The Growing Need for Patience

Patience, waiting, slowing down. All concepts that seem foreign to our day and age.

Everything is about instant gratification, from movies on demand to music downloads in seconds. We want what we want NOW! In fact if our computer is a little slower than normal at powering up or the Internet has to search for content, we grow frustrated and either complain or abandon the project. I’ve even seen a commercial that was advertising our impatience as a society to promote their product.

Unfortunately, impatience is not a virtue. As usual, the nature that comes to us easily is the one we need to fight against. I'm as guilty as the next person when it comes to impatience. But our lives are surrounded in the necessity to stop and wait. And it's good for us to not have everything we want instantly. It makes us realize we aren't in control, that we need to work and achieve goals over time.

I have recently been convicted that I need to pray for patience. I can't just decide to wait and the struggle is over. I have to continually be seeking God's timing and will and waiting for Him to reveal what He has for me. I know what I want Him to do but it's not up to me. I think we can all remember a time in our lives when we seemed to wait forever before we saw God's leading but now looking back, we realize the timing was perfect and we would have messed it up had we charged through with our plans.

As we get closer to the new year, I've been thinking of things I want to do differently and trying to adopt good habits now to carry over. Prov. 3:5-7 doesn't necessarily say "wait" but it does talk about trust and God guiding our steps.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding.

In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.

Be not wise in your own eyes; fear the Lord, and turn away from evil.

We often forget verse 7 but it’s an important reminder. If we are thinking too highly of ourselves or of our ability to control a situation, we will struggle to demonstrate patience. Gardening has been a wonderful way to help me “grow” {wink, wink} in patience.

Toward the middle of spring, Tommy borrowed a tiller and over turned a section of grass in our yard. He added a metal border to set the boundary and I got on my hands and knees, filling wheelbarrows full of grass chunks that I couldn’t breakdown. I hoed the dirt, leveled it off, and started sprinkling seeds.

I had no reason or pattern to my scattering. I just wanted flowers to fill every corner. I gave the dirt and seeds a gentle sprinkle of water. Each day I wandered out and gazed at my patch of dirt. It wasn’t long before I saw a sprout but it was a weed! Pluck, out it came!

But slowly, gradually, I saw shoots that I recognized as the stalk of a zinnia or cosmos. And they slowly got taller. They gently held up buds waiting to blossom. Finally, at the end of the summer, my little corner garden was one wild expanse of color! But it took patience. And in the waiting I still needed to water the sprouts, I pulled out the weeds, I dug out the grass that slipped under the metal border.

Was it worth it? Definitely! Am I dreaming about next year’s flowers? Absolutely!

Waiting isn’t easy. It’s not a skill that is learned once and never revisited. But it is worth it.

Photo by Daniel Oberg on Unsplash

The Value of Trying

Does anyone else have trouble trying something new?

I have recently been encouraging my kids to try new things: new foods, new activities, new skills. And I’m always met with at least some resistance. “Why try something new?” they ask. “What does it matter?”

To be honest, I’m sometimes right there with them. I would rather make a familiar recipe than try something that might fail. I would rather spend my time on something I know I love than be disappointed when I spend all my time attempting a new skill.

It’s not easy to try.

And yet, it’s so important. Without trying something new, we would never grow. We wouldn’t discover new interests or abilities. We wouldn’t learn the value of sometimes failing. Life becomes boring without stretching ourselves on occasion.

But always there’s that fear of failing. No one wants to fail. No one seeks out discouragement. And we often believe the best way to avoid those pitfalls is to not step out of our comfort zones. But that’s not healthy. While we shouldn’t be reckless and simply run into new things for the sake of doing new things, we also shouldn’t be scared of what might happen if we try.

It’s easy to be controlled by fear without realizing it. We might not feel fearful or afraid, and yet our motivation for what we do or don’t do is based on those feelings. Personally, I’ve hung back from certain things because I was afraid of seeming flighty. I know people who have jumped in and tried something, but it only lasted for a few months before they left that and moved to the next thing. While I would admire their confidence in trying new things, I would wonder if they knew what they were really after. If it was more about thrill and the excitement for something new than really wanting to learn or create something of sustainable value.

I didn’t want to jump from thing to thing. So in my indecision and quest to only do what I would stick with, I didn’t do anything. Didn’t learn any new skills, didn’t try anything away from my comfort zone. I was allowing the fear of failure and what people would think of my efforts to keep me from experiencing anything new.

My turning point came when I started following Emily Lex on Instagram. She challenged herself to do a small watercolor painting everyday for a year to improve her drawing and painting. Everyday she posted her paintings and encouraged others to try something they were interested in. I started my Doodle a Day challenge and began watching/practicing watercolor.

When you’ve told yourself you aren’t as good as XYZ or your efforts aren’t as nice as ABC…it’s difficult to see the value in trying AND showing others. As strange as it seems, it takes courage to try something new, knowing you won’t be as good as someone else…at least not in the beginning.

Something I remind my kids {and myself} is that everyone starts as a beginner. Those who we look at and admire — those who play beautiful music, write moving stories, create breathtaking art, pipe perfect frosting roses — they started by trying, attempting something that caught their interest or found enjoyment in. What we don’t see are the hours of practice to play a perfect sonata, the stacks of journals riddled with ideas and words, the paintings that failed, the frosting that fell and cakes that didn’t rise. No one makes progress without trying and no one achieves beauty without failing a few times.

Instead, we should be willing to fail AND intent on learning from that failure. Trying, falling, trying again, and again, and again. But there’s value in it all. In the success at the end and the trying along the way.

Photo by John Mark Arnold on Unsplash

Making Goals with Open Hands

It’s the new year and some people might be brave enough to make resolutions this year.

With everything going crazy in 2020, I know many people are more hesitant to make a list, plan, etc. And that’s certainly understandable! There were many things on my own calendar that were cancelled in the chaos of last year.

However, I don’t think all planning for 2021 needs to go up in smoke. Maybe we just need to think about it a different way. Go into the year with palms up, hands open, ready to change and modify.

I will say it again for those who missed it: I’m a planner!! Crossing things out of my agenda last March-July was hard. Especially since I love using fancy pens and markers {I would put the winking emoji here if I could}. Making plans just to have them cancelled, everything up in the air and unknown and uncontrollable was very difficult for me. And basically the entire year I was afraid to tell plans to my kids or write them with those fancy pens because they so often weren’t able to happen.

But the frustrations of 2020 will not keep me from thinking about and dreaming up goals for 2021. But I have a different mindset about the point of goals and the benefit of making them.

As I’m thinking through goals for this year and waiting with anticipation and trepidation for what it holds, here’s the process I’m following.

• Prayer. Before I write anything I want to do/accomplish, I ask God to convict me of areas I need to grow in, bring what he wills in my path, and help me seek humility above all else. This isn’t MY year. This isn’t MY life. It’s God’s, and I want to be right where he would have me.

• Write. This can be a list of things to accomplish in different categories (spiritual, health, family, bucket list, etc.), it can be a long journal entry of what I’m praying for this year, it can be a diagram of what to do/when/how. The main thing is I get it on paper! Then I decide what I can realistically do in a year with my current life (family, church, homeschooling, working, housework…).

• Talk. Tommy and I chat about projects we can tackle together, trips we want to make, things we would like to do. I also ask the kids. Usually their suggestions are a little unrealistic (visit Norway and Sweden, recreate dinosaur DNA, build an American Girl room in our house….) but they also request things like camping trips, playdates, sleepovers with Grammy or Nana. Family and memories are so important to me and I want to make room for those too!

I know goal planning isn’t for everyone. I’m not super strict with myself but I do like to sit and think and consider how God would have me use my abilities and time and energy throughout the year. Of course, those things can all change. Maybe we’ll be given extra time {think quarantine} or maybe we’ll walk through a trial with illness or family and not get anything from our list marked off.

For me, it’s not just about the end goal or accomplishing my list — although I love checking things off lists! It’s also about how God grows me and the things I learn through the events of the year. I certainly learned patience and trust, waiting for God’s time and will, and my need for rest and fellowship in 2020. None of those were things on MY to-do for last year but Gods knows best.

Going into 2021, I’m praying, writing, and talking about goals and desires and dreams. But I’m holding them in open, out stretched hands and I might start using a pencil.

Photo by Hayley Maxwell on Unsplash

Teaching with Patience

I love that we never stop learning. The truth that there will always be something we could do better, something we don’t fully understand, something to aspire to. I’m sure for some it’s frustrating, but I find it exciting. I love learning new things.

As a homeschool mom, I’m constantly learning new things with my kids. But I’m also noticing things that I have forgotten I ever learned. Do you sit and think about things that are second nature to you? You can’t remember when you learned them or how they clicked. You just know it. Like explaining how to hold a knife and fork to cut something or fold laundry or rinse shampoo out of your hair. I think for adults it’s easy to forget all the basic things that we’ve had to learn.

Then we have kids. And whether you homeschool or not, we suddenly find ourselves having to explain things that seem natural to us. Definitions of words, how to perform a task, why we do things a certain way or why something is necessary. It’s all new to our children. They are discovering this world for the first time and everything is fresh and uncertain and unfamiliar. It’s up to us to guide them.

My son has a large vocabulary for a five year old. He was an early talker and if anything, his communication skills have increased tenfold. But he also listens and pays attention more than I’ve given him credit for. When he hears a word in a sentence, he can use that word in another sentence and it will make sense. But I’m finding out he doesn’t know what the word actually means. He just knows how to use it from hearing it in context. So all these words like ‘especially’, ‘specific’, ‘spontaneous’, ‘direct’, etc. that he’s been saying for years he is finally asking me what it means. And I often have to think a little longer than I want to admit to come up with a good definition.

A huge part of parenting is breaking down information, making it accessible and relevant to our kids. We need to demonstrate and explain why knowledge is important. If they feel like they don’t need a certain set of information, why learn it? I felt this way about math. If I have a calculator, why memorize times tables? {That argument didn’t work with my parents and I’m not letting my kids off either.} But to keep them learning, we need to foster an environment where they 1} want to ask questions and 2} feel safe asking questions.

A Desire to Ask

And this is where patience comes in. It can be incredibly frustrating when everything you do or everywhere you go is met with a slew of questions. “Why are stoplights red? Why is there a yellow light? What does definitely mean? Why can we definitely not buy that? How long is a month? How long is an hour? Do we have to count to 60 for 60 seconds to pass? Why is my birthday in March? Why do I have to hold my pencil like that? How do you know the chicken is cooked? Why are you cooking those carrots?” In case you’re wondering, I’ve been asked all these questions right in the middle of tasks I was attempting to complete and it is very frustrating and distracting to think of answers and explain reasonings while trying to drive, cook, shop, etc.

But I try to remind myself my kids aren’t asking these things to be annoying. They have a genuine curiosity about the things around them. They also know the best way to learn is to ask. I try my best to answer but sometimes I have to resort to a new default we 21st century parents have: let’s ask Google. Sometimes I don’t know the answer or I don’t have the brain power to explain coherently why there are 24 hours in a day. So we ask Google or look online together.

I never want my kids to think their questions are dumb or unimportant because that’s the first step in them not asking me questions anymore. If they feel silly or like I’m too busy to answer, they will assume it’s not worth the embarrassment to ask and move on. I think we’ve all either been the kid who doesn’t ask questions or witnessed a kid not asking questions because of how adults responded. I see this happen just going to the grocery store. A child asks the parent how bread is made and the parent either ignores him in an attempt to get through the shopping trip or says something like, “Machines make it” and moves on.

The Safety of Asking

The second point I mentioned above is feeling safe enough to keep asking. Part of this is the child’s personality — naturally shy children usually have a harder time speaking up, even in a nurturing environment. But if we laugh, tease, mock, or ridicule children for asking about the world around them, any child is going to feel silly and eventually stop asking. Remember at the beginning when I mentioned so many things being second nature to adults, we have forgotten we learned them? When our children ask us why we have to wash hands before eating, it’s easy to say, “To get rid of germs” and move on. But they might then ask what germs are, how we get them, why we don’t want them, what they look like. If we put a blanket statement of, “Just wash your hands!” over all inquiries about germs, they will continue to wonder about them but they might not feel like asking about them anymore. We have forgotten that at one point, we had to learn everything we know about germs too.

It can be incredibly difficult to not laugh at some of the things kids say or ask. I’m often caught completely off guard by the things they wonder about or how they pronounce words. But even if I have to bite my inner cheek for a few seconds before responding, I try to not treat their questions like a big joke. I haven’t always done a good job of this and I can remember watching the embarrassment rise in their little faces and the quick, “Never mind” as they acted like it wasn’t important. And I immediately felt guilty for making light of their natural curiosity.

We as parents need to realize children learn through asking and wondering and if they don’t believe we care, listen to, or take seriously their questions, they will stop asking us and find an outlet that will listen. And they might start getting answers we don’t agree with. We live in an age of information but not all information is equal or correct if we want to instill a biblical worldview in our children. God has given us these little blessings called children and it is our responsibility to teach them, train them to follow God. Yes, it takes time and patience. It requires us to think through things in different ways and see the world through their eyes. But it is a task well worth the effort, for our children and for us.

In closing, I’ve been convicted by two verses recently that go hand in hand with teaching in patience:

Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear. Ephesians 4:29

Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward. Psalm 127:3

Photo by element5 digital on Unsplash