I love that we never stop learning. The truth that there will always be something we could do better, something we don’t fully understand, something to aspire to. I’m sure for some it’s frustrating, but I find it exciting. I love learning new things.
As a homeschool mom, I’m constantly learning new things with my kids. But I’m also noticing things that I have forgotten I ever learned. Do you sit and think about things that are second nature to you? You can’t remember when you learned them or how they clicked. You just know it. Like explaining how to hold a knife and fork to cut something or fold laundry or rinse shampoo out of your hair. I think for adults it’s easy to forget all the basic things that we’ve had to learn.
Then we have kids. And whether you homeschool or not, we suddenly find ourselves having to explain things that seem natural to us. Definitions of words, how to perform a task, why we do things a certain way or why something is necessary. It’s all new to our children. They are discovering this world for the first time and everything is fresh and uncertain and unfamiliar. It’s up to us to guide them.
My son has a large vocabulary for a five year old. He was an early talker and if anything, his communication skills have increased tenfold. But he also listens and pays attention more than I’ve given him credit for. When he hears a word in a sentence, he can use that word in another sentence and it will make sense. But I’m finding out he doesn’t know what the word actually means. He just knows how to use it from hearing it in context. So all these words like ‘especially’, ‘specific’, ‘spontaneous’, ‘direct’, etc. that he’s been saying for years he is finally asking me what it means. And I often have to think a little longer than I want to admit to come up with a good definition.
A huge part of parenting is breaking down information, making it accessible and relevant to our kids. We need to demonstrate and explain why knowledge is important. If they feel like they don’t need a certain set of information, why learn it? I felt this way about math. If I have a calculator, why memorize times tables? {That argument didn’t work with my parents and I’m not letting my kids off either.} But to keep them learning, we need to foster an environment where they 1} want to ask questions and 2} feel safe asking questions.
A Desire to Ask
And this is where patience comes in. It can be incredibly frustrating when everything you do or everywhere you go is met with a slew of questions. “Why are stoplights red? Why is there a yellow light? What does definitely mean? Why can we definitely not buy that? How long is a month? How long is an hour? Do we have to count to 60 for 60 seconds to pass? Why is my birthday in March? Why do I have to hold my pencil like that? How do you know the chicken is cooked? Why are you cooking those carrots?” In case you’re wondering, I’ve been asked all these questions right in the middle of tasks I was attempting to complete and it is very frustrating and distracting to think of answers and explain reasonings while trying to drive, cook, shop, etc.
But I try to remind myself my kids aren’t asking these things to be annoying. They have a genuine curiosity about the things around them. They also know the best way to learn is to ask. I try my best to answer but sometimes I have to resort to a new default we 21st century parents have: let’s ask Google. Sometimes I don’t know the answer or I don’t have the brain power to explain coherently why there are 24 hours in a day. So we ask Google or look online together.
I never want my kids to think their questions are dumb or unimportant because that’s the first step in them not asking me questions anymore. If they feel silly or like I’m too busy to answer, they will assume it’s not worth the embarrassment to ask and move on. I think we’ve all either been the kid who doesn’t ask questions or witnessed a kid not asking questions because of how adults responded. I see this happen just going to the grocery store. A child asks the parent how bread is made and the parent either ignores him in an attempt to get through the shopping trip or says something like, “Machines make it” and moves on.
The Safety of Asking
The second point I mentioned above is feeling safe enough to keep asking. Part of this is the child’s personality — naturally shy children usually have a harder time speaking up, even in a nurturing environment. But if we laugh, tease, mock, or ridicule children for asking about the world around them, any child is going to feel silly and eventually stop asking. Remember at the beginning when I mentioned so many things being second nature to adults, we have forgotten we learned them? When our children ask us why we have to wash hands before eating, it’s easy to say, “To get rid of germs” and move on. But they might then ask what germs are, how we get them, why we don’t want them, what they look like. If we put a blanket statement of, “Just wash your hands!” over all inquiries about germs, they will continue to wonder about them but they might not feel like asking about them anymore. We have forgotten that at one point, we had to learn everything we know about germs too.
It can be incredibly difficult to not laugh at some of the things kids say or ask. I’m often caught completely off guard by the things they wonder about or how they pronounce words. But even if I have to bite my inner cheek for a few seconds before responding, I try to not treat their questions like a big joke. I haven’t always done a good job of this and I can remember watching the embarrassment rise in their little faces and the quick, “Never mind” as they acted like it wasn’t important. And I immediately felt guilty for making light of their natural curiosity.
We as parents need to realize children learn through asking and wondering and if they don’t believe we care, listen to, or take seriously their questions, they will stop asking us and find an outlet that will listen. And they might start getting answers we don’t agree with. We live in an age of information but not all information is equal or correct if we want to instill a biblical worldview in our children. God has given us these little blessings called children and it is our responsibility to teach them, train them to follow God. Yes, it takes time and patience. It requires us to think through things in different ways and see the world through their eyes. But it is a task well worth the effort, for our children and for us.
In closing, I’ve been convicted by two verses recently that go hand in hand with teaching in patience:
Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear. Ephesians 4:29
Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward. Psalm 127:3
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