What Does Giving Grace Mean?

Something I’ve been hearing a lot in recent years is, “Give them grace.” And I think some people use this phrasing to mean, “Be patient with her.” Maybe the person is a new believer and she is struggling through theological truths and you need patience as you help her. Maybe someone is walking through a trial and you need to demonstrate patience in your expectations on her during this time.

But when we consider what grace means and how it is used in the Bible, what should we be meaning when we say we’re giving grace and how do we go about actually doing that? Do grace and this idea of being patient go together? Or should we use another word?

A flip through the New Testament and we are confronted with the word “grace” many times. We probably recognize it the most for being Paul’s standard greeting in his letters {Rom 1:7; I Cor 1:3; II Cor 1:2; Gal 1:3; Eph 1:2; Phil 1:2; Col 1:2; I Thess 1:1; II Thess 1:2; I Time 1:2; II Tim 1:2; Titus 1:4; Philem 1:3} where he says, “Grace and peace.” He also closes all of his letters with “grace” {Rom 16:20; I Cor 16:23; II Cor 13:14; Gal 6:18; Eph 6:24; Phil 4:23; Col 4:18; I Thess 5:28; II Thess 3:18; I Tim 6:21; II Tim 4:22; Titus 3:15; Philem 1:25}.

So what is this grace and peace and grace of our Lord Jesus that Paul finds so important? God’s grace is what saves us from sin. Eph 2:8-9 tells us it is by grace, not works, that we are saved. I learned the definition as grace is God giving a free gift that we can never earn. Nothing we do will give us grace. God offers it because he loves us and is rich in mercy toward us {Eph 2:4-5}.

The Unger’s Bible Dictionary says, “Any intermixture of human merit violates grace” {p504}. If we try to work our way to salvation, we are saying God’s perfect grace, his gift of salvation to us, isn’t good enough. We have no part in salvation except confessing our sins and accepting the free gift of God’s grace. A note in Thayer’s Greek Lexicon states that, “Karis {the Greek word for grace} contains the idea of kindness which bestows upon one what he has not deserved” {p666}. In God’s kindness, he gives us karis; grace we don’t deserve.

When we think about peace, we think of calm, restful, quiet. But Paul isn’t merely wishing his readers a calm day. He is talking about spiritual peace, rest and confidence that comes to us because we have God’s grace. True biblical peace is not something we can fabricate. There are hundreds of things that steal our peace and only knowing and acknowledging Who controls them all will give us any semblance of rest. Note that when Paul opens his letters, he says, “Grace to you and peace from God our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ.” {emphasis mine} He is reminding the reader that our peace comes from God, not from meditation or anything we can force. God offers grace. God gives peace.

So bringing this back to our original question, what should we mean when we say we are giving someone grace? To be consistent with what the Bible means, we are stating that we choose to show kindness to someone who doesn’t deserve it. It almost seems to have more to do with forgiveness than patience, doesn’t it? We offer grace to someone who has hurt us, we show kindness to someone who isn’t kind to us.

It’s not wrong to say, “Give them grace” but keep in mind what grace means: Unmerited favor. Undeserved kindness. What God gives us freely in salvation and what we should freely offer those around us.

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Hero Worship or Bible Steeped?

Have you heard the saying, “Don’t meet your heroes”? Google many sports figures and celebrities and you will probably find a story about a regular person meeting someone famous and coming away not impressed. So many people seem amazing from afar but the more you know about them, the more you realize they have feet of clay. It’s hard to know what people are actually like.

We also see this in politics. We choose a candidate who looks like a savior, someone to make a difference the way we want, and suddenly they fall short. They turn sides and take bribes and disappoint us.

You might think that this wouldn’t apply to Christians. However, with people following authors, pastors, and Christian influencers, we can easily get caught up in the wrong thing and focused on the wrong person.

We don’t like to think that by following everything a certain person says or by believing he/she can do no wrong equals hero worship, but that is essentially what it is. We are propping people up on a pedestal and basing what we believe on what they say. We feel the need to defend them to others because some of our identity is wrapped up in how people perceive them. If someone has a problem with my person of interest, they must have a problem with me too!

I’m not saying it’s wrong to have a favorite author or to learn from a popular Bible teacher. I hope you respect your pastor and church leaders. I have podcasts, books, and people that have definitely helped me in my Christian walk and taught me things that are valuable and biblical. But I always have to remember a few things, no matter how I’m gleaning wisdom from others.

• Everyone is a sinner and therefore capable of getting something wrong.

• Only God is omniscient (all knowing).

• I am capable of responding in a sinful way.

• I only know one side {usually my person’s side} of the story but there are two perspectives in every incident.

By reminding myself of these truths, it helps me keep men (or women) in the correct place and God in his much deserved place.

I don’t log in to Twitter often because it’s too overwhelming for me. But I have the people I follow grouped into lists so I can choose to only read updates from authors or Christian leaders or Princess of Wales fashion posts. Unfortunately, the times I’ve logged in to Christian Tweeters I follow, there’s usually some disagreement or conflict going on. A popular Christian has been involved in a scandal or said something contradictory in a new book. Or someone just decides to go after someone else. It’s a messy place.

But the problem doesn’t stop there. Sometimes the person in question jumps on social media to defend his/her position. Sometimes it’s gracious, oftentimes not. Then their followers will lash out with name calling, Bible misquoting tweets to defend the honor of their favored influencer. And the mess just gets messier.

This exulting in people rather than God is contrary to the examples in the Bible. Think of Joseph in Genesis 40-41. Before he tells the two prisoners and Pharaoh what their dreams mean, he makes sure to mention it is God, not him, who can interpret dreams and should get the credit. Think of David in I Samuel 17 as he boldly goes against Goliath. He declares several times that God will deliver him from this Philistine. In another event concerning dreams, Daniel gives God the credit for showing Nebuchadnezzar’s dream meaning to him in Daniel 2. In fact Daniel points out that no one except God can do this (Dan. 2:27-28).

We also see New Testament examples of doing things for God’s glory, not man’s attention. In this, we see that God should be preeminent in everything. In everything we do and, therefore, in how we treat and emulate others. If we are respecting the words and teachings of a person — no matter how well educated or intentioned —- over the words and teachings of the Bible, we need to recognize the hero worship in this and follow God above all else.

I’ve recently seen someone post, “If this {supposedly bad thing} happens to so-and-so {read Christian teacher who is important to her}, my faith in God’s justice will be broken.” Really?! Your faith in the Creator of the Universe rests on how your favorite Bible speaker is treated, talked about, etc.? What a sad place to be in! To have your very faith in the power of Who God is hinging on a mere mortal who I guarantee is sinful and will make mistakes. We must be careful, even as we learn and grow from the teachings and writings of others that their words, actions, and personalities are NEVER a substitute for the actual Bible.

If I get too caught up in the unfairness, the injustice, the criticism, it might hurt my testimony with others. Christians shouldn’t be backbiters. Even if we don’t like an outcome or what we see as unjust commentary, we need to watch our mouths and monitor our hearts.

Consider this small sample of verses from Proverbs:

The mouth of the righteous is a fountain of life, but the mouth of the wicked conceals violence. Hatred stirs up strife, but love covers all offenses. {Prov. 10:11-12}

A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. The tongue of the wise commends knowledge, but the mouths of fools pour out folly. The eyes of the Lord are in every place, keeping watch on the evil and the good. A gentle tongue is a tree of life, but perverseness in it breaks the spirit. {Prov. 15:1-4}

And so my challenge to you is this: consider those in your life who have impact and influence. Do you accept everything they say without reading or studying for yourself? Do you only believe their version of events and criticize any who speak against them? Do you assume if so-and-so said it, it must be true? Do you find yourself getting into arguments defending the honor or insight of a certain person?

None of us are able to walk through this life without making mistakes. We will say the wrong thing, be swayed by popular teaching, respond sinfully to situations. But if we spend more time reading and studying God’s Word than we spend hearing from the popular voices of today — however wise they may sound — we will have a better foundation to respond biblically and know God’s teaching on certain matters. In a society of ever-changing opinions and “truths,” I’m thankful for the unchanging God we can trust Who has given us unchanging truth to live by.

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Psalms for Rest

I usually don’t feel anxious. I often don’t realize I’m worried or struggling with something until it suddenly occurs to me that I’m not sleeping, I’m constantly thinking about the same thing, I have a headache, I feel irritable.

Anxiety has a way of sneaking in and getting comfortable in our lives, slowly retraining our minds and attitudes until it seems normal. We don’t remember NOT feeling nervous and worried. We don’t believe we can get out of it.

That’s one of the reasons I love the Psalms. So many of them calm my fears and point me to the truth of God’s character. Instead of dwelling on my worries, I can recite Scripture or sometimes sing it. If you are anxious about the future or overwhelmed in current circumstances, please read and dwell on the following Psalms. I know they will bring comfort and peace.

Psalm 4:8 In peace I will both lie down and sleep; for you alone, O Lord, make me dwell in safety.

Psalm 40:1-2 I waited patiently for the Lord; he inclined to me and heard my cry. 2He drew me up from the pit of destruction, out of the miry bog, and set my feet upon a rock, making my steps secure.

Psalm 62:5-8 For God alone, O my soul, wait in silence, for my hope is from him. 6He only is my rock and my salvation, my fortress; I shall not be shaken. 7On God rests my salvation and my glory; my mighty rock, my refuge is God. 8Trust in him at all times, O people; pour out your heart before him; God is a refuge for us.

Psalm 119: 147-149 I rise before dawn and cry for help; I hope in your words. 148My eyes are awake before the watches of the night, that I may meditate on your promise. 149Hear my voice according to your steadfast love; O Lord, according to your justice give me life.

Psalm 121 I lift up my eyes to the hills. From where does my help come? 2My help comes from the Lord, who made heaven and earth. 3He will not let your foot be moved; he who keeps you will not slumber. 4Behold, he who keeps Israel will neither slumber nor sleep. 5The Lord is your keeper; the Lord is your shade on your right hand. 6The sun shall not strike you by day, nor the moon by night. 7The Lord will keep you from all evil; he will keep your life. 8The Lord will keep your going out and your coming in from this time forth and forevermore.

Psalm 136 is a reminder of all God did in Israel’s past and that “his steadfast love endures forever.”

This is just a small sampling. There are so many other Psalms I could have included but had to limit for space. Open your Bible today and seek him. Rest in all he has done and is doing and will do. Great is our Lord!!

Photo by Kien Do on Unsplash

Grieving but Not Alone

Last week was a sobering week for me. It marked two anniversaries that bring me to tears.

It was the eleventh anniversary of miscarrying our first baby and the first anniversary of my friend’s death from cancer.

Both of these losses left me grieving for a long time and in some ways, I still mourn. The losses were different but they affected me unexpectedly, continuously, and painfully, and even after the passing of time, it’s difficult to remember without crying.

Grief is an emotion that sometimes feels wrong. We might think if we mourn too deeply we aren’t trusting God or resting in his peace. We are allowing our fickle and sinful human nature to guide us. Therefore, we often brush by the grieving process and try to ‘get on with life’ without completely confronting how the loss tore us up inside.

I’m slowly coming to realize that grieving is not a sin, mourning someone is nothing to hide or forget. God gives us people and relationships and memories. They bring joy but there’s also a chance for pain. However, the pain doesn’t negate the happy times or how far God brings us in the healing process. I was talking with a friend who has also suffered loss and she wisely said, “People will tell you you’ll get over it but it’s not about getting over grief. It’s about just pressing forward, even with the grief.”

When my friend was diagnosed with cancer, it was difficult for me. She was a mom with children similar in age to my own and the gravity of this broken world became very evident as I saw her struggle and become weaker and deal with pain. We had scheduled a meet up and I was so excited to see her but that same day, quarantine fell on everyone. By the time quarantine ended, she was gone.

My miscarriage was sudden and the furthest possibility from my mind. I had crossed into that blessed second trimester, when the chance of miscarriage falls. But a series of ultrasounds confirmed my fears and suspicions. Going home from the doctor that Monday morning knowing I would be admitted to the hospital to deliver our baby the next day was crippling. I went upstairs and curled on the bed while Tommy called our parents and close friends. When we arrived at the hospital, I checked in at the Labor and Delivery door and sat to the side waiting while happy, excited, full term women filed by, their joy a stark contrast to my sorrow.

Both these experiences are things I’ll never “get over” in the sense that I’ll never forgot those moments. The passage of time doesn’t take away the pain, it doesn’t make me grieve these losses less each year. As long as I’m on this side of heaven, I will miss my friend and her sweet smile and genuine laugh. I will wonder about the baby we named Addison and mourn the memories we never made together.

However, I do not allow grief to define my memories of these people or grow so entrenched that I become bitter at what these losses denied me. In the early days, it was difficult to comprehend how life kept going for so many people while I sat in heavy memories. I felt left behind but had no desire to catch up. For me, it wasn’t about trying to get away from grieving. It was just doing what I could that day, stopping when I needed to, and allowing the tears to flow.

Probably the most comforting thing in those times was remembering I wasn’t alone. The God who walks beside me daily is also the omniscient God who knows the future. He doesn’t leave us, he knows our sorrow, he offers a peace that we can’t fully understand.

The Psalms are a great source of comfort as walk the road of grief. I repeated Psalm 23 to myself over and over. Psalm 71:1-3 reminds us we can trust in God. Psalm 121 tells of God’s help to us, how he never sleeps but keeps us. Psalm 139 speaks to the way God knows us, forms us, and is everywhere. The Bible is filled with hope we can cling to when we face sorrow. Even when people don’t know how to comfort, God does through His Word and his promise to never leave us or forsake us.

If you are experiencing grief, whether from something past or that you are currently in the midst of, I want to encourage you. Don’t be afraid to bring your sorrow before the Lord. Tell him your struggles, ask for his help, and trust him to provide your strength. Keep reading the Bible and write encouraging passages on notecards to leave throughout your home. Grief will still show itself on anniversaries and in random remembrances and it’s okay. Grief isn’t something to be overcome; it’s something we live with but don’t allow to control us. It’s another way we lean on God and trust him to carry us.

Loss and grief are difficult and in this broken world, they will never go away. But lean on the God of all comfort who knows you and loves you. There is grace and hope through him, for today and all your coming tomorrows.

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A Thrill of Hope

December has arrived and I see/hear people all over talking about how they can’t wait for 2020 to end because 2021 HAS to be better!!

But wait! In December 2019, weren’t we all wide eyed innocents plowing into the new decade full of excitement and delight at what 2020 would hold? The truth is, no matter how bad we think the previous year was, that doesn’t guarantee a perfect new year. I’m not saying things are always doomed to be worse, but we need to not expect all our problems to magically disappear when the clock strikes midnight. It’s never worked in previous years and 2020-21 isn’t going to be the exception.

The good news is that we have hope! And not a shallow, I really HOPE this next year is better, but a sure, lasting, promise-fulfilling hope in our Savior. We can rejoice and celebrate this hope year round, although it certainly comes to mind easiest in December. The innocent baby in a manger, born to bring us hope and salvation.

It is so easy to get pulled into the mentality of better things are coming! Hang in there and it’ll all go away! While having a positive outlook certainly helps in life, we shouldn’t just sit around, waiting for the calendar to turn and solve our problems.

The truth is, God has already given the solution to our greatest problem {sin} through Jesus Christ. When Jesus was born on earth, fully human and fully God, the world was a dark place. Yet hope came, in the form of a baby Who was the promised, waited for Messiah. And angels filled the sky and rejoiced, wise men journeyed far and wide to worship him, shepherds couldn’t contain the news. The Savior was born!

The world continued to be a dark place after Jesus was born. Herod demanded young boys killed, paganism still surrounded the people, there was oppression and injustice. But God’s plan of redemption was in motion.

If {or maybe when} you wake up on January 1, 2021 and the same things that discouraged you about 2020 are still present, remain joyful! We are not living on a whim in a universe out of control. God’s plan is still in motion. We can — and should — still live in hope. Jesus has conquered sin and paid for our eternal salvation!

We can rejoice this Christmas season and continue into the new year filled with hope that God knows what the future holds.

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Growing in Grace

We homeschool our children. We chose to do that for many different reasons {read more about why here}. But ultimately, when we tell people that we homeschool, I’ll receive looks of compassion and long suffering and hear, “You must be such a patient person.”

My gut reaction is to laugh in their face. But my mom raised me to be polite so I smile and reply, “Not always.” You see, for all the reasons I teach my kids, being patient isn’t one of them.

When we decided on home education, it was the simplest decision and the hardest decision to make. Simple because I love watching my kids learn, I want to know what they struggle with and who they hang out with and what they are exposed to. Hard because I knew it would require sacrifice. It meant my time and energy every morning would be wrapped up in their education and needs. Some days are still hard but I never regret the decision to homeschool. It’s taught me just about as much as I’ve taught my kids, only in a deeper sense than reading and math go.

In our state, I needed to fill out an affidavit to file with the county giving my intention to homeschool and take responsibility for my children’s education. I didn’t fill it out flippantly; the gravity of what I was committing to weighed on me. On part of the affidavit, I was asked what the name of our school was. I paused to consider. Names are something I don’t take lightly. A name, a title, speaks volumes about what you want to stand for and represent. And I’m a classic over thinker, non decisive person.

Finally, I landed on Growing in Grace Academy. Not because I think we’ve arrived and we’re waiting for the world to catch up. But because we continually need to do it! One secular definition for grace is, “the manifestation of favor to an individual” but the biblical definition is, “receiving a gift I don’t deserve.” I want my kids to learn to demonstrate grace to others and remember the grace that God has already lavishly bestowed on them.

We have a warped view that grace is for salvation and then we keep walking. But grace continues to follow us through the sanctification process!! We never outgrow our need for grace!! And God abundantly provides it. In the same way, we need to show grace to others. Even if we feel they don’t deserve our forgiveness, our love, our empathy. We show up and say, “God offers you grace and so do I.” And we pray for them and forgive and don’t allow bitterness to take root.

Naming our school Growing in Grace is a daily reminder of what I want to be doing and how I want to be an example to my kids. I want to show them I need grace and I also give grace. I forgive bad attitudes and love them through their struggles. I ask for forgiveness and apologize when I raise my voice. I remind them no one is perfect and we all fall short. We all need grace and we all need to give grace.

So as we homeschool, as I go about my mornings correcting spelling words, handwriting form, and grammar structure, I always have the amazing gift of grace before me. And I strive to show it, live it out, grow in it through my teaching and life. I get multiple chances a day to try and — with God’s grace — I pray I show it to those around me.

Photo by Maarten Deckers on Unsplash.

Getting Sentimental

A few weeks ago was my birthday.

I’m already sensitive and sentimental — I cry {very} easily during movies — but as I get older, things are hitting me harder, I appreciate things more, I reminisce. For some reason, in the midst of turning a year older, I thought about two people who I wish I knew better but still impact me with how I witnessed them living: my grandma {my dad’s mom} and my granddaddy {my mom’s dad}.

My Grandma Short wasn’t given to many words. My grandpa was the big talker in the family. Grandma was content to listen, laugh, and cook. If my grandpa forgot someone’s name or part of a story, she would call from the kitchen or poke her head into the living room to offer the information. She was always in the kitchen, usually baking. Pies, puddings, cookies, chocolate dipped-everything. I remember when we would visit she would be by the sink when I woke up in the morning and by the sink when I said goodnight. She didn’t do anything quickly; slow, patient, deliberate would be good ways to describe her process. I never heard her raise her voice unless she was trying to get Grandpa’s attention. But it wasn’t that she didn’t have opinions. When she didn’t approve of something — whether it was something her grandkids did or something on TV — she would shake her head or slowly shake her finger. It was enough of a punishment to know she was disappointed.

I’ve often longed for her calm approach to life. If she was worried about things, I could never tell. She also wasn’t a complainer. As she got older, her feet really bothered her. She didn’t have any — literally any — fat on the bottom of her feet so when she stood and cooked all day, even with her thick-soled shoes on, she would almost limp into a chair after dinner. It became a tradition that I would rub her feet almost nightly when we would visit. She would never complain but when I pressed a certain way, she would wince a little. She often fell asleep during these foot rubs and would apologize after.

Everything she did pointed to these two truths: she loved God and she loved her family.

My granddaddy was just as quiet. When we would visit their Tennessee farm, I remember him spending the mornings in the fields and the afternoons in his office. He taught Sunday School at their church for decades and would spend hours reading and studying every week. He always struck me as contemplative. He didn’t feel the need to fill silence, often sitting and gazing out the window even if someone else was in the room. I remember as a very talkative little girl wondering why anyone would be content to just watch the birds fly by and not comment on it.

As inclined as he was to silence, he did laugh. I remember his eyes crinkling with laughter while we watched The Three Stooges. My Me-Ma {grandma} had a running collection of sad movies where the animal dies at the end and we would regularly watch them. Granddaddy would wander into the room, see what was on the TV and say, “Y’all watching that Old Yeller again? Y’all knows how it ends, don’t ya?” and walk out chuckling. Even as he became more forgetful and slower toward the end of his life, I still remember him whistling, softly laughing when something struck him funny, and content.

Both of these people had seen hardship {Grandma’s brother died when she was a teenager and Granddaddy’s parents died when he was young} but they didn’t let difficulty define them or keep them from smiling. They both faced life with the perspective that God was in control.

I wish I would have had more opportunities to sit and ask questions and learn from them. The memories I do have are precious and going into this next year God has given, I’m making a conscience effort to not let the things around me dictate my mood or attitude. I want to find joy in simple things, serve my family well, and point others to Christ by my daily attitude.

Do you ever think what your legacy will be for those who know you? How would you like to be remembered?

Photo by James Besser on Unsplash.

Giving Away Grace

Over the weekend I was able to travel to Indianapolis and attend a women’s Christian conference. This was my third time going and I do enjoyed the speakers and time with great friends. Every session of this conference taught me something, showed me something, challenged me in some way. And it was wonderful to head back to the hotel with some friends after a full day of listening and just pour out everything I learned and hear what challenged them and cry and grow together.

I can’t really choose a favorite session or speaker because they all spoke to me in a different but good ways, however, one session I plan to rewatch when it hits YouTube is the one on grace. I love the word grace — the meaning, the way it works in lives and changes us — it truly is an extraordinary gift from God. I love it so much it’s on my author tagline {Grace. Hope. Everyday.} and we gave one of my daughters the middle name Grace.

The problem is we seem to limit grace to salvation. When we are witnessing to someone or marveling at our own salvation, we are quick to point out it is by grace alone. Nothing we do. Nothing we earn. Just plain grace from a Holy God who loves us and gives us the amazing gift of grace that we don’t deserve. But after we accept this free gift, we tend to keep grace to ourselves. Maybe we don’t realize we still need it daily. Maybe we don’t know we can continue to share grace with others. Or maybe we’re just plain selfish. But the truth is, grace is not a one time occurrence. We continually need it and God continually gives it. {James 4:6} And guess what?! Other people need it after salvation too! Now we can’t give them the same grace God bestows on us but we can show them love, patience, acceptance when they haven’t done anything to earn those responses from us. And isn’t that what grace is?

Back to the conference. The speaker gave an illustration that caused us to chuckle but also struck a nerve. She said sometimes we walk around in need of a toe-stub amount of grace. That’s not a whole lot and then we look over at a friend who’s lying on a stretcher, she can’t even move she’s in need of so much grace during a certain trial or stage of life. We might be tempted to say, “Don’t worry, God, I don’t really need this grace. Give it all to her and I’ll just stumble along until I need more than a stubbed toe amount.”

Meanwhile, our friend on the stretcher might look at us and think, “Why in the world does she need grace? She only stubbed her toe! She’ll live. She can do anything she wants, she doesn’t need grace from me or anyone else. Her life is fine. I’m the one in need here!”

Both of these responses are wrong. The person who says she doesn’t need grace until something big happens is trying to live life without God’s help, trusting in herself to make it through the everyday. She appears to be self sacrificing and thoughtful of others but in reality, she’s refusing the grace God offers because she doesn’t believe her problems are big enough to need God.

Her friend on the stretcher believes her unique, huge, difficult circumstances demand more grace than others around her. Maybe she’s bitter or angry when she hears them talk about their situations because it all seems so small compared with what she’s facing. She wonders why they need grace and resents them.

The truth, and the point the speaker was making, is we always need grace. For salvation, of course. But everyday after we must be dependent on God’s gift of grace. {Heb. 4:16} Without it, we start depending on ourselves and thinking we can do things in our own strength and wisdom. Grace meets us in our weakness and carries us along. {II Cor. 12:9-10}

And we also need to come alongside others and show them grace. Maybe you have a friend in a deep valley of life. When she doesn’t text you back, never wants to meet for lunch, instead of brushing her aside you can show grace through your prayers and continued friendship, even if you’re the only one trying. {I Peter 4:10} And if we’ve just stubbed our toe and we’re okay but feel on the verge of stumbling deeper, we can ask for prayer, look to God, and he will abundantly provide what we need.

Think about this in closing: God doesn’t just give us the exact amount of grace we need for a day. He lavishes it on us, giving more than we need at a time. Our cup overflows with his goodness. {Eph. 1:7-8} And what do we do with this abundant grace? We pass it on to those around us. God isn’t going to run out. We don’t have a set allotment of grace for our lives so we need to keep some in reserve. We can give grace to others in gratitude for the grace already showered upon us.

Photo by Ina Soulis on Unsplash.

Showing Grace When We Would Do It Differently

Imagine this scene. Two homeschool moms are talking about the curriculum choice they made for their children. The first mom says they really enjoy the curriculum they are using. The second mom is semi familiar with it but quickly states that that curriculum is far too expensive and there's no way she would pay that much for books when there are other less expensive options available.

The first mom fires back that it's not as expensive as the second mom thinks and the quality of the material and the convenience of the program make it the perfect choice for their family. As both women go back and forth about the pros and cons of their choices, both get more involved emotionally and neither of them change opinions.

Now I used the example of what they choose to teach with because it's a debate I've heard in homeschool circles. They could just as easily have been discussing homeschool vs regular school or what food they feed their family or whether or not they vaccinate or a 100 other choices we make for our families.

The simple truth is that for everything we decide to do, there is a flip side we're choosing not to do and it often comes down to personal preference, family size, what we've found works best for our lifestyle, etc. It doesn't automatically make the other choice wrong - that option just doesn't work for our family.

The sad thing is many a mom has left a conversation like this feeling run down, questioning her decisions, angry, frustrated, maybe feeling personally attacked. Some moms might quickly shrug off an encounter but she probably replays it in her head a few times and mentions it to her husband. Other moms might start to doubt the decisions they've made for their children, rethinking choices and losing sleep because of someone else's opinion.

The simple truth is that no one is perfect. We are all trying to raise our kids well, doing what we believe is best for them. But our decisions shouldn't be a mandate for others to follow. Do we make mistakes? Of course. Can we change our minds? Absolutely. God gave us children who are different from other children, he gave us abilities and interests different from other moms, personalities that are not cookie cutter. Why would we think there's one way to do things when our families operate differently?

Multiple times we as Christians are called to unity. We are called to build each other up, to strive to be like Jesus (I Thess. 5:11). If we are following God's Word and raising our children to follow after Him, the choices we make reflect those values. And a mom who raises her children differently but desiring the same goals is doing what's best for her family.

Now I want to point out something quickly. Obviously if a mom is making sinful choices for her children {like encouraging them to do something illegal, or something against the principles God has outlined in the Bible} we should lovingly confront her with the problem. But let’s be honest. Usually the discussions we have and debates we enter into are more things of choice and preference than biblical command.

We need to show grace to others in a very practical way. It's acknowledging that the decisions other moms make are okay, even if they differ from ours. It's listening to why she made those choices and not demanding she listen to our choices and change her mind. It’s loving others as God loves us (John 13:34; I Peter 4:8-9).

Photo by Magdalena Raczka on Unsplash