Slowing Down for Beauty

When you think of beauty, what pops in your mind?

Maybe a flawless face, a certain piece of music, a rose. Beauty can be seen in many different ways and different people appreciate different applications of beauty. But all beauty is appreciated more with time and attention.

When we see something beautiful we want to stop and consider it, look closer. It’s sometimes difficult to put into words why something strikes us. Other times we immediately put our finger on why we call it beautiful. But to fully savor the thing or moment or experience, we have to slow down and give our attention.

The reality of this fully took form when Tommy and I went to Paris last year. We were able to experience amazing food, incredible historical sites, and surround ourselves in completely new things at every turn. One of the top things on my list of “want to dos” when we were planning our trip was to visit Musee de l’Orangerie {Orangery Museum} where the famous Waterlily paintings by Monet are.

I don’t know exactly when I started loving them, but Impressionist paintings are my favorite style and Paris museums are filled with Monet, Degas, Renoir, and a host of others. But l’Orangerie is especially magnificent because Monet himself worked on the plan to renovate the building, planning how his studies of the waterlilies from his garden pond would look on display. The panels are over two yards tall and when put together are almost 100 yards wide. Stretching in ovals around two rooms, there really is nothing like it.

The immensity of the paintings hits you, especially when you’ve only seen them in books. While the paintings weren’t the tallest or the most detailed paintings we saw, the scale of them arching around the room, the calming colors set off by stark white walls, and the quiet as visitors took them in was beautiful.

But while Tommy and I stood in the middle of the room and I attempted to etch every color and detail into my memory, other tourists were there for an entirely different reason. They stood at the painting, back toward the masterpiece, and smiled for a friend to capture the moment on camera. Picture secure, they headed to the next room, some of them spending less than a minute before Monet’s 30 years of work.

Can you appreciate the beauty of the thing and the experience in such a blink? You certainly can’t capture the whole painting or the feeling in a snapshot. These were not beauty seekers. They were focused on the adage, “If I have a picture of it, it happened.” Or maybe, “If I post it on social media, it happened.” We saw similar tourists at Versailles, the Louvre, even restaurants. So absorbed in their phones, their pictures, their posts that they didn’t care about what surrounded them.

What a waste of beauty! Maybe you believe they took those photos and look at them and reflect on what they saw now, months after the trip. But I doubt it. If you can’t appreciate beauty when you are in the moment, will you ever have time to look back? And it won’t be the same.

Sunsets are my favorite. I love the splash of color that is ever changing. No two sunsets are the same; the temperature, the air quality, the position of the sun makes each one a unique painting from God. And try as I might, a picture of a spectacular sunset is never the same as watching it happen in real time. Same with rainbows. Pictures never seem to capture the colors, the expanse, the shimmer of a rainbow. To fully enjoy them, we must slow down and look right then! So it is with all beauty.

Our society seems to be based on a breakneck pace. Do more, faster! Be more productive in less time! These types of attitudes don’t go well with savoring experiences, looking for beauty, and enjoying what’s in front of you. The thought something better is just after this moment keeps us from finding contentment where we are and slowing down. We think if we slow down we’ll miss something but the truth is, in our race to the next thing, we’re missing hundreds of beautiful things and moments.

Don’t stand with your back to the masterpiece and rush to the next photo op. Look around, enjoy the moment now, while it’s here, and you might be surprised that you can find beauty in so many things.

Photo by Richard Hedrick on Unsplash

Cling to the Rock

Our family recently returned from a vacation in Hawaii. My husband and I had been 15 years ago but this was the first time for our kids. We filled our days with beaches, the pool, hikes, and trying as many local fruits as possible.

After the thrill of stepping in the Pacific and running up and down the beach to avoid oncoming waves, my son came to me a little disheartened.

“I see fish and things in the sand but the waves keep coming and I loose them.” I assured him we would go to a place where the waves wouldn’t be a problem. He looked doubtful.

The next day, we went to a beautiful lagoon that was by several large resorts. {Side note: our local Hawaiian friends told us no one can own beaches in Hawaii, all beaches are open for anyone to use even “on resort property.”} We parked the car, walked up a grassy hill, and down into the sand. After a layer of sunscreen, the kids made a beeline for the water. And they instantly noticed something: no waves. The water was completely calm.

This manmade cove or lagoon had rocks piled against the ocean side, breaking the waves and keeping the water inside the cove calm and shallow. There were fish, crabs, even a sea cucumber. It was a great place to learn to snorkel and we built sand castles, swam in circles, and enjoyed the afternoon.

The thing was, on the other side of that rock barrier, waves crashed and hit and were just as rough as ever. The rocks didn’t keep the waves from being waves, they simply protected those in the cove.

As I sat on the beach, happily digging and watching the kids, I couldn’t help but think about all the Psalms that mention God as our Rock. We usually think of this in terms of God’s strength and solidness, a firm foundation we can trust in. But it also points us to how he protects us. The waves of the world are constant and relentless. Sin pounds at us from all sides. It can be just as exhausting as standing up to physical waves all day. But when we seek shelter in the Rock of our Salvation {God}, we can hide behind him and find peace and rest from the waves.

Meditate on these words from Psalm 62:

1 I am at rest in God alone;

my salvation comes from Him.

2 He alone is my rock and my salvation,

my stronghold; I will never be shaken.

No matter how high those waves struck on that Hawaiian beach, we were safe behind the rocks that made our lagoon. We didn’t even think about the possibility of the tide pulling us deeper into the water or the waves knocking us down. We were happy, secure, and enjoying the beauty around us.

God does the same. Life isn’t perfect or trouble free because we’re clinging to the Rock but we know he’s there. We know the sin and wickedness of the world can’t move him. We know we can always find refuge in him. When you feel as if the waves are pulling you away from the safety of the Rock, read Psalm 91. God is our refuge, our fortress. In him we can trust.

Photo by Wei Zeng on Unsplash

Psalms for Rest

I usually don’t feel anxious. I often don’t realize I’m worried or struggling with something until it suddenly occurs to me that I’m not sleeping, I’m constantly thinking about the same thing, I have a headache, I feel irritable.

Anxiety has a way of sneaking in and getting comfortable in our lives, slowly retraining our minds and attitudes until it seems normal. We don’t remember NOT feeling nervous and worried. We don’t believe we can get out of it.

That’s one of the reasons I love the Psalms. So many of them calm my fears and point me to the truth of God’s character. Instead of dwelling on my worries, I can recite Scripture or sometimes sing it. If you are anxious about the future or overwhelmed in current circumstances, please read and dwell on the following Psalms. I know they will bring comfort and peace.

Psalm 4:8 In peace I will both lie down and sleep; for you alone, O Lord, make me dwell in safety.

Psalm 40:1-2 I waited patiently for the Lord; he inclined to me and heard my cry. 2He drew me up from the pit of destruction, out of the miry bog, and set my feet upon a rock, making my steps secure.

Psalm 62:5-8 For God alone, O my soul, wait in silence, for my hope is from him. 6He only is my rock and my salvation, my fortress; I shall not be shaken. 7On God rests my salvation and my glory; my mighty rock, my refuge is God. 8Trust in him at all times, O people; pour out your heart before him; God is a refuge for us.

Psalm 119: 147-149 I rise before dawn and cry for help; I hope in your words. 148My eyes are awake before the watches of the night, that I may meditate on your promise. 149Hear my voice according to your steadfast love; O Lord, according to your justice give me life.

Psalm 121 I lift up my eyes to the hills. From where does my help come? 2My help comes from the Lord, who made heaven and earth. 3He will not let your foot be moved; he who keeps you will not slumber. 4Behold, he who keeps Israel will neither slumber nor sleep. 5The Lord is your keeper; the Lord is your shade on your right hand. 6The sun shall not strike you by day, nor the moon by night. 7The Lord will keep you from all evil; he will keep your life. 8The Lord will keep your going out and your coming in from this time forth and forevermore.

Psalm 136 is a reminder of all God did in Israel’s past and that “his steadfast love endures forever.”

This is just a small sampling. There are so many other Psalms I could have included but had to limit for space. Open your Bible today and seek him. Rest in all he has done and is doing and will do. Great is our Lord!!

Photo by Kien Do on Unsplash

Where Do You Run?

I’ve been doodling, coloring, and helping my kids paint most of today. It was snowing so we needed something fun and creative and I wanted to make name cards for Easter lunch. It seemed like a good day to stay inside and relax!

I turned on my Rest - Vocals playlist on Spotify and we were singing along while we crafted. The kids ate lunch and headed off to play, leaving me to finish my project. The song “Jesus Strong and Kind” from CityAlight came on and as I colored, I thought about the truth I was hearing.

Jesus said that if I thirst
I should come to Him
No one else can satisfy
I should come to Him

Jesus said, if I am weak
I should come to Him
No one else can be my strength
I should come to Him

Jesus said that if I fear
I should come to Him
No one else can be my shield
I should come to Him

Then the chorus:

For the Lord is good and faithful
He will keep us day and night
We can always run to Jesus
Jesus, strong and kind

As I sang along and thought about the words, I thought about all the things this world offers that we are tempted to “run to” or trust. Financial security, perfect health, secure job, comforting family. While these things aren’t bad and are certainly things to be grateful for, when they become what we seek to keep our lives going or when we trust them to get us through hardships without first crying out to the Lord, we are neglecting our first and strongest line of defense.

No one else can satisfy, no one else can give us strength, no one else can guard us. Only Jesus offers what will ultimately matter — true rest in him. True peace in him. One of the things that struck me anew in these verses is that not only is Jesus strong enough to bear our sins on the cross. He is also kind or loving enough to want to. He isn’t just a nice guy and good example without power or ability to help in our troubles. He is strong AND kind AND loving AND faithful AND….

Why would we seek after anything else when we face trials? Why would we think anyone else can help us how we need help?

If you are struggling with running to God with your trials, I encourage you to read the Psalms which are filled with beautiful pictures of crying out to God when hope seems far and finding strength and mercy.

Photo by Karsten Wurth on Unsplash

Words for Jesus, Strong and Kind:

Songwriters: Colin Buchanan / Michael Farren / Rich Thompson / Jonny Robinson

Jesus, Strong and Kind lyrics © Universal Music Publishing Pty. Ltd., Farren Love And War Publishing, Integrity's Alleluia! Music, Cityalight Music

Joy in Lingering

We are a society bent on going.

The pace at which we feel we must live is exhausting, even for the most ambitious person. Messages of hustle, keep going, push in, try harder, be more, have it all…these are all about going even when you’re falling asleep standing up.

They are also all about you. What YOU can do. What YOU need to strive for. Why YOU need to keep going.

There are definitely times when life demands a lot. There are moments when you have to just keep going even through fatigue. But these shouldn’t dominate us or be the norm.

I used to view life as a checklist of things to get through. What did I HAVE to do before I could read or write or craft or just take a break? And I realized that my checklist was never complete. When I neared the end, something would come up that needed my attention and the list would grow.

So then I thought the answer was to rush. Clean quickly. Rush through meal prep, eating, and cleanup. Skim books, multitask everything possible. But the checklist was never complete and I was more exhausted and actually accomplishing less. And I certainly wasn’t enjoying anything.

Then one day, I was at a friend’s house. Susan is a busy interior designer and she easily has 50 tabs open in her brain at all times of things she’s working on. But as she was moving around her kitchen preparing our meal, there was nothing rushed. She took joy in every aspect of the moment. She chopped the onion precisely, sometimes stopping as she thought of the right word to describe something to me. She carefully folded the napkins for the table. She arranged the food on each plate to perfectly match. She wanted to give her best effort at where she was then, what she was doing then, and leave the next task for when this one was completed and enjoyed. No use to rush. The next thing would still be there after dinner.

I realized with young kids these stylized meals would be difficult for me to duplicate. However, I could adopt a less frenzied attitude in what I did. And I could change my thinking from a HAVE to checklist to a GET to checklist. I realized that my frustration with certain tasks was based on my attitude toward them. It’s a joy to have food to feed my family. A privilege to have a nice kitchen to work in. A blessing to sit and savor time together as we review our day as a family.

All those things were missing when I was hustling to get done with that to get on with something else.

I believe we miss out on realizing so many blessings around us because we’re too busy running from thing to thing to notice what just happened. And often things that should be a blessing are phrased as a complaint. We don’t feel we are ungrateful but we certainly aren’t thankful!

So I’ve been attempting {and it’s not always easy} to linger a little longer when I’m in the midst of things. I turn on music and sing along while I cook. I make a cup of hot tea and sit to enjoy it. I fold laundry and let my thoughts wander over the funny moments of the day. I don’t try to make things pass quickly. I don’t fill every moment with noise or tasks. I allow myself to just sit and pray.

And I find a new enjoyment and thankfulness in small, lingering moments.

Photo by Aaron Burden on Unsplash

The Weary Rejoice

Christmas hymns are some of my favorites, probably because they bring back so many memories. Violin concerts, orchestra concerts, choir performances, church programs. I can remember the arrangements, settings, hard spots on so many Christmas songs from across the years.

One of those favorites is O Holy Night. Think about these words:

Long lay the world in sin and error pining
Till he appear'd and the soul felt its worth.
A thrill of hope the weary soul rejoices
For yonder breaks a new and glorious morn!

The world had been broken and sinful and watching for a Savior for years, generations. Then, in a most unexpected way, God delivers on his promise in the form of a baby, bringing hope and joy. The gloriousness of that event was much more than just a new life entering the world. It was the beginning of the end, in a way. The load of the weary was going to be lifted and placed on the perfect Son of God. Born to die for our sins and offer the grace and hope we desperately needed but had no ability to make.

I think many of us are weary this year. A lot of difficult, trying, hard things have happened and we might try to muster the excitement and joy of the season but we’re struggling. We know the source of our grief isn’t going to go away or magically resolve itself. We still have next year to face, with unknown challenges to come.

But here’s the thing about hope — it’s not just for Christmas and it promises much more than solving earthly frustrations. We have salvation, we have the Holy Spirit, we have eternal peace. Our souls, weary with the cares of this world and all the brokenness of sin, can still rejoice with true joy. All because of Jesus, coming humbly to die humbly.

Photo by Debby Hudson on Unsplash

A Selfless Holiday

It's a paradox.

We spend so much time leading up to Christmas preparing everything for the perfect holiday. We want our kids to have a memorable month, we want our family to appreciate the food we prepare, we want our friends to love their gifts. All our energy seems to be pointed at making others happy. Yet this can be the most selfish time of year.

How is wanting the perfect holiday for others selfish? Because often we are wanting our version of the perfect holiday rather than want others want.

Each thing we attempt to do is often shrouded in something we want: perfect photos so we buy matching clothes our kids will never wear again, carrying on a tradition by making the proverbial fruitcake knowing no one will eat it, attempting to do every suggestion for a memorable 25 days of December from all the mommy blogs. We use the excuse it's all for others but we are really putting our checklist at the forefront.

Do we ever go into holidays asking our children or spouse what they want to do? What would really make the day special to them? It might not be exciting or picture worthy. It might involve doing something you really don't love doing. But if we really want everyone to enjoy the Christmas season, shouldn’t we be willing to ask?

I definitely have food and traditions that I love but I try to ask Tommy what meals he likes, sweets he loves, special Christmas things that mean something to him from childhood. And I try to display the sled and reindeer he made as a child.

December is such a busy rush of excitement and activity. It can feel like we’re giving every ounce of ourselves for others. But what if what they wanted was more of us present and less of us doing? We could make memories with our loved ones that were truly meaningful and we could avoid some of the crazy that we put on ourselves “for the sake of others.” Less of us. More of friends and family.

Photo by Freestocks on Unsplash

When Anxiety Threatens

Anxiety is an equal opportunity villain.  

I don’t think I’ve ever met a person who hasn’t experienced fear or anxiety at some point. We might be more prone to it depending on active imaginations (me!) or always jumping to worse case scenarios (me!) or being a pessimist (not me!). There is something in our human, fallen minds that lands on fear when uncertain or frightening things happen. 

I didn’t consider myself a fearful person in my younger years. Maybe I naively always thought that difficult things happened to other people, not me. But over the course of a few years, I had several times when I was gripped with a sudden anxiety that was difficult to shake. One of these times was when my daughter was born.

When I went to the hospital to have my daughter, I was so excited. I was two weeks overdue and those weeks seemed like a lifetime. Every appointment those last few weeks, I had to have a stress test which meant I sat in a comfortable chair for 30 minutes while a machine took my vitals. I was declared stress free every time. 

My labor was long and slow. Even after induction, my water didn’t break on its own and the doctor had to do it. And when she did, a problem was discovered. My baby had already had a bowel movement in the womb and there was a high likelihood she had swallowed fluid and developed an infection. The doctor warned that when she was born, her lungs would need to be suctioned and cleared before they would attempt to get her breathing. 

With that on our minds, we continued to wait for labor to progress. When our baby came hours later, it was a rush of activity. As soon as she was born, she was put on a cart and suctioned again and again. I couldn’t see anything happening, but I also couldn’t hear a baby crying. Time seemed to stretch until finally, we heard a little slap on skin and a baby’s wail.  

She was cleaned up and placed in my arms for the first time but not for long. In less than an hour, the nurses needed to get her to the NICU and run tests for infection and start antibiotics. Watching my daughter being wheeled away was not how I had pictured our first hours as a family. I slept on and off and was finally put in a wheelchair to visit our baby and move to a new room. 

For the rest of the week, every day was a new anxiety. The baby wouldn’t nurse and would only drink half the bottle of milk I pumped. We were told she would need to stay in the NICU for at least five days of antibiotic, but I could only stay in my hospital room for 48 hours. We could visit and hold our daughter except for a few hours each day when the nurse schedule rotated. Every doctor round brought some encouraging news coupled with discouraging news. They needed her to eat more at each feeding and gain more weight before releasing her. A certain number of wet diapers a day. A certain heart rate and oxygen number and blood test. 

I would look at the other babies in our NICU room and feel grateful, knowing many of them had more serious issues that required them to stay longer. But seeing my baby in an incubator, needing a nurse to help me lift her out with all the wires and tubes connected to her, not knowing when she would get to come home. I would sit and rock her and sing Jesus Loves Me until my husband came. Then I would head home to shower, change clothes, eat, and head back to the hospital to catch the doctor on his rounds and hear a test update. I would pump and deliver small bottles of milk for the nurses to try and feed her. 

Those five days were life changing. I realized in a way I hadn’t before the fragility of life and how little control we truly have over life’s circumstances. Until my water broke, we had no idea our week would be spent driving back and forth from the hospital, sleeping when we could, cheering for every milliliter of milk our daughter would drink. Finally bringing her home was exhausting relief that we had made it through. God had provided the strength, stamina, and wisdom we needed. 

Most people I know like to have a feeling of control or knowledge of a situation. When we are afraid of outcomes that scare us, we start focusing on the problem instead of on God. 

Anxiety can be paralyzing, taking over our physical and mental capabilities. But again and again, we find comforting words in the Bible, meant to encourage and give us rest. 

Psalm 23 is a beautiful example. It shows the range of depth our lives can have, from the joy and comfort of peaceful moments to the fear and dark times of shadows. While familiar to many, this Psalm isn’t one to be hastily quoted; it deserves consideration and consistent remembering, especially when we are feeling the weight of anxiety pressing in.

The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want.

He makes me lie down in green pastures. He leads me beside still waters.

He restores my soul. He leads me in paths of righteousness for his name’s sake.

Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.

You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies; you anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows.

Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life, and I shall dwell in the house of the Lord forever.

Photo by David Mark on Pixabay

An Unhurried Life

Our fall schedule has started and that means things are quite a bit busier for us!

Summer wasn’t exactly the restful, quiet time I always hope it will be. But fall brings on a different kind of routine and busy. School, piano lessons, Bible studies, AWANA. And then we have special things like playdates, parties, and field trips.

I guess what I’m saying is there is no ‘restful season’ that will magically happen. Each change of the calendar and tick of the clock brings a new, different type of hurry and bustle and rush.

I’ve always thought it amazing that some people seem immune to the hustle mentality. They get done what needs to be done without running, frantic lives.

One of the most slow paced people I’ve known was my Grandma Short. She got a lot done in a day but she didn’t do anything quickly. Everything that was worth doing was worth doing well. Making pie crust, ironing, watering flowers. Grandma didn’t run or rush.

I remember shopping with Grandma and Grandpa when they visited us. Grandma looked at every shirt on the rack, touched the fabric, slowly moved the hangers to get to the desired size. She didn’t feel rushed, even when the rest of us moved ahead. But she also never seemed concerned about falling behind. She knew what she needed to get done in a day and that was what she got done.

Grandma didn’t neglect others in her to-do list. She wasn’t so focused on the tasks that she didn’t cultivate relationships. My Grandpa owned two businesses in a small town and he and my Grandma were born and raised in that area. They knew most of the people in town and people knew they could drop by for a chat. There were many times when people would knock and yell “Hello!” and Grandma would answer and welcome them in for a visit. It didn’t matter that she was in the middle of laundry or dishes or baking.

When we would visit, we would often go on the back patio after dinner. It was sometimes the first time all day my Grandma had sat down except for eating meals. But she didn’t complain or draw attention to how much she’d gotten done or hadn’t accomplished. She would sit and visit and laugh and comment on the nice evening and wave at every person who walked by.

I didn’t really notice her contentment with life and her patience with tasks as a child but as I’ve gotten older and felt the weight of responsibility and everything that needs to be done, I look back at my memories of her and long for her unhurried approach to life.

It’s not just about a slower pace. It’s also about being content with what we can do in a day and maybe scaling back on expectations. With modern conveniences and technology, I believe some of our frustration is we think we can do more in a day than we actually can. And when we fail to do it all, instead of focusing on a few tasks the next day, we believe we just have to wake up earlier, hustle more, stay up later.

This is certainly something I need to try harder at and do not have the perfect answers for. But it is something I recognize in my life as needing to change. I need to set my priorities more realistically so I’m not rushing from task to thing to place. I need to recognize my limits and accept them.

Living an unhurried life doesn’t mean not getting things done or living in slow motion. It’s a mindset of living within our limits and being content. With not trying to do it all everyday. And trusting God with our efforts.

Photo by Theme Photos on Unsplash

Good, Better, Best

One of the joys of being a homeschooling mom is that I get to teach my kids about many different things.

The hard thing about being a homeschooling mom is that I have to teach my kids about many different things.

Do those seem at odds? Let me explain. I don’t just get to teach the fun things that I love and find interesting. Things like literature, history, geography, and art are all really fascinating and, I think, fun to teach. But then I also have those other subjects. Things like math and science and grammar that just aren’t…fun. And because they don’t appeal to me, I don’t always enjoy the process of laying out the facts behind these subjects.

But what! You might be asking, “How can a person who loves reading and writing not like grammar?! Aren’t those related?” Well, here’s the thing. Because I’ve been reading and writing for so long and have loved to for so long, the grammar is kind of lost on me. I don’t think about the rules or parts of speech or the technical terms of what I’m doing. I just use the language and it makes sense to me. It sounds right.

So when I’m faced with explaining to my children how to diagram a sentence, what the different phrases in a sentence are, singular vs plural rules, and tenses…it just doesn’t excite me. I find it monotonous and it’s really hard for me to not just say, “Can’t you hear why that’s not right?” to my second grader who’s never heard a word labeled as a direct object before.

I know a lot of people have issue with the weirdness of the English language {been there} and one of the harder things to teach and get is when a word doesn’t follow the rules. My son and I were talking about adding an -er or -est to a word {like fast, faster, fastest} to help us describe something more clearly when he — totally believing he had caught on and was about to impress me — said, “Like good, gooder, goodest!” To which I took a deep breath, prepared myself, and said, “Nope. Some words, like ‘good’ have their own rules.” His eye roll and frustration were completely understood.

That launched us into a conversation on good, better, and best and why it gets special attention. Then we practiced using each word correctly {He is good at math but she is better at spelling}. And it got me thinking about the good, better, and best situations in our lives.

Sometimes in practical living it’s difficult to distinguish between what is good and better. We want to believe that the opportunities we choose are the best options for us. The things that we want to do, the choices that offer the biggest paybacks or results or growth. We want to be people that choose the best for us and our families.

Often the problem comes when we have to stop doing something good in order to do something better. If you’re like me, you think, “I can just cram this other thing into my life because it’s a good choice but I don’t want to give up anything I’m currently doing…because those are all good things too!” But then all the running around to all the “good” things wears us out. We become short and temperamental with our families because we’re tired. We don’t fully enjoy the things we’re doing because we always have one foot out the door to “get to the next thing.” We moan over our busyness but we don’t want to give anything up. “It’s all good,” we tell ourselves.

But sooner or later, something will break. Something will have to be given up, no matter how “good” it is. And sadly, as a pastor’s wife I’ve often seen church as one of the first “good” things to go. People have offered reasons like “Our family just needs a day to ourselves” “We’ll be back when schedules slow down” “We want to be there but we’re so busy” and on they go. What breaks my heart in these excuses is that people are choosing to give up the best thing for their family {being in a church community, learning about God together} for a good thing.

These “good things” vary but when I talk with people, it usually comes down to prioritizing other things and getting so tired they need a free day and that becomes Sunday. Because it’s easier to not come to church on Sunday than miss a soccer game on Saturday. You see, extra curricular things for your kids aren’t bad. Those can be good things that teach valuable lessons. But when you choose to spend so much time on those that your family is too tired to come to church, the “good” activities have replaced a better option {i.e. church}.

Now I know vacations, sickness, unforeseen circumstances happen and keep us from meeting on Sundays. Even as a pastor’s family, we miss services on occasion. But when we get into the habit of making Sunday our “free day” and we do all the good things through the week, thinking we can always regroup on Sunday if it’s too much, we need to seriously reevaluate what we consider good, better, and best in our lives.

And this isn’t just about church. Think how easily we can push daily Bible reading and prayer out because “We have to get to work, take the kids to school, get homeschool done, have coffee with that friend, tackle those chores, make dinner, get everyone to their after school activities…” Now when we read this list, these things aren’t bad. Most of them are necessary {work, food, education, etc.} but when the list takes the place of spending time in God’s Word, we need to think about our priorities and how things can be rearranged to give more time for the best thing.

It’s difficult to stop doing something “good” in pursuit of something “better.” Sometimes it feels like we failed or gave up. But the truth is we can’t do everything and our culture is constantly bombarding us with possibilities. Sometimes certain seasons of life mean we can’t do all the good things we want. But that season will pass and we can say yes to other things.

As nice as it would be, there are no hard and fast rules for what is “good, better, and best” in our lives. Choosing the best requires us to take an honest look at our lives continually. What is good today might need to be replaced by something better next week. But, unlike pesky grammar rules, I can guarantee that choosing God over whatever the world throws our way will ALWAYS be the best choice. Reading your Bible, praying, being in a church family should never be cut out to make room for something better. Because that “something better” will not be worth it.

Photo by Patrick Bald on Unsplash

When Pain Isolates

On the whole, I’m a healthy individual.

I don’t have pressing, life threatening issues that add up to numerous doctor’s appointments. And I’m extremely thankful and don’t take that health for granted because it could be gone in a minute. 

The one thing I do struggle with is migraines. For about the last 20 years, I’ve continually dealt with headaches ranging from small throbs to extreme pain. With the passing of time, I seem to discover more things that trigger these migraines and they seem to occur with greater frequency.

One of the most difficult things for me to communicate to others is my pain. Because I’ve dealt with headaches for most of my life, I’ve learned to ‘tune out’ the smaller ones and carry on with life. That means I go to church, carry on conversations, keep playdates, basically live my schedule while being in pain. In one form or another - sometimes mild, sometimes nauseating - I get a headache four-five times a week. That’s my reality.

But I can’t let it stop my life, so I’ve learned when to push through and smile and nod and when I have to hole up alone. There are definitely times when I have to hide away in the dark bedroom with peppermint, a cold washcloth, and hot tea. But if I did that for every headache, I would never leave my house. 

However, it’s hard to describe this to others. I don’t like using headaches or migraines to ‘get out’ of things but there have been times when I haven’t been able to participate because the pain was too great. But I’ve also muscled through and gone to meetings while in pain because it was important and my headache wasn’t getting worse.

People have trouble understanding this. I guess headaches have become so commonplace for me that they have to be extremely bad to disrupt my life. But someone who doesn’t get headaches often can be completely floored with one.

I’m not minimizing anyone’s pain or saying I have the highest tolerance. What I’m trying to say is that people who deal with chronic pain of any kind often struggle to know how to describe it and how to communicate how they live with it.

No one likes admitting weakness or the inability to do things. We want to look capable of carrying on with life and what is expected of us. But in dealing with daily pain, it often means having to show a vulnerability and admit that we aren’t strong enough. It also means having to choose what we can and cannot do.

Again, I’m not writing this to complain or make you feel bad about questioning a person dealing with pain. But we do need to be gracious with each other and realize that people are sometimes dealing with unseen pain. Personally, I don’t like walking into a room and declaring I have a migraine. I don’t feel it’s necessary for everyone to know. But if a friend asks if I’m hurting or says I look like I’m in pain, I will be honest and tell them. 

If you know someone who struggles with chronic pain, when they aren’t at an event, don’t pounce on them with a hundred questions on how they could miss XYZ. Simply inquire after their wellbeing and mention they were missed. If someone cancels lunch plans, don’t assume they have some dark purpose for avoiding you. It’s possible just getting out of bed that day was an ordeal. 

Consider I Peter 4:8-10a: Above all, keep loving one another earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sins. Show hospitality to one another without grumbling. As each has received a gift, use it to serve one another...

Have a quiet and gentle spirit, be ready to listen. Be gracious and patient with each other.

Photo Marina Kraus by on Unsplash.

Stretching Myself

One of the things I ‘resolved’ about this year was that I didn’t want to spend time moaning about what I can’t do. I want to seize opportunities and do my best to have a year I won’t regret.

This doesn’t mean I have a laundry list of things I want to accomplish. Rather as I think of things or hear of things, I want to make space for them and actually stretch myself to try them. My kids have been a huge encouragement to me along these lines because they are always looking for the next thing. They have such dreams and interests!!

There is some fear that comes along with the adventure. Fear of failure, fear of something not working out, fear of others seeing my efforts and rolling their eyes. I’ve always been very aware of what other people think of me. This can be good or bad — there were definitely times growing up where I did the right thing because I didn’t want to be seen doing the wrong thing, not because I wanted to make the right choice. This mindset has also kept me from trying new things. I don’t like failing; I hate letting people down.

But always wanting to ‘put on a good face’ and have success in everything was partly pride and partly fear. I wanted to look great to anyone who was watching {sounds pretty prideful} and I didn’t know what I would do if I tried something and it didn’t work out {there’s the fear}.

So at the end of 2020, I signed up for an online month long writing seminar. Even though I’m not turning in assignments, there are weekly videos to watch, handouts to work through, and a focus on goals. This might not sound scary to you but I’m the person who gets butterflies in my stomach driving to a new place by myself. I don’t do things out of my comfort zone, I don’t particularly like change. But I have greatly enjoyed this month of learning and honing my writing skills and thinking through the creative process.

I’ve also started taking more steps with my writing. I wrote a blog schedule, I have carved out time to work on a book idea and a book proposal to send to agents, I’m brainstorming more content and looking into writing a newsletter. These are all things I’ve consistently been pushing aside because I’m afraid or proud. But I’m finally taking that next step with help and encouragement from my family.

I’ve also continued to try watercolor painting, hand lettering, simple drawings, and doodling. It’s been amazing how relaxing and enjoyable it is. I’ve never been an artist. I usually get no farther than stick figures! But thanks to some YouTube tutorials and Pinterest inspirations, it doesn’t seem impossible anymore. I’m not ashamed to show people my feeble efforts as I learn. I’ve also included my kids at times and we’ve practiced new skills together.

You never know what God is going to use in your life and how he can use even the smallest things to grow you. It’s impossible to try everything in one lifetime but as opportunities arise, I’m not afraid to step out there {within reason} and give it a go to learn something new.

Have you stepped out and tried anything new this first month of 2021?

Photo by Olia Gozha on Unsplash

The Makings of a Rested Mom

You probably read the title of this post and laughed, maybe raised your eyebrows at the thought or spit your cold coffee across the room in disbelief.

The words ‘rest’ and ‘mom’ don’t really seem to go together especially if you are waist-deep in the toddler/baby years. But I’m here — as a mom who gets awakened by kids every night — to tell you rest and sleep are different. A rested mom might still be sleep deprived and a mom getting 8+ hours of sleep a night could be lacking rest.

You see, somehow we’ve confused rest and sleep and made ourselves believe they have to be the same. Yes, we sometimes substitute the word ‘rest’ for ‘sleep’ {I do this with my youngest hoping to trick her into laying down. “We’re just going to take a little rest.” She hasn’t fallen for it yet.} But rest also means ‘refreshing ease or inactivity after exertion.”

In short, rest is the opposite of working, not necessarily the opposite of being awake.

There’s a chance you agree with me that rest doesn’t mean sleeping. But you might still be wondering how a mom can attain this inactivity. Laundry, cooking, cleaning, possibly working and/or homeschooling, errands, etc. The life of a mom is usually about busyness. There’s always something to be done.

And here’s where I think we have room to rest: realizing we can’t do everything and making room for something we love.

I truly believe our struggle with comparison robs us of more rest than our children. {Read that line again.}

Let me give you an example. It’s super easy to see people baking, decorating, gardening, sewing, etc. and feel like you must do all those things to be a great mom. So you set out to make bread every morning, supply every room with cozy throw pillows and blankets, have a garden perfectly manicured and producing flowers or vegetables in every season, sewing quilts and clothes and….

Suddenly, all the time you aren’t busy with kids is filled with things you may not love doing or even need to do but because you compare yourself to ‘that perfect mom on social media’ you feel like you aren’t doing enough.

But the truth is, no one can do everything. And even though the home/lifestyle mom blogs seem to be perfect at everything, they probably don’t have homemade bread at every meal. They might not be homeschooling. They might hire a cleaning service. And maybe they don’t enjoy reading, painting, knitting, watching TV, or other things that you consider restful. I honestly know people who enjoy baking and find it relaxing. I know people who can spend hours working in their garden. One mom’s torment is another mom’s rest.

So the point is to discover what you find restful and make time for it. At first, I thought this was extremely selfish of me. But taking an hour or two each week to focus on something I love actually energizes me to get back to my family and serve them. And I feel rested — even if I’m still tired — and not frazzled from constant chaos and noise.

How do you make time in a packed schedule? You make time for what’s important to you. So during naptime, you sit and paint instead of folding laundry. When your kids are in the tub, you sit on the floor and read. You might need to get creative but there is time to break away and breathe. And I’m not saying every nap time or free moment is spent on yourself to the detriment of your housework. But we shouldn’t press on with what we “have to do” until we burn out and snap.

Rest isn’t checking out. It’s not having to take a nap. It’s not neglecting what you have to do to keep the family fed and clean. It’s seeing where you have a few moments and stepping back. It’s taking time to do something you love.

Photo by Debby Hudson on Unsplash

Why Rest?

I love cats for many reasons but one of them is their uncanny ability to sleep whenever, wherever they want. I had a cat when I was younger that I could put into baby doll clothes and push in a stroller…and he would sleep the whole time! Any patch of sun, any comfy blanket thrown on the couch. I’ve never had a cat that had trouble resting and sleeping.

I’ve been thinking about rest a lot lately.

What it is.

Why we need it.

Why we refuse it.

Somehow in our culture, we’ve come to associate rest with laziness. If we aren’t busy doing something, we have no drive, no ambition. We’re missing opportunities, we’re wasting resources or energy.

We don’t want to admit we need rest and chances to refresh because others will boast about all the projects they’re doing, all the directions they’re moving in. Part of us feels guilty about resting. We sit down and think about the dishes in the sink, the week worth of laundry to be washed. We choose limited routines for our family but are afraid our kids are missing out on something fun. We limit our work load but fret the industrious workaholics will get the promotion.

So avoiding rest is more than, “I like to be busy.” It’s a fundamental mindset that is shaped by personality, driven by cultural expectation, and championed in society. When I open Facebook or Instagram, I can almost guarantee an ad will pop up for “develop your own business, find a side hustle, make your free time make money!”

Whatever happened to free time being free? To rest, read, relax? Now every moment is scheduled or we’re supposed to have a plan to make it productive.

Isn’t it all exhausting? And the thing I find most interesting is when I talk with friends, how busy we are and how tired we are always comes up! Granted, most of us have little kids so sleepless nights are just going to happen. But when we fill the moments we could be resting with activities, social media scrolling, TV marathons, things we don’t have to do but somehow we feel we have to do them — it shouldn’t be a surprise that we are running on fumes.

We were made to rest. From the very beginning of the world, God showed us that we would need rest (Gen. 2:2-3). Even though it wasn’t a command until generations later (Ex. 20:8-11), God showed us right after creation that rest is good.

I’m still sorting out for myself what rest means and looks like and how I can accomplish it in this go-go-go culture. But for now, think about this: going into the weekend, what’s one thing you can do — or choose to not do — that will give you a moment of rest? Is there something you can do today that will free up space tomorrow?

Photo by Simon Matzinger on Unsplash

Encouragement for the Weary

I don't know about you but I'm tired. We're less than a month away from the new year and I feel like I've been running a marathon since Dec. 1 (I'm guessing at what it feels like to run a marathon...not something I've done personally). But I don't think I'm alone in my exhaustion. I've seen record numbers of articles and posts on my Facebook feed about mothers at their wits end, workers tired of working, families passing each other in the night because of crazy schedules, and so on. We are a busy people.
We often hear people talking about the 'good old days' and how simple and easy life was back then. But I think what we really mean is we miss not having to hear and compare ourselves to everyone else's busyness. When we were just trying to get through our own lives we could handle it. But when we started seeing what everyone else was doing and making time for, our expectations for ourselves and our families hit the roof and boom! We suddenly have packed appointment calendars and dark circles under our eyes.
In case you're doubting the busyness of the 'good old days' let me remind you of a few things:
1) they made everything they used. I don't know about you but I've never made my own butter and soap and clothes while cooking without a microwave, doing laundry without a dryer, washing dishes without a dishwasher, and keeping the kids occupied without a tablet. We are spoiled on modern conveniences.
2) to talk to someone you had to visit them. I've sent probably a dozen texts today checking up with people, telling them I'm thinking about/praying for them, asking if they need anything. It's great to communicate so easily and freely. Before the surge of technology, you had to walk or drive or hitch up the horse to find out what was going on. And people did while still keeping up with everything from list one.
My point is life 'back then' was anything but easy. In many ways our ancestors worked harder than we do. So why, in a world filled with technology and machines that are supposed to make our lives more simple, do we find ourselves more exhausted than ever? I think the answer is we have forgotten how to rest and enjoy what we have. We are sucked into the mentality that because so many things are available we need to try them all.
Society tells us to have well rounded, healthy children, they need to play sports, take music lessons, get involved in community service, grab every opportunity they have to experience anything that might help them later in life. Oh and go to school and occasionally play with friends.
As women, we must excel in our careers, keep perfect homes, have some kind of hobby, raise well rounded, healthy children (and take them to everything mentioned above), be an excellent girlfriend/wife in every way, and do it all with a smile.
No wonder we're exhausted!! And, no, there's nothing wrong with any of the above. I'm love hearing my daughter play for music recitals and playing sports with my kids. I enjoy keeping my house tidy and seeing to the needs of my family. But what's my motivation in it all and am I trying to do more than God has called me to do in this season of life?
Do you know there is encouragement to be found though? We aren't alone. God is with us and He will give us the strength to get through what we need to. Of course, having unrealistic expectations for ourselves is never healthy and comparing what we are capable of with what others are able to do is a deadly game that usually ends in jealousy. However, in doing those things that we have been called to do, we can run to the Rock and find shelter from the chaos of this world. We can rest on Him and know He will hear our cries for help.
My 10 month old still does not sleep through the night. At least once - sometimes more - I’m waking up during the night to feed her and help her get back to sleep. I'm physically tired. I cry out to God to bring peace and rest to my weary heart and body and He doesn’t always answer by multiplying my sleeping hours but He does provide comfort that I am not alone. And He gives me strength to tackle what I need to get done.
I'm afraid sometimes when we are the most tired, our thoughts turn inward to self-pity and despair when those are the times we need to admit our inability to do anything but by the grace of God. Those are the times we need to lean on Him the most and find refreshment in His Word.
And so, weary friend, my challenge and encouragement to you is simple: will you, in the busyness of everyday life, lean on Him and find grace for today?

Photo by STIL on Unsplash