What is Success?

One of the hardest things in my writing journey is the waiting.

I outline, I write, I research, I pray about, I think about, I talk about. Writing is something I only have small amounts of time to dive in and do yet I’m always thinking about how to phrase sentences, how to word my thoughts so they’ll make sense to others.

I dictate into my phone app while folding laundry, I journal while sitting by my kids at bedtime, I underline and mark quotes while reading. The topics I’m passionate about writing on never leave my mind, even while I’m focusing on other things.

But for all the writing, sharing, and talking, I don’t know how all those thoughts and musings will turn out. Will one person read my blog post? Will the manuscript I’m working on ever be a book in someone’s hands? Will my words make a difference to anyone? There are a lot of writers out there, many who communicate with greater clarity than I do. What will make someone want to read my ramblings?

One thing I’m learning about any creative endeavor — painting, drawing, sewing, writing, music, anything creative — is the effort isn’t wasted, even if it seems like no one cares. And why? Because every creative endeavor I do is changing me. I am learning, even if no one else is coming along for the ride.

Last year, when I challenged myself to draw a doodle a day, I wanted to see if I could actually do it. Could I draw something that others would be able to recognize? I definitely had a few rough ones, doodles that I grimaced at. But through them, I learned. I learned I draw too small, where to put lines, how to make shadows, the realism of plants not being symmetrical. And I took that acquired knowledge and made the next doodle better.

It was just as much about me trying to learn a new skill as me sharing beauty with others. Because not all those efforts were beautiful. But they were still worth doing. And I’m learning that the same is true about writing.

I might not achieve writing success by the world’s standards — a best selling author, published in multiple languages, books in all the stores. Maybe it’ll come down to me self publishing. Maybe it’ll always be this small blog. But the lessons I’m learning, the things I ponder and pray about and research are benefitting me. The things I learn about parenting are helping me steward my motherhood and disciple my children. I’m interacting with friends and women in my immediate circle of influence and learning from them.

Nothing is wasted. Instead of wishing for a different kind of success, I am learning to appreciate these moments and grow from them.

Photo by Sixteen Miles Out on Unsplash

The Running List

I am a list keeper.

Even as a child before I could spell words, I would fill notebooks with lists of squiggles {ask my mom; she remembers throwing away mountains of scribbled paper}.

And once I could write, I was all about journals, lists, to-dos. When I started high school and got my first day planner, I wrote EVERYTHING down. Every assignment, every sports game I attended, who I ate lunch with…I was kind of obsessed.

With each new school year brought a new planner. August became my favorite month. And as I moved into adulthood, lists and planners followed. I have a notebook in my purse at all times, along with several colorful pens. I have a planner and lists on my desk. I keep a separate planner with lists in the schoolroom. I have scraps of paper by my bed,

I’ve found lists to be extremely helpful and use them for so much more than groceries. One of my favorite things to list {just for my own reflection} are gratitudes. The older I get, the more I realize how much there is to be thankful for. And while some of the things I list are incredibly small, the act of writing them down helps me to pay attention to things around me.

This idea isn’t new or unique to me. Books have been written about the value of cultivating thankfulness and recording them in journals or lists or photo snippets. But as with many things, you often don’t really understand the value until you put it into practice for yourself.

I list people, places, things, events, memories. I’ve found when I’m actively looking for things to be grateful for I can go on and on, much longer than I thought. And the simplicity of writing them down in a list means I can pull them out, return to those items listed, and remember to be thankful all over again, even when times are rough.

Some of my most challenging lists of gratitude were during quarantine in 2020. When you can’t leave your home, everything is cancelled, and the future looks like a big empty void {remember, I love to plan and my new planner in 2020 went from full to empty for weeks on end. It was crushing}, it wasn’t surprising that finding reasons to be thankful didn’t flow easily from my pen.

However, when I looked, when I thought and concentrated for just a few minutes, there was always something.

Health

Sunshine and a yard to enjoy when all the parks closed

Technology to see friends virtually

Food

Family games and movies

I’m sure you get the idea. There’s always something we CAN be grateful for, but sometimes it takes a little more effort and thought. And now I have list upon list of gratitudes, even for 2020.

I still have running lists — groceries, gift ideas, birthdays, projects, writing ideas, school resources — but the one that continues to help me the most is my list of thankfulness.

Photo by Paico Oficial on Unsplash

Life Lessons in a Journal

I’m a fan of journaling.

I love buying them, receiving them as gifts, using them.

I write in them about my life, my memories, my fears and desires, my frustrations and my thankfulness. I brainstorm and outline and connect thoughts and put together fragments.

Journals are all over my office, stacked on shelves and bookcases and in bins in a closet and under beds. I might be a little obsessed.

I started journaling when I was 10 years old with a diary that had a lock and a small set of keys. I didn’t have a lot going on in my life but I wrote about my cat dying, school work, vacations, summer fun, and lots of “Today was great. The End.” type entries.

When we moved, journaling was how I documented my sadness and frustrations and new friendships and starting school and hating biology.

My mom encouraged me to keep a journal whenever I traveled so I could write about the culture and adventures and what I saw and experienced. And I’m so glad she did. Through various missions trips and school trips and family travels, I would take a different journal and try to write in it at the end of each day. I was recently reading over some of those and of all the things I remember about those trips, there is so much I forgot. But thanks to my journaling practice, I can relive those forgotten moments again.

Through getting married and starting jobs and moving and becoming a mom I’ve kept journals — not as regularly written in but still precious — and it’s a habit I continue to foster.

The thing about journals is what you record in that moment in what you are feeling, thinking, experiencing. And over years of documenting these things, you can look back at the person you were and marvel at who you are now. Sometimes we change for the better, other times we see ourselves still struggling with the same sins and issues. But we see a picture of who we once were, maybe in a way that we’ve forgotten.

When I look back on certain periods of my journal writing, I notice I only had complaints to write about. I didn’t do this well, someone else got the award, a trip was canceled. I find it hard to believe that for weeks on end nothing good or happy happened to me as a teen-ager. But that’s all my 16 year old self wrote about. But I’ve noticed that — while sometimes sad and discouraging and hard things still happen to me — my more recent entries are focused on gratitude and thankfulness. Maybe it’s my older self realizing that optimism is more enjoyable and things that used to ruin my day aren’t that big of a deal.

I encourage people to journal, even if you don’t enjoy writing, because it’s a interesting lens to see yourself through. No one else has read my journals. I’m not keeping them on the off chance I need material for my autobiography. I’m keeping them to see God’s grace in my life. How experiences and trials have shaped and grown me. How relationships have stretched and challenged and molded me. The things I’ve learned in life and my Bible reading, the prayers lifted and answered.

It’s a habit I plan to continue. I still have empty journals to fill. And I still have lessons to learn and remember.

Photo by Jess Bailey on Unsplash

Counting Those Blessings!

When I was in college, I went to the Ukraine on a mission trip. The first weeks we were in two different cities; lots of concrete, tall apartment buildings, people everywhere. But then we made a trip into the countryside to visit some smaller churches and communities. I remember watching field after field of poppies and wildflowers pass by the van windows. So beautiful in various colors and heights, as far as you could see flowers, impossible to count individual blooms.

I like to think of blessings as being like those fields of flowers. So many things come and go in our lives, many more than we could count, but still worth looking out the window for, still worth acknowledging the beauty and joy they bring.

We all know we have things to be thankful for. We repeat to strangers sometimes, “Yes, I’m so thankful that….” But are they things we repeat because we know we should be thankful for them or have we ever sat and thought about it?

So far, in this social distancing we are practicing, I haven’t run out of things to do. But knowing that I’m not going to be late for an appointment, I don’t need to guess how long it’ll take to wrangle my kids into the van…I’ve been taking time each day to stop and think, even gaze out the window, and count my blessings.

In times when things are taken away and so much is beyond our control, I tend to realize how much I really do have. It’s a cliche but in times of plenty it’s easy to believe ‘this is just the way it is.’ And then those things are slowly — or quickly — gone and we see what really matters.

Now, I know these are trying times and sad things are happening. I’m not proposing we ignore the grief or the gravity of a situation by pasting on a smile and mustering through. But continuous dwelling on bad, frustrating, hard things isn’t healthy. It messes with our minds and attitudes. It plunges us into further chaos and despair. We need to acknowledge the grief and difficulty of our situation and then turn our attention to the only One who truly understands.

We are well acquainted with Philippians 4:8-9 when we are instructed to ‘think on these things’ with a list of specific qualifications. But the verses proceeding are just as important and beneficial to recite.

‘Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, rejoice. Let your reasonableness be known to everyone. The Lord is at hand; do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. What you have learned and received and heard and seen in me—practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you.’ {Phil. 4:4-9}

In these verses, we are told to rejoice, to not be anxious, to pray, and then God will give peace. Then — taking those instructions a step further — Paul tells us what to fill our minds with to help us rejoice and not be anxious and pray!! So, a great beginning to filling our minds with things that are true, honorable, just, pure, lovely, commendable, excellent, and praise worthy is to remind ourselves of all God has given us {ie counting our blessings} in the midst of everything that could be causing us anxiety.

So, let’s make the next weeks full of gratitude and praise for what we have in the midst of chaos! No blessing is too small to mention. Instead of complaining about what we can’t do, let’s be grateful for what we can enjoy! Think what a difference our positive attitude could make, even just in our solitary, isolated homes!

I encourage you to start a journal {here I go again!} and try to list just three different things each day. As you go on, you might find three a small, confining number. The sky’s the limit! Write the date, your list, and offer a prayer of thanks. The next day, repeat! At the end of the week, read over your lists and marvel at what God has given.

This is a great activity to get kids thinking about the good happening in a time when everything seems wrong and unfair. Encourage them to keep their own list {if they can write} or draw pictures. Talk about them over dinner since you won’t have anywhere you need to rush off to. I’m not pretending this is easy or a one-then-done situation. It is a daily, conscious, deliberate act which is why writing it down is such a great practice! But I do believe it is beneficial, encouraging, helpful, and good!

And in the long run, I don’t think you will regret any effort it takes in the here and now. Start with three a day. Dwell on those three. And see how quickly it blossoms into so many more.

Photo by Laurentiu Iordache on Unsplash

The Importance of Story

I love a good story. There are some genres or styles that I prefer, but if there are well developed characters with a compelling plot, I’m all in.

I’m not only interested in fiction stories, however. I love hearing about someone’s life stories and experiences. Many times, I’ve been completely surprised to hear the jobs people have had, the things they’ve seen or places they’ve traveled. It’s one of the joys in talking with friends and meeting new people. You can’t tell someone’s story with just a quick glance. It takes time, effort, and genuine interest.

In today’s ‘me’ focused culture, I’m afraid we’re losing our love for story. Sure, we are thrilled to share OUR story and experiences with everyone, but how often do we actively ask and listen and pursue the stories of others? Sometimes experiences shared with others are hard to hear. Real life doesn’t come with guaranteed happy endings and often our greatest moments of learning and growing in life come because of difficult things. But that’s why it’s so important to listen and care about the stories people share with us. They are giving a glimpse into themselves. And often the passions, values, and traditions of people are a direct result of their experiences.

Another benefit I find in listening to others is hearing their perspective. We all have our own voice, our own way of perceiving the things around us. I love listening to my kids tell about their day. The things they choose to include in the nightly report and the details they give tell me something about them. Often my takeaways from the day are much different than theirs, and we’ve been together all day, doing the same things! Yet their perspective and voice are not mine. Some events are so shattering that we all experience them. Pearl Harbor, the assassination of JFK, 9/11. For the people who were alive during those events, they each have memories, a story, a perspective on where they were and how things changed after. Unless it is shared and recorded, that perspective will be lost.

So how do you start sharing your story or appreciating the perspective of others? For yourself, start a journal. Even if you write sparingly, record your strengths, fears, thoughts about life, and memories. Then start asking questions from the people around you and listen — actually listen. Listen with interest and intention. I believe if we start appreciating the stories of others and investing time in those around us, we will grow closer to each other and learn more.

Photo by Wu Yi on Unsplash.