The Danger of Feminism

I don’t use my written words to rant. I believe honest, thoughtful communication is the most productive and helpful. I have been known to get on a soapbox when I’m talking to friends but I prefer to think and ponder and reason out my words before sharing them, especially online.

I say that because what I’m writing today might make some of you angry. You might think I’m flinging this off the top of my head but I want to assure you, I’ve thought about this, watched examples of this, and I’m concerned. If you disagree, I’m not mad at you. But please take time to think about what I am communicating here.

I have never identified as a feminist. I believe sometimes we are too hasty to throw on whatever label is trending to seem relevant without considering what that label stands for. But I can honestly say, I’ve never been a feminist. And {this is the controversial part} I don’t think any Christian woman should fall in line with that label in today’s world.

We don’t have the space here to go into all the waves of feminism over the last 200 years, but I recommend the book Mama Bear Apologetics for an insightful chapter on this topic. I’ll only say this: the feminist movement started out wanting to be helpful {voting rights, protecting women from abusing husbands} but as we moved through the 20th century, women got grabby and obnoxious to the point where feminists now believe women are better than men. It’s not about equal rights anymore; it’s about women taking over because we are better.

While I have many problems with this ideology, a sticking point for me that no one talks about is that feminists aren’t really supportive of ALL women. Feminists champion the women that support their views. Other women? Traitors, brainwashed by their evil husbands and fathers. If you think this is an exaggeration, you live in a bubble. Listen to any feminist in an interview, read any article about those fighting for women’s “equality.” They will show their true colors rather quickly and rudely.

Let me give you an example. I have a college degree, I worked full time while my husband went to grad school, and I worked part time before we had kids. After my daughter was born, I worked part time out of the home for six months but then I decided I wanted to stay home with her. I found a remote job {before remote jobs were cool} transcribing interviews and I did that during naptimes and whenever Tommy could watch the baby. As life moved on, I stepped away from the transcribing by my own choice and was “just a stay at home mom.” I’m putting that in quotes because that’s what I’ve been called for over a decade now.

It should also be mentioned that this was a sacrifice. Tommy was making enough to pay the bills and put a little in savings but we chose to live frugally {didn’t eat out much, no fancy vacations, etc.} so that I could stay home.

Our family increased to three kids, we started homeschooling, and life got more busy. In the 13 years I’ve been “stuck at home” with my kids, I’ve never regretted it. I don’t wish I was a CEO or hustling my dream career or anything else. I love learning alongside my kids. I've taken up hobbies like gardening and watercolor painting. Our church activities keep us busy. I live a full life that I am thankful for.

But there are some women who believe I’m not reaching my full potential. Or that I’m trapped and desperately want out but my conservative ties {read: men} are holding me hostage. These feminists do not champion me as a mom choosing to raise her kids. They think I’m ignorant or brainwashed, possibly both.

And that’s one of the places I call foul on the whole feminist movement. If you have the audacity to admit that you are happy in a non-corporate, non-boss babe, suburban life, they believe you are being forced to say it. They will stand against you as you fight for unborn lives and mock you when you speak against agendas targeting kids. Feminists champion one thing: people who agree with them.

Today’s feminists want the power, the money, the job, the everything. It’s not about doing what you’re good at or even what makes you happy. It’s about upending the way “things have always been” and embracing the female future. Have you heard the phrase, “The future is female”? They weren’t just going for alliteration. They actually believe it.

This thinking isn’t doing our daughters any favors. At an all-time high moment of peer pressure, we are making our daughters feel less-than if they don’t have world changing aspirations. Do I want my daughters to succeed in life? Absolutely! But that isn’t always going where no woman has gone before.

Before you stop reading, hear me out. I’m not saying we discourage our girls from working hard, dreaming big, and trying new ideas. I am saying that we shouldn’t make that the focus of their lives or teach them that dream will fulfill them in a way only Christ can.

There are some dreams that just won’t happen {I wanted to be a princess at one point in life} and we shouldn’t tell our daughters they can do or be anything they want…because that’s not true! At another phase of life, I wanted to be a nurse. My mom discouraged that when I started getting faint when I had shots and scored terribly on my biology tests.

As my oldest gets closer to high school and adulthood, something we talk a lot about is what her talents are, what her desires/dreams are, and how she can use those in multiple ways. We talk about how not everyone will enter full time, paid ministry positions but as Christians, everything we do is for God and therefore can be a ministry. What does she love that she can use for God? Because that’s where her ultimate joy will come from.

For me, I believe at this stage my greatest ministry is my kids and the more time I can spend with them, the better. It doesn’t mean I’m perfect, especially patient, gifted, or better. I am not the only one making sacrifices and I can sometimes be selfish about my time. But my ultimate goal in life is to teach my kids Jesus and, prayerfully, live in a way that points to him.

And that’s something 21st century feminism does not support.

Photo by Keegan Houser on Unsplash

A Poem for Summer

I usually don’t write poetry; I’m too much of a rule follower. :)

But as I prepared for teaching two creative writing classes in our homeschool co-op, I realized if I was going to talk with kids and teens about poetry, I needed to get poetry in my mind. I’ve been reading different types and styles and decided to try my hand at writing a free verse-inspired poem about our summer.

This was the Summer

This was the summer

I bought water balloons,

Which the kids filled

And flung around the yard.

This was the summer

For both new and familiar things:

Baseball and movie marathons,

Youth group and playdates;

Trying to say yes when possible.

This was the summer

Of a stomach bug

That knocked us out,

Of allergies

That tickled and itched.

This was the summer

We cuddled on hot days

Because next summer, will you ask?

We talked past bedtime

Because tomorrow, will you want to?

This was the summer

We ate ice cream and snow cones,

Of hiking, swimming, laughing;

For enjoying every moment we could

Because next summer won’t be the same.

At the beginning of the summer, I realized time is passing fast. My oldest is almost 13, quickly approaching the age of summer jobs and doing her own thing. These carefree days of simple joys experienced together won’t always be there. I know time changes things, not in a bad way, but life becomes different.

This summer, I wanted to set aside the things that could wait and be completely present for my kids when possible. I wanted to say yes to things that were nos in the past {like water balloons} and let them try new things {like baseball}.

It was a great summer. Full, exciting, memorable. This simple effort captures just a glimpse.

Photo by Sergey Shmidt on Unsplash

To the Woman Fighting Comparisons

I believe no matter how realistic we are in life, at some point we will be tempted to play the comparison game.

Maybe we look at a friend who always seems to be happy and content and assume nothing challenging comes her way; hence the reason she is always happy and content. Maybe we see someone with a trim figure and assume she has great genetics or perfect discipline. We see a clean house or well behaved children or….

There are dozens of ways we compare ourselves to each other and we usually feature ourselves on the short end of the stick. We feel like we’re out of control, not normal, life is too hard, everything would be better if…. All these are dangerous words and assumptions.

Over the years I’ve had to remind myself of several different truths whenever I start dipping my toes into the ocean of comparisons.

We don’t see the whole picture

One of the dangerous things about social media is we’re constantly seeing snapshots of people’s lives without always remembering they are snapshots. They are clips; memories; brief moments of time chosen to highlight. Most people are not going to share moments disciplining children {and they probably shouldn’t!}, or washing dishes and doing laundry. They aren’t going to showcase failures and disappointments. We see the highs on social media and we tend to think those people ONLY have high moments. They ONLY go on vacation. This is simply not true. I have struggles and disappointments daily, either with myself or with others. But I prefer to show pictures of my flowers then selfies of my crying face.

We need to remember, if we are basing our information about people entirely on what they post on social media, we aren’t seeing the whole picture! If we are only seeing people in certain places or situations, we aren’t seeing the whole picture.

A season for everything

When my three kids were little, my life looked a lot different. I had two children who were terrible sleepers, didn’t nap, needed to be held all the time. During that phase of life, I got done what was necessary: I fed my family, did laundry, cleaned when I noticed dust. I didn’t have a garden, I didn’t pursue hobbies, we didn’t go out a lot. We did things with our church, which was our priority. But we didn’t do big trips, we didn’t do a lot of playdates, I said no to things.

However, as my children became more independent, older, and started sleeping better, I started having more time and coming out of the fog. I could garden without carrying three kids and all their gear outside. I could paint without a toddler wiggling in my arms and knocking my paintbrush. My kids started helping with dinner, cleaning, and doing chores. It makes a HUGE difference in what a day looks like when you have kids that need help with everything versus kids that can do for themselves.

If you are in a difficult, in-the-trenches, in a trial stage of life — because of kids or health or a work situation — don’t look to women in completely different circumstances and compare your life to theirs. Those stages are different and will look different for everyone.

Not everyone has the same capacity

I will sometimes look at everything others are able to do and feel a little envious. Go hiking for that beautiful view! Take my kids to that amazing place! Bake all the desserts! But if I’m honest, not all those things are really my favorite way to spend time. So why would I be envious? Because of the end result. Because I wish I was interested in certain things. Because I feel like I’m missing out or causing my kids to miss out on something that could be amazing.

And that’s a silly reason to compare myself to others and get bent out of shape! I am not a Type A personality. I like to sit and read for the afternoon instead of running unnecessary errands. I enjoy walking through my garden alone instead of going to every party and event. Once I realized and admitted that doing all the things really held no interest for me, it was much easier to stop comparing myself to the moms going all the places.

I don’t think we will ever outgrow the temptation to compare our lives to others. We need reminders of what’s really important and what God has called us to on a daily basis. When comparisons start to cloud your thinking, look up at what’s surrounding you and take hope that it won’t last forever, that no one’s life is perfect.

God has put you where you are. And he’s not going to leave you there alone. When I was deep in the little years, I would read the Psalms and it helped me consider how much God cares for me. I read Lam. 3 and it reminded me God is faithful and every morning is new with his mercies.

Photo by Annie Spratt on Unsplash

The Wonder of Creation

One of our favorite family activities is watching nature documentaries. Our kids have always loved animals and animal facts, and it’s relaxing to see creatures and landscapes from all over the world.

The BBC’s series “Planet Earth” and “Blue Planet” are some of our favorites. While there are mentions of evolution and global warming, our kids can spot those lies a mile away! From the beginning of reading library books about dinosaurs and watching Wild Kratts, every time millions of years, big bang, evolving, etc. was mentioned, we stopped and walked our toddlers and elementary kids through the truth of the Bible and the falseness of evolution theory. Now, we can watch those programs and they will usually point out the errors before we have a chance!

But the reason we put so much thought and effort into still watching programs that have evolution is to show our kids how amazing creation is and to talk through the incredible attributes of God. I want to highlight a few animals that we learned about from the recent “Planet Earth III” documentary.

The pearl octopus lives deep in the ocean. To keep their eggs warm enough to grow and hatch, they travel to hydrothermal vents where water temperatures can be ten degrees warmer. After laying her eggs, the mother stays with them as a layer of extra warmth and protection. She doesn’t leave, even to eat. When the eggs finally hatch {almost two years later!} and the babies swim away from the vents, the mothers die. They give everything for the survival of their young. Here’s an interesting short clip about this octopus.

One of the animals that had us laughing and marveling was the archer fish. This incredible creation shoots insects off leaves by accurately measuring the distance, accounting for distortion in the water reflection, and spitting water in a perfect stream at the insect! It really is fascinating to watch!

The final animal I’ll mention is the lily trotter, or African Jacanas. These birds seem to run on the surface of the water but their large feet are actually spread across lily pads. What struck us about this bird is shown at the end of this video. To protect the chicks, the father lily trotter tucks them into his wings and carries them to safety. What a beautiful picture of how God cares for us! He doesn’t leave us when we need him or expect us to figure out trials on our own. He lovingly shields us.

Creation is a wonder filled place. As we watched “Planet Earth III” and heard about animals new to us or places just now being discovered, I dwelt on the thought that God knew all along. That creature, that place has been there all along. Even when we didn’t realize it, God was getting the glory for creation that only he saw.

Take this as encouragement to explore creation with your kids. Watch documentaries. Read books. But always point them to the Creator.

Photo by David Clode on Unsplash

Lessons from a Road Trip

We recently went on a family road trip covering several thousand miles round trip. To say we spent a lot of time in the car together is an understatement! This was our first time undertaking a cross-country trip like this and, while we had fun and made lots of memories, we also learned many things! Here are a few tips that kept us going.

— Use your library ebook borrowing. Before the trip, I downloaded the library borrowing app to each of the kids’ tablets. Then they picked a few ebooks and audiobooks. It saved a lot of space to not have a box of actual books traveling with us!

— Check into free trial subscriptions. We knew we wouldn’t always have internet so I used a free trial of Spotify to download some ad free music to my phone. I could then connect it to the van’s system via Bluetooth. I also tried a free subscription to Scribd, which has ebooks, magazines, audiobooks, and more. It was great to have options not available at my library and it encouraged me to read more because I wanted to finish before the 30 days were up!

— Take snacks…but ration them. We bought lots of special snacks for this big trip. But my kids could have eaten them all in one day! So I packed most of them in a box in the trunk and kept just a sampling closer to me. When someone asked for a snack, I reminded them there were only so many within reach and when they were gone, no more snacks for the day.

— We only ate out for dinners. This was a huge money saver. We made sure to stay at hotels that served a breakfast and we had a cooler with sandwich fixings, crackers and peanut butter, and veggies for lunch. We would stop around noon and fill up with gas then locate a nearby park using Google and enjoy a picnic lunch. It gave the kids a chance to run and play before sitting in the car again and we found some neat parks in small towns across the US!

— Be flexible. We had a few hiccups on the trip but nothing major. Instead of stressing and allowing it to derail our attitudes, we adjusted and kept going! We ended up spending a day at the Indianapolis Children’s Museum that we hadn’t planned on and getting to one of the hotels a little earlier another day to allow for extra swim time in the pool.

— Pack surprises. Prior to the trip, I ordered sticker books, sticker mosaics, hand held {non electronic} games, coloring books, and quiet fidgets. I didn’t show them to the kids and wrapped each one, marking it as a shared present for all three or with their initials. Each day when we set out from the hotel, they could choose a present to open and enjoy.

— Limit screens. While the kids did have their tablets, we limited the time they could use them each day. Tommy had downloaded some movies to our Cloud but he only put one movie a day on their individual tablets. They also had a few games that didn’t require Internet. For the first stretch of the morning and for awhile after lunch, it was no tablets. They could sleep, look out the window, or do an activity they’d opened from me. Part of the afternoon was for audiobooks. It worked very well.

— Don’t think you can’t. I get it. With kids, car rides can seem very daunting. Everyone in a confined space for hours on end? Yikes! But if you prepare a little and keep a positive attitude, it can be a fun trip for the whole family. In fact, as we were on our final stretch home, having spent 65+ hours in the car in 13 days, our youngest said, “When are we doing a big trip in the car again?”

We are so privileged in America to be able to drive on good roads that get us to any part of our country! And what a variety of landscapes we have! We saw high desert, open farmland, lush treefilled scapes, miles and miles of flat land, rolling hills, big cities, small towns, mountains, mist covered hills, and windy roads. The planning, the hours, the miles we sat; it was all worth it and filled with memories for our family.

Photo by Derek Story on Unsplash

A Selfless Holiday

It's a paradox.

We spend so much time leading up to Christmas preparing everything for the perfect holiday. We want our kids to have a memorable month, we want our family to appreciate the food we prepare, we want our friends to love their gifts. All our energy seems to be pointed at making others happy. Yet this can be the most selfish time of year.

How is wanting the perfect holiday for others selfish? Because often we are wanting our version of the perfect holiday rather than want others want.

Each thing we attempt to do is often shrouded in something we want: perfect photos so we buy matching clothes our kids will never wear again, carrying on a tradition by making the proverbial fruitcake knowing no one will eat it, attempting to do every suggestion for a memorable 25 days of December from all the mommy blogs. We use the excuse it's all for others but we are really putting our checklist at the forefront.

Do we ever go into holidays asking our children or spouse what they want to do? What would really make the day special to them? It might not be exciting or picture worthy. It might involve doing something you really don't love doing. But if we really want everyone to enjoy the Christmas season, shouldn’t we be willing to ask?

I definitely have food and traditions that I love but I try to ask Tommy what meals he likes, sweets he loves, special Christmas things that mean something to him from childhood. And I try to display the sled and reindeer he made as a child.

December is such a busy rush of excitement and activity. It can feel like we’re giving every ounce of ourselves for others. But what if what they wanted was more of us present and less of us doing? We could make memories with our loved ones that were truly meaningful and we could avoid some of the crazy that we put on ourselves “for the sake of others.” Less of us. More of friends and family.

Photo by Freestocks on Unsplash

Christmas Joy

It's December! 

My children have been eagerly eating their way through their advent calendars and counting down the days. 

I've gotten all the shopping done and planned the baking. 

In some ways, it's easy to be joyful as Christmas approaches. All the memories and fun we just do once a year, watching my kids exclaim with excitement over decorations and lights and extra candy. Thinking about the surprises waiting, wrapped under the tree.

But there's also a lingering sadness. Another year almost gone. Missing loved ones who have passed. Watching the world celebrate Christmas but missing the real meaning. 

Is it possible for joy and sorrow to merge? Can we mourn the difficulties of the year yet still feel joy at what's around? 

These emotions are not exclusive from each other. Though opposites, we can express both feelings. Think of the first Christmas. Joy that the savior was born, sorrow that he was born to die. Joy for God's fulfilled promise, sorrow that he would be rejected. 

In a broken world, we will live with the pull between these. 

And in a way, that tension is because of us. We needed a Savior because sin couldn't be overcome by us. We sometimes sing "Love came down on Christmas day" but it was joy also. The shepherds displayed joy and excitement even though they didn't fully comprehend what that baby meant. But the reason Jesus was born was sorrowful; he needed to die in our place so we could enjoy eternal life with God.

Instead of trying to ignore one emotion and amplify the other, both can be experienced this season. Family and friends who aren't here to celebrate can be remembered and mourned while rejoicing that the birth of Jesus was a step toward death being forever conquered.

We have joy in annual traditions and looking ahead to a new year while regretting parts of the past year. 

This tension is part of life in a world tainted by sin. But it doesn't make the miracle of Christ's birth less wondrous, less important, or something to pass by. Joy and sorrow meet, in a manger and then at the cross.

Photo by Mel Poole on Unsplash.

An Unhurried Life

Our fall schedule has started and that means things are quite a bit busier for us!

Summer wasn’t exactly the restful, quiet time I always hope it will be. But fall brings on a different kind of routine and busy. School, piano lessons, Bible studies, AWANA. And then we have special things like playdates, parties, and field trips.

I guess what I’m saying is there is no ‘restful season’ that will magically happen. Each change of the calendar and tick of the clock brings a new, different type of hurry and bustle and rush.

I’ve always thought it amazing that some people seem immune to the hustle mentality. They get done what needs to be done without running, frantic lives.

One of the most slow paced people I’ve known was my Grandma Short. She got a lot done in a day but she didn’t do anything quickly. Everything that was worth doing was worth doing well. Making pie crust, ironing, watering flowers. Grandma didn’t run or rush.

I remember shopping with Grandma and Grandpa when they visited us. Grandma looked at every shirt on the rack, touched the fabric, slowly moved the hangers to get to the desired size. She didn’t feel rushed, even when the rest of us moved ahead. But she also never seemed concerned about falling behind. She knew what she needed to get done in a day and that was what she got done.

Grandma didn’t neglect others in her to-do list. She wasn’t so focused on the tasks that she didn’t cultivate relationships. My Grandpa owned two businesses in a small town and he and my Grandma were born and raised in that area. They knew most of the people in town and people knew they could drop by for a chat. There were many times when people would knock and yell “Hello!” and Grandma would answer and welcome them in for a visit. It didn’t matter that she was in the middle of laundry or dishes or baking.

When we would visit, we would often go on the back patio after dinner. It was sometimes the first time all day my Grandma had sat down except for eating meals. But she didn’t complain or draw attention to how much she’d gotten done or hadn’t accomplished. She would sit and visit and laugh and comment on the nice evening and wave at every person who walked by.

I didn’t really notice her contentment with life and her patience with tasks as a child but as I’ve gotten older and felt the weight of responsibility and everything that needs to be done, I look back at my memories of her and long for her unhurried approach to life.

It’s not just about a slower pace. It’s also about being content with what we can do in a day and maybe scaling back on expectations. With modern conveniences and technology, I believe some of our frustration is we think we can do more in a day than we actually can. And when we fail to do it all, instead of focusing on a few tasks the next day, we believe we just have to wake up earlier, hustle more, stay up later.

This is certainly something I need to try harder at and do not have the perfect answers for. But it is something I recognize in my life as needing to change. I need to set my priorities more realistically so I’m not rushing from task to thing to place. I need to recognize my limits and accept them.

Living an unhurried life doesn’t mean not getting things done or living in slow motion. It’s a mindset of living within our limits and being content. With not trying to do it all everyday. And trusting God with our efforts.

Photo by Theme Photos on Unsplash

Good for the Wrong Reasons

It came out of nowhere. We were in the frozen foods section at Sam’s Club, my youngest child in the cart and my oldest two standing next to me while my husband decided what sausage to buy. I vaguely noticed the lady with two very rowdy children across the aisle when suddenly I heard her exclaim, “Look at those children over there! They are waiting quietly and patiently. Just be like them!”

And then it happened. My mind flew in a dangerous direction. “Yes,” I thought, “Look at how well my kids are behaving. They would never dream of jumping into the freezer and banging on the door. I can’t believe what some kids get away with.”

Of course, two aisles later my daughter was crying that she was hungry and wouldn’t make it to the car. I pushed the cart faster in an effort to depart the store before anyone noticed her cries.

Pride is an easy trap to fall into. And motherhood brings it out in a whole new way. Suddenly, we feel people measuring us not just on our own merits but also on our children. We believe how they behave is a direct reflection of our parenting. We know from the glances, the headshakes, the raised eyebrows that people are watching our children’s tantrums and the god of self raises its ugly head. We know what they’re thinking about us because we’ve probably thought the same about another mom. 

Pride has been a problem since Satan decided he wanted to be like God. We know the definition of what pride is but we rarely stop and consider what place and appearance it has in our lives as mothers. And while there is a pride in mothering that is good - like celebrating the hard work and accomplishments of our child - unbiblical pride often takes the form of us trying to look better through our children. And in the process demanding behavior from them merely for looks.

“Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves” (Philippians 2:3). When we tell our children to “be good because you're embarrassing me” but offer no lasting reason for the behavior, we aren't really thinking of teaching them. And we certainly aren’t being humble or considering our children’s spiritual growth. We want the results without putting in the teaching time. It is merely pride in how our children appear and selfish motives that drive us. We should instead desire our children to have good attitudes and behavior because it is glorifying to God. 

Here is another verse that often convicts my heart. “For am I now seeking the approval of man, or of God? Or am I trying to please man? If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of Christ” (Galatians 1:10). Considering our motives for why we expect certain behaviors is a great heart check. Are we trying to grow our children in the Lord or looking for outward proof that they listen to us?

Wanting kind, polite, well behaved children is not sinful. But when we elevate and expect that behavior for the wrong reasons, we are treading in dangerous waters. As mothers, we have the biggest responsibility and opportunity to train our children. We can teach them biblical obedience through loving and serving God or a works-based merit system where they obey us and behave because that's what we demand. We might get the results we want short term but without God working in the hearts and lives of our children, we do them no favors for the long term.

I'm not suggesting that we shrug off and make excuses for tantrums or that we go through life not caring if our children are the neighborhood terrors. But when we see these attitudes emerging, whether in the aisles of a store with an audience or in the privacy of our home, we need to use more than demands for better behavior or listing comparison children.

We need to remind them and ourselves that we are sinful, we need forgiveness and grace, and God provides both. Instead of putting our children on a pedestal because they've never cried over unbought cookies at the store, we need to humbly acknowledge that they are still sinful - maybe just in less public ways.

So how do we encourage good behavior without making it all about good behavior? It begins with the beauty of the gospel. Romans 3:23 says “For all have sinned and come short of the glory of God.” I like to remind my kids that all means all meaning everyone. As painful as it is, my children know I'm a sinner and they know they are too. The beauty of this is that when I talk about Jesus saving my sins and forgiving me and the Holy Spirit helping me make good choices, they know the same freedom is available to them. They know they'll mess up, but they also know they will be forgiven.

 They know I don't expect perfection, but they also know why I ask for good attitudes and behaviors.

It's not because I want perfect children to show off at Sam's Club. It's because I want my children to willingly serve God.

It's not wrong to want our children to behave or to expect a certain behavior in certain situations. But when how our children behave becomes a matter of pride to us, we have an issue.

As a parent, our ultimate goal should not be to raise perfect children or children who believe they are perfect. Our goal is to train them to glorify God and to serve him. Whatever embarrassment our children sometimes cause should not be the primary goal in addressing our children's bad behavior. Teaching our children that they are sinners in need of a savior is important in shaping their overall care.

Photo by Brigitte Tohm on Unsplash

What I've been Doing....

It is July and summer is moving fast!

I always have a list of things I want to accomplish after school ends and before the next school year starts. Because I homeschool, there is only so much I can feasibly get done while also seeing to school each morning. So summers are not slow down times, just a change in focus. Here are a few highlights!

New Office!

In June, we wanted to make a few changes to the function of our house and that involved moving a lot of furniture, painting several rooms, and reorganizing some spaces. I was able to use Tommy’s former office space for my desk and books and it’s been wonderful to have a room with just my crafting, writing, and reading things all available. The kids still bring their toys in and make background noise for my writing efforts but I honestly didn’t think that would change.

Writing!

I have slowly been researching, reading, and making notes about rest. I’m considering things like why it’s important, why it gets pushed away, how an attitude against rest is harmful, biblical examples and implications, and more. It’s definitely been a challenge and growing experience for me because I’ve struggled to rest for years. I feel like I’m wasting time, not being as profitable, etc. Studying the biblical purpose and necessity for rest has been eye opening. I hope to share more in future posts!

Newsletter!

I am not tech savvy. In building and modifying my website, YouTube was my mentor and Google was my friend. I’ve been wanting to start a monthly newsletter for quite awhile but it’s turned out to be more complicated than it seems! {Maybe it’s just me.} With some help from Tommy and again turning to YouTube experts, I think we’ve got it figured out! I will hopefully have a form on this website soon where you can sign up!

My purpose in having a newsletter is multi-faceted. It allows me to connect with people who are interested in what I write even if they aren’t active on social media. It also is easier to post links to things I’m using and loving, articles I learned from, and other random tidbits.

Homeschool!

Summer wouldn’t be complete without planning for the new school year! I’m going to have a pre-preschooler, second grader, and fifth grader in the classroom. I’m nervous {fifth grade math is more complicated than I remember!} but also excited. I’m planning some fun new things we haven’t done before {more coming in a future post!}, my kids requested more art projects, and I hope to incorporate some fun poems to our day. Planning the school year and researching materials is always fun for me. Just a little more and I’ll start ordering our supplies!

So that’s the summer so far! We also went camping in April, piano recital in May, finished AWANA, hosted our church family for a backyard picnic, enjoyed playdates, family movie nights, days in Grammy’s pool, the library summer reading challenge…and we still have July!! I hope your summer is off to a fun start!

Photo by Joanna Kosinska on Unsplash

Communicating with Our Children

One of the joys of having children is watching them grow, seeing personalities and interests and talents emerge, being able to participate in such an intimate way with someone’s life. It’s a huge responsibility but it’s also a blessing.

As my children grow older, I notice shifts happening, slowly but steadily, as they gain more independence and foster interests. For one, they become more serious. They notice the world around them in a different way and are more aware of the dangers. They don’t always laugh at the simple things anymore and it takes more to impress them.

They also are not as forthcoming with their every thought. My three children have all been early talkers and there are definitely times when the constant conversation in my home is draining. A never ending commentary takes place from the minute they wake up until they reluctantly fall asleep. Even during meals they make noise. But as my oldest daughter grows, I feel a pull to draw her into the conversation, to ask about her day or friends because she’s not always volunteering the information.

I believe communication is a vital yet often overlooked part of raising children. When my children were younger, I remember reading much literature on the benefits of reading aloud to your children. We made weekly trips to the library and I would sit everyday and read aloud our selections, pointing to each word and sounding out longer ones.

As I mentioned, my children were early talkers and had a large vocabulary. I believe part of this is because I constantly talked with my children before they could respond. I remember many grocery trips, my oldest barely big enough to sit in the cart on her own, and I would talk about what we were buying, what I would make with the ingredients, what was on our list. I received many looks for chatting it up with a five month old but I honestly believe it’s important to start talking with kids, even before they can understand.

Equally important is listening. When children think we aren’t paying attention, they will eventually stop trying. When they are telling us a story and we continue scrolling on our phones or they ask a question and we brush it off because we’re too busy, it communicates that we don’t value or care about what they are saying. Not listening communicates as much as words.

I’m at the stage of motherhood where I feel like a lot of what I communicate are the don’ts.

Don’t touch that.

Don’t draw on that.

Don’t hit.

Don’t stick out your tongue.

Don’t, don’t, don’t….

It’s exhausting and can feel very discouraging. No one wants to be remembered as the mom who didn’t say anything positive. So I’ve tried — and am still trying — to include praise, encouragement, and honest conversations in my daily life with my children. When they help, I say thank you. When they achieve something, I notice and say good work. When they are afraid, I talk about a time I was afraid and what helped me. I ask questions about their day, their interests, what excites them. When they have an idea, I try to listen. I look them in the eye. I give them my attention.

All these things add up to make them feel loved and valued and important. And that makes them want to communicate. I’m not by any means perfect at this and we haven’t hit teen years yet, but I’m encouraged by the number of times my kids will seek me out, sit down, and just start talking. They ask me questions. They tell me why they’re sad or frustrated. And we talk about it.

Don’t wait until you think your kids are listening or until they are old enough to understand. Start talking with them now! About little, mundane, ordinary things. Don’t talk with them just about big, life changing moments. Lay the foundation today for the relationship you want tomorrow.

Photo by Kelli McClintock on Unsplash

Things I've Learned from Homeschooling

We have finished our fifth year of homeschooling!

Even though I knew I wanted to homeschool my kids before we even had kids, each year that we successfully complete is a triumph but also kind of amazing! Homeschooling is an opportunity that I am very grateful for but it’s not the easiest option, it’s not always the most convenient option, and it’s a responsibility I don’t take lightly or flippantly. It’s definitely a choice that we make every year and go into with much prayer.

I’ve had so many people ask me about homeschooling and how we do it year after year. To be honest, we look at just the year in front of us and plan our best for that year’s needs. I’m also changing routines and aspects of our school days each year based on what worked the previous year, what didn’t, what my kids are interested in, how they learn best, and how they’re developing. Learning is not a static process and I don’t treat our school that way.

Although I love homeschooling and recommend it without reservation, I know people’s situations are different, there isn’t one answer to good education, and I try to never disparage another parent’s decision about education. That said, I want to share some things I’ve learned about homeschooling and present an honest truth from my own experiences.

I don’t have to know everything before I teach my children. One of the most humbling things about teaching is realizing all the things you’ve forgotten. Especially as my oldest gets into complicated math problems, more complex literature and grammar rules, and deeper science theories, I find myself with a niggling in my mind that at one time I did learn these things; I just don’t completely remember them. So I have to review, work a few long division problems, watch some YouTube videos about diagramming sentences, and move forward with my daughter.

Not everyday is the same. Because I like planning and routine, I used to set out with grand plans for everything we would do each hour of our school day. But those aren’t practical for us or very sustainable. I know some homeschooling families are much more structured but one of the beauties of homeschooling is making it fit with your family. Sometimes history takes us 15 minutes, other days we’ll stop after 45. If something is resonating and sparking questions, we’ll dwell on it a little more. When my daughter was learning about sand being heated to make glass, she asked about the process and we watched a few YouTube videos that showed the glass making process. That led to a conversation about recycling, how things are recycled, and another video on that topic. We are flexible and I’m thankful for the option.

Learning can look different than books. I love reading and beautiful illustrations and diagrams and maps. To me, books are great treasures for learning about things. They can involve your imagination and emotions and teach you in ways other mediums can’t. There’s nothing like holding a book in your hands and being transported. But I’ve found my kids can put into practice the things they’ve studied in so many different ways. By giving them Legos, blocks, pipecleaners, buttons, and a host of other ordinary things, they can build and imagine in such a diverse way. It’s one thing to read how a bridge supports weight or how people lived in castles and another to actually build a structure that stands and design your own town with everything people need to survive. But it is all learning.

I’m not strong enough. The hardest days in homeschooling are when I’m frantic, distracted with worries and anxious, and haven’t read my Bible or fixed my mind on biblical truth. Anything I try to push through and muster the strength for on my own leaves me frustrated, tired, and ready to give up. Even though we are the teacher for our children and it feels like a weight and responsibility we alone need to bear, we were never meant to do it alone. I love James 1:5, “If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him.” God has promised to give us the wisdom we need to fulfill what he has called us to. We have but to ask, yet how often do we attempt to power through on our own? It’s not weakness to admit we need grace and help. It’s living in humility.

Life is about learning. Homeschooling is a humbling, growing, stretching blessing that I don’t take for granted. I’m thankful to teach my children and learn alongside them. Every year that I homeschool I find out more about God and my children and myself. It’s a unique and remarkable journey that I don’t regret.

Photo by Kimberly Farmer on Unsplash.

Finding Beauty in the Little Things

The last few months have been filled with so many stresses and anxieties, at times I found it difficult to focus on something positive.

Everything seemed to be a loaded conversation. Everything was polarizing. {Still is, I guess, but I’ve learned to tune it out.} So much bad news and sorrow and unkindness and complete foolishness. People using their platforms to promote division.

Time was so full of stuff. Before the world literally shut down, I felt like I had so much going on. So much to do and rush around for. Things seemed busy but when I considered why, there was never a good answer. We were just busy. I felt behind and not as together as other people, like I was always having to catch up.

Then I began doing something I should have done long ago. I started appreciating small glimpses of joy and beauty that I had overlooked before. Maybe it was something that didn’t seem beautiful at first glance or it was an emotional beauty rather than a physical one.

The best way I found to do this was to watch my two year old. She is an exuberant and excited child anyway but her pure joy over finding “poly polies” {potato bugs/roly polies}, watching ants, talking and waving to birds always brought a smile. Maybe because as adults we see so many things as a nuisance or bother or not worth our time, but as I stopped and considered what she was marveling at, I began appreciating them more too. And wondering what makes such small things — both in size and supposed purpose — so incredible.

Did you know an ant can carry 50 times its own body weight?

Did you know Monarch butterflies use the sun to navigate?

God designed and created so many amazing things in our world but most of them get passed by because we’re too busy to stop and wonder. They seem small, trivial compared to our worries and schedules. And yet they are there. Surrounding us in so many places.

I’ve been trying to restore a wonder in the way I see things. To not let the ordinary pass by without a glance. To look at the world and experience it as if seeing it for the first time. I recently told Tommy I wish I could go back and read some of my favorite books again, for the first time. To relive the story without knowing what would happen or how the author would weave words and emotions together so expertly. It’s one of the hardest things about finishing a great book.

But at the same time, I believe it’s possible to still enjoy — even anticipate — books and scenes we are familiar with. The brightness of seeing it for the first time doesn’t have to dim. We just have to keep ourselves from growing complacent. To not be so jaded by the world that we roll our eyes and rush by everything, just eager to mark off our to-do list and keep up with all the social media induced expectations. And cultivating a wonder in the ordinary things makes the worries and troubles and fights in the world take second place, if any place at all. When we spend our time looking for and reveling in the beauty of little things, we don’t have time for petty arguments and we want to spread the joy we’ve found to others.

Part of resting in life is trusting that God has things under control. We follow his will for us {Prov. 3:5-6}, we obey his commandments and seek him, and we leave anxiety behind {I Peter 5:7}. When we aren’t worried and caught up in all the worldly things, it’s easier to look around and see the amazing creations God has put before us. And we start the recognize the little things he gives…

Sunsets in pink, orange, and purple

Bees landing effortlessly on flower petals

Hummingbirds beating the air

Snow dusted on mountaintops

Smiles covered in chocolate ice cream

Laughter and giggles while swinging higher

The joy of learning a new skill well

Sweet times with good friends

The world is full of simple, beautiful, ordinary things. But often we need to stop and look to fully enjoy them and praise the Creator of it all.

Photo by Marian Florinel Condruz on Unsplash

Bible Truth for School + a Printable

I think we can all agree that this school year is going to be crazy.

No matter what choice we made for our kids, there are going to be challenges and adjustments. And even if we aren’t doing anything radically different, the world around us is a completely different place. Wearing masks, not going certain places, not being able to visit friends or family. Depending on where you live, it might feel like what was normal last fall will never return.

I’ve been struggling with keeping a positive attitude. I’m usually an optimistic person and I genuinely try to not let things get me down. But there are some aspects of 2020-21 that I am not looking forward to. And I’m not excited about explaining things to my kids or dealing with their frustrations.

This summer as I prepared for our school year and planned curriculum, there were moments when I wondered if my efforts would even matter. Will we be able to do the fun things I’ve researched? Will field trips be a possibility? How can I get my kids excited for things without risking having to cancel our plans and disappoint them?

There’s always a measure of unknown about the future but this year feels completely uncertain. Thankfully, we are not alone. And the One Who is with us is Sovereign over all. This summer as I’ve prepared curriculum and spreadsheets and my lesson planner, I’ve also been praying and meditating on Bible verses a lot. When the wisdom of this world is complete foolishness and I’m at the end of my mental and emotional rope, I can always rest in the truth found in the Bible.

The Bible never grows old or outdated. The truth that comforted David as he ran from Saul can comfort me in 2020. The grace Paul wrote of is available to me now. The wisdom Solomon gave his son thousands of years ago is relevant for us to pass on to our children. And God Who inspired and directed its words is still in control of the world He created.

So as I approached this unprecedented 2020-21 school year, I wanted to make sure I was filling myself with God’s words and not the discourse of today’s news. The Bible is brimming with encouraging verses that we often forget.

To help myself — and hopefully you — I’ve created a very simple printable of 47 verses. My hope is that we print off and cut out these small cards, put them in the schoolroom, in our planners, on our bathroom mirrors, in our kitchen windows, and recite these promises to ourselves and our kids.

I made them simple because 1) I’m not a graphic designer, 2) I know not everyone has a color printer, 3) I wanted the Bible verse to take full attention. If you want to color, draw, glue on scrapbook paper, make it pretty, go for it!! Print it and make it yours. Read a new verse everyday then circle back to review throughout the year. Or mediate on the same verse for a whole week.

Just click the button below and a PDF should open for printing.

Photo from Jeffrey Hamilton on Unsplash

Learning from the Past

My sister and I gave our parents an interesting gift for Mother’s and Father’s Day this year. A chance to write their memoirs!

Through an Instagram ad, I heard about a company that asks questions to your loved ones throughout the year and then prints a book with all their answers, pictures, etc. for a family keepsake.

Both of my parents have been talking about writing their childhood stories and family information so we didn’t give them the option to back out!!

I’m a big lover of stories and it really is true that fact is stranger than fiction. While I read my parents’ weekly excerpts, I’m consistently struck by the reality that they are writing about real people. Sometimes things that happened to them, sometimes stories of grandparents or other relatives. But it’s history, it’s reality.

We are so inundated with stories. Fiction, non-fiction, the news, TV shows, movies, books. I sometimes wonder if all these things have made us immune to the truth of what has happened. We hear of other people’s experiences and thoughts so much, sometimes I think we ignore the value of the stories closest to us. We fail to ask about the experiences of our own family because we’re too interested in the more exciting stories of the people down the street.

I believe sometimes the younger generations have a reputation for not listening to or caring about the history behind them {and for some, that’s unfortunately true}. But the twentieth century saw some incredible changes! In our grandparents and parents lifetimes, we had some of the largest leaps in terms of technology, inventions, how life was lived, etc. And those experiences of living without much technology and growing up without the world in your palm will never happen again.

I for one find history fascinating. The things I completely take for granted — air conditioning, easy transportation, indoor plumbing — are relatively new when you think about the history of the world. Yet it’s hard for me to imagine growing up without them.

It’s so important for us to learn and listen from other people who have been through different experiences than us. We understand and appreciate things when we see them from various perspectives. But we never know a perspective besides our own unless we ask someone for theirs and listen.

Once we stop assuming we know everything about someone, we might find out some incredible things. Like my mom grew up on a farm and had to help thin and pick the cotton. She walked the fields barefoot and climbed trees to pick cherries. My dad went to Detroit Tigers double headers with his family, competed in football competitions, and taste-tested his mom’s homemade sauerkraut.

All these things are simple, small details but sometimes those are things that get lost and are underappreciated and yet, they have a bearing on memories and lives and decisions made. God uses even the littlest circumstances and we need to appreciate that in our lives and in the lives of others.

So, my challenge is to take time to write about your memories and childhood. You might it’s uninteresting or will never be read, but it is valuable. And take time to ask questions of others and listen to their life stories. I can guarantee you will learn something!!

Photo by Roman Kraft on Unsplash

Growing in Grace

We homeschool our children. We chose to do that for many different reasons {read more about why here}. But ultimately, when we tell people that we homeschool, I’ll receive looks of compassion and long suffering and hear, “You must be such a patient person.”

My gut reaction is to laugh in their face. But my mom raised me to be polite so I smile and reply, “Not always.” You see, for all the reasons I teach my kids, being patient isn’t one of them.

When we decided on home education, it was the simplest decision and the hardest decision to make. Simple because I love watching my kids learn, I want to know what they struggle with and who they hang out with and what they are exposed to. Hard because I knew it would require sacrifice. It meant my time and energy every morning would be wrapped up in their education and needs. Some days are still hard but I never regret the decision to homeschool. It’s taught me just about as much as I’ve taught my kids, only in a deeper sense than reading and math go.

In our state, I needed to fill out an affidavit to file with the county giving my intention to homeschool and take responsibility for my children’s education. I didn’t fill it out flippantly; the gravity of what I was committing to weighed on me. On part of the affidavit, I was asked what the name of our school was. I paused to consider. Names are something I don’t take lightly. A name, a title, speaks volumes about what you want to stand for and represent. And I’m a classic over thinker, non decisive person.

Finally, I landed on Growing in Grace Academy. Not because I think we’ve arrived and we’re waiting for the world to catch up. But because we continually need to do it! One secular definition for grace is, “the manifestation of favor to an individual” but the biblical definition is, “receiving a gift I don’t deserve.” I want my kids to learn to demonstrate grace to others and remember the grace that God has already lavishly bestowed on them.

We have a warped view that grace is for salvation and then we keep walking. But grace continues to follow us through the sanctification process!! We never outgrow our need for grace!! And God abundantly provides it. In the same way, we need to show grace to others. Even if we feel they don’t deserve our forgiveness, our love, our empathy. We show up and say, “God offers you grace and so do I.” And we pray for them and forgive and don’t allow bitterness to take root.

Naming our school Growing in Grace is a daily reminder of what I want to be doing and how I want to be an example to my kids. I want to show them I need grace and I also give grace. I forgive bad attitudes and love them through their struggles. I ask for forgiveness and apologize when I raise my voice. I remind them no one is perfect and we all fall short. We all need grace and we all need to give grace.

So as we homeschool, as I go about my mornings correcting spelling words, handwriting form, and grammar structure, I always have the amazing gift of grace before me. And I strive to show it, live it out, grow in it through my teaching and life. I get multiple chances a day to try and — with God’s grace — I pray I show it to those around me.

Photo by Maarten Deckers on Unsplash.

Who Do You Pray For?

The last month has taught me something important: there is always something or someone I can pray for.

With social distance meaning I can’t meet with friends and ladies from church, I’ve resorted — like so many others — to keeping in touch electronically. Texting, Zoom meetings, Marco Polo, email, Facetime, and Messenger have all become part of my daily, regular schedule. Even my children have been catching up with friends and family and doing piano lessons online. It’s strange but I’m thankful we have the option and availability to check in and catch up, even while staying home.

Without fail, as I chat with others, I ask how they are doing and what I can pray for. Those are questions that should be part of our regular dialogue with friends and family but somehow, in the midst of parties, fellowships, playdates, and gatherings, those are often the questions left unsaid while we instead talk about the movies we’ve seen, the deals we’ve found, the crazy lives we lead. And usually when we do ask friends how they are, we anticipate the standard, “I’m fine,” or “Doing great” and we’re happy to leave it at face value and not pry too much.

But there’s something about not being face to face that makes me crave real connection. Not that other interactions are pointless but there’s only so much you can talk about when people haven’t left their houses in a month!! And after every text, every message, I stop and pray for that person, for whatever peace or strength or grace they need.

And I didn’t always do that. I was usually running somewhere or sending a brief message between household tasks. And, I thought, “I’ll catch up with them on Sunday.” But during the last month, those Sundays and Bible studies and Awana nights haven’t happened and to stay in touch with friends, I’ve had to get creative. With short communications the only way to connect with people and with the stay at home orders cancelling any and all reasons I have to leave the house, I’ve found myself thinking about my friends more and praying for them.

One of the great realities in this quarantine is that some of my struggles are probably similar to what my friends and family are struggling with. Feeling boxed in? Fear/anxiety of the unknown? Frustration over cancelled plans? Weary of kids complaining? Craving a few minutes to myself? Yep, as I chat with my friends, these are very real hardships for all of us. So where before someone would come to mind and I’d think, “I don’t know what she needs, I’ll ask her on Sunday,” now I think, “She’s at home with her kids, she’s unable to follow her regular routine, she’s trying to figure out working from home…I think I know what to pray for.”

You see, before it was almost like I was afraid of ‘wasting’ a prayer on someone who might not need it. Which is a crazy idea!! God knows what every individual needs, even if I don’t, and He will meet those needs, even if I don’t know what to specifically pray about. My part is to faithfully, humbly come before Him and bring my praise and requests. Even if it’s the simple, “Be with her today.”

I’ve also realized during this month that there are people I should be praying for regularly that somehow slip by my mind unless I know a certain request they’ve mentioned to me. Have you ever noticed it’s easy to consistently pray for the same things and people? Almost like you put your prayer life on auto pilot. But quarantine has brought so many people to mind that I realize I don’t always pray for or maybe I do sporadically.

To help myself, I made a list to keep by my Bible and I’ve also restarted the practice of praying through our church directory. Below is a printable of people — general, not specific — I’ve been burdened and reminded to keep in my prayers. If you would benefit from such a list, please feel free to download and print it. I also wrote a few things you might pray for under each group, just in case you don’t know where to start. Pray these things for others and yourself.

One of my constant prayers through all this is that we would come out the other side of quarantine grateful, thankful, loving, compassionate people.

Photo by Markus Spiske on Unsplash.

Getting Sentimental

A few weeks ago was my birthday.

I’m already sensitive and sentimental — I cry {very} easily during movies — but as I get older, things are hitting me harder, I appreciate things more, I reminisce. For some reason, in the midst of turning a year older, I thought about two people who I wish I knew better but still impact me with how I witnessed them living: my grandma {my dad’s mom} and my granddaddy {my mom’s dad}.

My Grandma Short wasn’t given to many words. My grandpa was the big talker in the family. Grandma was content to listen, laugh, and cook. If my grandpa forgot someone’s name or part of a story, she would call from the kitchen or poke her head into the living room to offer the information. She was always in the kitchen, usually baking. Pies, puddings, cookies, chocolate dipped-everything. I remember when we would visit she would be by the sink when I woke up in the morning and by the sink when I said goodnight. She didn’t do anything quickly; slow, patient, deliberate would be good ways to describe her process. I never heard her raise her voice unless she was trying to get Grandpa’s attention. But it wasn’t that she didn’t have opinions. When she didn’t approve of something — whether it was something her grandkids did or something on TV — she would shake her head or slowly shake her finger. It was enough of a punishment to know she was disappointed.

I’ve often longed for her calm approach to life. If she was worried about things, I could never tell. She also wasn’t a complainer. As she got older, her feet really bothered her. She didn’t have any — literally any — fat on the bottom of her feet so when she stood and cooked all day, even with her thick-soled shoes on, she would almost limp into a chair after dinner. It became a tradition that I would rub her feet almost nightly when we would visit. She would never complain but when I pressed a certain way, she would wince a little. She often fell asleep during these foot rubs and would apologize after.

Everything she did pointed to these two truths: she loved God and she loved her family.

My granddaddy was just as quiet. When we would visit their Tennessee farm, I remember him spending the mornings in the fields and the afternoons in his office. He taught Sunday School at their church for decades and would spend hours reading and studying every week. He always struck me as contemplative. He didn’t feel the need to fill silence, often sitting and gazing out the window even if someone else was in the room. I remember as a very talkative little girl wondering why anyone would be content to just watch the birds fly by and not comment on it.

As inclined as he was to silence, he did laugh. I remember his eyes crinkling with laughter while we watched The Three Stooges. My Me-Ma {grandma} had a running collection of sad movies where the animal dies at the end and we would regularly watch them. Granddaddy would wander into the room, see what was on the TV and say, “Y’all watching that Old Yeller again? Y’all knows how it ends, don’t ya?” and walk out chuckling. Even as he became more forgetful and slower toward the end of his life, I still remember him whistling, softly laughing when something struck him funny, and content.

Both of these people had seen hardship {Grandma’s brother died when she was a teenager and Granddaddy’s parents died when he was young} but they didn’t let difficulty define them or keep them from smiling. They both faced life with the perspective that God was in control.

I wish I would have had more opportunities to sit and ask questions and learn from them. The memories I do have are precious and going into this next year God has given, I’m making a conscience effort to not let the things around me dictate my mood or attitude. I want to find joy in simple things, serve my family well, and point others to Christ by my daily attitude.

Do you ever think what your legacy will be for those who know you? How would you like to be remembered?

Photo by James Besser on Unsplash.

The Long Road of Faithfulness

Our family spent last weekend mourning the loss and celebrating the life of Tommy's grandpa. Death is bittersweet for Christians. There is sorrow for those left behind, facing moments without loved ones and adjusting to new routines. But there is also joy that pain and death and troubles of this world are gone for the departed. They are with God, praising, rejoicing in ways we can't fully fathom.

As we reflected on the life of Tommy's grandpa and his many years of Christian ministry, I was struck with a theme that is present in many Christian lives but not often noticed until death takes them from us. Faithfulness. The constant, consistent, day in-day out service that adds up over a lifetime.

And that, oddly, made me think about another big day that happened recently. Last week we received our much anticipated ants for our ant farm. After a very eventful transfer from mailing tube to plastic farm {meaning the ants suddenly woke up and started crawling all over the kitchen counter} we started watching the busy ants make their home. The incredible thing about ants is how they can lift those pieces of sand and carry them somewhere else, all in a coordinated effort to make a series of tunnels.

What does a faithful life have in common in ants? Well, the job of the ants is being consistent in their task. Grain by grain, piece by piece, they transfer piles of sand from one place to another. When we first poured the sand into the bottom of the ant farm, my son looked less than convinced that they would actually be able to make tunnels. “It’s too much,” he insisted. “They have nowhere to move the sand and they’re too small to dig it out.” But to our surprise, by the time we went to bed that first night, those industrious little ants were well on the way to making a home.

My son’s biggest misconception was that the ants were going to try and move all the sand from the tunnel in one trip. He pictured moving each grain as too time consuming, an impossible task for such small creatures. But he had ignored the importance of faithfully keeping on. Sometimes the job looks impossible and difficult and days in the making. Instead of dwelling on all the reasons why we couldn’t possibly do something, we must faithfully tackle each day and do what that day requires. Even when we don’t know how we could ever get through the rest of the week, we need to focus on what we can do today. And over a lifetime, oh the things we could do!

As people shared memories of Tommy’s grandpa last weekend, it was mainly little things that added up to great achievements. It was the daily faithfulness to do what he knew the Lord was calling him to do. As a mom with young kids, I often struggle. It’s so easy to get caught up in the big things. How will I handle my kids as teenagers, what if they want to do that, how can I teach them this? But you know the truth? All those things have roots in the here and now. You want your kids to trust God in the future? Then show them how it’s done now. While they’re young, while they look to you and come to you with questions.

Maybe we want to do big things but the time and energy we have are limited right now. We think what we get done today couldn’t possibly matter in the long run. Cooking, cleaning, laundry, outside the home jobs — it might seem so monotonous and unimportant. But faithful consistency where God has us today has influence we may never know. Maybe you are moving one grain of sand at a time, but over years of working at it, think at what will be built!

Faithfulness is a fruit of the Spirit so I know it’s something worth pursuing. I also know it doesn’t come naturally. But it is such a vital part of our relationship with God and our diligence in doing what he wants us to do. Small, faithful steps over a lifetime become a journey walked in God’s grace.

Photo by Vlad Tchompalov on Unsplash

What 12 Years of Marriage Have Taught Me

Todayis our 12th wedding anniversary. Time passes too quickly! When I got married I was young, sure I knew what was going on and what was to come. Marriage was a wake up, to say the least. There are no premarital classes, books, how tos, or lectures that can fully prepare you for the everyday selfless decisions that sharing your life with a spouse brings. But with the hard comes joy, growth, and lessons learned.

I like to think I've grown a little in 12 years and as I reflect here's a brief list of things I've learned.

1. Communication never stops being important. No matter how well you know each other or think you know what the other one will say, nothing beats actually talking. If something is bothering you, let it out (this is one I'm still working on). Take time each day to chat, even about mundane things. With kids this becomes more difficult but make a point of connecting in conversation everyday. While I make dinner Tommy will tell me something he learned from a podcast or the news. I'll share something from my day with him. Before bed every night I ask Tommy if there's anything he needs me to do the next day. He asks me if there are things I need help with. Communication doesn't have to be a huge, formal affair. It's simply connecting.

2. Don't refuse to try something new. Part of marriage is discovering how you are similar and how you are different. When we got married camping was not part of my vocabulary. But Tommy really loved being in the outdoors and all that camping offers. When our oldest was 9 months we went tent camping...and decided to hold off a few years. Last summer we went twice and had a great time. We have both made compromises and communicated (!!) what we like and don’t like about certain activities. We’ve recently discovered Pickle Ball which we can both play and enjoy - Tommy for the ping pong aspect, me the tennis aspect.

3. Your marriage doesn’t have to look like your parents marriage. I naively assumed after we got married that what my dad did Tommy would naturally do. Take out the trash each night, keep up with bills, clear the dinner table. He assumed I would sweep the floor daily, dust everytime I walked by something, fix three meals a day. We grew up in different homes so - even though we were raised with similar values - the working out of everything looked different. We have come to a place where there isn’t ‘his jobs vs her jobs’. If something needs to be done, whoever is able to will do it. Tommy does keep track of our finances but he keeps me in the loop of how much things cost, etc. I usually make dinner but he’ll pitch in with the clean up. Yesterday he vacuumed the upstairs. Marriage is about working together to glorify God. And that working together looks different for different couples.

4. There has to be a leader in the family. Tommy is the leader of our house in terms of spiritual guidance, big decisions, etc. but he talks with me about the decisions he’s making, his reasoning for them, and he makes sure I’m comfortable with it. I respect him and I know he would never make decisions without first praying. I have always felt able to take concerns I have to him and he will hear me out. He respects my opinion and knows I see things in a different light that maybe he didn’t consider. When we talk about things like child discipline, moving, how we school our kids, budgeting, etc., we both have a voice in the discussion, we both have the responsibility to pray, and I choose to submit to and trust his end decision for our family.

5. God is good. It doesn’t take marriage to figure this one out but I’ve definitely seen God’s work on display in the last 12 years. From Tommy finishing grad school debt free to providing financially when things were tight, keeping us safe in a car accident to giving us four children - one we’ll meet in heaven. God is always good and He doesn’t hesitate to show us His love in amazing ways.

I’ve learned more than these five things but we’ll stop for now. Happy anniversary, Tommy! Love and appreciate you more each day and so thankful God brought us together all those years ago.

Photo by Andrew Seaman on Unsplash