The Growing Need for Patience

Patience, waiting, slowing down. All concepts that seem foreign to our day and age.

Everything is about instant gratification, from movies on demand to music downloads in seconds. We want what we want NOW! In fact if our computer is a little slower than normal at powering up or the Internet has to search for content, we grow frustrated and either complain or abandon the project. I’ve even seen a commercial that was advertising our impatience as a society to promote their product.

Unfortunately, impatience is not a virtue. As usual, the nature that comes to us easily is the one we need to fight against. I'm as guilty as the next person when it comes to impatience. But our lives are surrounded in the necessity to stop and wait. And it's good for us to not have everything we want instantly. It makes us realize we aren't in control, that we need to work and achieve goals over time.

I have recently been convicted that I need to pray for patience. I can't just decide to wait and the struggle is over. I have to continually be seeking God's timing and will and waiting for Him to reveal what He has for me. I know what I want Him to do but it's not up to me. I think we can all remember a time in our lives when we seemed to wait forever before we saw God's leading but now looking back, we realize the timing was perfect and we would have messed it up had we charged through with our plans.

As we get closer to the new year, I've been thinking of things I want to do differently and trying to adopt good habits now to carry over. Prov. 3:5-7 doesn't necessarily say "wait" but it does talk about trust and God guiding our steps.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding.

In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.

Be not wise in your own eyes; fear the Lord, and turn away from evil.

We often forget verse 7 but it’s an important reminder. If we are thinking too highly of ourselves or of our ability to control a situation, we will struggle to demonstrate patience. Gardening has been a wonderful way to help me “grow” {wink, wink} in patience.

Toward the middle of spring, Tommy borrowed a tiller and over turned a section of grass in our yard. He added a metal border to set the boundary and I got on my hands and knees, filling wheelbarrows full of grass chunks that I couldn’t breakdown. I hoed the dirt, leveled it off, and started sprinkling seeds.

I had no reason or pattern to my scattering. I just wanted flowers to fill every corner. I gave the dirt and seeds a gentle sprinkle of water. Each day I wandered out and gazed at my patch of dirt. It wasn’t long before I saw a sprout but it was a weed! Pluck, out it came!

But slowly, gradually, I saw shoots that I recognized as the stalk of a zinnia or cosmos. And they slowly got taller. They gently held up buds waiting to blossom. Finally, at the end of the summer, my little corner garden was one wild expanse of color! But it took patience. And in the waiting I still needed to water the sprouts, I pulled out the weeds, I dug out the grass that slipped under the metal border.

Was it worth it? Definitely! Am I dreaming about next year’s flowers? Absolutely!

Waiting isn’t easy. It’s not a skill that is learned once and never revisited. But it is worth it.

Photo by Daniel Oberg on Unsplash

Good for the Wrong Reasons

It came out of nowhere. We were in the frozen foods section at Sam’s Club, my youngest child in the cart and my oldest two standing next to me while my husband decided what sausage to buy. I vaguely noticed the lady with two very rowdy children across the aisle when suddenly I heard her exclaim, “Look at those children over there! They are waiting quietly and patiently. Just be like them!”

And then it happened. My mind flew in a dangerous direction. “Yes,” I thought, “Look at how well my kids are behaving. They would never dream of jumping into the freezer and banging on the door. I can’t believe what some kids get away with.”

Of course, two aisles later my daughter was crying that she was hungry and wouldn’t make it to the car. I pushed the cart faster in an effort to depart the store before anyone noticed her cries.

Pride is an easy trap to fall into. And motherhood brings it out in a whole new way. Suddenly, we feel people measuring us not just on our own merits but also on our children. We believe how they behave is a direct reflection of our parenting. We know from the glances, the headshakes, the raised eyebrows that people are watching our children’s tantrums and the god of self raises its ugly head. We know what they’re thinking about us because we’ve probably thought the same about another mom. 

Pride has been a problem since Satan decided he wanted to be like God. We know the definition of what pride is but we rarely stop and consider what place and appearance it has in our lives as mothers. And while there is a pride in mothering that is good - like celebrating the hard work and accomplishments of our child - unbiblical pride often takes the form of us trying to look better through our children. And in the process demanding behavior from them merely for looks.

“Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves” (Philippians 2:3). When we tell our children to “be good because you're embarrassing me” but offer no lasting reason for the behavior, we aren't really thinking of teaching them. And we certainly aren’t being humble or considering our children’s spiritual growth. We want the results without putting in the teaching time. It is merely pride in how our children appear and selfish motives that drive us. We should instead desire our children to have good attitudes and behavior because it is glorifying to God. 

Here is another verse that often convicts my heart. “For am I now seeking the approval of man, or of God? Or am I trying to please man? If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of Christ” (Galatians 1:10). Considering our motives for why we expect certain behaviors is a great heart check. Are we trying to grow our children in the Lord or looking for outward proof that they listen to us?

Wanting kind, polite, well behaved children is not sinful. But when we elevate and expect that behavior for the wrong reasons, we are treading in dangerous waters. As mothers, we have the biggest responsibility and opportunity to train our children. We can teach them biblical obedience through loving and serving God or a works-based merit system where they obey us and behave because that's what we demand. We might get the results we want short term but without God working in the hearts and lives of our children, we do them no favors for the long term.

I'm not suggesting that we shrug off and make excuses for tantrums or that we go through life not caring if our children are the neighborhood terrors. But when we see these attitudes emerging, whether in the aisles of a store with an audience or in the privacy of our home, we need to use more than demands for better behavior or listing comparison children.

We need to remind them and ourselves that we are sinful, we need forgiveness and grace, and God provides both. Instead of putting our children on a pedestal because they've never cried over unbought cookies at the store, we need to humbly acknowledge that they are still sinful - maybe just in less public ways.

So how do we encourage good behavior without making it all about good behavior? It begins with the beauty of the gospel. Romans 3:23 says “For all have sinned and come short of the glory of God.” I like to remind my kids that all means all meaning everyone. As painful as it is, my children know I'm a sinner and they know they are too. The beauty of this is that when I talk about Jesus saving my sins and forgiving me and the Holy Spirit helping me make good choices, they know the same freedom is available to them. They know they'll mess up, but they also know they will be forgiven.

 They know I don't expect perfection, but they also know why I ask for good attitudes and behaviors.

It's not because I want perfect children to show off at Sam's Club. It's because I want my children to willingly serve God.

It's not wrong to want our children to behave or to expect a certain behavior in certain situations. But when how our children behave becomes a matter of pride to us, we have an issue.

As a parent, our ultimate goal should not be to raise perfect children or children who believe they are perfect. Our goal is to train them to glorify God and to serve him. Whatever embarrassment our children sometimes cause should not be the primary goal in addressing our children's bad behavior. Teaching our children that they are sinners in need of a savior is important in shaping their overall care.

Photo by Brigitte Tohm on Unsplash

Communicating with Our Children

One of the joys of having children is watching them grow, seeing personalities and interests and talents emerge, being able to participate in such an intimate way with someone’s life. It’s a huge responsibility but it’s also a blessing.

As my children grow older, I notice shifts happening, slowly but steadily, as they gain more independence and foster interests. For one, they become more serious. They notice the world around them in a different way and are more aware of the dangers. They don’t always laugh at the simple things anymore and it takes more to impress them.

They also are not as forthcoming with their every thought. My three children have all been early talkers and there are definitely times when the constant conversation in my home is draining. A never ending commentary takes place from the minute they wake up until they reluctantly fall asleep. Even during meals they make noise. But as my oldest daughter grows, I feel a pull to draw her into the conversation, to ask about her day or friends because she’s not always volunteering the information.

I believe communication is a vital yet often overlooked part of raising children. When my children were younger, I remember reading much literature on the benefits of reading aloud to your children. We made weekly trips to the library and I would sit everyday and read aloud our selections, pointing to each word and sounding out longer ones.

As I mentioned, my children were early talkers and had a large vocabulary. I believe part of this is because I constantly talked with my children before they could respond. I remember many grocery trips, my oldest barely big enough to sit in the cart on her own, and I would talk about what we were buying, what I would make with the ingredients, what was on our list. I received many looks for chatting it up with a five month old but I honestly believe it’s important to start talking with kids, even before they can understand.

Equally important is listening. When children think we aren’t paying attention, they will eventually stop trying. When they are telling us a story and we continue scrolling on our phones or they ask a question and we brush it off because we’re too busy, it communicates that we don’t value or care about what they are saying. Not listening communicates as much as words.

I’m at the stage of motherhood where I feel like a lot of what I communicate are the don’ts.

Don’t touch that.

Don’t draw on that.

Don’t hit.

Don’t stick out your tongue.

Don’t, don’t, don’t….

It’s exhausting and can feel very discouraging. No one wants to be remembered as the mom who didn’t say anything positive. So I’ve tried — and am still trying — to include praise, encouragement, and honest conversations in my daily life with my children. When they help, I say thank you. When they achieve something, I notice and say good work. When they are afraid, I talk about a time I was afraid and what helped me. I ask questions about their day, their interests, what excites them. When they have an idea, I try to listen. I look them in the eye. I give them my attention.

All these things add up to make them feel loved and valued and important. And that makes them want to communicate. I’m not by any means perfect at this and we haven’t hit teen years yet, but I’m encouraged by the number of times my kids will seek me out, sit down, and just start talking. They ask me questions. They tell me why they’re sad or frustrated. And we talk about it.

Don’t wait until you think your kids are listening or until they are old enough to understand. Start talking with them now! About little, mundane, ordinary things. Don’t talk with them just about big, life changing moments. Lay the foundation today for the relationship you want tomorrow.

Photo by Kelli McClintock on Unsplash

The Makings of a Rested Mom

You probably read the title of this post and laughed, maybe raised your eyebrows at the thought or spit your cold coffee across the room in disbelief.

The words ‘rest’ and ‘mom’ don’t really seem to go together especially if you are waist-deep in the toddler/baby years. But I’m here — as a mom who gets awakened by kids every night — to tell you rest and sleep are different. A rested mom might still be sleep deprived and a mom getting 8+ hours of sleep a night could be lacking rest.

You see, somehow we’ve confused rest and sleep and made ourselves believe they have to be the same. Yes, we sometimes substitute the word ‘rest’ for ‘sleep’ {I do this with my youngest hoping to trick her into laying down. “We’re just going to take a little rest.” She hasn’t fallen for it yet.} But rest also means ‘refreshing ease or inactivity after exertion.”

In short, rest is the opposite of working, not necessarily the opposite of being awake.

There’s a chance you agree with me that rest doesn’t mean sleeping. But you might still be wondering how a mom can attain this inactivity. Laundry, cooking, cleaning, possibly working and/or homeschooling, errands, etc. The life of a mom is usually about busyness. There’s always something to be done.

And here’s where I think we have room to rest: realizing we can’t do everything and making room for something we love.

I truly believe our struggle with comparison robs us of more rest than our children. {Read that line again.}

Let me give you an example. It’s super easy to see people baking, decorating, gardening, sewing, etc. and feel like you must do all those things to be a great mom. So you set out to make bread every morning, supply every room with cozy throw pillows and blankets, have a garden perfectly manicured and producing flowers or vegetables in every season, sewing quilts and clothes and….

Suddenly, all the time you aren’t busy with kids is filled with things you may not love doing or even need to do but because you compare yourself to ‘that perfect mom on social media’ you feel like you aren’t doing enough.

But the truth is, no one can do everything. And even though the home/lifestyle mom blogs seem to be perfect at everything, they probably don’t have homemade bread at every meal. They might not be homeschooling. They might hire a cleaning service. And maybe they don’t enjoy reading, painting, knitting, watching TV, or other things that you consider restful. I honestly know people who enjoy baking and find it relaxing. I know people who can spend hours working in their garden. One mom’s torment is another mom’s rest.

So the point is to discover what you find restful and make time for it. At first, I thought this was extremely selfish of me. But taking an hour or two each week to focus on something I love actually energizes me to get back to my family and serve them. And I feel rested — even if I’m still tired — and not frazzled from constant chaos and noise.

How do you make time in a packed schedule? You make time for what’s important to you. So during naptime, you sit and paint instead of folding laundry. When your kids are in the tub, you sit on the floor and read. You might need to get creative but there is time to break away and breathe. And I’m not saying every nap time or free moment is spent on yourself to the detriment of your housework. But we shouldn’t press on with what we “have to do” until we burn out and snap.

Rest isn’t checking out. It’s not having to take a nap. It’s not neglecting what you have to do to keep the family fed and clean. It’s seeing where you have a few moments and stepping back. It’s taking time to do something you love.

Photo by Debby Hudson on Unsplash

The Power of a Good Influence

Can we talk about role models for a minute?

I see this as a huge blind spot in Christian circles. Some people don’t think they matter — just follow God, they would say. Others advise to follow someone in your ‘field’ to really do well in your career. Or follow the example of someone you admire. Or listen to the popular, groundbreaking person that everyone’s talking about.

I’m not saying that role models are evil, but I think we need to put a little more stock in who we hold up for ourselves and definitely our kids. And we need to be careful to not fall into the trap of following whoever the world says.

One of the definitions in the dictionary for ‘role model’ is ‘A person regarded by others as a good example to follow.’ So then we need to ask ourselves what makes for a good example? Is it how wealthy they are? How successful? Is it behavioral or being empathetic?

As Christians, we should have a set of standards that don’t equal what the world calls ‘good.’ We should desire and want to instill in our children a different reason for listening to and following someone. It’s not because of worldly ambitions or gain. It’s not for popularity or joining the crowd. When we hold someone up as a role model, basically saying follow this example for your life, we need to proceed with caution.

Disclaimer: I know everyone is sinful and flawed. Even the greatest people in Christian history have things they said, actions they did that we would not commend. However, part of holding these people up is to show that they needed — and received — God’s grace, just like we do. I’m also not saying we can’t read, admire, etc. secular people who did amazing things. But I am saying we need to be careful WHAT we are teaching our children to follow in these ‘heroes.’

Here’s a personal example. When I was 8 or 9, I read about Clara Barton and Florence Nightingale. At the time, I wanted to be a nurse and I was fascinated by what they overcame, their tenacity, their compassion for others, and their courage and diligence to do what they did. These traits are things that are commendable. However, Barton was a Universalist and believed everyone had some good in them. Many of the founding fathers {Benjamin Franklin, Thomas Jefferson, etc.} had qualities that helped make this country possible yet their religious beliefs and morality leave much to be desired.

If we’re holding up examples of people merely because ‘they were the first’ ‘they have done what no one else has’ ‘they are popular’ ‘they have overcome huge barriers’…those might not be the best reasons.

What should exemplify a Christian’s life? Many things! The below notes are by no means exhaustive!

The fruit of the Spirit. “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law.” {Gal. 5:22-23}

Prayer. “Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer.” {Rom. 12:12} “Continue steadfastly in prayer, being watchful in it with thanksgiving.” {Col. 4:2}

Humility. “Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves.” {Phil. 2:3}

Compassion. “Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience.” {Col. 3:12}

Forgiveness. “Bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive.” {Col. 3:13}

Fear of God. “The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge; fools despise wisdom and instruction.” {Prov. 1:7}

In Philippians 3, Paul reminds his readers to imitate him in following Christ and to remember the examples of other Christ-followers {v17}. As Christians, our goal on earth should be to witness to others and to glorify God through every aspect of our lives. We should be careful about idolizing godless people who stand completely against His Word and live in a way that shows it.

We shouldn’t hold anyone in higher position than God but if we’re following the example, lifestyle, and opinions of people who don’t exemplify ANY biblical characteristics, we need to rethink our view of a role model. And we need to be careful how we encourage our kids to think about role models and who we hold up for them to follow.

Photo by Todd Trapani on Unsplash

The Idols We Create

This last weekend, Tommy canceled our Netflix subscription.

It was something we had talked about and debated off and on for awhile. We grew increasingly frustrated that we would sit down to watch something and then scroll through hundreds of options but find nothing we wanted to watch! And often when we would start a program that looked interesting, we would turn it off soon after because of vulgar language and inappropriate content.

Whenever we talked about canceling I would think, “But Netflix is something we’ve had so long.” But finally the day came when it didn’t matter how long we’d subscribed, how much our kids liked certain programs available on it. It just wasn’t worth it anymore.

When I woke up on Monday and Tommy told me he had canceled, I didn’t feel the disappointment I had anticipated. I was relieved in a way. We had weighed the pros and cons, talked about why this was an important decision for our family, and stuck with it.

But it did make me consider something rather ugly in myself: had Netflix been an idol for me? I didn’t feel like I had worshipped the streaming service or given it too much of my life. But the very fact that I had made excuses to myself for why we still needed to subscribe left a bad taste in my mouth.

I knew a lot of the programs were nasty.

I knew we watched maybe 8% of the content available because the rest wasn’t worth watching.

But still, there was that tug on me that “we’d always had this so shouldn’t we just keep doing it?”

You see, when we first got Netflix 12 years ago, we went through a whole list of why we wanted to spend money on this new streaming thing. For one, being in ministry, we found ourselves at the church five out of seven nights a week. So when we wanted to sit and watch something together {at dinner or 10pm}, there was nothing on regular TV. We didn’t have a DVR but we could get Netflix through the Xbox. We could also get DVDs in the mail a few times a month for the rare Friday night we were home. In short, it fit our budget and stage of life {no kids yet} and it had things we wanted to watch like older TV shows and movies.

As time went on, it was just something we had. With kids, it was easier to have TV “on demand” than waiting for PBS to run a kids show. It wasn’t until Netflix began producing so many of their originals that the quality really went down and we started debating if it was worth our money. But again, we’d always had it! Our ministry schedule was still crazy and it was nice to know we could watch when we wanted.

But 2020 has proven many things, and not just about Netflix. It’s showed what we are depending on, what matters most to us, what we are willing to deal with because “the world is just that way.” But we decided no. It was not worth it for our family — for the handful of shows we watch over and over — to continue supporting Netflix seeing for ourselves the things and materials they are promoting.

I’m sure some people reading this will wonder what took us so long, others will think we’re overreacting. I’m not writing this to persuade you to cancel Netflix. I’m not trying to make you feel guilty for subscribing or put my family on a pedestal for taking this action.

I’m asking you to think. To look at your life and be completely honest…is there something — maybe something “you’ve always done” — that is taking a place in your life it shouldn’t?

Like I said, at first I didn’t really consider Netflix an idol in my life because I wasn’t spending hours a day watching, it didn’t control my life, I didn’t make decisions based on Netflix. But if I was bored, I would scroll the categories to add things to my watch list. It was always there if I needed a distraction for myself or the kids. I started justifying why we needed it. I used excuses like “We won’t be able to watch this” or “I’ll miss out on that.” But really in defending it, I was showing how it had taken a place in my life I didn’t even realize. And I saw the same thing in my kids, as they asked to get on Netflix every afternoon.

Idols can be anything we put in our affections above God:

• If we consistently choose to read the news over reading the Bible, we have made news an idol.

• If we place being popular at work over being a testimony for Christ, we have made popularity an idol.

• If we choose scrolling social media over prayer, we have made social media an idol.

There are multitudes of examples and often as our stage of life changes, so too do our idols. We must be consistently looking at our lives, how we spend our time, what our “must haves” are, and evaluate the place we give them compared with God. I close with a few verses that have been encouraging and convicting to me lately.

But by the grace of God I am what I am, and His grace toward me was not in vain; but I labored more abundantly than they all, yet not I, but the grace of God which was with me. — I Cor. 15:10

So rend your heart, and not your garments; Return to the Lord your God, for He is gracious and merciful, slow to anger, and of great kindness; And He relents from doing harm. — Joel 2:13

I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that you present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable to God, which is your reasonable service. And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God. For I say, through the grace given to me, to everyone who is among you, not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think, but to think soberly, as God has dealt to each one a measure of faith. — Rom. 12:1-3

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Raising Children in a Sin Cursed World

As a mom, one of the things I talk about with my friends is raising my kids to love God and value what He values. Even with my friends who aren’t moms, I’ve expressed frustration and concern for what’s going on in the world and how it affects my kids.

Every generation faces challenges when it comes to raising children. A sin cursed world is never going to be easy or convenient to teach children to follow God and love Him. Even in the “good old days,” sin was present and slowly influencing and chipping away at the family. I believe we sometimes sell the previous generations short by moaning about how much more difficult it is to raise children now, in the 21st century. And while previous parents didn’t have to face social media and technology, they still had to deal with sin and a sinful world.

Imagine the world just before the flood. Things were so terrible and wicked that God destroyed everything except Noah’s family and the animals to repopulate the world. We can’t imagine such times. And every civilization from then until now has been driven by sin.

Consider the first century Christians. Ancient Rome was not the most wholesome civilization to be raising children in. Even by secular standards and historians, ancient Roman culture was full of perversion, debauchery, and violence. There were areas where you could leave healthy, born, but unwanted babies for wild dogs to eat. Senators and emperors were corrupt and ready to kill to gain power. Adultery and homosexuality were rampant. People thronged to the Colosseum and similar amphitheaters to watch gladiators kill each other and see Christians torn apart by animals.

But for God’s grace, it would be impossible to even begin to raise children counter culture! As parents, I believe raising children to be God fearing comes down to several things:

• Realizing we can’t isolate them from the evil of this world

• Filling their mind with Bible truth

• Surrounding them with prayer

We as parents are the primary influencers and teachers for our children but that doesn’t mean we can go at it alone. We need wisdom and strength from the Lord and we certainly can’t know or anticipate every curveball that parenthood throws at us.

I guess my point is, everyone has been raised in a sin cursed world. This isn’t something new we’re facing for the first time. A desire to be godly examples of a family in ungodly times has existed since Adam and Eve. We may feel like it’s more prevalent or in our face now with the internet and social media, but sin is sin. It’s always stood there, against the family and trying everything possible to tear us down.

Instead of excusing the difficulties of today and saying it’s harder than anyone else has faced, we must trust God, soak ourselves in the Bible daily, and not let the culture dictate how we parent. We must know what the Bible teaches on issues of sin, values, and moral standards and instill those into our children.

Photo by Melissa Askew on Unsplash

Growing in Grace

We homeschool our children. We chose to do that for many different reasons {read more about why here}. But ultimately, when we tell people that we homeschool, I’ll receive looks of compassion and long suffering and hear, “You must be such a patient person.”

My gut reaction is to laugh in their face. But my mom raised me to be polite so I smile and reply, “Not always.” You see, for all the reasons I teach my kids, being patient isn’t one of them.

When we decided on home education, it was the simplest decision and the hardest decision to make. Simple because I love watching my kids learn, I want to know what they struggle with and who they hang out with and what they are exposed to. Hard because I knew it would require sacrifice. It meant my time and energy every morning would be wrapped up in their education and needs. Some days are still hard but I never regret the decision to homeschool. It’s taught me just about as much as I’ve taught my kids, only in a deeper sense than reading and math go.

In our state, I needed to fill out an affidavit to file with the county giving my intention to homeschool and take responsibility for my children’s education. I didn’t fill it out flippantly; the gravity of what I was committing to weighed on me. On part of the affidavit, I was asked what the name of our school was. I paused to consider. Names are something I don’t take lightly. A name, a title, speaks volumes about what you want to stand for and represent. And I’m a classic over thinker, non decisive person.

Finally, I landed on Growing in Grace Academy. Not because I think we’ve arrived and we’re waiting for the world to catch up. But because we continually need to do it! One secular definition for grace is, “the manifestation of favor to an individual” but the biblical definition is, “receiving a gift I don’t deserve.” I want my kids to learn to demonstrate grace to others and remember the grace that God has already lavishly bestowed on them.

We have a warped view that grace is for salvation and then we keep walking. But grace continues to follow us through the sanctification process!! We never outgrow our need for grace!! And God abundantly provides it. In the same way, we need to show grace to others. Even if we feel they don’t deserve our forgiveness, our love, our empathy. We show up and say, “God offers you grace and so do I.” And we pray for them and forgive and don’t allow bitterness to take root.

Naming our school Growing in Grace is a daily reminder of what I want to be doing and how I want to be an example to my kids. I want to show them I need grace and I also give grace. I forgive bad attitudes and love them through their struggles. I ask for forgiveness and apologize when I raise my voice. I remind them no one is perfect and we all fall short. We all need grace and we all need to give grace.

So as we homeschool, as I go about my mornings correcting spelling words, handwriting form, and grammar structure, I always have the amazing gift of grace before me. And I strive to show it, live it out, grow in it through my teaching and life. I get multiple chances a day to try and — with God’s grace — I pray I show it to those around me.

Photo by Maarten Deckers on Unsplash.

Choosing Books

I mentioned in a previous post about letting your kids read what interests them. However, that doesn’t mean you have your hands off the wheel of what they’re being exposed to. So how can you help your kids make good choices about books?

I think one of the keys is communication. Even once children can read for themselves, parents shouldn’t leave them to their own devices. There are a lot of crazy books out there!! And mature topics are being introduced at earlier ages. So as a parent or caregiver, communicating with the children is so crucial. Ask what they’ve learned, why they love that series, or read some of it for yourself.

Another key is to be the gatekeeper. My kids know when we go to the library, I can veto any book they want to put in the bag. They are welcome to browse and bring me books that look interesting to them, but if I look through it and decide it wouldn’t be best, they know I will put it back. End of story. This hasn’t happened often but I have reshelved books and said it’s not something I want them reading.

In order to be a gatekeeper, you have to know what you want in and what you want to keep out. Reading preferences vary from house to house and depend on your children’s ages, how sensitive they are to scary/frightening things, etc. We have made a rule to not read things {at this time} with witches, zombies, or other scary type creatures. Even in picture books, we have decided to not go there. If we get books about dinosaurs from the library, my kids know I won’t read the evolution stuff. We read about archaeologists digging up bones and how large the dinosaurs were but not the millions of years parts. Knowing what you want your kids learning from books and dwelling on is crucial to picking out good literary choices!

Since I love reading, researching children’s books and series is fun for me. I also have so many fond memories of books I loved as a child that I want to share with my kids. But if you weren’t/aren’t a bookworm, I suggest looking up “Laura’s List” by Beverly Darnall. It is a wonderful resource to get ideas of books for children of all ages. There is also “Books Children Love.” These books give the title, author, age range, and basic description of the story.

If you would like a Christian mom’s perspective, I recommend the “Read Aloud Revival” website. Sarah Mackenzie is a homeschool mom who is passionate about getting kids to read…and families to read together. She offers recommends and reading lists on her website and talks books on her podcast of the same name.

Choosing books can be daunting if you just step into a library or bookstore with no idea what you’re looking for. But with these guidelines and a little prep work, you — as a parent or caregiver — can help your kids make great choices about what they’ll read and introduce them to the wonderful world of books.

Photo by Gaelle Marcel on Unsplash

Kids Loving Books

Summer is almost here! Outdoor activities are calling!

I love summer. Flowers blooming, kids laughing, sitting outside, fresh breezes blowing. As a homeschool mom, summer gives me a chance to do things in the morning besides school. And those things are usually reading and researching for our next school year!

It’s no secret that I love books. Reading is one of my favorite ways to unwind and relax and spend a day. I don’t go in for audiobooks much — I need to see the words to really follow along. But going to the library is one of my favorite past times and it’s something I love sharing with my kids.

I get a lot of questions from people about choosing books for their kids or getting their kids to love reading. And summer is a great time to start a reading habit! Even though I love having my kids play outside during the summer months, it’s also important to keep learning. We make time everyday for books. Sometimes it’s sitting on the couch before dinner, sometimes it’s sitting in the shade outside taking a break with a snack and Kool-Aid. And sometimes it’s right before bed to help calm down.

For the next few blogs, I’m going to be sharing all things about kids and books. This first post is to hopefully help you get your kids reading! Let’s start with some tips for getting your kids interested in reading and for making time everyday for it.

1) Let them find what interests them. When my oldest was really little, I read the books that I loved as a child or simple board books. As she got older and started reading by herself, her preferences started showing. So I asked her what things interested her about the books she chose. A certain time period? A certain animal? Country? With her input, I searched Amazon, Barnes & Noble, and the library for books that might appeal {you can do this from home!}. On one of our library trips {before COVID}, I showed her some of the books I had found. She picked what she wanted to try. I’ll be honest, there were some books I really wanted her to read that she declined. But I knew I couldn’t force her to love the same things I do. And I can always try to introduce it again when she’s older.

2) Introduce fiction and non fiction. I’ve been amazed at how much my six year old gravitates to non fiction. He wants books about animals and different countries and science more than anything else. With the exception of a few super hero books, he always wants to check out non fiction books first. Even non fiction kids books are usually harder to read than fiction because they use words kids aren’t used to seeing or hearing. But I don’t mind reading the books aloud if it catches his interest and teaches him something.

3) Ask them about what they read. This is huge and, I think, under appreciated. When my daughter started reading American Girl books, it opened a whole new dialogue of conversation between us. I read many of those books when I was her age and remembered the characters and stories enough to comment. So when Kirsten’s friend died of cholera, my daughter wanted to know what the disease was, how she could have gotten sick, etc. When Molly met a friend from England, we talked about children having to leave their families because it wasn’t safe to stay in their homes. When she started reading Horse Diaries and Dog Diaries, series that weren’t around when I was younger, I deliberately asked about the horses and dogs, the breeds, what they did, why they had a book written about them. She never ran out of things to tell me. Kids are people {duh, right?!} and they enjoy knowing others are interested in hearing from them. I’ve found sometimes kids have questions they are dying to ask but they don’t know exactly how to open the conversation. If we ask, look out!

4) Make the time. We can’t force our kids to love reading but we can give them opportunities without them feeling like they are missing out on something more fun:

When you start making lunch or dinner, call kids to the couch for a ‘wind down’ time before the meal. Have a stack of books for them to look at. If your kids can’t read yet, encourage them to look at the pictures and guess what the story is about and promise to read it together after dinner.

During the hottest part of the day, call the kids to the shade with a snack and a book to read aloud. Even my eight year old still enjoys listening to me read. Sometimes she asks me to read aloud to her while she colors or draws.

Find a book or series you can read as a family at a specific time of day. Choose what works for your schedule. I know some families who read together after breakfast or dinner. We usually do it before bed. We’ve read two Chronicles of Narnia, Pilgrim’s Progress, several Bible story books, and Bible devotional books.

A big reality is that it won’t be picture perfect, especially when you’re first starting. Little kids will roam off to play, big kids will roll their eyes. Don’t give up! It takes consistency and time. We have a basket where we keep all our library books, fully accessible to everyone. They know they can look at them anytime.

In my next post, I’ll talk more about choosing books and and building your own library.

One of the things I tell my kids is that when you know how to read, you can learn anything. It truly is a beautiful and wonderful gift.

Photo by Aaron Burden on Unsplash

The Balance of Mothering and Creating

For years, I’ve had this struggle: finding the balance between being a mom and being a creative.

I love my kids and I love homeschooling them and watching them learn and grow. I’m so thankful for the things they have taught me and the ways they have stretched me. But I miss working on a project without interruptions. I wish I could sit and write when the inspiration hits instead of scribbling disjointed thoughts on a paper that lays beside my computer for weeks until I get to it. It’s hard to pursue what I love while fully giving attention to the people I love.

I don’t think this is an unusual struggle. I think moms everywhere are trying to find a balance. Maybe for you it’s painting, photography, baking, DIY projects. There’s something you love that inspires you and pulls on you. But you are reminded daily {hourly?} that there is a more important pull, one that won’t always be there. The desire to play and create with your kids, to teach them new things and read your favorite stories aloud. To answer their questions and comfort their fears. You know they won’t always run to you or climb in your lap. So you put your dreams aside with a sigh and embrace the joy before you.

In my quest to spend my time wisely and make room for my hobbies, I’ve read books and blog posts about this delicate balance. They all suggest working while the little ones sleep, rising early, dedicating Sunday afternoon/evening to your craft. But sometimes those aren’t possible. Kids who don’t nap, seasons of sickness and transition when you have to grab any rest you can get, obligations that take the first of your limited free time. These are all real struggles. It doesn’t mean you aren’t seizing every moment. Sometimes there aren’t many moments to seize.

The last few years have been the most difficult for me. Two children in a row that didn’t nap or sleep well at night left me exhausted. Going from two kids to three upped the laundry, cleaning, cooking, argument settling. Changing up our homeschool routine meant I needed to spend more time planning and prepping and overseeing. My desire to write never left or diminished. It just got pushed to the side. And while I’m okay with that because I love being with my family, there’s still the urge to journal and research and read in every moment of space — no matter how small. I’ve been known to stand at the stove, stirring sauce with a book in my other hand. I carry a notebook in my purse and sometimes scribble a question or thought before I climb out of the car to grocery shop.

I have no great advice on pursuing your creative dreams and desires while balancing mom life. I haven’t found a magic formula, a golden hour, a tried and true routine. When my family needs me, I try my best to be there. I try to put them first in my time and energy, even when that means I don’t get ‘creative space’ every day. But I also acknowledge that they can join my creative pursuits. I take my pen and paper outside while they play, I tell them my ideas while we eat lunch together, I turn the music loud so they can dance behind me while I’m typing. It’s not perfect. But we make it work. And I continue to wait. And write. And trust God to meet me where I am.

Photo by Carolyn V on Unsplash.

Mom + Kid Devotions - Psalm 119

I’m not sure if it’s the extra time at home that everyone seems to have or what but people have been asking me for ideas to study the Bible with their kids. As I searched through the free resources some blogs and websites are offering, I noticed they were either/or: they were for kids or they were for moms.

Of course, you can always do a children’s devotion with your kids and learn from it and you can modify and simplify what you read for your kids. But I wondered if it wouldn’t be helpful to have one passage for mom and kids to read/study, some questions to think about and answer, and of course an activity!!

I started putting this simple study together on Psalm 119. The goal is not to overwhelm but to help you read and think about God’s Word together. Here’s some things to keep in mind:

• Break it into different days. This devotional isn’t designed to do in one day. Try one of these approaches: 1) read the entire Psalm one day, review and ask questions the next, do the activity while you review the key verse the third day, etc. Or 2) since Psalm 119 is already divided into sections of eight verses each, read one section and answer the questions each day. For smaller children, that breaks it into easier chunks to read and think about.

• For older kids, have them write out the answers to the questions listed under “For Mom.” You could also encourage them to think about/write down how the verses apply to them, what it teaches about God and his character, questions they have.

• Have kids who can read take turns reading the verses aloud.

• When you do the activity, talk about why it’s important to put God’s Word in our hearts opposed to other things. Remind them that the Bible is profitable for ANY circumstance we find ourselves in.

Below you’ll find the link to a 2-page PDF you can print off for free. I started reading Psalm 119 with my kids today and asking these questions. By keeping it simple, my prayer is that it’s easy for you to use and adapt to your family without being overwhelming or “just one more thing.”

Please let me know in the comments or over on my Instagram account if you find this helpful and would like more Bible studies like this to print and use with your kids. Stay healthy and stay home!

Photo by Kelly Sikkema on Unsplash.

Why I Don't Tell My Kids They're Perfect

Before you become a parent it’s so easy to plan the way things are going to go. Great family pictures, daily memories made, everyone enjoying the same things, in bed by 8pm. The sky’s the limit when you’re dreaming about your “perfect life.”

It’s not that your ideas about parenthood and children were wrong or impossible. They just might need some tweeking. And a healthy dose of reality.

Aside from the outward plans we have for how our family looks, we also have to consider the inner. The wills, emotions, and personalities we are charged to bring up and discipline.

I’m afraid sometimes in our culture {maybe world} we expect perfection in some small doses in our children. And I’m not talking about when our children are perfectionists {see my post here about raising a perfectionist}. I’m talking about expecting our children to follow every rule, to clean up messes without being taught or told, to be naturally kind and humble and grateful. All those qualities that you appreciate in others.

Obviously I’m saying part of this with my tongue in my cheek but don’t our grand expectations sometimes amount to that? We forget that such things must be taught and modeled for our children. We look around at other kids and wonder how to get our kids to copy them. Maybe in a moment of weakness, we even ask our children why they can’t do such and such like so and so. We teach them to compare their abilities to others.

And just like comparison is dangerous for adults, it is equally dangerous for children. They might think, “I’m not as bad as him, I would never do that, I’m so much better than her.” Or conversely, they might start to believe they will never be good enough in our eyes, “My mom loves him better than me because he’s kinder, I never measure up to her.”

Although I don’t enjoy demonstrating my flaws to my kids, I also don’t shrink back from apologizing to them or admitting when I make a mistake. We have many conversations about how Jesus is the only one who lived a perfect life and while we try to follow that example, we know we will fail and should be ready to ask forgiveness when needed.

While it is very important for our kids to know we love them and listen to them and pray for them, I don’t want my children to ever think they don’t need God. I don’t want them to believe they can attain perfection or that they need to copy someone else to gain my attention. Instead, I tell them I love them, I give praise when they do a good job, and encourage them when they try something new. No matter what they choose to do in life, I want them to always know ultimately the strength and wisdom and guidance they need to succeed in anything doesn’t come from themselves, but from their Creator.

Photo by Ricardo Viana on Unsplash

Teaching with Patience

I love that we never stop learning. The truth that there will always be something we could do better, something we don’t fully understand, something to aspire to. I’m sure for some it’s frustrating, but I find it exciting. I love learning new things.

As a homeschool mom, I’m constantly learning new things with my kids. But I’m also noticing things that I have forgotten I ever learned. Do you sit and think about things that are second nature to you? You can’t remember when you learned them or how they clicked. You just know it. Like explaining how to hold a knife and fork to cut something or fold laundry or rinse shampoo out of your hair. I think for adults it’s easy to forget all the basic things that we’ve had to learn.

Then we have kids. And whether you homeschool or not, we suddenly find ourselves having to explain things that seem natural to us. Definitions of words, how to perform a task, why we do things a certain way or why something is necessary. It’s all new to our children. They are discovering this world for the first time and everything is fresh and uncertain and unfamiliar. It’s up to us to guide them.

My son has a large vocabulary for a five year old. He was an early talker and if anything, his communication skills have increased tenfold. But he also listens and pays attention more than I’ve given him credit for. When he hears a word in a sentence, he can use that word in another sentence and it will make sense. But I’m finding out he doesn’t know what the word actually means. He just knows how to use it from hearing it in context. So all these words like ‘especially’, ‘specific’, ‘spontaneous’, ‘direct’, etc. that he’s been saying for years he is finally asking me what it means. And I often have to think a little longer than I want to admit to come up with a good definition.

A huge part of parenting is breaking down information, making it accessible and relevant to our kids. We need to demonstrate and explain why knowledge is important. If they feel like they don’t need a certain set of information, why learn it? I felt this way about math. If I have a calculator, why memorize times tables? {That argument didn’t work with my parents and I’m not letting my kids off either.} But to keep them learning, we need to foster an environment where they 1} want to ask questions and 2} feel safe asking questions.

A Desire to Ask

And this is where patience comes in. It can be incredibly frustrating when everything you do or everywhere you go is met with a slew of questions. “Why are stoplights red? Why is there a yellow light? What does definitely mean? Why can we definitely not buy that? How long is a month? How long is an hour? Do we have to count to 60 for 60 seconds to pass? Why is my birthday in March? Why do I have to hold my pencil like that? How do you know the chicken is cooked? Why are you cooking those carrots?” In case you’re wondering, I’ve been asked all these questions right in the middle of tasks I was attempting to complete and it is very frustrating and distracting to think of answers and explain reasonings while trying to drive, cook, shop, etc.

But I try to remind myself my kids aren’t asking these things to be annoying. They have a genuine curiosity about the things around them. They also know the best way to learn is to ask. I try my best to answer but sometimes I have to resort to a new default we 21st century parents have: let’s ask Google. Sometimes I don’t know the answer or I don’t have the brain power to explain coherently why there are 24 hours in a day. So we ask Google or look online together.

I never want my kids to think their questions are dumb or unimportant because that’s the first step in them not asking me questions anymore. If they feel silly or like I’m too busy to answer, they will assume it’s not worth the embarrassment to ask and move on. I think we’ve all either been the kid who doesn’t ask questions or witnessed a kid not asking questions because of how adults responded. I see this happen just going to the grocery store. A child asks the parent how bread is made and the parent either ignores him in an attempt to get through the shopping trip or says something like, “Machines make it” and moves on.

The Safety of Asking

The second point I mentioned above is feeling safe enough to keep asking. Part of this is the child’s personality — naturally shy children usually have a harder time speaking up, even in a nurturing environment. But if we laugh, tease, mock, or ridicule children for asking about the world around them, any child is going to feel silly and eventually stop asking. Remember at the beginning when I mentioned so many things being second nature to adults, we have forgotten we learned them? When our children ask us why we have to wash hands before eating, it’s easy to say, “To get rid of germs” and move on. But they might then ask what germs are, how we get them, why we don’t want them, what they look like. If we put a blanket statement of, “Just wash your hands!” over all inquiries about germs, they will continue to wonder about them but they might not feel like asking about them anymore. We have forgotten that at one point, we had to learn everything we know about germs too.

It can be incredibly difficult to not laugh at some of the things kids say or ask. I’m often caught completely off guard by the things they wonder about or how they pronounce words. But even if I have to bite my inner cheek for a few seconds before responding, I try to not treat their questions like a big joke. I haven’t always done a good job of this and I can remember watching the embarrassment rise in their little faces and the quick, “Never mind” as they acted like it wasn’t important. And I immediately felt guilty for making light of their natural curiosity.

We as parents need to realize children learn through asking and wondering and if they don’t believe we care, listen to, or take seriously their questions, they will stop asking us and find an outlet that will listen. And they might start getting answers we don’t agree with. We live in an age of information but not all information is equal or correct if we want to instill a biblical worldview in our children. God has given us these little blessings called children and it is our responsibility to teach them, train them to follow God. Yes, it takes time and patience. It requires us to think through things in different ways and see the world through their eyes. But it is a task well worth the effort, for our children and for us.

In closing, I’ve been convicted by two verses recently that go hand in hand with teaching in patience:

Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear. Ephesians 4:29

Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward. Psalm 127:3

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Making an Impact

I've been thinking of the word impact lately. Particularly how we impact those around us. My daughter recently finished a book about various Christian women who did amazing things. One that caught her attention was Joni Eareckson Tada. 

In case you're unfamiliar with the story, when Joni was 17 she dove into a river, hitting the bottom with her head and paralyzing her from the neck down. After battling depression and questioning God's goodness, Joni came to believe God could still use her, even from a wheelchair. She started a radio program, founded a ministry for people with disabilities, learned to paint with a brush in her mouth, and wrote books about her accident. She still speaks at events, sharing God's love and grace in the midst of tragedy.

My daughter was filled with questions after reading about this remarkable woman. She also retold and shared the story with multiple friends. Joni's life and testimony are impacting my daughter, making her consider God's goodness in hard times, and revealing it is possible to rejoice when life isn't what we expect.

Another person we have been discussing recently is Ron Hamilton. My kids have become big fans of Patch the Pirate music adventures, listening to the stories and songs daily. On one recording, Patch (Ron) explained to the kids that he had cancer in his one eye and the doctor had to remove it. He started wearing a patch and people joked he looked like a pirate. He began to write songs and record stories that taught kids biblical principles and Patch the Pirate was started. I knew all this from listening in my own childhood but my daughter eagerly found me and told the whole story.

These two people have never met my daughter and they probably won't this side of heaven. But they are impacting her, living lives that point to Christ and encouraging her to keep trusting God, even if hard things happen. 

The world is full of so many 'role models' living for the things of this world. Our children need good, faithful examples to follow. And there are so many people throughout history that we can learn from.

But don't discount yourself. Maybe you don't have children or grandchildren. You can still impact those around by reaching out, getting to know others, and getting involved in their lives. I remember lessons from Sunday School teachers and Awana leaders from 25 years ago. Just step up and allow God to use you.

As a parent, I'm so thankful when other godly people take interest in my kids and model biblical living. It shows my kids I'm not the only one saying, 'Obey your parents' or 'Love the Lord' or 'Don't complain but rejoice'. And our whole family benefits from the love and kindness of a godly example.

You don't have to have a huge platform or social media presence to make an impact. Start in your own home and reach out to those around you. Ask God to put people in your path that need encouragement and then don't be afraid when he answers.

We might never know the influence we have on others but that’s not the point. We need to simply be willing to be examples and be used of God and leave the rest to Him.

Photo by Linus Nylund on Unsplash

The Need for Quiet

I’ve always enjoyed music. I never really thought of music as filling silence or needing to have it playing at all times. I just enjoy singing along, being swept away in a beautiful melody. I didn’t need silence and I usually had something playing in the background.

Three kids later and my appreciation for quiet has grown. It’s a funny paradox: we eagerly teach our children to talk and exclaim with delight when they can finally communicate. But we quickly become weary of constant questions, commentary, and the inevitable noise that accompanies them. My children have all been early talkers — even before we could understand their words they had something to say all the time. My daughter who is just over a year will frequently walk into a room, speak emphatically while waving her arms, and then leave.

Quiet has become a rare treasure in my life. And if it isn’t my kids, it’s the phone, the computer, the fridge, random dogs and children outside. The world is a noisy place and it’s almost impossible to completely retreat from it. The other day, I was walking in my neighborhood alone. I heard the wind sweeping through leaves, bees buzzing over a flowering tree, birds tweeting. I closed my eyes for just a moment and let the calm pass over me. It didn’t last long; a car came screeching down the road with radio blaring. But for a minute, I not only heard the quiet, I breathed it in.

Sometimes I don’t realize I’m craving silence until the noise level escalates. When the kids start screaming, a dozen toddler toys are playing a dozen different sounds, and I can’t put words together for all the exterior distractions, I suddenly feel the need for quiet. For calm.

But silence doesn’t always mean rest. We live close to many beautiful, scenic walks. Places far from cars and barking dogs. But even when I’m surrounded by physical quiet and calm, often my heart is restless. I’m worrying about something or anxious for the future. I’m concerned for a sick friend or burdened for someone I’m witnessing to. I worry for my kids — their salvation, future, decisions — and for my own desires — will I ever finish that project, publish a book, finish weeding. Even in the quiet, it can feel suffocating.

I’m slowly discovering that quiet for my life right now doesn’t always equal being alone in total silence. Sometimes it’s my heart and mind that needs to be quieted more than my kids. Even if the noise continues around me, I can find quiet for my worries, anxieties, and fears through God’s Word. The Psalms are a wonderful place to dwell when things are noisy around us.

The Lord is my rock and my fortress and my deliverer, my God, my rock, in whom I take refuge, my shield, and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold. Psalm 18:2

The Lord is a stronghold for the oppressed, a stronghold in times of trouble. Psalm 9:9

Behold, God is my helper; the Lord is the upholder of my life. Psalm 54:4

When the noise and cares of the world crowd around you and leave you longing for quiet, run to the Bible and rest in His promises. They are unchanging and will quiet your restless heart.

Photo by Eduard Militaru on Unsplash.

Why Moms Need Prayer

We hear over and over that mom's need to pray. We need strength. We need help. We need everything God can give us to stay up to the task of mothering. But it's about more than requesting God give us the physical ability to make it through the next day. Mothering is not about surviving until it gets easier. Mothers are in the business of mentoring.

In the midst of changing diapers and fixing meals it's easy to forget our most important role as moms. We are charged with shaping and molding the little lives God has given us. If we provide merely for their physical needs, we are neglecting the most important need and setting them up for struggles later in life. Every mom wants what is best for her children. That's why parenting blogs and mommy magazines are so prolific. We want to know we are doing what is best for our children and have validation for those choices.

But life is about more than getting good grades, being athletic, or looking picture perfect. We are here to glorify God and that doesn't begin at a certain age. The truth is we need to teach our children, while they are young, the importance of a relationship with Christ. Proverbs 22:6 says, “Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.” This doesn’t guarantee that perfect parenting with automatically equal perfect children. But it is encouragement that when we take time now to correct, discipline, and guide our children in Christlikeness, those lessons are important for their future.

And this is where prayer comes in. As mothers we need to pray not just for ourselves in dealing with our children but pray for the individual needs of each child. We need to realize that ultimately their spiritual growth doesn't come down to our rules, restrictions, or regulations. They need the Holy Spirit indwelling them just as we do. It is God that can affect true change in their lives. While we can and should be examples of godly living, we can't force spirituality on our children.

Prayer is communication with God. He hears, he answers, he guides. Think of all the times the psalmist cried out to God. He was praying. James instructs us to ask for wisdom and if there's one thing mom's need wisdom about, it's raising children! (James 1:5) Proverbs 3:5-6 reminds us to trust God first and lean on him and he will direct our steps. If we aren't going to God in prayer over how we teach our children, how can we say we are trusting his guidance?

I want to close by issuing a challenge. I’ve put together a week long prompt on praying for yourselves and our children. Click the button below to download and print out the schedule.

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Time Management in Busy Years

Life is crazy.

No matter what stage of life we find ourselves {working, stay at home mom, retired, single, married…} there are always things that should be done, things that have to be done, and things we want to get done.

The difficult thing is that we only have 24 hours in a day and some of those need to be spent sleeping. No matter what we do we can not increase the time we have been given. So how does it all get done? Should we give up and just focus on surviving? Should we wait for the next season of life and hope it gets better?

Unfortunately, we aren’t promised life will ever slow down. More likely our to-do list will only grow longer. I am by no means the expert on time management but I have found four things that help me and maybe it will encourage you to consider your schedule.

• Know what’s coming

  On Sunday evening I look at the calendar for the next week and see if there’s anything special or different I need to remember. Parties, appointments, play dates, events. Anything that is different from our usual week I make note of.

• Know what always needs to be done

  People have different thoughts on doing laundry. Some prefer to do a load a day. I like getting it all done in one day — Monday. I also try to grocery shop on the same day each week. We homeschool and try to get finished by noon each Monday-Friday. My daughter has piano lessons the same day and time each week. Knowing this shows me what time is taken and what time I have to get the extra things done.

• Know what extra needs to be done

  If I’m teaching a lesson for something at church or I need to buy a gift for a party, I write a to-do list and prioritize. Going off of what I know has to be done (laundry, meals, school, etc) I plan when I’m going to do those extras. If I need a present by Friday afternoon, I see when I’m already going to be out of the house before Friday and write to buy a present then. If I have an article due on Saturday, I make time on Monday and Tuesday so any sudden disruptions {sick kids, unexpected meetings} don’t throw off my ability to turn in the article on time. Now this sometimes means I have to choose to do one thing that HAS to get done over something I would LIKE to get done. Like not reading as much one week so I can make party decorations that are needed by Friday.

• Know what would be nice to get done

  The list of ‘I wants’ is probably the longest list I have. Home projects, books to read, words to write, crafts to tackle, organizing, coffee dates…I want to do a lot! The key is to not expect to get it all done now {Rome wasn’t built in a day} and to decide how to prioritize those desires into manageable chunks. When I know my kids will be somewhere else or busy with a play date, I try to get done projects that take all my attention, that are better done in a large chunk of time, or involve messes I don’t want them wandering into. When they are playing outside and could come running in at any minute, I use that time to read, research homeschool materials, things that I can easily pick up again if interrupted for a few minutes. I usually don’t have the ability to plan when I’ll get to my ‘nice to get done list’ but when unscheduled time pops up and my other things are finished, I have a list I can quickly jump into.

So much of time management and the struggle to get things done comes down to our discipline. Are we wasting time scrolling through everyone else’s feeds but never living our own lives? Do we take advantage of the moments we have?

Photo by Plush Design Studio

Needing Grace as a Parent

**Before I begin, this post in no way is saying you shouldn’t try your best! As you read, I hope you understand I’m not advocating that we try to make mistakes. But when we do fail, I think it’s important for our children to see how we cope and Who we rely on.**

One of the first lessons of parenting that you learn is that your idea of what a parent is drastically changes. Your goals and ideals suddenly change. The things you said you would never do or allow as a parent also change. Errands are more difficult, tasks take longer, and priorities change.

Obviously we want to be good parents for our children but sometimes our ideas of what makes a good parent are flawed. I've learned that being a good parent doesn't mean I'm good at everything. It doesn't mean I have to do everything for my children. When we look at other parents around us and we see what they are willing and able to do for their children, we might feel inadequate.

Just like comparing ourselves to others in other aspects of life is dangerous comparing our parenting to the parenting of others is equally treacherous. I'm afraid sometimes we want to be like other parents so much that we don't stop to ask why it's that important to us. I also think we are failing to teach our children an important lesson they need to learn.

Admitting we need help or are not perfect at something is difficult for some of us, especially when it is to our children. Just like it is difficult to apologize and ask our children for forgiveness, the discipline of letting our children see us fail sounds impossible. But consider this. If your children never see you struggle with something or never see you deal with disappointment in the correct way, how will they learn how to cope with disappointments and struggles in their own life? Children learn by example. They learn to talk, throw a ball, polite manners, kindness, etc. all by watching and listening to us.

Also if our children grow up believing we have everything in our life put together and perfect and we never struggled or learned hard lessons along the way, how comfortable do you think they will be with sharing their struggles with us? They will go to someone else for advice and for comfort because they might not believe we have any experience to offer them.

Part of living and growing in our Christian life is that it is not static, it is changing. God offers us his grace and faithfulness but if we don't show our children that we need it, they will grow up thinking they don't either.

In our culture it seems to be that any time we need help or fail at something we are told not to admit our weakness. We sweep it under the rug so to speak. We make excuses for why we didn't get that done or do this. However, Paul reminds us that it is through our very weaknesses that Christ gives strength. Sometimes the failing is in small things like messing up a recipe. Other times it might be bigger like breaking something that doesn't belong to us. Our attitude and actions following these types of failures communicates much to our children. The day we are too proud to admit our failings is the day we think we don't need the Lord.

Our children don't need to see us accomplish everything we desire, or perfectly execute something on the first try. They need to see us attempt things, maybe fail, yet get up and try again. They need to watch us depend on God's grace for everything just like we want them to. And they need to see us glorify God and praise him, even if life doesn’t go as planned.

Photo by Chuttersnap on Unsplash

Imitation Motherhood

Have you heard the saying, ‘Do what I say not what I do’? It seems to be a favorite phrase of parents everywhere. The problem with this is that children are born imitators. That's how God created them. They hear us repeat words before they attempt to join in. They watch us toss a ball and mimic our motions. In fact, we encourage children to watch how we do something before trying a new skill for themselves. But when we don’t want our behavior or bad habits to show up in the next generation, we fall back on sayings and excuses for why it’s okay for us but bad for them.

This is one of the challenges of motherhood, especially as children get older. They observe how we react to someone cutting us off, they listen to us complain about long lines in the grocery store, they repeat phrases they've heard us use dozens of times. Becoming a mother forces you to listen to your own advice and realize you aren't doing what you recommend. It is the greatest opportunity to be a role model, for better or worse.  

When we allow the gospel to filter through every aspect of our lives, we can turn everyday moments into teaching opportunities. We also hold ourselves to a higher standard because we are seeking the same thing we want our children to emulate: Christlikeness.

Modeling the gospel to our children requires more than a ‘do what I say not what I do’ attitude. Our goal is to point them to Christ as the ultimate source of our imitating. Moses reminded the children of Israel that they needed to repeat truths about God to their children continuously throughout the day.

‘Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one. You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise.’ (Deut. 6:4-7)

Diligent is defined as a constant effort to accomplish something. So to teach diligently gives the idea of continual instruction from us to our children. This goes beyond words to actions as well.

Paul understood the importance of being an example in the life of a Christian. When he wrote to the church in Corinth, he stressed in two different chapters, ‘Be imitators of me.’ But he knew he wasn't the prime influence these people needed. I Corinthians 11:1 clearly states, ‘Imitate me as I imitate Christ.’

With each of his instructions to the church Paul reminded them that he was not the top authority the body needed to emulate. The goal for this life is to be like Christ. And because Paul sought to follow Christ in word and deed, the Corinthians could look to his example as one of Christlikeness.

Many times our excuse for not being the gospel focused example we are called to be in Christ comes down to one thing: we know we aren't perfect so why should we want our children to imitate us? We think it's so much easier to simply tell them what we expect than to actually live it out on a daily basis ourselves. But that's taking the easy road. That's not holding ourselves to the same standard we expect of our children.

And they might keep all the rules and do what we say for the short term but it won't make a lasting impression on their lives or create any real change. The truth of the gospel is that it can take our sinful nature and work change in us and in our children. The grace we have received is available to them also.

But that requires us to show the gospel to our children, even at the earliest ages. Proverbs 22:6 says ‘Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.’ The Hebrew word for train here is also translated as dedicate in three other passages. Our role as mothers is not passive or one of expecting our children to just turn out well. We are to actively show them the gospel and dedicate them to following the Lord. There's no better way to train children for a task than to show them an example. And we are the closest example God has put in their lives.

Asking our children to imitate our example is a huge commitment. It means when we fail, we seek forgiveness. It requires that we live in the light of grace everyday and show them the grace we ourselves need.

When we watch our children, their sin is so obvious to us and our response is equally cut and dry. We remind them of biblical truth, emphasize why it's important to follow God, explain why their behavior was a sin, point out that God is always ready to forgive when we ask, and so on.

However, we are not always as quick to call our failings sin. We stress the importance of relying on God to provide for our needs but try to plan everything ourselves. We tell them to apologize for yelling at a sibling but excuse our own raised voices as frustration. We quote, ‘Do all things without murmurings and disputings’ (Phil. 2:14) when they complain about chores but gripe every time we have to clean the bathrooms.

If we want our children to grow in gospel grace we must show them that the same truths we apply to their lives apply to us as well. We know we will never be perfect examples but we can point them to the Perfect Example. By allowing the gospel to be our source of hope and help, we model what they should be trusting as well.

Photo by S&B Vonlanthen on Unsplash