Thoughts as I Enter 40

I remember when my parents turned 40. I was 9, 10 years old and 40 seemed like an age I would never reach. Last Saturday, I turned 40.

For the last little bit, I’ve been thinking about this milestone age and what lessons I can take into the next decade. My 20s and 30s were filled with a lot of changes: getting married, moving across country, having kids, ministry life, homeschooling. And I learned a lot through all those experiences. Something about hitting a new decade made me look back and consider what to take with me.

Take time to think before you speak. As I’ve gotten older, some things seem easier, others more difficult. I remember the younger me rattling off all my thoughts, spur of the moment, never considering if there was nuance or gray areas. Everything was black and white to me; what I liked, what I disliked, right and wrong, helpful and hurtful. Age has drawn me in, brought me to moments of reflecting for days and still being hesitant to verbalize my thoughts. It’s not that my standards have changed. What I view as morally wrong and right are the same, but I’d like to think I’m more considerate in how I share my views or maybe I’m more particular about when I voice my opinion at all.

Choose your attitude. I’ve heard that one thing you can always control is your attitude. Outside pressures and perception from others, things running late or failing are usually outside our control. But we can decide how these unexpected things will affect us. Attitude matters. I think after having kids this became more apparent to me! Having a joyful or positive outlook can make even a difficult day a little better. And who doesn’t want to be around a happy person!? When I think of this in light of sanctification, it doesn’t mean we paste on a smile and never show sorrow or frustration. But it does mean that we don’t allow those circumstances to dictate how we treat people or deal with life.

Popularity does not equal value. So much of our current culture is obsessed with likes, clicks, and being viewed positively. People flock to concerts and sporting events to be able to participate in the “it moment” of right now. If you are popular you are listened to, even if you have nothing worth listening to. The more “followers” you have, the better chance of landing a book deal, TV spot, sponsorship, etc. Being popular is the idol so many are striving for. But popularity does not make a person correct, smart, informed, or kind. The world is full of interesting stories and people and experiences that are largely ignored because we don’t believe they are as valuable as the stories and thoughts of a popular person. In the life of a Christian, it shouldn’t be this way. We shouldn’t clamor for the latest and greatest in the eyes of the world. We shouldn’t judge a person’s value on what they think or contribute to society. Every life is valuable and precious, every story worth listening to.

I’m still processing, I’m still learning. It will be a lifelong pursuit and not just something for entering this decade. But I’m thankful for the opportunity and space to consider these things. And my hope is that they spur you on to think too, no matter what age you find yourself.

Photo by Bruce Tang on Unsplash

The Countdown Month

In almost exactly a month, I’m going to turn 40.

I’m not upset or worried or overwhelmed at the prospect. I don’t think a number has to change your outlook on how you live. But I know that entering another decade is a milestone and a blessing. I don’t take a day for granted and I know everything could change in a minute. I’m very thankful for these 40 years.

It’s easy to become reflective when milestones are on the horizon. We remember past moments, maybe regret previous decisions. Over the last two months, I’ve been considering how I’ve changed in the last decade, lessons I’ve learned, things I want to aspire to.

Initially, I thought I’d share 40 thoughts on 40 years but as I began writing them down, it was easy to come up with more than 40. I don’t intend to share them all with you. But over the next few blog posts, I want to highlight the ones that stuck out the most, the ones that kept coming to mind.

As previously stated, I don’t take turning 40 for granted. No age is guaranteed. Which makes the process of approaching this birthday exciting and a time to consider. How have I grown in the last decade? How have I changed and is it for the better? I try to not dwell on regrets but those can be life shaping also.

My goal in this reflective process is to put to words some of what I’m feeling going into my 40th year. And to also challenge you to look at your life. Even if you don’t have big celebrations on the horizon, there is always space to learn and be grateful for this life. I hope my future posts encourage you to do just that.

Photo by Seyedeh Hamideh Kazemi on Unsplash

The Value of Memorizing the Bible

This semester, one of our ladies Bible study groups has been reading a wonderful book about Bible memorization. Memorizing Scripture: The Basics, Blessings, and Benefits of Meditating on God’s Word is exactly what is sounds like: a guidebook to how and why we meditate on the Bible.

Memorizing is quickly falling out of favor in all areas of life. Spelling tests, multiplication facts, state capitals, things everyone had to memorize a generation ago are no longer required or even encouraged in some spheres. Why? Because we have phones, tablets, the Internet is available 24/7 with all the answers. When your math teacher told you to memorize the 12s times tables because you wouldn’t always have a calculator with you…that no longer applies. So why spend the time, effort, and brain space on things that we can look up faster than we could recall?

The case for Bible memory is stronger than any other subject because God’s Word is different than any other subject. It has the power to change us, help us, comfort us, guide us, convict us, and the list continues. While I still encourage my kids to memorize facts that others look up, my encouragement to memorize the Bible is far stronger because the Bible isn’t man’s ideas, it’s from God.

My own road with memorizing is shaky. As a kid, my mom would record herself saying Bible verses on an endless cassette tape {if you don’t know what I’m talking about, ask Google}. As I played or colored, I would listen and absorb those verses. It was multitasking in the 1990s. As I got older, I would read verses to myself on repeat, look away, and try to say it as fast as possible before it slipped away. In high school and college, it was required to write out our memory verses for tests and quizzes and I learned that writing something memorized is not the same as repeating it.

As an adult, memorizing became less of an emphasis in my life. I read the Bible and studied it, but not to the point of being able to quote a passage I was going through. It was now readily available on my phone! I could search for a phrase and get a whole list of verses! Surely we had arrived!

But after becoming a parent and going over verses with my kids on repeat{we no longer have endless tapes}, I became more and more convicted about my previous lack of conviction about Bible memory. I started finding a verse in my daily Bible reading and repeating it over and over throughout the day, trying to seal it in.

When Glenna Marshall, an author and pastor’s wife, posted that she had written a book on memorizing, I preordered it. And when our Bible study decided to read it together, I volunteered to lead the study and write discussion questions. It’s been a true blessing to learn about this topic, encourage each other in our personal memorization habits, and discover why this is a crucial part of the Christian life.

I don’t want to give away Marshall’s points because I want you to purchase the book and read them yourself {wink, wink}. But I will say Bible memory is not as daunting as I believed it to be. She breaks down every excuse for why you haven’t been memorizing and offers so many helpful tips to get you started. She also goes through biblical principles of why Bible memory helps us in various times.

I am currently memorizing Psalm 107. Unlike previous attempts at remembering a jumble of words to repeat as quickly as possible, I’m letting the words soak in and make sense. I’m connecting the thoughts and allowing the truth to grow my love for Who God is.

Bible memorization is for all Christians. Your age, time constraints, stage of life, profession mean nothing. God’s Word is profitable for all people to know, love, and hide in their hearts.

Photo by Sixteen Miles Out

What is Success?

One of the hardest things in my writing journey is the waiting.

I outline, I write, I research, I pray about, I think about, I talk about. Writing is something I only have small amounts of time to dive in and do yet I’m always thinking about how to phrase sentences, how to word my thoughts so they’ll make sense to others.

I dictate into my phone app while folding laundry, I journal while sitting by my kids at bedtime, I underline and mark quotes while reading. The topics I’m passionate about writing on never leave my mind, even while I’m focusing on other things.

But for all the writing, sharing, and talking, I don’t know how all those thoughts and musings will turn out. Will one person read my blog post? Will the manuscript I’m working on ever be a book in someone’s hands? Will my words make a difference to anyone? There are a lot of writers out there, many who communicate with greater clarity than I do. What will make someone want to read my ramblings?

One thing I’m learning about any creative endeavor — painting, drawing, sewing, writing, music, anything creative — is the effort isn’t wasted, even if it seems like no one cares. And why? Because every creative endeavor I do is changing me. I am learning, even if no one else is coming along for the ride.

Last year, when I challenged myself to draw a doodle a day, I wanted to see if I could actually do it. Could I draw something that others would be able to recognize? I definitely had a few rough ones, doodles that I grimaced at. But through them, I learned. I learned I draw too small, where to put lines, how to make shadows, the realism of plants not being symmetrical. And I took that acquired knowledge and made the next doodle better.

It was just as much about me trying to learn a new skill as me sharing beauty with others. Because not all those efforts were beautiful. But they were still worth doing. And I’m learning that the same is true about writing.

I might not achieve writing success by the world’s standards — a best selling author, published in multiple languages, books in all the stores. Maybe it’ll come down to me self publishing. Maybe it’ll always be this small blog. But the lessons I’m learning, the things I ponder and pray about and research are benefitting me. The things I learn about parenting are helping me steward my motherhood and disciple my children. I’m interacting with friends and women in my immediate circle of influence and learning from them.

Nothing is wasted. Instead of wishing for a different kind of success, I am learning to appreciate these moments and grow from them.

Photo by Sixteen Miles Out on Unsplash

Reading Time!

If you know me even the slightest bit, you know I love reading. I love books. I love words and how they come together to make people laugh, cry, think, learn, and experience new things.

The power of the written word is something I think some people underestimate. This might just be me — because I’ve been told I remember way too many things — but I remember sitting on my daybed with a stack of Nancy Drew books and not moving all afternoon. I remember carrying Gone with the Wind outside and sitting under the apple tree for hours reading. I got through the first semester of high school by devouring The Count of Monte Cristo on the wooden swing in our backyard. And I stayed up way too late one night to finish Crime and Punishment as a high school senior.

I have very vivid memories tied to when and where I read certain books. I remember the emotions I felt, the parts that confused me, the French and Russian names I stumbled over. Words and the ideas conveyed through those words have changed and shaped me in ways movies haven’t.

My oldest is ten years old and just as avid a reader as I was/am. She’s definitely stretched herself more than I did at her age; she’s already polished off all the Jane Austen novels, A Little Princess, and is currently deep in Anne of Green Gables, plus reading quite of stack of more recently written books. She set a goal of reading 25 books this year…she just finished her 24th so we’re upping the challenge to 50 books this year!!

I love talking about books with her; what she thought of them, her favorite parts and why, words she didn’t understand in context. I love seeing her mind grow through these book interactions and I’m enjoying the journey with her.

People often ask me how I continue, as a homeschooling mom, to read book after book. It’s not because I’m just sitting on the couch all day! But it is a priority for me. While others binge watch a show, I choose to read. Instead of shopping, I read. It’s not a magic formula. It’s an intentional choice to make time for reading when what I need to do is finished. It’s relaxing and enjoyable for me. Here are a few things that help me, maybe they’ll help you also.

1. Read in the small moments. I’ve said this before, but if I’m just stirring something for dinner in a pot, I will read while I do it! Now if I’m doing something that requires my attention {chopping, measuring, etc.} then I keep my focus on the cooking. But if I’m waiting for rice to finish cooking or the InstantPot to beep, chances are I’ll sneak a few pages in.

2. Read while the kids fall asleep. My younger kids are notorious for not wanting to be alone. They want to know I’m close by, not across the hall, but in their room while they fall asleep. So after I read a bedtime story aloud {I’m currently reading Bear Grylls survival series to my son}, I’ll sit on the floor and get some stretches in while I read. This time is golden. It helps me slow down before bed, the house is quiet, and I can fully focus on what I’m reading.

3. Read during the kids’ activities. When I sit with my children for their piano lesson, I take a book with me. I can still hear what’s going, what we need to work on at home, interact with the teacher as needed, but I’m using the other moments in that hour to read, not scroll my phone.

4. Read, don’t scroll! Which leads us to this point: when you find yourself reaching for your phone when you don’t really need to, pick up a book instead! If you sit in carline, at the sideline of soccer practice, waiting for your curbside grocery delivery, take a book with you. These are moments we have trained ourselves to think of as small, inconsequential blocks of time that aren’t good for anything but catching up on memes and Instagram. I get it. I’ve done it. But honestly, you can read a lot in those moments. If that means you keep one book in your car so you don’t have to remember to grab one, do it!

5. Read what you love. If you struggle to read, start with something that interests you. Whenever I read a historical novel, I will inevitably read a non fiction book about that time period/event after. Even if it’s something I hadn’t been interested in before, experiencing it through the eyes of a novel with characters and a story can make it intriguing enough to make me want more. This happened with the children’s blizzard, the depression, the Spanish flu, immigrants coming through Ellis Island, and the Revolutionary War. I read a novel, my interest was piqued, and I went in search of more.

6. Read a variety. I’m a read-more-than-one-book-at-a-time girl. I usually have a fiction, nonfiction, Christian living, light read, and maybe biography going at the same time. This way, no matter what my mood is, I have something to read!! Some days, if the bad news comes pouring in and the weight of the world is too much, I don’t want to read about the suffering of child laborers in Victorian England, no matter how interesting the story is. On those days, I want a book that encourages me and helps me dig into my Bible study more. If my kids have asked about a certain time period, I may feel like reading about it on my level. If I’ve been curious about how to organize, clean, or decorate my home, if I’m interested in pursuing a new hobby, if I’m studying a certain word or topic in the Bible. There are books and words and answers for all these. And I always have a selection on hand.

I hope this helps you look for the little moments in your day as new possibilities to enjoy a book. I didn’t even cover audiobooks {I really struggle with these because I like to see the words to fully focus on them} but I know people who listen while they drive to work or on errands, while they walk through the neighborhood, or while cleaning the house. If you have a hard time reading but not listening, I highly suggest looking into audiobooks. Most books are available this way now and many libraries offer them for free, either on CD or to download to an audio app.

We never stop learning and books are an excellent way to stretch the mind. If you’re interested in what I’ve read/am reading, check out my GoodReads profile and follow along! You can see all the books {read and want to read} in reverse alphabetical order by author or you can look under certain bookshelves to see what I’ve read/want to read in that category!

Photo by Vladimir Mokry on Unsplash

The Value of Trying

Does anyone else have trouble trying something new?

I have recently been encouraging my kids to try new things: new foods, new activities, new skills. And I’m always met with at least some resistance. “Why try something new?” they ask. “What does it matter?”

To be honest, I’m sometimes right there with them. I would rather make a familiar recipe than try something that might fail. I would rather spend my time on something I know I love than be disappointed when I spend all my time attempting a new skill.

It’s not easy to try.

And yet, it’s so important. Without trying something new, we would never grow. We wouldn’t discover new interests or abilities. We wouldn’t learn the value of sometimes failing. Life becomes boring without stretching ourselves on occasion.

But always there’s that fear of failing. No one wants to fail. No one seeks out discouragement. And we often believe the best way to avoid those pitfalls is to not step out of our comfort zones. But that’s not healthy. While we shouldn’t be reckless and simply run into new things for the sake of doing new things, we also shouldn’t be scared of what might happen if we try.

It’s easy to be controlled by fear without realizing it. We might not feel fearful or afraid, and yet our motivation for what we do or don’t do is based on those feelings. Personally, I’ve hung back from certain things because I was afraid of seeming flighty. I know people who have jumped in and tried something, but it only lasted for a few months before they left that and moved to the next thing. While I would admire their confidence in trying new things, I would wonder if they knew what they were really after. If it was more about thrill and the excitement for something new than really wanting to learn or create something of sustainable value.

I didn’t want to jump from thing to thing. So in my indecision and quest to only do what I would stick with, I didn’t do anything. Didn’t learn any new skills, didn’t try anything away from my comfort zone. I was allowing the fear of failure and what people would think of my efforts to keep me from experiencing anything new.

My turning point came when I started following Emily Lex on Instagram. She challenged herself to do a small watercolor painting everyday for a year to improve her drawing and painting. Everyday she posted her paintings and encouraged others to try something they were interested in. I started my Doodle a Day challenge and began watching/practicing watercolor.

When you’ve told yourself you aren’t as good as XYZ or your efforts aren’t as nice as ABC…it’s difficult to see the value in trying AND showing others. As strange as it seems, it takes courage to try something new, knowing you won’t be as good as someone else…at least not in the beginning.

Something I remind my kids {and myself} is that everyone starts as a beginner. Those who we look at and admire — those who play beautiful music, write moving stories, create breathtaking art, pipe perfect frosting roses — they started by trying, attempting something that caught their interest or found enjoyment in. What we don’t see are the hours of practice to play a perfect sonata, the stacks of journals riddled with ideas and words, the paintings that failed, the frosting that fell and cakes that didn’t rise. No one makes progress without trying and no one achieves beauty without failing a few times.

Instead, we should be willing to fail AND intent on learning from that failure. Trying, falling, trying again, and again, and again. But there’s value in it all. In the success at the end and the trying along the way.

Photo by John Mark Arnold on Unsplash

Faithfulness

We’re still in that bubble at the beginning of the year where people are envisioning and resolving and dreaming of all the possibilities that 2022 might hold. But sometimes, we struggle to take that first step. We know the end goal we want to achieve but how do we get there?

Maybe we’re afraid of doing it wrong or making a mistake or failing. Maybe we believe we need to sit back and let God work. Maybe we’re waiting for a sign that never comes so year after year we press toward the same goal but we never get any closer.

One thing I’ve learned in life is that it’s not passive. Yes, we need to be wise and sometimes steps are slow and steady instead of fast and furious. But we need to keep showing up and doing what God has called us to. Often that means just doing the next thing. And sometimes we don’t know exactly how the next thing is going to help us or serve God but we keep going.

When I was going into my last year in high school, the seniors had the option of taking one university class for credit. Most of my friends were taking History of Civilization which was a class famous for the amounts of reading you needed to do and dates you had to memorize. I wanted to do something different. I decided to take a language since I knew my major would require two years. But which language?

My mom had been working with a lady from the Ukraine and I loved how the Russian language sounded, not harsh like German but fluid, smooth. So with no reason but that, I signed up for first year Russian and bought my textbooks. I’ll be honest and say it was hard. I spent hours in the language lab after class listening to phrases and repeating them into a microphone and practicing writing in a different alphabet.

I enjoyed the class, my teacher made it interesting, but it was hard. There were times I wondered why I was doing this and if I’d made the wrong choice in choosing this class, this language. At the beginning of second semester, our teacher gave us a heads up: our final for the year would be to recite the wordless book with at least two Bible verses per section. It ended up being two pages of Russian text to memorize and we had to understand what we were saying enough to answer questions our teacher asked about the Gospel.

During this same semester, my senior class was preparing to go to New York City for a missions trip. It was a busy few months but just before finals, we loaded into buses and drove to Brooklyn. One of the afternoons, we held a children’s club at the church and we shared the Gospel message using wordless books. Just before we started, several classmates excitedly ran up to me and said there were two Russian children in the back who didn’t understand much English.

With nerves rattling, I approached and introduced myself and asked if I could explain this book without words to them in Russian. They sat by me while I slowly staggered through every section, every Bible verse I had spent the semester memorizing for my final. They left the kids club with a Russian tract, a wordless book, and the gospel. I have no idea if they ever visited the church again but a seed was planted by a very overwhelmed and nervous high schooler.

It’s an extremely humbling experience to be used by God. To take your simple efforts and things you’ve unknowingly been cultivating and have God use them in ways you never imagined. When I set out to take Russian, I never dreamed that nine months later I would be witnessing in another language to two children who knew nothing of the Gospel. When my teacher assigned us that final project to work on, I had no idea my missions team would be sharing that same material in the children’s program. But God…

I often think when we set out to make resolutions and reach our goals, we only have that in mind: our goals. Our desires. Our purposes. But how much richer our lives become when we set our priorities on God’s desires for us. What he has for us this year, this month, this day. And while we can’t anticipate everything God has for us, we can practice faithfulness, right here, where he’s placed us.

It’s impossible to know how God will use what we’re doing today for the future. But that’s okay. We don’t need to know the ends and outs of what God will do or how. We just need to be faithful where we are. We need to be praying for opportunities and studying the Bible so we know what to say when the need arises. How will you be faithful today?

Photo by Charles Black on Unsplash

When Anxiety Threatens

Anxiety is an equal opportunity villain.  

I don’t think I’ve ever met a person who hasn’t experienced fear or anxiety at some point. We might be more prone to it depending on active imaginations (me!) or always jumping to worse case scenarios (me!) or being a pessimist (not me!). There is something in our human, fallen minds that lands on fear when uncertain or frightening things happen. 

I didn’t consider myself a fearful person in my younger years. Maybe I naively always thought that difficult things happened to other people, not me. But over the course of a few years, I had several times when I was gripped with a sudden anxiety that was difficult to shake. One of these times was when my daughter was born.

When I went to the hospital to have my daughter, I was so excited. I was two weeks overdue and those weeks seemed like a lifetime. Every appointment those last few weeks, I had to have a stress test which meant I sat in a comfortable chair for 30 minutes while a machine took my vitals. I was declared stress free every time. 

My labor was long and slow. Even after induction, my water didn’t break on its own and the doctor had to do it. And when she did, a problem was discovered. My baby had already had a bowel movement in the womb and there was a high likelihood she had swallowed fluid and developed an infection. The doctor warned that when she was born, her lungs would need to be suctioned and cleared before they would attempt to get her breathing. 

With that on our minds, we continued to wait for labor to progress. When our baby came hours later, it was a rush of activity. As soon as she was born, she was put on a cart and suctioned again and again. I couldn’t see anything happening, but I also couldn’t hear a baby crying. Time seemed to stretch until finally, we heard a little slap on skin and a baby’s wail.  

She was cleaned up and placed in my arms for the first time but not for long. In less than an hour, the nurses needed to get her to the NICU and run tests for infection and start antibiotics. Watching my daughter being wheeled away was not how I had pictured our first hours as a family. I slept on and off and was finally put in a wheelchair to visit our baby and move to a new room. 

For the rest of the week, every day was a new anxiety. The baby wouldn’t nurse and would only drink half the bottle of milk I pumped. We were told she would need to stay in the NICU for at least five days of antibiotic, but I could only stay in my hospital room for 48 hours. We could visit and hold our daughter except for a few hours each day when the nurse schedule rotated. Every doctor round brought some encouraging news coupled with discouraging news. They needed her to eat more at each feeding and gain more weight before releasing her. A certain number of wet diapers a day. A certain heart rate and oxygen number and blood test. 

I would look at the other babies in our NICU room and feel grateful, knowing many of them had more serious issues that required them to stay longer. But seeing my baby in an incubator, needing a nurse to help me lift her out with all the wires and tubes connected to her, not knowing when she would get to come home. I would sit and rock her and sing Jesus Loves Me until my husband came. Then I would head home to shower, change clothes, eat, and head back to the hospital to catch the doctor on his rounds and hear a test update. I would pump and deliver small bottles of milk for the nurses to try and feed her. 

Those five days were life changing. I realized in a way I hadn’t before the fragility of life and how little control we truly have over life’s circumstances. Until my water broke, we had no idea our week would be spent driving back and forth from the hospital, sleeping when we could, cheering for every milliliter of milk our daughter would drink. Finally bringing her home was exhausting relief that we had made it through. God had provided the strength, stamina, and wisdom we needed. 

Most people I know like to have a feeling of control or knowledge of a situation. When we are afraid of outcomes that scare us, we start focusing on the problem instead of on God. 

Anxiety can be paralyzing, taking over our physical and mental capabilities. But again and again, we find comforting words in the Bible, meant to encourage and give us rest. 

Psalm 23 is a beautiful example. It shows the range of depth our lives can have, from the joy and comfort of peaceful moments to the fear and dark times of shadows. While familiar to many, this Psalm isn’t one to be hastily quoted; it deserves consideration and consistent remembering, especially when we are feeling the weight of anxiety pressing in.

The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want.

He makes me lie down in green pastures. He leads me beside still waters.

He restores my soul. He leads me in paths of righteousness for his name’s sake.

Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.

You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies; you anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows.

Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life, and I shall dwell in the house of the Lord forever.

Photo by David Mark on Pixabay

An Unhurried Life

Our fall schedule has started and that means things are quite a bit busier for us!

Summer wasn’t exactly the restful, quiet time I always hope it will be. But fall brings on a different kind of routine and busy. School, piano lessons, Bible studies, AWANA. And then we have special things like playdates, parties, and field trips.

I guess what I’m saying is there is no ‘restful season’ that will magically happen. Each change of the calendar and tick of the clock brings a new, different type of hurry and bustle and rush.

I’ve always thought it amazing that some people seem immune to the hustle mentality. They get done what needs to be done without running, frantic lives.

One of the most slow paced people I’ve known was my Grandma Short. She got a lot done in a day but she didn’t do anything quickly. Everything that was worth doing was worth doing well. Making pie crust, ironing, watering flowers. Grandma didn’t run or rush.

I remember shopping with Grandma and Grandpa when they visited us. Grandma looked at every shirt on the rack, touched the fabric, slowly moved the hangers to get to the desired size. She didn’t feel rushed, even when the rest of us moved ahead. But she also never seemed concerned about falling behind. She knew what she needed to get done in a day and that was what she got done.

Grandma didn’t neglect others in her to-do list. She wasn’t so focused on the tasks that she didn’t cultivate relationships. My Grandpa owned two businesses in a small town and he and my Grandma were born and raised in that area. They knew most of the people in town and people knew they could drop by for a chat. There were many times when people would knock and yell “Hello!” and Grandma would answer and welcome them in for a visit. It didn’t matter that she was in the middle of laundry or dishes or baking.

When we would visit, we would often go on the back patio after dinner. It was sometimes the first time all day my Grandma had sat down except for eating meals. But she didn’t complain or draw attention to how much she’d gotten done or hadn’t accomplished. She would sit and visit and laugh and comment on the nice evening and wave at every person who walked by.

I didn’t really notice her contentment with life and her patience with tasks as a child but as I’ve gotten older and felt the weight of responsibility and everything that needs to be done, I look back at my memories of her and long for her unhurried approach to life.

It’s not just about a slower pace. It’s also about being content with what we can do in a day and maybe scaling back on expectations. With modern conveniences and technology, I believe some of our frustration is we think we can do more in a day than we actually can. And when we fail to do it all, instead of focusing on a few tasks the next day, we believe we just have to wake up earlier, hustle more, stay up later.

This is certainly something I need to try harder at and do not have the perfect answers for. But it is something I recognize in my life as needing to change. I need to set my priorities more realistically so I’m not rushing from task to thing to place. I need to recognize my limits and accept them.

Living an unhurried life doesn’t mean not getting things done or living in slow motion. It’s a mindset of living within our limits and being content. With not trying to do it all everyday. And trusting God with our efforts.

Photo by Theme Photos on Unsplash

Things I've Learned from Homeschooling

We have finished our fifth year of homeschooling!

Even though I knew I wanted to homeschool my kids before we even had kids, each year that we successfully complete is a triumph but also kind of amazing! Homeschooling is an opportunity that I am very grateful for but it’s not the easiest option, it’s not always the most convenient option, and it’s a responsibility I don’t take lightly or flippantly. It’s definitely a choice that we make every year and go into with much prayer.

I’ve had so many people ask me about homeschooling and how we do it year after year. To be honest, we look at just the year in front of us and plan our best for that year’s needs. I’m also changing routines and aspects of our school days each year based on what worked the previous year, what didn’t, what my kids are interested in, how they learn best, and how they’re developing. Learning is not a static process and I don’t treat our school that way.

Although I love homeschooling and recommend it without reservation, I know people’s situations are different, there isn’t one answer to good education, and I try to never disparage another parent’s decision about education. That said, I want to share some things I’ve learned about homeschooling and present an honest truth from my own experiences.

I don’t have to know everything before I teach my children. One of the most humbling things about teaching is realizing all the things you’ve forgotten. Especially as my oldest gets into complicated math problems, more complex literature and grammar rules, and deeper science theories, I find myself with a niggling in my mind that at one time I did learn these things; I just don’t completely remember them. So I have to review, work a few long division problems, watch some YouTube videos about diagramming sentences, and move forward with my daughter.

Not everyday is the same. Because I like planning and routine, I used to set out with grand plans for everything we would do each hour of our school day. But those aren’t practical for us or very sustainable. I know some homeschooling families are much more structured but one of the beauties of homeschooling is making it fit with your family. Sometimes history takes us 15 minutes, other days we’ll stop after 45. If something is resonating and sparking questions, we’ll dwell on it a little more. When my daughter was learning about sand being heated to make glass, she asked about the process and we watched a few YouTube videos that showed the glass making process. That led to a conversation about recycling, how things are recycled, and another video on that topic. We are flexible and I’m thankful for the option.

Learning can look different than books. I love reading and beautiful illustrations and diagrams and maps. To me, books are great treasures for learning about things. They can involve your imagination and emotions and teach you in ways other mediums can’t. There’s nothing like holding a book in your hands and being transported. But I’ve found my kids can put into practice the things they’ve studied in so many different ways. By giving them Legos, blocks, pipecleaners, buttons, and a host of other ordinary things, they can build and imagine in such a diverse way. It’s one thing to read how a bridge supports weight or how people lived in castles and another to actually build a structure that stands and design your own town with everything people need to survive. But it is all learning.

I’m not strong enough. The hardest days in homeschooling are when I’m frantic, distracted with worries and anxious, and haven’t read my Bible or fixed my mind on biblical truth. Anything I try to push through and muster the strength for on my own leaves me frustrated, tired, and ready to give up. Even though we are the teacher for our children and it feels like a weight and responsibility we alone need to bear, we were never meant to do it alone. I love James 1:5, “If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him.” God has promised to give us the wisdom we need to fulfill what he has called us to. We have but to ask, yet how often do we attempt to power through on our own? It’s not weakness to admit we need grace and help. It’s living in humility.

Life is about learning. Homeschooling is a humbling, growing, stretching blessing that I don’t take for granted. I’m thankful to teach my children and learn alongside them. Every year that I homeschool I find out more about God and my children and myself. It’s a unique and remarkable journey that I don’t regret.

Photo by Kimberly Farmer on Unsplash.

Dwelling on Identity

Our culture has become one of identity.

We have dozens of ways to categorize ourselves and — intentional or not — it usually leads to categorizing others also. We want to put people into neat boxes so we know what they believe, what they value, why they react a certain way, how to respond to them, etc.

The trouble is people are unique. People have personalities. People are sinful. Therefore, we don’t respond in the same way, we don’t agree with everyone in a given “group.” The trouble continues when we constantly seek to find our identity in the category we place ourselves in.

Maybe it’s easier to give an example. I’m a stay at home, homeschooling mom. Because of this, people have assumed {and I know this because I’ve been told} that I’m patient, that I have no interests outside homeschooling, that I’ve always wanted to be a mom, that I’m a picture of domesticity, that I have no clue what’s going on in the greater world, that I look down on other moms, that I don’t care about fashion….I’m sure you get the point. People make a lot of assumptions about me because they put me in what they believe a homeschool stay at home mom box should look like. And they believe all those things form my identity, my worth, my life.

Now, even if some of the above things were true about me, it would be unfair to categorize me based on those things alone and either praise or condemn me. There is much more to who I am and what I’ve experienced but if you look away from me because of the labels you’ve placed on me, you’ll never know the ‘real me.’

But it’s also very easy for me to identify myself as only a stay at home homeschooling mom and take pride or resent what that looks like. If I compare myself to other moms who make everything from scratch and mop the floor everyday, I will become convinced I’m failing as a mom. If I compare myself to the homeschool mom who plans each hour of everyday to maximize her children’s learning, I will be discouraged that I’m ruining my children’s education. If I compare myself to the stay at home mom with a six-figure side hustle, I can become envious and lose contentment with my life.

The honest truth is every stay at home homeschooling mom is different because THEY are different, in different homes with different kids and opportunities and challenges and….Yes, I homeschool and stay home with my kids, but that’s not the only thing that identifies me.

Another way the culture has highjacked identity is platform building. As someone who has researched the publishing field, attended writer ‘webinars,’ and asked questions of other writers, platform has become a huge buzzword. If you have a platform — a following of people on social media based on a certain topic you write on — you can get a publishing deal. It’s all about platform and if potential readers can identify with you and your writing topic. So you need to make what you write about your identity.

It’s extremely tempting to make my identity what I want it to be. To focus on the externals and the roles I want to be known as. But identity as a Christian is more than whatever we want it to be. God gave us a new life and new identity when we accepted Jesus as Savior.

In a ladies Bible study I’m attending, we’re studying Ephesians and Paul doesn’t waste anytime reminding this church where their identity lies: in Christ. Here is the passage:

Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in Christ with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places, 4even as he chose us in him before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and blameless before him. In love 5he predestined us for adoption to himself as sons through Jesus Christ, according to the purpose of his will, 6to the praise of his glorious grace, with which he has blessed us in the Beloved. 7In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of our trespasses, according to the riches of his grace, 8which he lavished upon us, in all wisdom and insight 9making known to us the mystery of his will, according to his purpose, which he set forth in Christ 10as a plan for the fullness of time, to unite all things in him, things in heaven and things on earth.

11In him we have obtained an inheritance, having been predestined according to the purpose of him who works all things according to the counsel of his will, 12so that we who were the first to hope in Christ might be to the praise of his glory. 13In him you also, when you heard the word of truth, the gospel of your salvation, and believed in him, were sealed with the promised Holy Spirit, 14who is the guarantee of our inheritance until we acquire possession of it, to the praise of his glory. (1:3-14)

No matter what our outer identity looks like, as Christians we have Christ in common. Categories and stereotypes and things that might divide us according to the world should dissolve because in Christ, we have inherited the same blessings and redemption, we are chosen and sealed, we have hope and life and purpose because we are now in Christ!!

I realize it’s natural to look at what we like, how we spend our days, our stage of life and identify with others who are similar. It’s not wrong to seek out people we have things in common with, but when that becomes our only qualification, we need to take a step back. Look at verse 10 above; Christ came to unite all things in Him. As Christians, we are to be united in the gospel message. Ephesians 2:19-22 reminds us that Christ is the cornerstone and we are “being fitted together…in the Lord, in whom you also are being built together for a dwelling place of God in the Spirit.” (vv.21-22)

If we want to spread the gospel to a broken world, we need to stop focusing on how we want to identify ourselves and consider that God has given us a true, lasting identity in Christ that should take precedence over all else.

Photo by Joseph Young on Unsplash

The Right Time

Have you ever noticed that we operate in a ‘someday’ mentality?

In college we think ‘After I get married I’ll…’ After marriage we think ‘When I have a baby I’ll…’ With kids we say ‘Once they graduate I’ll…’ When work gets in the way we promise ‘When I retire I’ll…’

We are always looking for why our current stage of life keeps us from doing certain things and we are positive once we get things together in the future, we’ll be able to fulfill that dream, help in that ministry, catch up with that friend, etc.

The truth is, tomorrow isn’t promised to us, let alone the next 10 years. And we don’t know the difficulties or obstacles or challenges that the next stage might bring. If we are serious about a ministry or checking in with someone, we need to consider doing it now.

Of course, we can’t do everything, no matter how much we want to. But if we’re continually making excuses and turning it into a ‘someday promise,’ we should question how serious we are about doing it.

I remember when we first got married and were in a tiny apartment. Our kitchen/dining barely fit a table with four chairs and our living room wasn’t much bigger. Initially I thought ‘We’ll have people over once we get into a house’ but I knew we wouldn’t be buying a house anytime soon because we didn’t plan to live in that city for long. If we wanted to fellowship with those friends at that time, it would have to be in a crowded apartment in informal ways. But we did it and it worked. I hosted Bible study, a wedding shower for a friend, several different couples for meals. It might not have looked perfect or ideal but we jumped in and enjoyed what we had.

I’ve thought similar things about the child rearing stage. With babies or toddlers, it can be easier to not visit people, to not open your home, but there are many opportunities you miss out on! I haven’t always done this well and I’m still learning what I can do in this stage and what needs to wait, but I shouldn’t put everything off!

Part of living a life that glorifies God is to be a good steward of this life. That means asking God to show opportunities you can do now, today, this week, to encourage someone. Maybe you can text a Bible verse to a friend while holding a sleeping baby. Maybe you double your bread recipe and drop the extra loaf at a neighbor’s house. Maybe it’s committing to help in one church program this year.

My challenge to you is to find one thing. Pray and ask God to lay on your heart one area that you can help someone in and then follow through. I think you’ll be surprised how little efforts build to great things and that often, the right time is right in front of us.

Photo by Manasvita S on Unsplash

Stretching Myself

One of the things I ‘resolved’ about this year was that I didn’t want to spend time moaning about what I can’t do. I want to seize opportunities and do my best to have a year I won’t regret.

This doesn’t mean I have a laundry list of things I want to accomplish. Rather as I think of things or hear of things, I want to make space for them and actually stretch myself to try them. My kids have been a huge encouragement to me along these lines because they are always looking for the next thing. They have such dreams and interests!!

There is some fear that comes along with the adventure. Fear of failure, fear of something not working out, fear of others seeing my efforts and rolling their eyes. I’ve always been very aware of what other people think of me. This can be good or bad — there were definitely times growing up where I did the right thing because I didn’t want to be seen doing the wrong thing, not because I wanted to make the right choice. This mindset has also kept me from trying new things. I don’t like failing; I hate letting people down.

But always wanting to ‘put on a good face’ and have success in everything was partly pride and partly fear. I wanted to look great to anyone who was watching {sounds pretty prideful} and I didn’t know what I would do if I tried something and it didn’t work out {there’s the fear}.

So at the end of 2020, I signed up for an online month long writing seminar. Even though I’m not turning in assignments, there are weekly videos to watch, handouts to work through, and a focus on goals. This might not sound scary to you but I’m the person who gets butterflies in my stomach driving to a new place by myself. I don’t do things out of my comfort zone, I don’t particularly like change. But I have greatly enjoyed this month of learning and honing my writing skills and thinking through the creative process.

I’ve also started taking more steps with my writing. I wrote a blog schedule, I have carved out time to work on a book idea and a book proposal to send to agents, I’m brainstorming more content and looking into writing a newsletter. These are all things I’ve consistently been pushing aside because I’m afraid or proud. But I’m finally taking that next step with help and encouragement from my family.

I’ve also continued to try watercolor painting, hand lettering, simple drawings, and doodling. It’s been amazing how relaxing and enjoyable it is. I’ve never been an artist. I usually get no farther than stick figures! But thanks to some YouTube tutorials and Pinterest inspirations, it doesn’t seem impossible anymore. I’m not ashamed to show people my feeble efforts as I learn. I’ve also included my kids at times and we’ve practiced new skills together.

You never know what God is going to use in your life and how he can use even the smallest things to grow you. It’s impossible to try everything in one lifetime but as opportunities arise, I’m not afraid to step out there {within reason} and give it a go to learn something new.

Have you stepped out and tried anything new this first month of 2021?

Photo by Olia Gozha on Unsplash

Making Goals with Open Hands

It’s the new year and some people might be brave enough to make resolutions this year.

With everything going crazy in 2020, I know many people are more hesitant to make a list, plan, etc. And that’s certainly understandable! There were many things on my own calendar that were cancelled in the chaos of last year.

However, I don’t think all planning for 2021 needs to go up in smoke. Maybe we just need to think about it a different way. Go into the year with palms up, hands open, ready to change and modify.

I will say it again for those who missed it: I’m a planner!! Crossing things out of my agenda last March-July was hard. Especially since I love using fancy pens and markers {I would put the winking emoji here if I could}. Making plans just to have them cancelled, everything up in the air and unknown and uncontrollable was very difficult for me. And basically the entire year I was afraid to tell plans to my kids or write them with those fancy pens because they so often weren’t able to happen.

But the frustrations of 2020 will not keep me from thinking about and dreaming up goals for 2021. But I have a different mindset about the point of goals and the benefit of making them.

As I’m thinking through goals for this year and waiting with anticipation and trepidation for what it holds, here’s the process I’m following.

• Prayer. Before I write anything I want to do/accomplish, I ask God to convict me of areas I need to grow in, bring what he wills in my path, and help me seek humility above all else. This isn’t MY year. This isn’t MY life. It’s God’s, and I want to be right where he would have me.

• Write. This can be a list of things to accomplish in different categories (spiritual, health, family, bucket list, etc.), it can be a long journal entry of what I’m praying for this year, it can be a diagram of what to do/when/how. The main thing is I get it on paper! Then I decide what I can realistically do in a year with my current life (family, church, homeschooling, working, housework…).

• Talk. Tommy and I chat about projects we can tackle together, trips we want to make, things we would like to do. I also ask the kids. Usually their suggestions are a little unrealistic (visit Norway and Sweden, recreate dinosaur DNA, build an American Girl room in our house….) but they also request things like camping trips, playdates, sleepovers with Grammy or Nana. Family and memories are so important to me and I want to make room for those too!

I know goal planning isn’t for everyone. I’m not super strict with myself but I do like to sit and think and consider how God would have me use my abilities and time and energy throughout the year. Of course, those things can all change. Maybe we’ll be given extra time {think quarantine} or maybe we’ll walk through a trial with illness or family and not get anything from our list marked off.

For me, it’s not just about the end goal or accomplishing my list — although I love checking things off lists! It’s also about how God grows me and the things I learn through the events of the year. I certainly learned patience and trust, waiting for God’s time and will, and my need for rest and fellowship in 2020. None of those were things on MY to-do for last year but Gods knows best.

Going into 2021, I’m praying, writing, and talking about goals and desires and dreams. But I’m holding them in open, out stretched hands and I might start using a pencil.

Photo by Hayley Maxwell on Unsplash

Life Lessons in a Journal

I’m a fan of journaling.

I love buying them, receiving them as gifts, using them.

I write in them about my life, my memories, my fears and desires, my frustrations and my thankfulness. I brainstorm and outline and connect thoughts and put together fragments.

Journals are all over my office, stacked on shelves and bookcases and in bins in a closet and under beds. I might be a little obsessed.

I started journaling when I was 10 years old with a diary that had a lock and a small set of keys. I didn’t have a lot going on in my life but I wrote about my cat dying, school work, vacations, summer fun, and lots of “Today was great. The End.” type entries.

When we moved, journaling was how I documented my sadness and frustrations and new friendships and starting school and hating biology.

My mom encouraged me to keep a journal whenever I traveled so I could write about the culture and adventures and what I saw and experienced. And I’m so glad she did. Through various missions trips and school trips and family travels, I would take a different journal and try to write in it at the end of each day. I was recently reading over some of those and of all the things I remember about those trips, there is so much I forgot. But thanks to my journaling practice, I can relive those forgotten moments again.

Through getting married and starting jobs and moving and becoming a mom I’ve kept journals — not as regularly written in but still precious — and it’s a habit I continue to foster.

The thing about journals is what you record in that moment in what you are feeling, thinking, experiencing. And over years of documenting these things, you can look back at the person you were and marvel at who you are now. Sometimes we change for the better, other times we see ourselves still struggling with the same sins and issues. But we see a picture of who we once were, maybe in a way that we’ve forgotten.

When I look back on certain periods of my journal writing, I notice I only had complaints to write about. I didn’t do this well, someone else got the award, a trip was canceled. I find it hard to believe that for weeks on end nothing good or happy happened to me as a teen-ager. But that’s all my 16 year old self wrote about. But I’ve noticed that — while sometimes sad and discouraging and hard things still happen to me — my more recent entries are focused on gratitude and thankfulness. Maybe it’s my older self realizing that optimism is more enjoyable and things that used to ruin my day aren’t that big of a deal.

I encourage people to journal, even if you don’t enjoy writing, because it’s a interesting lens to see yourself through. No one else has read my journals. I’m not keeping them on the off chance I need material for my autobiography. I’m keeping them to see God’s grace in my life. How experiences and trials have shaped and grown me. How relationships have stretched and challenged and molded me. The things I’ve learned in life and my Bible reading, the prayers lifted and answered.

It’s a habit I plan to continue. I still have empty journals to fill. And I still have lessons to learn and remember.

Photo by Jess Bailey on Unsplash