Reading Time!

If you know me even the slightest bit, you know I love reading. I love books. I love words and how they come together to make people laugh, cry, think, learn, and experience new things.

The power of the written word is something I think some people underestimate. This might just be me — because I’ve been told I remember way too many things — but I remember sitting on my daybed with a stack of Nancy Drew books and not moving all afternoon. I remember carrying Gone with the Wind outside and sitting under the apple tree for hours reading. I got through the first semester of high school by devouring The Count of Monte Cristo on the wooden swing in our backyard. And I stayed up way too late one night to finish Crime and Punishment as a high school senior.

I have very vivid memories tied to when and where I read certain books. I remember the emotions I felt, the parts that confused me, the French and Russian names I stumbled over. Words and the ideas conveyed through those words have changed and shaped me in ways movies haven’t.

My oldest is ten years old and just as avid a reader as I was/am. She’s definitely stretched herself more than I did at her age; she’s already polished off all the Jane Austen novels, A Little Princess, and is currently deep in Anne of Green Gables, plus reading quite of stack of more recently written books. She set a goal of reading 25 books this year…she just finished her 24th so we’re upping the challenge to 50 books this year!!

I love talking about books with her; what she thought of them, her favorite parts and why, words she didn’t understand in context. I love seeing her mind grow through these book interactions and I’m enjoying the journey with her.

People often ask me how I continue, as a homeschooling mom, to read book after book. It’s not because I’m just sitting on the couch all day! But it is a priority for me. While others binge watch a show, I choose to read. Instead of shopping, I read. It’s not a magic formula. It’s an intentional choice to make time for reading when what I need to do is finished. It’s relaxing and enjoyable for me. Here are a few things that help me, maybe they’ll help you also.

1. Read in the small moments. I’ve said this before, but if I’m just stirring something for dinner in a pot, I will read while I do it! Now if I’m doing something that requires my attention {chopping, measuring, etc.} then I keep my focus on the cooking. But if I’m waiting for rice to finish cooking or the InstantPot to beep, chances are I’ll sneak a few pages in.

2. Read while the kids fall asleep. My younger kids are notorious for not wanting to be alone. They want to know I’m close by, not across the hall, but in their room while they fall asleep. So after I read a bedtime story aloud {I’m currently reading Bear Grylls survival series to my son}, I’ll sit on the floor and get some stretches in while I read. This time is golden. It helps me slow down before bed, the house is quiet, and I can fully focus on what I’m reading.

3. Read during the kids’ activities. When I sit with my children for their piano lesson, I take a book with me. I can still hear what’s going, what we need to work on at home, interact with the teacher as needed, but I’m using the other moments in that hour to read, not scroll my phone.

4. Read, don’t scroll! Which leads us to this point: when you find yourself reaching for your phone when you don’t really need to, pick up a book instead! If you sit in carline, at the sideline of soccer practice, waiting for your curbside grocery delivery, take a book with you. These are moments we have trained ourselves to think of as small, inconsequential blocks of time that aren’t good for anything but catching up on memes and Instagram. I get it. I’ve done it. But honestly, you can read a lot in those moments. If that means you keep one book in your car so you don’t have to remember to grab one, do it!

5. Read what you love. If you struggle to read, start with something that interests you. Whenever I read a historical novel, I will inevitably read a non fiction book about that time period/event after. Even if it’s something I hadn’t been interested in before, experiencing it through the eyes of a novel with characters and a story can make it intriguing enough to make me want more. This happened with the children’s blizzard, the depression, the Spanish flu, immigrants coming through Ellis Island, and the Revolutionary War. I read a novel, my interest was piqued, and I went in search of more.

6. Read a variety. I’m a read-more-than-one-book-at-a-time girl. I usually have a fiction, nonfiction, Christian living, light read, and maybe biography going at the same time. This way, no matter what my mood is, I have something to read!! Some days, if the bad news comes pouring in and the weight of the world is too much, I don’t want to read about the suffering of child laborers in Victorian England, no matter how interesting the story is. On those days, I want a book that encourages me and helps me dig into my Bible study more. If my kids have asked about a certain time period, I may feel like reading about it on my level. If I’ve been curious about how to organize, clean, or decorate my home, if I’m interested in pursuing a new hobby, if I’m studying a certain word or topic in the Bible. There are books and words and answers for all these. And I always have a selection on hand.

I hope this helps you look for the little moments in your day as new possibilities to enjoy a book. I didn’t even cover audiobooks {I really struggle with these because I like to see the words to fully focus on them} but I know people who listen while they drive to work or on errands, while they walk through the neighborhood, or while cleaning the house. If you have a hard time reading but not listening, I highly suggest looking into audiobooks. Most books are available this way now and many libraries offer them for free, either on CD or to download to an audio app.

We never stop learning and books are an excellent way to stretch the mind. If you’re interested in what I’ve read/am reading, check out my GoodReads profile and follow along! You can see all the books {read and want to read} in reverse alphabetical order by author or you can look under certain bookshelves to see what I’ve read/want to read in that category!

Photo by Vladimir Mokry on Unsplash

The Importance of Story

I love a good story. There are some genres or styles that I prefer, but if there are well developed characters with a compelling plot, I’m all in.

I’m not only interested in fiction stories, however. I love hearing about someone’s life stories and experiences. Many times, I’ve been completely surprised to hear the jobs people have had, the things they’ve seen or places they’ve traveled. It’s one of the joys in talking with friends and meeting new people. You can’t tell someone’s story with just a quick glance. It takes time, effort, and genuine interest.

In today’s ‘me’ focused culture, I’m afraid we’re losing our love for story. Sure, we are thrilled to share OUR story and experiences with everyone, but how often do we actively ask and listen and pursue the stories of others? Sometimes experiences shared with others are hard to hear. Real life doesn’t come with guaranteed happy endings and often our greatest moments of learning and growing in life come because of difficult things. But that’s why it’s so important to listen and care about the stories people share with us. They are giving a glimpse into themselves. And often the passions, values, and traditions of people are a direct result of their experiences.

Another benefit I find in listening to others is hearing their perspective. We all have our own voice, our own way of perceiving the things around us. I love listening to my kids tell about their day. The things they choose to include in the nightly report and the details they give tell me something about them. Often my takeaways from the day are much different than theirs, and we’ve been together all day, doing the same things! Yet their perspective and voice are not mine. Some events are so shattering that we all experience them. Pearl Harbor, the assassination of JFK, 9/11. For the people who were alive during those events, they each have memories, a story, a perspective on where they were and how things changed after. Unless it is shared and recorded, that perspective will be lost.

So how do you start sharing your story or appreciating the perspective of others? For yourself, start a journal. Even if you write sparingly, record your strengths, fears, thoughts about life, and memories. Then start asking questions from the people around you and listen — actually listen. Listen with interest and intention. I believe if we start appreciating the stories of others and investing time in those around us, we will grow closer to each other and learn more.

Photo by Wu Yi on Unsplash.

Teaching with Patience

I love that we never stop learning. The truth that there will always be something we could do better, something we don’t fully understand, something to aspire to. I’m sure for some it’s frustrating, but I find it exciting. I love learning new things.

As a homeschool mom, I’m constantly learning new things with my kids. But I’m also noticing things that I have forgotten I ever learned. Do you sit and think about things that are second nature to you? You can’t remember when you learned them or how they clicked. You just know it. Like explaining how to hold a knife and fork to cut something or fold laundry or rinse shampoo out of your hair. I think for adults it’s easy to forget all the basic things that we’ve had to learn.

Then we have kids. And whether you homeschool or not, we suddenly find ourselves having to explain things that seem natural to us. Definitions of words, how to perform a task, why we do things a certain way or why something is necessary. It’s all new to our children. They are discovering this world for the first time and everything is fresh and uncertain and unfamiliar. It’s up to us to guide them.

My son has a large vocabulary for a five year old. He was an early talker and if anything, his communication skills have increased tenfold. But he also listens and pays attention more than I’ve given him credit for. When he hears a word in a sentence, he can use that word in another sentence and it will make sense. But I’m finding out he doesn’t know what the word actually means. He just knows how to use it from hearing it in context. So all these words like ‘especially’, ‘specific’, ‘spontaneous’, ‘direct’, etc. that he’s been saying for years he is finally asking me what it means. And I often have to think a little longer than I want to admit to come up with a good definition.

A huge part of parenting is breaking down information, making it accessible and relevant to our kids. We need to demonstrate and explain why knowledge is important. If they feel like they don’t need a certain set of information, why learn it? I felt this way about math. If I have a calculator, why memorize times tables? {That argument didn’t work with my parents and I’m not letting my kids off either.} But to keep them learning, we need to foster an environment where they 1} want to ask questions and 2} feel safe asking questions.

A Desire to Ask

And this is where patience comes in. It can be incredibly frustrating when everything you do or everywhere you go is met with a slew of questions. “Why are stoplights red? Why is there a yellow light? What does definitely mean? Why can we definitely not buy that? How long is a month? How long is an hour? Do we have to count to 60 for 60 seconds to pass? Why is my birthday in March? Why do I have to hold my pencil like that? How do you know the chicken is cooked? Why are you cooking those carrots?” In case you’re wondering, I’ve been asked all these questions right in the middle of tasks I was attempting to complete and it is very frustrating and distracting to think of answers and explain reasonings while trying to drive, cook, shop, etc.

But I try to remind myself my kids aren’t asking these things to be annoying. They have a genuine curiosity about the things around them. They also know the best way to learn is to ask. I try my best to answer but sometimes I have to resort to a new default we 21st century parents have: let’s ask Google. Sometimes I don’t know the answer or I don’t have the brain power to explain coherently why there are 24 hours in a day. So we ask Google or look online together.

I never want my kids to think their questions are dumb or unimportant because that’s the first step in them not asking me questions anymore. If they feel silly or like I’m too busy to answer, they will assume it’s not worth the embarrassment to ask and move on. I think we’ve all either been the kid who doesn’t ask questions or witnessed a kid not asking questions because of how adults responded. I see this happen just going to the grocery store. A child asks the parent how bread is made and the parent either ignores him in an attempt to get through the shopping trip or says something like, “Machines make it” and moves on.

The Safety of Asking

The second point I mentioned above is feeling safe enough to keep asking. Part of this is the child’s personality — naturally shy children usually have a harder time speaking up, even in a nurturing environment. But if we laugh, tease, mock, or ridicule children for asking about the world around them, any child is going to feel silly and eventually stop asking. Remember at the beginning when I mentioned so many things being second nature to adults, we have forgotten we learned them? When our children ask us why we have to wash hands before eating, it’s easy to say, “To get rid of germs” and move on. But they might then ask what germs are, how we get them, why we don’t want them, what they look like. If we put a blanket statement of, “Just wash your hands!” over all inquiries about germs, they will continue to wonder about them but they might not feel like asking about them anymore. We have forgotten that at one point, we had to learn everything we know about germs too.

It can be incredibly difficult to not laugh at some of the things kids say or ask. I’m often caught completely off guard by the things they wonder about or how they pronounce words. But even if I have to bite my inner cheek for a few seconds before responding, I try to not treat their questions like a big joke. I haven’t always done a good job of this and I can remember watching the embarrassment rise in their little faces and the quick, “Never mind” as they acted like it wasn’t important. And I immediately felt guilty for making light of their natural curiosity.

We as parents need to realize children learn through asking and wondering and if they don’t believe we care, listen to, or take seriously their questions, they will stop asking us and find an outlet that will listen. And they might start getting answers we don’t agree with. We live in an age of information but not all information is equal or correct if we want to instill a biblical worldview in our children. God has given us these little blessings called children and it is our responsibility to teach them, train them to follow God. Yes, it takes time and patience. It requires us to think through things in different ways and see the world through their eyes. But it is a task well worth the effort, for our children and for us.

In closing, I’ve been convicted by two verses recently that go hand in hand with teaching in patience:

Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear. Ephesians 4:29

Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward. Psalm 127:3

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The Lost Art of Listening

I was listening to a podcast a few weeks ago and the interviewee said she had been convicted to listen to what others were really saying instead of hearing what she wanted to respond to.

That really got me thinking. How often do I ‘listen’ to what others are telling me but my mind is actually focused on all the things I'm going to say once they stop talking? We've all had moments that run like this: ‘Oh, they're talking about hiking. I can tell them about the time I went to so-and-so and hiked that steep trail. It was definitely worse than anything they are describing.’ And in the process of thinking about and framing our story, we completely miss what the other person was communicating.

When we are busy formulating how we want to respond before the person has even finished, we are making ourselves more important then anything the other person could be telling us. But when we really listen to others and our aim is to help them, sometimes we don't need to say anything. Sometimes the person that is sharing with us merely needs to share. She doesn't need to hear a lesson based on our experience. She doesn't need to know that we are experts in what she is going through. Often people need a sounding board or they just need to know that someone is there and that you will be praying and that you are willing to listen.

In James 1:19, it says, 'Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger.' We seem to use this verse more in terms of not responding in anger. If we are slow to anger and slow to speak, we are less likely to say something out of anger. But I think that we cannot discount the part of the verse that says to be quick to hear. We are becoming a society that does not like to listen to others. We prefer to listen to ourselves, to our own ideas, to our own thoughts. And yet James tells us in that verse we need to be quick — even eager — to listen to what others have to say and we should be slow and thoughtful in the response that we give.

Truly listening to someone not only takes practice; it also takes time. I admit sometimes I'm trying to hurry a conversation along by finishing sentences and summing up in my words what I believe the other person is trying to say. We think we are aiding the conversation but in reality, we are being selfish by not letting the person we are speaking to completely explain himself. There is an epidemic in our society of people hearing what they want to hear or what they expect someone to say in order to prove their point or their point of view. We see this constantly in the political landscape.

But as Christians we should hold ourselves to a higher standard. Jesus demonstrated compassion to those he ministered to and we do not know how to be compassionate and what a person's needs are if we are not first willing to sit next to her and listen to her needs. Sometimes we think listening must equal doing. If we hear of someone's problem, we are obligated to try and fix it. We need to become comfortable with hearing people's opinions, thoughts, and hurts, and not always trying to fix them. Sometimes the most loving thing we can do is offer an ear to listen without commentary and a shoulder for them to lean on when they need it and prayers that God will give them wisdom where others are lacking. It really is selfish and arrogant of us to believe we always must be dispensing of our wisdom.

This does not mean that we can never offer advice or that we should always stay silent in the face of others opinions. But we should strive to be more discerning in when and how our advice and opinion is handed out. If we become known as someone who loves to hear our own voice or who enjoys giving advice more than listening, then we will soon not have anyone come to us. Think about your own life. If you have someone that you go to hoping for a listening ear about a struggle and encouragement in prayer with you and instead she talks about how she has successfully navigated that issue and doesn't hear your concerns at all, how likely are you to go to her again? In this situation, we have limited who we can support and encourage by our attitude and lack of concern.

There is a time for everything. There is a time to give advice and there is a time to be silent. A time for us to share our experiences and a time for us to learn from others. We need to be discerning and gracious in how we handle each of these situations and in all things, they must be done and covered in love and prayer.

Photo by Cesar Abner Martinez Aguilar on Unsplash