Cling to the Rock

Our family recently returned from a vacation in Hawaii. My husband and I had been 15 years ago but this was the first time for our kids. We filled our days with beaches, the pool, hikes, and trying as many local fruits as possible.

After the thrill of stepping in the Pacific and running up and down the beach to avoid oncoming waves, my son came to me a little disheartened.

“I see fish and things in the sand but the waves keep coming and I loose them.” I assured him we would go to a place where the waves wouldn’t be a problem. He looked doubtful.

The next day, we went to a beautiful lagoon that was by several large resorts. {Side note: our local Hawaiian friends told us no one can own beaches in Hawaii, all beaches are open for anyone to use even “on resort property.”} We parked the car, walked up a grassy hill, and down into the sand. After a layer of sunscreen, the kids made a beeline for the water. And they instantly noticed something: no waves. The water was completely calm.

This manmade cove or lagoon had rocks piled against the ocean side, breaking the waves and keeping the water inside the cove calm and shallow. There were fish, crabs, even a sea cucumber. It was a great place to learn to snorkel and we built sand castles, swam in circles, and enjoyed the afternoon.

The thing was, on the other side of that rock barrier, waves crashed and hit and were just as rough as ever. The rocks didn’t keep the waves from being waves, they simply protected those in the cove.

As I sat on the beach, happily digging and watching the kids, I couldn’t help but think about all the Psalms that mention God as our Rock. We usually think of this in terms of God’s strength and solidness, a firm foundation we can trust in. But it also points us to how he protects us. The waves of the world are constant and relentless. Sin pounds at us from all sides. It can be just as exhausting as standing up to physical waves all day. But when we seek shelter in the Rock of our Salvation {God}, we can hide behind him and find peace and rest from the waves.

Meditate on these words from Psalm 62:

1 I am at rest in God alone;

my salvation comes from Him.

2 He alone is my rock and my salvation,

my stronghold; I will never be shaken.

No matter how high those waves struck on that Hawaiian beach, we were safe behind the rocks that made our lagoon. We didn’t even think about the possibility of the tide pulling us deeper into the water or the waves knocking us down. We were happy, secure, and enjoying the beauty around us.

God does the same. Life isn’t perfect or trouble free because we’re clinging to the Rock but we know he’s there. We know the sin and wickedness of the world can’t move him. We know we can always find refuge in him. When you feel as if the waves are pulling you away from the safety of the Rock, read Psalm 91. God is our refuge, our fortress. In him we can trust.

Photo by Wei Zeng on Unsplash

Where Do You Run?

I’ve been doodling, coloring, and helping my kids paint most of today. It was snowing so we needed something fun and creative and I wanted to make name cards for Easter lunch. It seemed like a good day to stay inside and relax!

I turned on my Rest - Vocals playlist on Spotify and we were singing along while we crafted. The kids ate lunch and headed off to play, leaving me to finish my project. The song “Jesus Strong and Kind” from CityAlight came on and as I colored, I thought about the truth I was hearing.

Jesus said that if I thirst
I should come to Him
No one else can satisfy
I should come to Him

Jesus said, if I am weak
I should come to Him
No one else can be my strength
I should come to Him

Jesus said that if I fear
I should come to Him
No one else can be my shield
I should come to Him

Then the chorus:

For the Lord is good and faithful
He will keep us day and night
We can always run to Jesus
Jesus, strong and kind

As I sang along and thought about the words, I thought about all the things this world offers that we are tempted to “run to” or trust. Financial security, perfect health, secure job, comforting family. While these things aren’t bad and are certainly things to be grateful for, when they become what we seek to keep our lives going or when we trust them to get us through hardships without first crying out to the Lord, we are neglecting our first and strongest line of defense.

No one else can satisfy, no one else can give us strength, no one else can guard us. Only Jesus offers what will ultimately matter — true rest in him. True peace in him. One of the things that struck me anew in these verses is that not only is Jesus strong enough to bear our sins on the cross. He is also kind or loving enough to want to. He isn’t just a nice guy and good example without power or ability to help in our troubles. He is strong AND kind AND loving AND faithful AND….

Why would we seek after anything else when we face trials? Why would we think anyone else can help us how we need help?

If you are struggling with running to God with your trials, I encourage you to read the Psalms which are filled with beautiful pictures of crying out to God when hope seems far and finding strength and mercy.

Photo by Karsten Wurth on Unsplash

Words for Jesus, Strong and Kind:

Songwriters: Colin Buchanan / Michael Farren / Rich Thompson / Jonny Robinson

Jesus, Strong and Kind lyrics © Universal Music Publishing Pty. Ltd., Farren Love And War Publishing, Integrity's Alleluia! Music, Cityalight Music

When Anxiety Threatens

Anxiety is an equal opportunity villain.  

I don’t think I’ve ever met a person who hasn’t experienced fear or anxiety at some point. We might be more prone to it depending on active imaginations (me!) or always jumping to worse case scenarios (me!) or being a pessimist (not me!). There is something in our human, fallen minds that lands on fear when uncertain or frightening things happen. 

I didn’t consider myself a fearful person in my younger years. Maybe I naively always thought that difficult things happened to other people, not me. But over the course of a few years, I had several times when I was gripped with a sudden anxiety that was difficult to shake. One of these times was when my daughter was born.

When I went to the hospital to have my daughter, I was so excited. I was two weeks overdue and those weeks seemed like a lifetime. Every appointment those last few weeks, I had to have a stress test which meant I sat in a comfortable chair for 30 minutes while a machine took my vitals. I was declared stress free every time. 

My labor was long and slow. Even after induction, my water didn’t break on its own and the doctor had to do it. And when she did, a problem was discovered. My baby had already had a bowel movement in the womb and there was a high likelihood she had swallowed fluid and developed an infection. The doctor warned that when she was born, her lungs would need to be suctioned and cleared before they would attempt to get her breathing. 

With that on our minds, we continued to wait for labor to progress. When our baby came hours later, it was a rush of activity. As soon as she was born, she was put on a cart and suctioned again and again. I couldn’t see anything happening, but I also couldn’t hear a baby crying. Time seemed to stretch until finally, we heard a little slap on skin and a baby’s wail.  

She was cleaned up and placed in my arms for the first time but not for long. In less than an hour, the nurses needed to get her to the NICU and run tests for infection and start antibiotics. Watching my daughter being wheeled away was not how I had pictured our first hours as a family. I slept on and off and was finally put in a wheelchair to visit our baby and move to a new room. 

For the rest of the week, every day was a new anxiety. The baby wouldn’t nurse and would only drink half the bottle of milk I pumped. We were told she would need to stay in the NICU for at least five days of antibiotic, but I could only stay in my hospital room for 48 hours. We could visit and hold our daughter except for a few hours each day when the nurse schedule rotated. Every doctor round brought some encouraging news coupled with discouraging news. They needed her to eat more at each feeding and gain more weight before releasing her. A certain number of wet diapers a day. A certain heart rate and oxygen number and blood test. 

I would look at the other babies in our NICU room and feel grateful, knowing many of them had more serious issues that required them to stay longer. But seeing my baby in an incubator, needing a nurse to help me lift her out with all the wires and tubes connected to her, not knowing when she would get to come home. I would sit and rock her and sing Jesus Loves Me until my husband came. Then I would head home to shower, change clothes, eat, and head back to the hospital to catch the doctor on his rounds and hear a test update. I would pump and deliver small bottles of milk for the nurses to try and feed her. 

Those five days were life changing. I realized in a way I hadn’t before the fragility of life and how little control we truly have over life’s circumstances. Until my water broke, we had no idea our week would be spent driving back and forth from the hospital, sleeping when we could, cheering for every milliliter of milk our daughter would drink. Finally bringing her home was exhausting relief that we had made it through. God had provided the strength, stamina, and wisdom we needed. 

Most people I know like to have a feeling of control or knowledge of a situation. When we are afraid of outcomes that scare us, we start focusing on the problem instead of on God. 

Anxiety can be paralyzing, taking over our physical and mental capabilities. But again and again, we find comforting words in the Bible, meant to encourage and give us rest. 

Psalm 23 is a beautiful example. It shows the range of depth our lives can have, from the joy and comfort of peaceful moments to the fear and dark times of shadows. While familiar to many, this Psalm isn’t one to be hastily quoted; it deserves consideration and consistent remembering, especially when we are feeling the weight of anxiety pressing in.

The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want.

He makes me lie down in green pastures. He leads me beside still waters.

He restores my soul. He leads me in paths of righteousness for his name’s sake.

Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.

You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies; you anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows.

Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life, and I shall dwell in the house of the Lord forever.

Photo by David Mark on Pixabay

Stretching Myself

One of the things I ‘resolved’ about this year was that I didn’t want to spend time moaning about what I can’t do. I want to seize opportunities and do my best to have a year I won’t regret.

This doesn’t mean I have a laundry list of things I want to accomplish. Rather as I think of things or hear of things, I want to make space for them and actually stretch myself to try them. My kids have been a huge encouragement to me along these lines because they are always looking for the next thing. They have such dreams and interests!!

There is some fear that comes along with the adventure. Fear of failure, fear of something not working out, fear of others seeing my efforts and rolling their eyes. I’ve always been very aware of what other people think of me. This can be good or bad — there were definitely times growing up where I did the right thing because I didn’t want to be seen doing the wrong thing, not because I wanted to make the right choice. This mindset has also kept me from trying new things. I don’t like failing; I hate letting people down.

But always wanting to ‘put on a good face’ and have success in everything was partly pride and partly fear. I wanted to look great to anyone who was watching {sounds pretty prideful} and I didn’t know what I would do if I tried something and it didn’t work out {there’s the fear}.

So at the end of 2020, I signed up for an online month long writing seminar. Even though I’m not turning in assignments, there are weekly videos to watch, handouts to work through, and a focus on goals. This might not sound scary to you but I’m the person who gets butterflies in my stomach driving to a new place by myself. I don’t do things out of my comfort zone, I don’t particularly like change. But I have greatly enjoyed this month of learning and honing my writing skills and thinking through the creative process.

I’ve also started taking more steps with my writing. I wrote a blog schedule, I have carved out time to work on a book idea and a book proposal to send to agents, I’m brainstorming more content and looking into writing a newsletter. These are all things I’ve consistently been pushing aside because I’m afraid or proud. But I’m finally taking that next step with help and encouragement from my family.

I’ve also continued to try watercolor painting, hand lettering, simple drawings, and doodling. It’s been amazing how relaxing and enjoyable it is. I’ve never been an artist. I usually get no farther than stick figures! But thanks to some YouTube tutorials and Pinterest inspirations, it doesn’t seem impossible anymore. I’m not ashamed to show people my feeble efforts as I learn. I’ve also included my kids at times and we’ve practiced new skills together.

You never know what God is going to use in your life and how he can use even the smallest things to grow you. It’s impossible to try everything in one lifetime but as opportunities arise, I’m not afraid to step out there {within reason} and give it a go to learn something new.

Have you stepped out and tried anything new this first month of 2021?

Photo by Olia Gozha on Unsplash

Making Goals with Open Hands

It’s the new year and some people might be brave enough to make resolutions this year.

With everything going crazy in 2020, I know many people are more hesitant to make a list, plan, etc. And that’s certainly understandable! There were many things on my own calendar that were cancelled in the chaos of last year.

However, I don’t think all planning for 2021 needs to go up in smoke. Maybe we just need to think about it a different way. Go into the year with palms up, hands open, ready to change and modify.

I will say it again for those who missed it: I’m a planner!! Crossing things out of my agenda last March-July was hard. Especially since I love using fancy pens and markers {I would put the winking emoji here if I could}. Making plans just to have them cancelled, everything up in the air and unknown and uncontrollable was very difficult for me. And basically the entire year I was afraid to tell plans to my kids or write them with those fancy pens because they so often weren’t able to happen.

But the frustrations of 2020 will not keep me from thinking about and dreaming up goals for 2021. But I have a different mindset about the point of goals and the benefit of making them.

As I’m thinking through goals for this year and waiting with anticipation and trepidation for what it holds, here’s the process I’m following.

• Prayer. Before I write anything I want to do/accomplish, I ask God to convict me of areas I need to grow in, bring what he wills in my path, and help me seek humility above all else. This isn’t MY year. This isn’t MY life. It’s God’s, and I want to be right where he would have me.

• Write. This can be a list of things to accomplish in different categories (spiritual, health, family, bucket list, etc.), it can be a long journal entry of what I’m praying for this year, it can be a diagram of what to do/when/how. The main thing is I get it on paper! Then I decide what I can realistically do in a year with my current life (family, church, homeschooling, working, housework…).

• Talk. Tommy and I chat about projects we can tackle together, trips we want to make, things we would like to do. I also ask the kids. Usually their suggestions are a little unrealistic (visit Norway and Sweden, recreate dinosaur DNA, build an American Girl room in our house….) but they also request things like camping trips, playdates, sleepovers with Grammy or Nana. Family and memories are so important to me and I want to make room for those too!

I know goal planning isn’t for everyone. I’m not super strict with myself but I do like to sit and think and consider how God would have me use my abilities and time and energy throughout the year. Of course, those things can all change. Maybe we’ll be given extra time {think quarantine} or maybe we’ll walk through a trial with illness or family and not get anything from our list marked off.

For me, it’s not just about the end goal or accomplishing my list — although I love checking things off lists! It’s also about how God grows me and the things I learn through the events of the year. I certainly learned patience and trust, waiting for God’s time and will, and my need for rest and fellowship in 2020. None of those were things on MY to-do for last year but Gods knows best.

Going into 2021, I’m praying, writing, and talking about goals and desires and dreams. But I’m holding them in open, out stretched hands and I might start using a pencil.

Photo by Hayley Maxwell on Unsplash

Finding Beauty in the Little Things

The last few months have been filled with so many stresses and anxieties, at times I found it difficult to focus on something positive.

Everything seemed to be a loaded conversation. Everything was polarizing. {Still is, I guess, but I’ve learned to tune it out.} So much bad news and sorrow and unkindness and complete foolishness. People using their platforms to promote division.

Time was so full of stuff. Before the world literally shut down, I felt like I had so much going on. So much to do and rush around for. Things seemed busy but when I considered why, there was never a good answer. We were just busy. I felt behind and not as together as other people, like I was always having to catch up.

Then I began doing something I should have done long ago. I started appreciating small glimpses of joy and beauty that I had overlooked before. Maybe it was something that didn’t seem beautiful at first glance or it was an emotional beauty rather than a physical one.

The best way I found to do this was to watch my two year old. She is an exuberant and excited child anyway but her pure joy over finding “poly polies” {potato bugs/roly polies}, watching ants, talking and waving to birds always brought a smile. Maybe because as adults we see so many things as a nuisance or bother or not worth our time, but as I stopped and considered what she was marveling at, I began appreciating them more too. And wondering what makes such small things — both in size and supposed purpose — so incredible.

Did you know an ant can carry 50 times its own body weight?

Did you know Monarch butterflies use the sun to navigate?

God designed and created so many amazing things in our world but most of them get passed by because we’re too busy to stop and wonder. They seem small, trivial compared to our worries and schedules. And yet they are there. Surrounding us in so many places.

I’ve been trying to restore a wonder in the way I see things. To not let the ordinary pass by without a glance. To look at the world and experience it as if seeing it for the first time. I recently told Tommy I wish I could go back and read some of my favorite books again, for the first time. To relive the story without knowing what would happen or how the author would weave words and emotions together so expertly. It’s one of the hardest things about finishing a great book.

But at the same time, I believe it’s possible to still enjoy — even anticipate — books and scenes we are familiar with. The brightness of seeing it for the first time doesn’t have to dim. We just have to keep ourselves from growing complacent. To not be so jaded by the world that we roll our eyes and rush by everything, just eager to mark off our to-do list and keep up with all the social media induced expectations. And cultivating a wonder in the ordinary things makes the worries and troubles and fights in the world take second place, if any place at all. When we spend our time looking for and reveling in the beauty of little things, we don’t have time for petty arguments and we want to spread the joy we’ve found to others.

Part of resting in life is trusting that God has things under control. We follow his will for us {Prov. 3:5-6}, we obey his commandments and seek him, and we leave anxiety behind {I Peter 5:7}. When we aren’t worried and caught up in all the worldly things, it’s easier to look around and see the amazing creations God has put before us. And we start the recognize the little things he gives…

Sunsets in pink, orange, and purple

Bees landing effortlessly on flower petals

Hummingbirds beating the air

Snow dusted on mountaintops

Smiles covered in chocolate ice cream

Laughter and giggles while swinging higher

The joy of learning a new skill well

Sweet times with good friends

The world is full of simple, beautiful, ordinary things. But often we need to stop and look to fully enjoy them and praise the Creator of it all.

Photo by Marian Florinel Condruz on Unsplash

Raising Children in a Sin Cursed World

As a mom, one of the things I talk about with my friends is raising my kids to love God and value what He values. Even with my friends who aren’t moms, I’ve expressed frustration and concern for what’s going on in the world and how it affects my kids.

Every generation faces challenges when it comes to raising children. A sin cursed world is never going to be easy or convenient to teach children to follow God and love Him. Even in the “good old days,” sin was present and slowly influencing and chipping away at the family. I believe we sometimes sell the previous generations short by moaning about how much more difficult it is to raise children now, in the 21st century. And while previous parents didn’t have to face social media and technology, they still had to deal with sin and a sinful world.

Imagine the world just before the flood. Things were so terrible and wicked that God destroyed everything except Noah’s family and the animals to repopulate the world. We can’t imagine such times. And every civilization from then until now has been driven by sin.

Consider the first century Christians. Ancient Rome was not the most wholesome civilization to be raising children in. Even by secular standards and historians, ancient Roman culture was full of perversion, debauchery, and violence. There were areas where you could leave healthy, born, but unwanted babies for wild dogs to eat. Senators and emperors were corrupt and ready to kill to gain power. Adultery and homosexuality were rampant. People thronged to the Colosseum and similar amphitheaters to watch gladiators kill each other and see Christians torn apart by animals.

But for God’s grace, it would be impossible to even begin to raise children counter culture! As parents, I believe raising children to be God fearing comes down to several things:

• Realizing we can’t isolate them from the evil of this world

• Filling their mind with Bible truth

• Surrounding them with prayer

We as parents are the primary influencers and teachers for our children but that doesn’t mean we can go at it alone. We need wisdom and strength from the Lord and we certainly can’t know or anticipate every curveball that parenthood throws at us.

I guess my point is, everyone has been raised in a sin cursed world. This isn’t something new we’re facing for the first time. A desire to be godly examples of a family in ungodly times has existed since Adam and Eve. We may feel like it’s more prevalent or in our face now with the internet and social media, but sin is sin. It’s always stood there, against the family and trying everything possible to tear us down.

Instead of excusing the difficulties of today and saying it’s harder than anyone else has faced, we must trust God, soak ourselves in the Bible daily, and not let the culture dictate how we parent. We must know what the Bible teaches on issues of sin, values, and moral standards and instill those into our children.

Photo by Melissa Askew on Unsplash

I am {Not} Enough

There has been a trend in recent years to put uplifting sayings on journals, shirts, mugs, basically anything. I’m sure you’ve seen them…

Believe you can and you will

She believed she could so she did

Dream high

Keep calm and {insert anything here}

Ask me after my coffee….

While these aren’t bad, there is one that always bothers me. I usually see it in reference to women who are longing for a husband or a better job, seeking affirmation from peers, deep in discouragement, etc. But it simply is “I am Enough” or “You are Enough.”

Think about that for a minute. You are wearing a shirt {or drinking from a mug} that states you are all you need.

I don’t know if you’ve ever tried to ride the “You are enough” train but it’s discouraging! Give me one hour of trying to parent in my own strength, wisdom, patience, and you will see how this statement in practice doesn’t work. We are not enough by ourselves. We will fail again and again and hurt those around us when we live with this mantra.

In my mind there is really no way to defend this sentiment biblically. In fact, we read Paul in Philippians 3 reminding people of his credentials of “being enough” according to the Jews yet it meaning nothing for salvation. Here’s how Paul sums it up in Philippians 3:7-8a “But whatever gain I had, I counted as loss for the sake of Christ. Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord.”

Paul counted nothing that he had done as gain for Christ. The well-known passage in II Corinthians 12 tells us that Paul had something he asked God to take from him — perhaps a speech problem or a physical ailment — but God denied him. “‘But he {God} said to me {Paul}, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.” {II Cor. 12:9}

Paul saw he was far from enough on his own. Salvation, wisdom, strength, discernment. We need to rely on God. We need to humbly say, “I am Not Enough!”

Part of the struggle we have with finding true rest is the belief that we have to be doing. If we are enough, then everything goes — or falls — because of us. If we stop, if we rest, if we look to someone else, we will cease being enough. And for some, that is frightening. But is should be a relief! To not carry the weight of life ourselves but to turn it over to God because we know we aren’t enough to save ourselves!

Our culture is self-seeking, self-promoting, independent. While working and knowing how to care for ourselves is not bad, we need to be careful to not become so independent we turn from God. We must acknowledge that we are not enough, for this life or the next.

Photo by Lili Popper on Unsplash

Learning from Regret

We all have things we look back on and wish were different. We regret saying or not saying something, being too busy for this person or ignoring that event. In the moment, our lives seem so busy and full and how could we possibly set it aside to make time for this other thing? We get in a heated debate and spill everything we’ve been thinking for years and walk away.

But then the moment passes. We realize how our words sounded or the unique opportunity we missed. And there are regrets. Because we are human and we aren’t perfect, we will make mistakes. And we will regret decisions we made or ignored. It’s not the regret itself to watch out for but rather what we do with it.

I’ve been regretting a lot recently. In May, a friend of mine passed away after a fight with cancer. It was a hard loss for many reasons but because of COVID, I had been unable to visit her the last few months of her life. We had set up a time but then got isolation orders. Over texts, I said as soon as it was safe, I wanted to see her. But she took a sudden turn and that safe time never came.

It’s difficult to not sort through in my mind all the times I could have seen her before March. We both had busy schedules and kids but surely there was an afternoon I could have texted and dropped by. Regret is a heavy burden to carry.

The truth in regret is that no matter what we do, we can’t change what’s already happened. We can apologize for words spoken hastily but they will always have been said. We can mentally rearrange past appointments to see how we could have made room for all that we missed but it doesn’t change the fact that we missed it. The moment is over.

But regret can teach us to make different decisions in the future and not repeat the mistakes of the past. If we know certain topics trigger anger and we have trouble communicating on those issues in a kind way, it may be best to step away from those conversations until we calm down. If someone pops in our mind, take a moment to text or call them. If we know we’ll be close to a friend’s neighborhood for other errands, call before and ask they’ll be home for a quick stop. Leave a note, cookies, flowers….

The older I get the more I realize relationships take effort but they are so valuable. Even for an introvert like myself, I love hearing how my friends are doing, how I can pray for them. I enjoy sending notes and special treats just because they were on my mind and I wanted to encourage them. Yes, all this takes time. Yes, it takes effort and planning. But I have never regretted doing it. And it often encourages me just as much as the person I was reaching out to.

I know there will always be regrets on this side of heaven. But I want to intentionally try to lessen them. I want to learn to make time and reach out and watch my comments. I want to seize the time I’ve been given and make it count in the lives of others.

Photo by Rodion Kutsaev on Unsplash

Don't be Discouraged

Waiting is hard.

It often breeds discouragement as we believe the longer we have to wait for something, the less likely it is we will succeed. This can be true for waiting for a husband, a baby, the perfect job offer, and the list goes on. Waiting and discouragement thread through life in many ways.

I love reading books. Although I read a lot of non fiction, I love a good novel too. I’ve come to realize, however, that I love getting to the finish but I’m not always a fan of the journey. No, I’m not one of those crazies who reads the last chapter of the book before starting the beginning. But if the journey takes too long, if the hero makes too many mistakes along the way, I’ve been known to skim a few pages. But without the struggle the climax would be less satisfying. The triumph of the hero succeeding is made more spectacular by all the obstacles he had to overcome to get there.

And so it is in reaching our goals. Often we don’t take the time to celebrate or even realize we had a small victory toward our main objective. We instead focus on what others are doing, what others are accomplishing. When we face disappointment, it’s hard to imagine rising above discouragement, working and continuing on although the odds seem stacked against us. But when we reach that goal, the joy is all the greater because of what we’ve experienced along the way. We can look back at specific moments when we could have given up. But look how we came through!!

I love hearing about people who work hard and accomplish their goal. But it has burdened my heart when I see friends and acquaintances getting book deals, opening businesses, living their dreams. I thought, “They’re moms too. When did they find time to do that? I’m so behind.” It is basically a pity party but it makes me doubt what I love doing. I wrongly measure success off of the timing that others were succeeding in. And I don’t take into account the years and tears and sacrifices that they have gone through.

I’m reading the life of David in my Bible reading. Talk about waiting!! He served the king he knew he was going to replace and hid for years from that same king! He knew what God had promised but he waited and waited. Several times David could have killed Saul and sped up the timeline {at least in human eyes}. But he wanted things to happen in God’s timing, not because he acted impatiently.

I would really love this time of quarantine to end and everything to go back to before. I would really love to be published and hold a book with my name on it in my hands. I don’t want to wait weeks or months to go to coffee with a friend. I don’t want to wait years for all my words currently sheltering in notebooks to find their way into the broader world of books. I want to know that there is an end and it will be the ending I want in the time I want.

But that thinking isn’t healthy or biblical. Instead of focusing on what we want to keep from being discouraged, when we find ourselves in the middle of something, we must turn our desires and disappointments and expectations over to God and wait for his timing.

Photo by Aaron Burden on Unsplash

Trust the God of the Bible

The world is a crazy place right now.

I usually don’t follow the news. I’ll read major headlines and I read a newsjournal magazine each week with a rundown of what’s going on in the world. But I’m not keeping up everyday. However, what’s going on now with COVID-19 is impossible to close off from.

In the midst of stopped plans, schedules, and routines, I’ve been attempting to fill my mind with God’s truth instead of the anxiety that swells around. I KNOW God is in control. I KNOW this doesn’t surprise him. I KNOW my plans aren’t the end all be all of life. But sometimes, when we’ve come to rely and depend on our ability to plan and control and do what we want, KNOWING something needs to sink in deeper.

In my Bible reading plan for the year, I’ve been traveling the wilderness with the Israelites so far. In my last week of reading, I came across some incredible verses that reminded me of who God is. Let me share just one with you. In the opening chapters of Deuteronomy, Moses is reminding the Israelites what has happened over the past 40 years. From leaving Egypt to refusing to enter the Promised Land, from wandering in the desert to disobeying God, he lays their not so glamorous history before them. Then in chapter 4, Moses commands obedience, forbids idolatry, and tells them {again} about the amazing God who has guided them all those stumbling, complaining years.

…know therefore today, and lay it to your heart, that the Lord is God in heaven above and on the earth beneath; there is no other. {Deut. 4:39}

Consider those words in the context of where we are today. God is in control of heaven above and earth beneath today just as much as he was for the Israelites gearing up to claim the Promised Land. Consider also what the Israelites were facing. God had promised them victory over their enemies if they obeyed his commands and obeyed him. Because God is sovereign over everything, not just his people, he tells them that he will strike fear in their enemies and that he is preparing the way for the Israelites to defeat the enemy. Because he is God; there is no other.

A few days after I read that verse and started writing this post, there was a 5.7 earthquake near where I live that woke up my family to 15 of the longest seconds of my life. We are safe, there was no damage, but my heart was racing all day. As a mom with young kids, I fought back my tears and put on a smile and quoted verses all day about not being afraid. That night, I tried to return to this post and finish writing it but I just couldn’t. I stared at the words of Deuteronomy 4:39 and the paragraphs that I had typed a mere 24 hours before the earthquake and I couldn’t stop repeating to myself, “There is no other God. He is Lord of heaven and earth. Yesterday, today, always.” After just going through the strongest and longest earthquake I’ve ever experienced, those truths took a new meaning to me.

As a writer, it’s always interesting to go back and read my thoughts and relive in a way what God has taught me in the past. {As a side note, it is one of the reasons I’m a huge advocate of journaling, even if you aren’t publishing your writing. I’ve been reminded of so many lessons and blessings by keeping journals of my thoughts, prayers, and daily life.} But to read this reminder of Who God is in the midst of walking through the great unknown that we all find ourselves in…it brought me humbly seeking God and KNOWING he is in control in a whole new way.

This week, and I’m sure the weeks to come, are proving to me that I am weak but he gives strength. I need grace and he pours it over me. I can trust him with the weeks and months full of unknowns and he will not leave me.

When was the last time you really KNEW with your head and your heart Who God is? Have you thanked him for his faithfulness recently? Do you, today, know and lay on your heart that he is Lord of heaven above and earth beneath?

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Prayer

I've often felt inadequate in many ways. I know a little about a lot of things but I'm not an expert or particularly skilled in any one thing. As a homeschooling, stay at home mom to three kids, there are many things I don't have the time or energy or physical ability to accomplish. 

Many is the time when I want to do something and just can't. There are needs and opportunities even in my own church that I am not able to meet or contribute to.

Those realizations are hard. Especially when I think, 'If I wasn't homeschooling, I'd have all morning for that,' 'If my kids were older, they could stay home alone while I did that,' 'If there wasn't cooking, cleaning, laundry, meal planning…' Our lives can quickly become a list of grievances or hindrances instead of looking at what IS possible in the place we are now.

My biggest shift in this thinking has been prayer. The beautiful thing about prayer is we can do it anytime, anywhere. There is no formula to follow, no time limit or special place. In the chaos of our daily surroundings and in the long, sleepless nights, God hears our prayers.

Suddenly, my perceived inadequacies are swept away. You don't have to be an expert to approach the throne of God. We come before him with awe, humility, broken, and needy people. And he hears.

When I can't worship at church because of sick children or attend a Bible study because of schedules, I can pray for those who are there. When visiting others isn't possible and carting kids around keeps us from hospital bedsides, we can pray for healing and peace.

I believe one of the reasons prayer is often difficult is because we do it in private. Has anyone ever asked you if you pray daily? Maybe they tell you a request but do they ask if you actually follow through? In our society of sharing and recognition, do we take time to do things no one sees? It's hard to take a prayer selfie. And yet it should be a crucial, vital part of our Christian lives.

I love I Thess 5: In everything give thanks, pray without ceasing. This idea of being in constant communion with God. When we hear a request or a friend pops in our mind, just stopping for 30 seconds and bringing them before God. When we are on the verge of tears, tired of disciplining children, a 1 minute prayer for wisdom and love. Situations that break us, circumstances that confound us, people that fail us, opportunities that shock us. God knows them all. He hears them all. And he wants to heal, protect, renew, and forgive us.

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Admitting Struggles

It’s easy to look like everything is okay.

We do it all the time. We go to parties and lunch with friends but internally we’re weary. There’s a medical problem, a family issue, we’re worn out moms trying to disciple our children, we’re facing trials at work or strife with a coworker. We have weights pressing on us that no one can see. But we can’t admit them. No one wants to hear about our issues — our friends probably have perfect lives. Maybe it’s our pride, our unwillingness to let people know we need a shoulder to cry on. We might fear they will think less of us or laugh because our problem is so small. So we smile and laugh and answer, “I’m fine.”

So where do we fit in? There is a responsibility on both sides of the equation. First, be willing to listen. If you ask someone how things are going, if she’s struggling, or in need of anything, be willing to slow your own pace down and actually listen. I’ve found when people believe we’re in a hurry or busy they purposely choose to smile and say, “I’m fine” and let us continue on. They don’t want to stand in the way of whatever important thing we are heading to. So we miss the opportunity and they continue to shoulder the burden they desperately want help with.

Second, if we are the one struggling and a friend offers a shoulder and a chance to confide, we need to put away our pride and talk. Forget the pressure of looking perfect or having it all together. We are given friends because we aren’t meant to walk alone. There is no shame in admitting we need prayer or wisdom or just the opportunity to explain a hard situation. We might not come away with all the answers but we won’t be lying under the weight of it alone. {I Thess. 5:11}

Third, we have a Heavenly Father who already knows we need help and is ready to supply our needs. He listens when we cry out to Him and He hears the brokenhearted {Psalm 77:1}. I believe we sometimes think since God knows our thoughts and struggles there’s no reason to pray to Him about them. But He wants us to seek Him — actively, purposefully, intentionally.

Think on these words from Psalm 94:18-19 — When I thought, "My foot slips," your steadfast love, O Lord, held me up. When the cares of my heart are many, your consolations cheer my soul.

Will you bring your trials and heartaches to God today? Will you approach a friend with a clear intention of listening to whatever she shares?

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Hello and Goodbye. But God is Still Good

Nine years ago today I lay in a hospital bed. The room was silent except for a few interruptions from nurses. I tried to focus on something other than the reason for my stay but that was impossible. After hours of waiting, it finally happened. Our baby was born at 14 weeks.

I thought I had prepared myself in the 24 hours before, when we found out the baby's heart had stopped for an unknown reason. But seeing the tiny form — so small yet perfectly formed — brought a fresh wave of grief at what the day meant. The death of our child, the desire for a baby unfulfilled.

When trials flip our world upside down it’s easy to question everything we thought we knew before. Things that seemed so obvious in our carefree, everyday lives are challenged and we are forced to not just mouth the truths we hear but to dwell on them, to run after them, to actively remind ourselves that those things are still true.

After our baby was born, Tommy and his parents gathered around my hospital bed and we quoted a portion of Psalm 139 — “For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well.” {vv.13-14}

As I said hello and goodbye to my baby on the same day, a part of me struggled to believe God was good in this. But goodness doesn’t always equal what we think we want. I’ve come to learn that part of trusting God day in and day out is believing that he knows me better than I know myself and he loves me more than I love myself. He doesn’t bring harm into my life but because we live in a sin cursed world, bad does exist and we are not immune from its touch.

When we experience the pain that is now part of our world, we can find rest in God. Because of his grace. Because he gives us hope. Not “I hope everything is going to be okay” but a confident, knowing, expectation that he keeps his promises and he loves us. The Bible is filled with his promises and his attributes which we can lean on and cling to. He is our Rock, our Fortress, our Shelter from whatever hardships we encounter. And he is Faithful.

We don’t know the gender of our baby who would have turned nine this October. But we named that baby Addison {child of Adam} Bennett {blessed little one}. And our daughters have the middle names Hope and Grace.

Do you know how I can still say God is good after heartbreaking loss? I Peter 1:3 says — “Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! According to his great mercy, he has caused us to be born again to a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead.”

That is what I find joy in despite the hurt and sorrow. That is how I know God is still good. That is what I find rest and peace in.

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A New Perspective on Birthdays

We've been in birthday mode at our house this month. My youngest turned one last week and my birthday was a few days after. My two older children were very excited to be planning and preparing for a first birthday party and going out to lunch for my birthday.

Somewhere along the years, birthdays lose the magic they had when we were children. We start dreading the day that rolls around every year, a sign we are another year older. We downplay the day, maybe fudge on our age. The joy of each year bringing new adventures and learning new things doesn't excite us anymore.

I will admit, this year I was not looking forward to my birthday. I didn’t want to admit how old I was turning, even to myself. In the months before, I thought about all the things I haven't done yet, the sleep I've lost because of my kids, the things I've failed at, the people I've hurt. My life doesn’t look like I expected it to at this age. To be blunt, I was discouraged with where I am and all the wasted years.

But after seeing the excitement of my children as they woke up every morning and asked if it was finally a birthday day, I took a long look at what those years behind me meant.

For one thing, the years are a testament of God’s grace and protection in my life. My reaching another birthday is not a surprise to God. He continues to show patience and mercy with me as I follow him, make mistakes, and start following him again.

I’m also not in the same place I was a year ago. I’ve grown in my mothering abilities — not without some failures — I’ve learned more about God through my Bible reading, seen answered prayer, and witnessed people changed. I would like to think I’m more mature but maybe that’s wishful thinking.

As hard as it is to admit that I’ve lived another year that I’ll never get back, when I looked at the attitude I was displaying because of that fact, I was somewhat ashamed. Tommy and I remind our children to ‘Do all things without complaining’ and ‘In everything give thanks’ and I noticed as February drew closer those verses could not be used to describe me.

Have you noticed when you first meet someone with children you ask their ages? The answer gives a clue to what they are able to do, their school grade and what they might be learning. How old you are is big news until you reach mid 20s. Then most people start to answer the age question with, ‘I graduated high school awhile ago,’ or ‘I don’t remember being that young.’ Suddenly our age is perceived as a negative strike against us, instead of the banner we proudly held as a youngster.

Well, I’m thankful for every year of life God has granted me. Every one of those 365 — sometimes 366 days — is a witness that God is patient and gracious and faithful. He has worked in my life and through various situations in every one of my years. Some brought more tears than smiles, others were covered in joy and laughter. But through every year God has been the unchanging guide. I’m no longer ashamed to proclaim my new age. And I am no longer disappointed with the haven’t dones and missed chances of my life. I’m challenging myself and you to give God our days and years and praise him for every one.

And by the way, I turned 35.

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The Truth about Suffering

I don’t write or share about political things often because I find, personally, those types of conversations are better served in person. Just throwing my opinion on the internet, I have no idea who will read it and it doesn’t always end up edifying. But sometimes the things I read strike a note that I can not ignore. I know these are difficult things to talk about but, personal feelings aside, what the Bible says is what should govern our lives. Not how we feel, not what is popular, not what so-and-so is saying. We need to bring the truth of the Bible into these conversations and that is my purpose in writing this. I’m not saying suffering is easy, enjoyable, or we should walk through life with a permanent smile. But suffering is addressed in the Bible and that is what I pray you see in this post.

There seems to be a myth in certain branches of Christianity that suffering is bad. While scrolling through Twitter last week, I came across a tweet by a supposedly Christian author. In her series of tweets she proposed we shouldn't judge people who choose to abort babies known to have a terminal illness or defects because we should want to keep the baby and the parents from unnecessary suffering. According to her, it isn't merciful or necessary to have the baby and praise God for the few hours you might have with your child. We won't go into all the problems with that assumption but it made me think about what we read in the Bible concerning suffering.

I'm sure we can quickly point to several examples of suffering in the Bible and the lessons learned. But I want to look at one specific reference that I believe shows the attitude we should have when faced with trials, no matter the length of time we experience them.

In John 9, we read of a man who was born blind. The disciples asked Jesus why he was born without sight and we learn a great deal from his answer. “Jesus answered, ‘It was not that this man sinned, or his parents, but that the works of God might be displayed in him.’” (v. 3) In this instance, God was glorified because the man was given his sight and people saw Jesus's power on display. But even though our circumstances might seem less dramatic, God still works in them and we should still glorify him in the midst of our suffering.

Now I want to note two things that are important to remember. First, sin has consequences - sometimes lasting ones - so when we find ourselves in the middle of something, we need to honestly look at our life and see if there's something we've done that has put us in the situation.

Second, God is good. Therefore he doesn't bring bad things into our lives. But we live in a sin cursed world where evil and pain exist. The good news is God can use suffering and trials to draw us closer to himself and also to show us his power (Rom. 8:28-29).

In all his teachings, Jesus never promised his followers an easy life (John 15:18-19). He said they would suffer persecutions, loss of family, even lose their own lives. James reminds us in his book that trials are part of the Christian life (1:2-4, 12). Peter also notes that suffering is to be expected when we follow Christ (I Peter 4:12).

This doesn’t mean we should long for suffering and trials and pursue difficult paths just to see how God will work. But when we find ourselves in the midst of suffering, we shouldn’t be looking for any opportunity to get away or willing to compromise biblical truth so we can enjoy life better. The familiar example of this is Job. He suffered the loss of everything - family, wealth, possessions, health - and though he never knew the reason for his sufferings, he learned a whole lot about Who God is (Job 38-40).

And isn’t that what we should long for in any situation? Whether we are going through a trial or living our daily life, we should desire to know God more. Sometimes it takes a hard season to fully see the power of God in all circumstances and we will miss out on the lesson and the chance to glorify God if we are focused on making this life easy and pain free.

Back to the tweet that started my mind down this path. When we start saying we deserve to avoid suffering no matter the cost, we start limiting God’s power. In the case of a difficult diagnosis for an unborn baby, God can work miracles. I’m amazed at the number of posts I’ve read in the last week where a baby that should have died at birth is thriving years later. Yes, there is pain and heartache in the waiting and circumstances but there is also God who gives peace, grace, and healing when we rest in him.

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Who Do We Trust?

I've been thinking a lot about trust lately. In our kids program at church I've been talking with the children about trusting in Jesus alone for salvation. But that made me think about after. Can we ever stop trusting God? And what does trust even mean? If we say we are trusting God for XYZ, what are we admitting to?

The dictionary definition of trust is, “Reliance on the integrity, ability, strength of a person or thing.” We could also use the words “Confidence, hope.” Trust is a word we probably use frequently: “I’m trusting this chair will hold me, I trust the store will have my order.”

I admit trust is a word that's easy to say but not always easy to do. I've also found it difficult to live out this trust in a daily way. How do we show we trust someone? My biggest struggle is with my children.

Moms are supposed to be the glue that holds a family together and, while that's a nice thought, I don’t find it very comforting. I daily feel the pressure to raise my kids to follow God, be kind, be smart, be humble, be leaders, and the list goes on. Society has made us question everything we do when it comes to raising children. And if we do something wrong, our children will suffer later in life from the strain (that's a little dramatic but you get the idea). When we believe we are completely in control of future outcomes, we obviously have a trust issue.

The truth is no matter how much we mold and lead and influence our children for how we want them to turn out, they are individual people with free choice. There are no guarantees that the perfectly structured childhood we plan for our kids leads them to a perfect adulthood.

It might sound like I'm advocating to do nothing and let the dice fall where they may. Not so. We as parents have the greatest influence and God has given us the responsibility to raise our children to follow him. But we also must trust God with our children. There are a whole list of things God can do for my kids that I just can't. If I run around thinking I have all the answers and all the ability to be everything to my kids, I will very quickly become discouraged and fail. As a sinful human myself, I am not the perfect model of what I want my kids to be. All I can do is follow what I know God wants me to do, teach my children to do the same, and pray God will work in their lives.

Trusting God involves so much more than our initial moment of salvation. Trust means opening my tightly clinched fists and giving God everything - my time, my family, my ministry - and asking him to work. Trust is acknowledging I don't have control and to stop trying to achieve it.

When we come to Christ in salvation, trusting that he only can save us and take our punishment, that is only the beginning of our need to fully rely on God. As we go through the process of sanctification, we see more and more how our lives are transformed by the simple, difficult, daily decision to trust God more than we trust ourselves.

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An Attitude of Prayer

Sometimes prayer is like the red headed step child of our Christian lives. We know we should do it, we feel bad when we don’t, but we just can’t seem to find the time.

Until we need something. Until a trial appears and we realize how much we need to lean on God’s strength to get through this life.

Every time I’ve taught a lesson to children about I Thessalonians 5:17 the question always comes up: how do we pray constantly (or without ceasing)? Do we walk around with our eyes closed?

Obviously Paul isn’t talking about stopping our lives and spending all day in a prayer closet. But note that in this passage, he book ends the thought on prayer with “Rejoice always” before it and “Give thanks in all circumstances” after it. Clearly he means for all three of these things {rejoicing, praying, thanksgiving} to be done on a continual basis.

So how do we pray continually? Jesus gives us a model to follow in Matthew 6 with the Lord’s Prayer. He acknowledges Who he is praying to (v 9), asks for God to work how He will (v 10), asks for the daily need (v 11-12), and the strength to do what we should (v 12), and finally for protection (v 13).

Think about this. These are all things we need everyday, throughout the day. These are not one time needs. And maybe sometimes we don’t know exactly what we need or how to ask. This is especially true in the middle of a difficult circumstance. But we are still told to pray without ceasing. To pray throughout all we do.

This idea forces us to not distance ourselves from God. If we don’t know Him, why would we ask for Him to provide our needs? If we don’t know Him, how can we trust He will help us or forgive us? To keep an open conversation with God means we must seek Him daily. Not when we have time. Not when it’s convenient for us. But constantly.

Like many things having an attitude of prayer requires work and effort and a daily accounting of how we’re doing. But the joys of continually communing with our Creator are worth every moment of our time and energy.

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The Importance of an Unchanging God

In my office closet there is a white fabric box, tied shut with ribbon. Inside are the notes, cards, and verses people shared with us after my miscarriage. I don't open the box often but I have the contents memorized. In the weeks after that difficult 24 hours, I found myself trying to piece together what I could dwell on. I couldn’t focus on the here and now. It was too painful as life went on different than I had planned it to be.

And a common thread through everything I accumulated in that white box was about God. He is good, He is mighty, He is loving, He is powerful. God was {and is} everything that I am not. He wasn’t surprised by my baby’s loss and it didn’t happen because He wasn’t powerful enough to keep my baby protected. Even in the face of grief and sorrow God was {and is} merciful in so many ways.

Years before I participated in a study about the character of God. But unlike some studies, we didn’t just go to certain passages and notice what it said. We simply did our regular Bible reading and noted what it taught about God. We had papers with different headings {God is just, God is true/truth, God is creator, etc} and as we found verses that described Him we would write down the verse/passage under the appropriate heading.

The pages of the Bible are filled with Who He is and my notebook quickly filled up as well. We so often get caught up in wondering how we are to apply God’s Word to our lives that we overlook what the Bible is teaching about the Creator of it all. After losing Addison, I read over those pages and pages of verses, marveling that God was still all of those things. Despite my world spinning - seemingly out of control - God was unchanged. What was true about Him before that doctor’s appointment was true as I walked into the hospital the next day and the day after.

Because I knew God wouldn’t change, I could rest in Him for strength when I was weary, for comfort when I was wrung out, for grace when I didn’t know what I needed. And He is the only one who can offer that.

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When Others Weep

Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep.  Romans 12:15

Rejoicing and weeping. Opposite ends of the emotional spectrum. Yet in this verse they are given equal importance. It’s so easy for us to be happy for others. We celebrate birthdays, anniversaries, weddings, job promotions, good news of all sorts. I believe it’s the easier emotion because we like it. We want to be happy, joyful people and usually with the hoorahs and congratulations of life we know better what to say. Weeping is different.

When grief is involved we somehow feel tongue tied. If we haven’t experienced the loss or disappointment of our friend we aren’t sure if comfort is possible. What if we say the wrong thing? What if we make it worse? We so often are afraid of doing it wrong that we simply offer a pat on the back, maybe quote Psalm 23, and hope for the best. Or maybe we stumble for words so we feel better, so we can say we did something and it’s now up to the friend to use our advice.

The beauty and simplicity of Romans 12:15 is lost on us as we try to muddle through and decide what advice would be the most helpful and the least hurtful.

And while this verse is often used to remind us how to care for others, I’m afraid - like many passages - we don’t always return it to the context of the rest of the chapter. If we did we would find this smack in the middle of a whole paragraph of ways we are to live as Christians. In my Bible, verses 9-21 are labeled with the heading, “Marks of the True Christian.” And if we consider what these verses tell us I believe we’ll have a better grasp on how to fulfill verse 15. {For the sake of space I’ll condense the passage below but please take time to read the verses on your own.}

Verses 9-13 remind us to love others with genuine affection, honoring them and showing hospitality. Verses 14, 17-21 tell us to not seek revenge on those who persecute us or do wrong to us. We are to leave that to God. And verse 16 says we are to be humble and live in harmony with those around us. It is in the midst of all this that we find the command to rejoice and weep with others.

Notice that we are not told to offer advice or give approval for the rejoicing and weeping. We are simply to do it with others. And when put in context of what I mentioned above, we are to rejoice and weep while loving, honoring our neighbor, walking humbly and serving the Lord in our life, holding fast to what is good.

So when we have friends who are walking through a trial, sometimes the best help we can offer is simply to grieve with them. Cry, listen, pray. It’s not always necessary to offer words you hope will encourage. Recently several of my friends have gone through various hardships - sometimes with no end in sight - and I have found myself saying, “I don’t know what to say so I’m not going to say anything. Just know I’m here to listen and I’m praying.”

Have you grieved a loss recently? What is the most helpful thing someone has done to come alongside and weep with you?

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