40 thoughts at 40 — Blog — Angela Jeffcott

I remember when my parents turned 40. I was 9, 10 years old and 40 seemed like an age I would never reach. Last Saturday, I turned 40.

For the last little bit, I’ve been thinking about this milestone age and what lessons I can take into the next decade. My 20s and 30s were filled with a lot of changes: getting married, moving across country, having kids, ministry life, homeschooling. And I learned a lot through all those experiences. Something about hitting a new decade made me look back and consider what to take with me.

Take time to think before you speak. As I’ve gotten older, some things seem easier, others more difficult. I remember the younger me rattling off all my thoughts, spur of the moment, never considering if there was nuance or gray areas. Everything was black and white to me; what I liked, what I disliked, right and wrong, helpful and hurtful. Age has drawn me in, brought me to moments of reflecting for days and still being hesitant to verbalize my thoughts. It’s not that my standards have changed. What I view as morally wrong and right are the same, but I’d like to think I’m more considerate in how I share my views or maybe I’m more particular about when I voice my opinion at all.

Choose your attitude. I’ve heard that one thing you can always control is your attitude. Outside pressures and perception from others, things running late or failing are usually outside our control. But we can decide how these unexpected things will affect us. Attitude matters. I think after having kids this became more apparent to me! Having a joyful or positive outlook can make even a difficult day a little better. And who doesn’t want to be around a happy person!? When I think of this in light of sanctification, it doesn’t mean we paste on a smile and never show sorrow or frustration. But it does mean that we don’t allow those circumstances to dictate how we treat people or deal with life.

Popularity does not equal value. So much of our current culture is obsessed with likes, clicks, and being viewed positively. People flock to concerts and sporting events to be able to participate in the “it moment” of right now. If you are popular you are listened to, even if you have nothing worth listening to. The more “followers” you have, the better chance of landing a book deal, TV spot, sponsorship, etc. Being popular is the idol so many are striving for. But popularity does not make a person correct, smart, informed, or kind. The world is full of interesting stories and people and experiences that are largely ignored because we don’t believe they are as valuable as the stories and thoughts of a popular person. In the life of a Christian, it shouldn’t be this way. We shouldn’t clamor for the latest and greatest in the eyes of the world. We shouldn’t judge a person’s value on what they think or contribute to society. Every life is valuable and precious, every story worth listening to.

I’m still processing, I’m still learning. It will be a lifelong pursuit and not just something for entering this decade. But I’m thankful for the opportunity and space to consider these things. And my hope is that they spur you on to think too, no matter what age you find yourself.

Photo by Bruce Tang on Unsplash

Friends are such a gift. I am so thankful that God placed us in community and gave us people to walk through life with. I have learned a great deal from the different friends God has given me at various stages of life; things like kindness, listening, gift giving, the joy of watching others succeed, how to encourage others. I have had/do have friends in my life who have demonstrated these things to me and taught me how to be a good friend.

This week, I had dinner with two friends from childhood. I remember playing house and Barbies and dress-ups with them. Sleepovers and birthdays and lots of little girl giggles.

Our friendship has lasted decades. We’ve seen each other through hard times and life changing decisions. Babies and houses and moves and job changes. We have a familiarity because of the years of memories accumulated with each other. I am so grateful for their friendship and encouragement and the fact that time and distance has not taken anything away.

While we often think of friends as being a staple of childhood, adults need friends too! I’ve had several conversations with people lately about the difficulty of making friends as we get older, and to some extent I think that’s true. We become more self conscious, maybe more particular, busier, stuck in our habits. But with all the obstacles, I believe having friends is an important part of life.

Even after all the times I’ve read through Proverbs, I’m still surprised at the number of friend passages. Many of these are warnings to choose the right type of friend, which proves how influential people are in our lives. But we also have verses like:

Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another. Prov. 27:17

Oil and perfume make the heart glad, and the sweetness of a friend comes from his earnest counsel. Prov. 27:9

A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity. Prov. 17:17

A biblical friend isn’t just someone to have a good time with but is someone who strengths you, who builds you up and offers encouragement. And we never outgrow our need to be encouraged to stand strong in the truth of the Gospel!

This month, I will enter the decade that used to be called “Over the Hill” and I still feel the need for good friends. On the other end of the spectrum, I’ve been having conversations with my kids about their friendships. About playing nice with everyone and not excluding people from games of tag to preteen hurt feelings when old friends start heading in a different direction.

There is always a risk, always a chance of getting feelings hurt or being misunderstood and left out. And as easy as it would be to say we outgrow our need and move beyond all that, it’s simply not true. If anything, as I’ve gotten older I’ve relied on my friends more for sound advice, encouragement when I’m disappointed, and help during trials.

As I go into another year, I’m more grateful for my friends than ever. The ways they help me, point me to truth, make me laugh, enjoy life, and celebrate life’s moments. My 40 years on earth wouldn’t be the same without the people God has brought into my life at times I needed them. And I will always be thankful.

Photo by Hannah Busing on Unsplash