One of the hardest things in my writing journey is the waiting.
I outline, I write, I research, I pray about, I think about, I talk about. Writing is something I only have small amounts of time to dive in and do yet I’m always thinking about how to phrase sentences, how to word my thoughts so they’ll make sense to others.
I dictate into my phone app while folding laundry, I journal while sitting by my kids at bedtime, I underline and mark quotes while reading. The topics I’m passionate about writing on never leave my mind, even while I’m focusing on other things.
But for all the writing, sharing, and talking, I don’t know how all those thoughts and musings will turn out. Will one person read my blog post? Will the manuscript I’m working on ever be a book in someone’s hands? Will my words make a difference to anyone? There are a lot of writers out there, many who communicate with greater clarity than I do. What will make someone want to read my ramblings?
One thing I’m learning about any creative endeavor — painting, drawing, sewing, writing, music, anything creative — is the effort isn’t wasted, even if it seems like no one cares. And why? Because every creative endeavor I do is changing me. I am learning, even if no one else is coming along for the ride.
Last year, when I challenged myself to draw a doodle a day, I wanted to see if I could actually do it. Could I draw something that others would be able to recognize? I definitely had a few rough ones, doodles that I grimaced at. But through them, I learned. I learned I draw too small, where to put lines, how to make shadows, the realism of plants not being symmetrical. And I took that acquired knowledge and made the next doodle better.
It was just as much about me trying to learn a new skill as me sharing beauty with others. Because not all those efforts were beautiful. But they were still worth doing. And I’m learning that the same is true about writing.
I might not achieve writing success by the world’s standards — a best selling author, published in multiple languages, books in all the stores. Maybe it’ll come down to me self publishing. Maybe it’ll always be this small blog. But the lessons I’m learning, the things I ponder and pray about and research are benefitting me. The things I learn about parenting are helping me steward my motherhood and disciple my children. I’m interacting with friends and women in my immediate circle of influence and learning from them.
Nothing is wasted. Instead of wishing for a different kind of success, I am learning to appreciate these moments and grow from them.
Photo by Sixteen Miles Out on Unsplash