The Right Time

Have you ever noticed that we operate in a ‘someday’ mentality?

In college we think ‘After I get married I’ll…’ After marriage we think ‘When I have a baby I’ll…’ With kids we say ‘Once they graduate I’ll…’ When work gets in the way we promise ‘When I retire I’ll…’

We are always looking for why our current stage of life keeps us from doing certain things and we are positive once we get things together in the future, we’ll be able to fulfill that dream, help in that ministry, catch up with that friend, etc.

The truth is, tomorrow isn’t promised to us, let alone the next 10 years. And we don’t know the difficulties or obstacles or challenges that the next stage might bring. If we are serious about a ministry or checking in with someone, we need to consider doing it now.

Of course, we can’t do everything, no matter how much we want to. But if we’re continually making excuses and turning it into a ‘someday promise,’ we should question how serious we are about doing it.

I remember when we first got married and were in a tiny apartment. Our kitchen/dining barely fit a table with four chairs and our living room wasn’t much bigger. Initially I thought ‘We’ll have people over once we get into a house’ but I knew we wouldn’t be buying a house anytime soon because we didn’t plan to live in that city for long. If we wanted to fellowship with those friends at that time, it would have to be in a crowded apartment in informal ways. But we did it and it worked. I hosted Bible study, a wedding shower for a friend, several different couples for meals. It might not have looked perfect or ideal but we jumped in and enjoyed what we had.

I’ve thought similar things about the child rearing stage. With babies or toddlers, it can be easier to not visit people, to not open your home, but there are many opportunities you miss out on! I haven’t always done this well and I’m still learning what I can do in this stage and what needs to wait, but I shouldn’t put everything off!

Part of living a life that glorifies God is to be a good steward of this life. That means asking God to show opportunities you can do now, today, this week, to encourage someone. Maybe you can text a Bible verse to a friend while holding a sleeping baby. Maybe you double your bread recipe and drop the extra loaf at a neighbor’s house. Maybe it’s committing to help in one church program this year.

My challenge to you is to find one thing. Pray and ask God to lay on your heart one area that you can help someone in and then follow through. I think you’ll be surprised how little efforts build to great things and that often, the right time is right in front of us.

Photo by Manasvita S on Unsplash

Friendship for Others

As a society, we've come up with labels for everything. Personality traits, groups, clubs, hobbies. In a few words we can sum up for people 'who we are,' or at least we try to. 

One label I've struggled with for myself is introvert vs extrovert. As a child, I would have said extrovert. I loved people, friends, going places. But as I got older and some circumstances in my life changed, I found myself more driven to be alone. I still liked being with friends but I also craved quiet moments to myself. 

Being a mother only amplified my need to be alone. But I found when I would get a day or weekend to myself, I missed the questions, laughter, and needs of my children. And if I go without spending time with friends, I crave time with them. 

I love people. But sometimes I really want to be alone. 

Quarantine taught me a lot. Namely that I need people but also that people need me. 

Now before you label me as a narcissist, I don't say people need me to build myself up. But rather as a reminder that the relationships we have aren't just about us and our needs. 

I found during quarantine that I would think of a friend and shoot a quick text, something like 'Thinking of you today.' And I would get a lengthy reply about how they needed prayer, how they were struggling and thankful I had reached out. Over Zoom and text and messenger, I was reminded of the importance of community and the effect we can have on others, even if we aren't needing it in the same way. 

God reminds us continuously in the Bible that we need other people, specifically other Christians. We build each other up, hold each other accountable, encourage and teach each other. We are commanded to gather together. Christians are not supposed to be islands, standing alone against the odds. We need others and they need us. 

I Corinthians 12:12-26 tells us that we are like members of a body. We can't all be eyes or who would hear? If we were all feet, how would we breathe? We all have gifts and talents that are most effective when paired with others abilities. And usually we have to be with people to work together most effectively.

Sometimes it's hard for me to go to events. Meeting, talking, being with others instead of reading in front of the fire is not always the easy choice to make. But whenever I go, I don't regret it. I might come back to the house depleted of mental energy but I'm always encouraged in the Lord. It might not be my first choice, but it's a good choice, a necessary choice. 

Back to my original conundrum: I love people and going new places. I also have to talk myself into planning something that will get me out of the house. So, am I an introvert or an extrovert? It depends on the day. I won't label myself as either exclusively. Although it's hard to beat a book and hot tea.

Photo by Kelly Sikkema on Unsplash

Rejoice in Others

Do you have a heard time hearing praise given to someone else?

It’s not something we readily admit because it sounds {and is} selfish. But still there is a part of us that maybe bristles a little when one friend talks about the virtues of another. “I do those same things,” we think, “and no one has told me how great I did. No one noticed when I went out of my way to serve.” And then we cringe at how incredibly selfish we are.

Our society is built on people who promote themselves. In this election year, we’ve had ample opportunity to see people talk about themselves, how they have the answers, how they are the best option. We also see this in celebrities, YouTube stars, athletes. If you want to get noticed, you have to sing your own praises.

But as Christians, there’s something that stops us {or it should} from blowing our own horn about how we serve others. Still, it doesn’t take away from that desire to be recognized. We might be tempted to think certain things aren’t worth doing if no one will notice it.

There’s a verse that always convicts me when I start having this mentality.

“For am I now seeking the approval of man, or of God? Or am I trying to please man? If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of Christ.” Galatians 1:10

The driving force behind everything we do should not be to gain recognition or praise but to serve God. Are we doing certain things because of the comments we receive from people? Are we making certain decisions because we want the world to think well of us?

Pride is at the root of so many sins and it’s not something easily uprooted from our lives. We need to be vigilant, we need to be honest, and we need to have an attitude of repentance when we fail.

The family of God is so full of a variety of people with different talents and desires and abilities. We don’t need to compete for ways to serve God; we can find what he has gifted us in and pursue it for his glory. When people are recognized for a service well done, we need to come alongside them with appreciation for how they contribute to the ministry. It might be something we can’t do, something we actually have no desire to do. And yet, they did. And God used them.

We need to encourage each other. We need to grow in Christ together. We need to serve together. And God will use us in ways we couldn’t manage on our own.

Photo by John Mark Smith on Unsplash.

Your Work is Not in Vain

No matter what we’ve been called to in this life, no matter how much we love it or enjoy the ministry we have to others, there will be times when we wonder why. Why is it like this? Why am I trying? Or maybe we question the whats: What difference do I make? What does it matter if I pour myself into this thing I’ve been given? Another word for this could be discouragement.

I’m ashamed to admit I get discouraged easily. It’s something I’ve struggled with for a long time and something I’m continually working on. I’ve seen my share of times when I made an extra effort, spent time I didn’t have, waded deep with someone into hard things and it didn’t turn out how I thought. My efforts went unnoticed and unappreciated. The person I had spent hours helping went off and did the opposite of my counsel, basically walking away from me. And I thought, “Why did I try? What did all that accomplish?”

It’s easy in our finite, limited view of life to see what’s right in front of us and completely miss what might come. The immediate attracts our attention and gets noticed. But sowing seeds for the long haul? Why? We often don’t see the benefit.

A few weeks ago it was unseasonably warm where we live and I sent my two oldest kids outside for the afternoon. I soon heard them rushing inside, the flow of water in the sink, then the slam of a door as they headed out again. This happened about three times before I wandered outside to see what was going on. With pure excitement, my son informed me they had found seeds from some kind of tree, planted them, and were now diligently pouring water by the cupful onto the ground. That night he asked if he could check on his seeds the next day.

“Do you think my seedling will be above the ground tomorrow?” he asked.

I gently reminded him it takes awhile before we see a plant blooming. And that it was still a little early for anything to start sprouting outside. A few days later, a layer of snow confirmed my warning to not get his hopes up.

We might smile — as the wise, older adults we are — but our short sightedness in life is perfectly parallel to his five year old expectations. We stop praying for something because we don’t see an answer. We get discouraged when our situation is less than ideal. We give up on people that disappoint us. We decide to not put in effort when we don’t see a payoff.

But a verse that keeps coming up in conversations, readings, and posts is Romans 12:12 —

Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer.

Here we have three things that Christians are told to practice: joy, patience, and consistency. And all of these take time! We rejoice because we have hope for the future in Christ. Patience is not something that develops overnight and especially when we want to give in, we need to wait for how the Lord will work. Finally, we are called to pray (I Thess. 5:17) and we need to approach everything with the attitude that God will answer — in His time and way. Our responsibility is to be consistent in asking Him to work.

It’s easy to believe that if we don’t see results for our work immediately we don’t need to keep trying. But just as it takes time for seeds in the garden to mature, we must continue on with what we have been called to do. It might get discouraging, the process might be hard, but we are not alone in our efforts. God gives the strength and ability for everything we do and everything we do is for Him.

Photo by Markus Spiske on Unsplash.

Ministering in Different Ways

Recently I was talking with someone about a new ministry she was getting involved with. As she spoke about the overwhelming needs, the blessings she received from her work, and the struggles God helped her overcome, I couldn't help but feel a little jealous. And guilty.

You see, the thing she was so passionate about was nowhere on my list of desires or interests to look up. I watched her eyes get teary talking about the needs and how she was spending every chance she had to meet some of those needs. I just nodded.

I was very excited for her. The ministry really is a great one. But it was hard for me to latch on with the same enthusiasm or say I’d ever thought about it before. My passion and ministry interests were focused on other things. And I felt bad I hadn’t contributed but I still didn’t feel a huge pull to do what she was doing. Was I being a bad Christian?

So then I started thinking how I could join up with what she was doing. What would need to change in my daily life? How much time and energy would it take? Would it benefit my family or make things more stressful in this season of life? The more I thought on it, the more I realized I wasn’t pursuing it with the right attitude. Yes, I knew it was a good cause but I was thinking of getting involved just to say, “I’m doing this.” There was no heart of service behind my actions. My motives were completely off.

Maybe it’s because in this age of social media everyone can post everything that means something to her, but I feel inundated with things that are good things but I will never have the time or financial resources to pour into. And sometimes without meaning to, our well intentioned friends can make the opportunities sound like we should have been involved for years and if we don’t support this one thing, the world will call Christians hypocrites.

It’s a lot of pressure for one person to give all her energy to every cause. I know it’s not possible. And yet, when I hear a friend telling me about her experience, something twinges and makes me wonder why I’ve never gotten involved with such a noble cause.

It’s taken me awhile but I’ve discovered that for many things the greatest thing I can do seems like something small but it’s still profitable. If I can’t support an organization with money, I can pray God will provide for them. If I can’t visit a missionary, I can send them an email or letter of encouragement. If I can’t take in a foster child, I can make a meal for a family who does. If I can’t sit at the hospital while a child undergoes a procedure, I can pray for the doctors and for the family.

You see, getting involved in something good doesn’t always mean we are front and center. It doesn’t mean serving in only the glamorous, seen ways. The behind the scenes prayerful moments are just as noticed by God. And even if the cause isn’t my passion project, I can take a few minutes a day to pray for those on the front lines.

I’m afraid sometimes we think unless someone knows we are serving and doing good it doesn’t matter. So prayer, writing letters, sending a gift card. Those are unknowns and not as helpful. But sometimes, it’s all we can do. And it is those little steps that teach us the most and show the extent of our trust in what God can do in spite of us.

I’m reminded of I Corinthians 12. The entire chapter talks about spiritual gifts and how many members make up the body of Christ. We each have a function or ministry. It doesn’t mean we can’t be excited about the ministry of another, but it does mean we don’t need to be involved in everything possible or feel pressured to do something just because someone else loves doing it.

But as it is, God arranged the members in the body, each one of them, as he chose. If all were a single member, where would the body be? As it is, there are many parts, yet one body. {I Cor. 12:18-20}

Allow humility to lead your service. If your friend asks if you want to join the cause but you’re already stretched with family and ministry, don’t be afraid to say, “I’ll pray for you.” And don’t feel guilty if God has called you and given you opportunities in a different direction. We don’t all serve in the same way. But it is all service.

Photo by Helen P Mitchell on Unsplash

Ministering as an Introvert

(This was previously posted on acjeffcott.blogspot.com)

I remember when I was younger - I don't know how old I was but it was before high school - I heard my mom tell someone she struggled with meeting new people. I remember not understanding what she meant by that. I never thought of my mom as shy or unsure in new situations.
And I certainly didn't consider myself an introvert. I loved to perform and make people laugh and spend time with friends. But sometimes things change.
When I was entering 10th grade, we moved across country and I started attending school for the first time after being homeschooled. I knew four girls in the school and they had been emailing me over the summer. I honestly don't know how I would have made it through that first year without them. They introduced me to more people, showed me the ropes of school, and let me tag along everyday to eat lunch with them.
It was about this time that I noticed my attitude changing. I enjoyed being with my friends, laughing at their antics and stories {and boy could we laugh!!}. I met more people who became life long friends and I experienced things I never would have if God hadn't moved my family. But I found myself walking by new people and just smiling instead of introducing myself. I didn't jump at the chance to get my driver's license because when I got home after school, I just wanted to stay home {I waited until I was 19 to get my license but I do have it now}. I was self conscious and afraid I would say the wrong thing to someone, probably because I'd said the wrong thing a lot.
As I entered college, I kept the same group of friends close. We all attended the same university and I was comfortable within my small circle. I roomed in the dorms with my best friend from high school and we have some amazing memories together. I laugh just thinking about them! :)  A lot of my friends branched out, finding new friends, doing other things. I sometimes envied their ability to make friends. They could find things in common - shared hobbies and talents and interests - with other people so easily. They were the people others wanted to be around because they were fun and interesting. I never felt confident like that.
Starting my sophomore year, I moved home and became a town student. Most of my classes were filled with people I didn't know. I would enter class, smile, maybe say hello. But I couldn't muster the nerve to start a conversation with anyone. If they talked to me, I would happily chat and then wave when I saw them elsewhere on campus. I went to soccer games but only if I knew friends were going or I could convince them to go with me. I skipped lunch rather than sit alone or ask someone to eat with me. I was always afraid of inconveniencing someone or putting them on the spot, making them feel like they needed to say yes so I just didn't ask. I found a quiet spot in the library and read or wrote or watched the people I was too nervous to talk to.
I graduated, got married, and now I'm a pastor's wife. I love ministry and our church family but it's not always easy for me. People think that walking up to visitors and asking them questions is natural for me. It honestly isn't! It's a struggle because I want to stay in my comfort zone, talking with people I know and having the confidence to be myself.
It really comes down to a matter of pride in some cases. I'm afraid how people will view me, what they'll think of me. You know what they say about first impressions. And that fear drives me to seek out the comfort of people I already know. Where I know what to talk about with ease instead of searching for appropriate questions.
I guess the funniest thing is, if you asked my friends, they would probably laugh at the thought of Angela the Introvert. And I finally understand what my mom meant. Being an introvert doesn't always mean you hate being with people or you are anti-social and just sit in your home all day.
For me it's having difficulty putting myself out there. I've said the wrong thing to someone, hurt feelings, broken a promise. And I hate the thought of doing that again. Of disappointing someone. So when I don't know someone, I often choose to smile and wave and wait for them to approach me with an offer of friendship. And as I get to know them, I come out of my shell and become the Angela who, as a senior in high school, was voted as having the loudest and most memorable laugh. {It's often likened to a witch's cackle. Their words, not mine.}
Fortunately for me, anything I do isn't done in my own strength. Or at least I shouldn't try to do it that way. God has called me to where I am, doing what I'm doing. And he's given me what I need to fulfill the role I'm in. As a wife, mother, pastor's wife, friend. He hasn't called me to compare myself with all the amazing, outgoing, talented friends I have. I'm to use the talents he's equipped me with.
Have you ever bemoaned not being able to serve God like so-and-so? Or been so intimidated by someone else's skills you never attempted to serve the way she does? I think God brings people like that in our lives to humble us and to make us rely on Him more. The question is if we follow through with the ministry he has for us. Introverts and all.

Photo by Alisa Anton on Unsplash