Stretching Myself

One of the things I ‘resolved’ about this year was that I didn’t want to spend time moaning about what I can’t do. I want to seize opportunities and do my best to have a year I won’t regret.

This doesn’t mean I have a laundry list of things I want to accomplish. Rather as I think of things or hear of things, I want to make space for them and actually stretch myself to try them. My kids have been a huge encouragement to me along these lines because they are always looking for the next thing. They have such dreams and interests!!

There is some fear that comes along with the adventure. Fear of failure, fear of something not working out, fear of others seeing my efforts and rolling their eyes. I’ve always been very aware of what other people think of me. This can be good or bad — there were definitely times growing up where I did the right thing because I didn’t want to be seen doing the wrong thing, not because I wanted to make the right choice. This mindset has also kept me from trying new things. I don’t like failing; I hate letting people down.

But always wanting to ‘put on a good face’ and have success in everything was partly pride and partly fear. I wanted to look great to anyone who was watching {sounds pretty prideful} and I didn’t know what I would do if I tried something and it didn’t work out {there’s the fear}.

So at the end of 2020, I signed up for an online month long writing seminar. Even though I’m not turning in assignments, there are weekly videos to watch, handouts to work through, and a focus on goals. This might not sound scary to you but I’m the person who gets butterflies in my stomach driving to a new place by myself. I don’t do things out of my comfort zone, I don’t particularly like change. But I have greatly enjoyed this month of learning and honing my writing skills and thinking through the creative process.

I’ve also started taking more steps with my writing. I wrote a blog schedule, I have carved out time to work on a book idea and a book proposal to send to agents, I’m brainstorming more content and looking into writing a newsletter. These are all things I’ve consistently been pushing aside because I’m afraid or proud. But I’m finally taking that next step with help and encouragement from my family.

I’ve also continued to try watercolor painting, hand lettering, simple drawings, and doodling. It’s been amazing how relaxing and enjoyable it is. I’ve never been an artist. I usually get no farther than stick figures! But thanks to some YouTube tutorials and Pinterest inspirations, it doesn’t seem impossible anymore. I’m not ashamed to show people my feeble efforts as I learn. I’ve also included my kids at times and we’ve practiced new skills together.

You never know what God is going to use in your life and how he can use even the smallest things to grow you. It’s impossible to try everything in one lifetime but as opportunities arise, I’m not afraid to step out there {within reason} and give it a go to learn something new.

Have you stepped out and tried anything new this first month of 2021?

Photo by Olia Gozha on Unsplash

Don't be Discouraged

Waiting is hard.

It often breeds discouragement as we believe the longer we have to wait for something, the less likely it is we will succeed. This can be true for waiting for a husband, a baby, the perfect job offer, and the list goes on. Waiting and discouragement thread through life in many ways.

I love reading books. Although I read a lot of non fiction, I love a good novel too. I’ve come to realize, however, that I love getting to the finish but I’m not always a fan of the journey. No, I’m not one of those crazies who reads the last chapter of the book before starting the beginning. But if the journey takes too long, if the hero makes too many mistakes along the way, I’ve been known to skim a few pages. But without the struggle the climax would be less satisfying. The triumph of the hero succeeding is made more spectacular by all the obstacles he had to overcome to get there.

And so it is in reaching our goals. Often we don’t take the time to celebrate or even realize we had a small victory toward our main objective. We instead focus on what others are doing, what others are accomplishing. When we face disappointment, it’s hard to imagine rising above discouragement, working and continuing on although the odds seem stacked against us. But when we reach that goal, the joy is all the greater because of what we’ve experienced along the way. We can look back at specific moments when we could have given up. But look how we came through!!

I love hearing about people who work hard and accomplish their goal. But it has burdened my heart when I see friends and acquaintances getting book deals, opening businesses, living their dreams. I thought, “They’re moms too. When did they find time to do that? I’m so behind.” It is basically a pity party but it makes me doubt what I love doing. I wrongly measure success off of the timing that others were succeeding in. And I don’t take into account the years and tears and sacrifices that they have gone through.

I’m reading the life of David in my Bible reading. Talk about waiting!! He served the king he knew he was going to replace and hid for years from that same king! He knew what God had promised but he waited and waited. Several times David could have killed Saul and sped up the timeline {at least in human eyes}. But he wanted things to happen in God’s timing, not because he acted impatiently.

I would really love this time of quarantine to end and everything to go back to before. I would really love to be published and hold a book with my name on it in my hands. I don’t want to wait weeks or months to go to coffee with a friend. I don’t want to wait years for all my words currently sheltering in notebooks to find their way into the broader world of books. I want to know that there is an end and it will be the ending I want in the time I want.

But that thinking isn’t healthy or biblical. Instead of focusing on what we want to keep from being discouraged, when we find ourselves in the middle of something, we must turn our desires and disappointments and expectations over to God and wait for his timing.

Photo by Aaron Burden on Unsplash

The Balance of Mothering and Creating

For years, I’ve had this struggle: finding the balance between being a mom and being a creative.

I love my kids and I love homeschooling them and watching them learn and grow. I’m so thankful for the things they have taught me and the ways they have stretched me. But I miss working on a project without interruptions. I wish I could sit and write when the inspiration hits instead of scribbling disjointed thoughts on a paper that lays beside my computer for weeks until I get to it. It’s hard to pursue what I love while fully giving attention to the people I love.

I don’t think this is an unusual struggle. I think moms everywhere are trying to find a balance. Maybe for you it’s painting, photography, baking, DIY projects. There’s something you love that inspires you and pulls on you. But you are reminded daily {hourly?} that there is a more important pull, one that won’t always be there. The desire to play and create with your kids, to teach them new things and read your favorite stories aloud. To answer their questions and comfort their fears. You know they won’t always run to you or climb in your lap. So you put your dreams aside with a sigh and embrace the joy before you.

In my quest to spend my time wisely and make room for my hobbies, I’ve read books and blog posts about this delicate balance. They all suggest working while the little ones sleep, rising early, dedicating Sunday afternoon/evening to your craft. But sometimes those aren’t possible. Kids who don’t nap, seasons of sickness and transition when you have to grab any rest you can get, obligations that take the first of your limited free time. These are all real struggles. It doesn’t mean you aren’t seizing every moment. Sometimes there aren’t many moments to seize.

The last few years have been the most difficult for me. Two children in a row that didn’t nap or sleep well at night left me exhausted. Going from two kids to three upped the laundry, cleaning, cooking, argument settling. Changing up our homeschool routine meant I needed to spend more time planning and prepping and overseeing. My desire to write never left or diminished. It just got pushed to the side. And while I’m okay with that because I love being with my family, there’s still the urge to journal and research and read in every moment of space — no matter how small. I’ve been known to stand at the stove, stirring sauce with a book in my other hand. I carry a notebook in my purse and sometimes scribble a question or thought before I climb out of the car to grocery shop.

I have no great advice on pursuing your creative dreams and desires while balancing mom life. I haven’t found a magic formula, a golden hour, a tried and true routine. When my family needs me, I try my best to be there. I try to put them first in my time and energy, even when that means I don’t get ‘creative space’ every day. But I also acknowledge that they can join my creative pursuits. I take my pen and paper outside while they play, I tell them my ideas while we eat lunch together, I turn the music loud so they can dance behind me while I’m typing. It’s not perfect. But we make it work. And I continue to wait. And write. And trust God to meet me where I am.

Photo by Carolyn V on Unsplash.