression and questioning God's goodness, Joni came to believe God could still use her, even from a wheelchair. She started a radio program, founded a ministry for people with disabilities, learned to paint with a brush in her mouth, and wrote books about her accident. She still speaks at events, sharing God's love and grace in the midst of tragedy.

My daughter was filled with questions after reading about this remarkable woman. She also retold and shared the story with multiple friends. Joni's life and testimony are impacting my daughter, making her consider God's goodness in hard times, and revealing it is possible to rejoice when life isn't what we expect.

Another person we have been discussing recently is Ron Hamilton. My kids have become big fans of Patch the Pirate music adventures, listening to the stories and songs daily. On one recording, Patch (Ron) explained to the kids that he had cancer in his one eye and the doctor had to remove it. He started wearing a patch and people joked he looked like a pirate. He began to write songs and record stories that taught kids biblical principles and Patch the Pirate was started. I knew all this from listening in my own childhood but my daughter eagerly found me and told the whole story.

These two people have never met my daughter and they probably won't this side of heaven. But they are impacting her, living lives that point to Christ and encouraging her to keep trusting God, even if hard things happen. 

The world is full of so many 'role models' living for the things of this world. Our children need good, faithful examples to follow. And there are so many people throughout history that we can learn from.

But don't discount yourself. Maybe you don't have children or grandchildren. You can still impact those around by reaching out, getting to know others, and getting involved in their lives. I remember lessons from Sunday School teachers and Awana leaders from 25 years ago. Just step up and allow God to use you.

As a parent, I'm so thankful when other godly people take interest in my kids and model biblical living. It shows my kids I'm not the only one saying, 'Obey your parents' or 'Love the Lord' or 'Don't complain but rejoice'. And our whole family benefits from the love and kindness of a godly example.

You don't have to have a huge platform or social media presence to make an impact. Start in your own home and reach out to those around you. Ask God to put people in your path that need encouragement and then don't be afraid when he answers.

We might never know the influence we have on others but that’s not the point. We need to simply be willing to be examples and be used of God and leave the rest to Him.

Photo by Linus Nylund on Unsplash

The Need for Quiet

I’ve always enjoyed music. I never really thought of music as filling silence or needing to have it playing at all times. I just enjoy singing along, being swept away in a beautiful melody. I didn’t need silence and I usually had something playing in the background.

Three kids later and my appreciation for quiet has grown. It’s a funny paradox: we eagerly teach our children to talk and exclaim with delight when they can finally communicate. But we quickly become weary of constant questions, commentary, and the inevitable noise that accompanies them. My children have all been early talkers — even before we could understand their words they had something to say all the time. My daughter who is just over a year will frequently walk into a room, speak emphatically while waving her arms, and then leave.

Quiet has become a rare treasure in my life. And if it isn’t my kids, it’s the phone, the computer, the fridge, random dogs and children outside. The world is a noisy place and it’s almost impossible to completely retreat from it. The other day, I was walking in my neighborhood alone. I heard the wind sweeping through leaves, bees buzzing over a flowering tree, birds tweeting. I closed my eyes for just a moment and let the calm pass over me. It didn’t last long; a car came screeching down the road with radio blaring. But for a minute, I not only heard the quiet, I breathed it in.

Sometimes I don’t realize I’m craving silence until the noise level escalates. When the kids start screaming, a dozen toddler toys are playing a dozen different sounds, and I can’t put words together for all the exterior distractions, I suddenly feel the need for quiet. For calm.

But silence doesn’t always mean rest. We live close to many beautiful, scenic walks. Places far from cars and barking dogs. But even when I’m surrounded by physical quiet and calm, often my heart is restless. I’m worrying about something or anxious for the future. I’m concerned for a sick friend or burdened for someone I’m witnessing to. I worry for my kids — their salvation, future, decisions — and for my own desires — will I ever finish that project, publish a book, finish weeding. Even in the quiet, it can feel suffocating.

I’m slowly discovering that quiet for my life right now doesn’t always equal being alone in total silence. Sometimes it’s my heart and mind that needs to be quieted more than my kids. Even if the noise continues around me, I can find quiet for my worries, anxieties, and fears through God’s Word. The Psalms are a wonderful place to dwell when things are noisy around us.

The Lord is my rock and my fortress and my deliverer, my God, my rock, in whom I take refuge, my shield, and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold. Psalm 18:2

The Lord is a stronghold for the oppressed, a stronghold in times of trouble. Psalm 9:9

Behold, God is my helper; the Lord is the upholder of my life. Psalm 54:4

When the noise and cares of the world crowd around you and leave you longing for quiet, run to the Bible and rest in His promises. They are unchanging and will quiet your restless heart.

Photo by Eduard Militaru on Unsplash.

Why Moms Need Prayer

We hear over and over that mom's need to pray. We need strength. We need help. We need everything God can give us to stay up to the task of mothering. But it's about more than requesting God give us the physical ability to make it through the next day. Mothering is not about surviving until it gets easier. Mothers are in the business of mentoring.

In the midst of changing diapers and fixing meals it's easy to forget our most important role as moms. We are charged with shaping and molding the little lives God has given us. If we provide merely for their physical needs, we are neglecting the most important need and setting them up for struggles later in life. Every mom wants what is best for her children. That's why parenting blogs and mommy magazines are so prolific. We want to know we are doing what is best for our children and have validation for those choices.

But life is about more than getting good grades, being athletic, or looking picture perfect. We are here to glorify God and that doesn't begin at a certain age. The truth is we need to teach our children, while they are young, the importance of a relationship with Christ. Proverbs 22:6 says, “Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.” This doesn’t guarantee that perfect parenting with automatically equal perfect children. But it is encouragement that when we take time now to correct, discipline, and guide our children in Christlikeness, those lessons are important for their future.

And this is where prayer comes in. As mothers we need to pray not just for ourselves in dealing with our children but pray for the individual needs of each child. We need to realize that ultimately their spiritual growth doesn't come down to our rules, restrictions, or regulations. They need the Holy Spirit indwelling them just as we do. It is God that can affect true change in their lives. While we can and should be examples of godly living, we can't force spirituality on our children.

Prayer is communication with God. He hears, he answers, he guides. Think of all the times the psalmist cried out to God. He was praying. James instructs us to ask for wisdom and if there's one thing mom's need wisdom about, it's raising children! (James 1:5) Proverbs 3:5-6 reminds us to trust God first and lean on him and he will direct our steps. If we aren't going to God in prayer over how we teach our children, how can we say we are trusting his guidance?

I want to close by issuing a challenge. I’ve put together a week long prompt on praying for yourselves and our children. Click the button below to download and print out the schedule.

Photo by Gebhartyler on Unsplash

The Long Road of Faithfulness

Our family spent last weekend mourning the loss and celebrating the life of Tommy's grandpa. Death is bittersweet for Christians. There is sorrow for those left behind, facing moments without loved ones and adjusting to new routines. But there is also joy that pain and death and troubles of this world are gone for the departed. They are with God, praising, rejoicing in ways we can't fully fathom.

As we reflected on the life of Tommy's grandpa and his many years of Christian ministry, I was struck with a theme that is present in many Christian lives but not often noticed until death takes them from us. Faithfulness. The constant, consistent, day in-day out service that adds up over a lifetime.

And that, oddly, made me think about another big day that happened recently. Last week we received our much anticipated ants for our ant farm. After a very eventful transfer from mailing tube to plastic farm {meaning the ants suddenly woke up and started crawling all over the kitchen counter} we started watching the busy ants make their home. The incredible thing about ants is how they can lift those pieces of sand and carry them somewhere else, all in a coordinated effort to make a series of tunnels.

What does a faithful life have in common in ants? Well, the job of the ants is being consistent in their task. Grain by grain, piece by piece, they transfer piles of sand from one place to another. When we first poured the sand into the bottom of the ant farm, my son looked less than convinced that they would actually be able to make tunnels. “It’s too much,” he insisted. “They have nowhere to move the sand and they’re too small to dig it out.” But to our surprise, by the time we went to bed that first night, those industrious little ants were well on the way to making a home.

My son’s biggest misconception was that the ants were going to try and move all the sand from the tunnel in one trip. He pictured moving each grain as too time consuming, an impossible task for such small creatures. But he had ignored the importance of faithfully keeping on. Sometimes the job looks impossible and difficult and days in the making. Instead of dwelling on all the reasons why we couldn’t possibly do something, we must faithfully tackle each day and do what that day requires. Even when we don’t know how we could ever get through the rest of the week, we need to focus on what we can do today. And over a lifetime, oh the things we could do!

As people shared memories of Tommy’s grandpa last weekend, it was mainly little things that added up to great achievements. It was the daily faithfulness to do what he knew the Lord was calling him to do. As a mom with young kids, I often struggle. It’s so easy to get caught up in the big things. How will I handle my kids as teenagers, what if they want to do that, how can I teach them this? But you know the truth? All those things have roots in the here and now. You want your kids to trust God in the future? Then show them how it’s done now. While they’re young, while they look to you and come to you with questions.

Maybe we want to do big things but the time and energy we have are limited right now. We think what we get done today couldn’t possibly matter in the long run. Cooking, cleaning, laundry, outside the home jobs — it might seem so monotonous and unimportant. But faithful consistency where God has us today has influence we may never know. Maybe you are moving one grain of sand at a time, but over years of working at it, think at what will be built!

Faithfulness is a fruit of the Spirit so I know it’s something worth pursuing. I also know it doesn’t come naturally. But it is such a vital part of our relationship with God and our diligence in doing what he wants us to do. Small, faithful steps over a lifetime become a journey walked in God’s grace.

Photo by Vlad Tchompalov on Unsplash

The Lost Art of Listening

I was listening to a podcast a few weeks ago and the interviewee said she had been convicted to listen to what others were really saying instead of hearing what she wanted to respond to.

That really got me thinking. How often do I ‘listen’ to what others are telling me but my mind is actually focused on all the things I'm going to say once they stop talking? We've all had moments that run like this: ‘Oh, they're talking about hiking. I can tell them about the time I went to so-and-so and hiked that steep trail. It was definitely worse than anything they are describing.’ And in the process of thinking about and framing our story, we completely miss what the other person was communicating.

When we are busy formulating how we want to respond before the person has even finished, we are making ourselves more important then anything the other person could be telling us. But when we really listen to others and our aim is to help them, sometimes we don't need to say anything. Sometimes the person that is sharing with us merely needs to share. She doesn't need to hear a lesson based on our experience. She doesn't need to know that we are experts in what she is going through. Often people need a sounding board or they just need to know that someone is there and that you will be praying and that you are willing to listen.

In James 1:19, it says, 'Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger.' We seem to use this verse more in terms of not responding in anger. If we are slow to anger and slow to speak, we are less likely to say something out of anger. But I think that we cannot discount the part of the verse that says to be quick to hear. We are becoming a society that does not like to listen to others. We prefer to listen to ourselves, to our own ideas, to our own thoughts. And yet James tells us in that verse we need to be quick — even eager — to listen to what others have to say and we should be slow and thoughtful in the response that we give.

Truly listening to someone not only takes practice; it also takes time. I admit sometimes I'm trying to hurry a conversation along by finishing sentences and summing up in my words what I believe the other person is trying to say. We think we are aiding the conversation but in reality, we are being selfish by not letting the person we are speaking to completely explain himself. There is an epidemic in our society of people hearing what they want to hear or what they expect someone to say in order to prove their point or their point of view. We see this constantly in the political landscape.

But as Christians we should hold ourselves to a higher standard. Jesus demonstrated compassion to those he ministered to and we do not know how to be compassionate and what a person's needs are if we are not first willing to sit next to her and listen to her needs. Sometimes we think listening must equal doing. If we hear of someone's problem, we are obligated to try and fix it. We need to become comfortable with hearing people's opinions, thoughts, and hurts, and not always trying to fix them. Sometimes the most loving thing we can do is offer an ear to listen without commentary and a shoulder for them to lean on when they need it and prayers that God will give them wisdom where others are lacking. It really is selfish and arrogant of us to believe we always must be dispensing of our wisdom.

This does not mean that we can never offer advice or that we should always stay silent in the face of others opinions. But we should strive to be more discerning in when and how our advice and opinion is handed out. If we become known as someone who loves to hear our own voice or who enjoys giving advice more than listening, then we will soon not have anyone come to us. Think about your own life. If you have someone that you go to hoping for a listening ear about a struggle and encouragement in prayer with you and instead she talks about how she has successfully navigated that issue and doesn't hear your concerns at all, how likely are you to go to her again? In this situation, we have limited who we can support and encourage by our attitude and lack of concern.

There is a time for everything. There is a time to give advice and there is a time to be silent. A time for us to share our experiences and a time for us to learn from others. We need to be discerning and gracious in how we handle each of these situations and in all things, they must be done and covered in love and prayer.

Photo by Cesar Abner Martinez Aguilar on Unsplash

Hello and Goodbye. But God is Still Good

Nine years ago today I lay in a hospital bed. The room was silent except for a few interruptions from nurses. I tried to focus on something other than the reason for my stay but that was impossible. After hours of waiting, it finally happened. Our baby was born at 14 weeks.

I thought I had prepared myself in the 24 hours before, when we found out the baby's heart had stopped for an unknown reason. But seeing the tiny form — so small yet perfectly formed — brought a fresh wave of grief at what the day meant. The death of our child, the desire for a baby unfulfilled.

When trials flip our world upside down it’s easy to question everything we thought we knew before. Things that seemed so obvious in our carefree, everyday lives are challenged and we are forced to not just mouth the truths we hear but to dwell on them, to run after them, to actively remind ourselves that those things are still true.

After our baby was born, Tommy and his parents gathered around my hospital bed and we quoted a portion of Psalm 139 — “For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well.” {vv.13-14}

As I said hello and goodbye to my baby on the same day, a part of me struggled to believe God was good in this. But goodness doesn’t always equal what we think we want. I’ve come to learn that part of trusting God day in and day out is believing that he knows me better than I know myself and he loves me more than I love myself. He doesn’t bring harm into my life but because we live in a sin cursed world, bad does exist and we are not immune from its touch.

When we experience the pain that is now part of our world, we can find rest in God. Because of his grace. Because he gives us hope. Not “I hope everything is going to be okay” but a confident, knowing, expectation that he keeps his promises and he loves us. The Bible is filled with his promises and his attributes which we can lean on and cling to. He is our Rock, our Fortress, our Shelter from whatever hardships we encounter. And he is Faithful.

We don’t know the gender of our baby who would have turned nine this October. But we named that baby Addison {child of Adam} Bennett {blessed little one}. And our daughters have the middle names Hope and Grace.

Do you know how I can still say God is good after heartbreaking loss? I Peter 1:3 says — “Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! According to his great mercy, he has caused us to be born again to a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead.”

That is what I find joy in despite the hurt and sorrow. That is how I know God is still good. That is what I find rest and peace in.

Photo by Antonio Ochoa on Unsplash

The Danger of What If

In this age of social media, we hear a lot of warnings about comparisons. Don't covet the image someone is posing on Instagram, don't measure your life compared to someone else. While these are good advice and worth following, there is another lesser-known game we fall into that can be just as deadly. It's the question of what if.

In our lifetime we are faced with a multitude of decisions from where to go to college to whom to marry or if you want to marry, what job to apply for, where to move, how to raise our kids if we have kids, and so on. Most of these decisions are {hopefully} made with careful thought and intention, knowing the outcome will affect any future decisions we come across.

But sometimes when our circumstances seem hard and the trials unending and we view all the other people in the world making other decisions and doing other things, we start to question if we really knew what we wanted back then.

Did I marry the right person? Where would I be if I'd taken that job? What if I hadn’t made that mistake? What if I hadn’t done that? What if I had moved there, gone to that church, learned that skill….

It's a never ending game that's pointless in every way. Not only can we never go back and make those decisions over, we are in a very real way stepping out of where we currently are and being dissatisfied with the outcome. We've all made bad choices, we've all had things we want to get another chance at. But that doesn't mean God has stopped working with where we are.

I think of David from the Old Testament. He had many choices to make, some good, some not so good. When he was the only one brave enough to stand up to Goliath {I Samuel 17:26} he showed real trust in God and made the right decision. When he married multiple women {I Samuel 18: 27; 25: 42-43} those decisions would have consequences for the remainder of his life. Then we have his sin with Bathsheba {II Samuel 11}.

Throughout his life, David had much to ‘what if’ over and decisions he probably regretted. However, many of the Psalms were written while he was in the midst of a trial. There were perhaps times when he looked back on his decisions and wondered ‘what if I had done something else.’ But we have his words in Psalm 40: 1 — “I waited patiently for the LORD; he inclined to me and heard my cry.”

You see, after we make a choice, God doesn’t scold us for making a wrong decision. Sometimes there are consequences to what we choose and we have to live with them. But God doesn’t leave us there, hopeless and alone because we should have chosen the other path. His character is the same. He is still with us. We’ll never know the outcome of the what ifs in our life, but that shouldn’t stop us from serving God and seeking him right now where we are.

When we are struggling and maybe regretting something from our past, we can run to God and pour our heart and cares and concerns to him. And he is faithful to hear our cry.

Photo by Kelly Sikkema on Unsplash

Time Management in Busy Years

Life is crazy.

No matter what stage of life we find ourselves {working, stay at home mom, retired, single, married…} there are always things that should be done, things that have to be done, and things we want to get done.

The difficult thing is that we only have 24 hours in a day and some of those need to be spent sleeping. No matter what we do we can not increase the time we have been given. So how does it all get done? Should we give up and just focus on surviving? Should we wait for the next season of life and hope it gets better?

Unfortunately, we aren’t promised life will ever slow down. More likely our to-do list will only grow longer. I am by no means the expert on time management but I have found four things that help me and maybe it will encourage you to consider your schedule.

• Know what’s coming

  On Sunday evening I look at the calendar for the next week and see if there’s anything special or different I need to remember. Parties, appointments, play dates, events. Anything that is different from our usual week I make note of.

• Know what always needs to be done

  People have different thoughts on doing laundry. Some prefer to do a load a day. I like getting it all done in one day — Monday. I also try to grocery shop on the same day each week. We homeschool and try to get finished by noon each Monday-Friday. My daughter has piano lessons the same day and time each week. Knowing this shows me what time is taken and what time I have to get the extra things done.

• Know what extra needs to be done

  If I’m teaching a lesson for something at church or I need to buy a gift for a party, I write a to-do list and prioritize. Going off of what I know has to be done (laundry, meals, school, etc) I plan when I’m going to do those extras. If I need a present by Friday afternoon, I see when I’m already going to be out of the house before Friday and write to buy a present then. If I have an article due on Saturday, I make time on Monday and Tuesday so any sudden disruptions {sick kids, unexpected meetings} don’t throw off my ability to turn in the article on time. Now this sometimes means I have to choose to do one thing that HAS to get done over something I would LIKE to get done. Like not reading as much one week so I can make party decorations that are needed by Friday.

• Know what would be nice to get done

  The list of ‘I wants’ is probably the longest list I have. Home projects, books to read, words to write, crafts to tackle, organizing, coffee dates…I want to do a lot! The key is to not expect to get it all done now {Rome wasn’t built in a day} and to decide how to prioritize those desires into manageable chunks. When I know my kids will be somewhere else or busy with a play date, I try to get done projects that take all my attention, that are better done in a large chunk of time, or involve messes I don’t want them wandering into. When they are playing outside and could come running in at any minute, I use that time to read, research homeschool materials, things that I can easily pick up again if interrupted for a few minutes. I usually don’t have the ability to plan when I’ll get to my ‘nice to get done list’ but when unscheduled time pops up and my other things are finished, I have a list I can quickly jump into.

So much of time management and the struggle to get things done comes down to our discipline. Are we wasting time scrolling through everyone else’s feeds but never living our own lives? Do we take advantage of the moments we have?

Photo by Plush Design Studio

Writing and Waiting

A little over a year ago something amazing happened to me.

We were in the midst of putting our house up for sale, we had an offer in on a house we loved, and we had a one month old baby in addition to our two others kids. There were ministries at church, homeschooling, making family time, and trying to stay sane.

I hadn’t started this blog because writing seemed like a far off dream. Definitely something I couldn’t give daily time to. Then — out of the blue — I received a message from an acquaintance who I had written a few questions about writing. She was a published author and I knew her from several different circles but our correspondence had been limited. She asked in her message if I would be willing to contribute a few devotionals for an upcoming publication meant to specifically encourage moms. And she needed them by the end of the month.

I showed the message to Tommy, too stunned to reply. Even though the schedule was packed, he said he thought I should do it. He volunteered to help out with whatever I needed in the coming month. I took a few breaths and wrote back asking for more information and that I was very interested.

Over the next few days, I thought about what encouraged me as a mom and how it related to gospel truth. I wrote using my phone in every small moment I could grab. I dictated ideas and Bible verses while packing boxes. With Tommy’s help and lots of grace I was able to write two devotionals and get them sent in on time. Just in time for Mother’s Day last year, the booklet was published and we moved into our new home.

Then a busy summer hit, and we started homeschool in the fall and life just took off again. And my writing once again took a backseat to everything else in life. In our new home, I have a beautiful office in a spare bedroom and a few times a week I carve out enough time to write a blog post, pursue a new idea, journal some thoughts.

Although my efforts seem small, my goal is to keep going. To keep doing what I love and feel called to. Sometimes we look at what others are doing and imagine the joy of being there ourselves. But it seems impossible because of different circumstances and life stages. We wonder when this will pass and we can pursue the next thing — the thing we really want. I’ve had those moments. The wondering when my baby will sleep through the night so I have energy to wake up early and get things done before the kids join me. The waiting as I query publishers about a project I’ve been working on for years.

But the truth I’ve come to recognize is that even when we are in seasons of waiting and it looks like our passions will remain dormant forever, we are still growing and learning. And in that personal growth our passions and desires grow too. I might not be able to sit and write as often as I want but when I get the chance, my fingers have learned to fly! The number of words I can pour onto a page in an hour is much greater than it used to be. My experiences have changed what I write and the tone I use. Feedback from editors on the few projects I’ve done has sharpened my skills and helped me recognize errors I’m prone to.

The waiting is not wasted time. The writing I scribble into journals and dictate into my phone on walks is not wasted. It is all used to teach me and grow me and change me so that when the time is right, I’ll be better equipped to use my passion for God.

Photo by Neven Krcmarek on Unsplash

Needing Grace as a Parent

**Before I begin, this post in no way is saying you shouldn’t try your best! As you read, I hope you understand I’m not advocating that we try to make mistakes. But when we do fail, I think it’s important for our children to see how we cope and Who we rely on.**

One of the first lessons of parenting that you learn is that your idea of what a parent is drastically changes. Your goals and ideals suddenly change. The things you said you would never do or allow as a parent also change. Errands are more difficult, tasks take longer, and priorities change.

Obviously we want to be good parents for our children but sometimes our ideas of what makes a good parent are flawed. I've learned that being a good parent doesn't mean I'm good at everything. It doesn't mean I have to do everything for my children. When we look at other parents around us and we see what they are willing and able to do for their children, we might feel inadequate.

Just like comparing ourselves to others in other aspects of life is dangerous comparing our parenting to the parenting of others is equally treacherous. I'm afraid sometimes we want to be like other parents so much that we don't stop to ask why it's that important to us. I also think we are failing to teach our children an important lesson they need to learn.

Admitting we need help or are not perfect at something is difficult for some of us, especially when it is to our children. Just like it is difficult to apologize and ask our children for forgiveness, the discipline of letting our children see us fail sounds impossible. But consider this. If your children never see you struggle with something or never see you deal with disappointment in the correct way, how will they learn how to cope with disappointments and struggles in their own life? Children learn by example. They learn to talk, throw a ball, polite manners, kindness, etc. all by watching and listening to us.

Also if our children grow up believing we have everything in our life put together and perfect and we never struggled or learned hard lessons along the way, how comfortable do you think they will be with sharing their struggles with us? They will go to someone else for advice and for comfort because they might not believe we have any experience to offer them.

Part of living and growing in our Christian life is that it is not static, it is changing. God offers us his grace and faithfulness but if we don't show our children that we need it, they will grow up thinking they don't either.

In our culture it seems to be that any time we need help or fail at something we are told not to admit our weakness. We sweep it under the rug so to speak. We make excuses for why we didn't get that done or do this. However, Paul reminds us that it is through our very weaknesses that Christ gives strength. Sometimes the failing is in small things like messing up a recipe. Other times it might be bigger like breaking something that doesn't belong to us. Our attitude and actions following these types of failures communicates much to our children. The day we are too proud to admit our failings is the day we think we don't need the Lord.

Our children don't need to see us accomplish everything we desire, or perfectly execute something on the first try. They need to see us attempt things, maybe fail, yet get up and try again. They need to watch us depend on God's grace for everything just like we want them to. And they need to see us glorify God and praise him, even if life doesn’t go as planned.

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