What is Success?

One of the hardest things in my writing journey is the waiting.

I outline, I write, I research, I pray about, I think about, I talk about. Writing is something I only have small amounts of time to dive in and do yet I’m always thinking about how to phrase sentences, how to word my thoughts so they’ll make sense to others.

I dictate into my phone app while folding laundry, I journal while sitting by my kids at bedtime, I underline and mark quotes while reading. The topics I’m passionate about writing on never leave my mind, even while I’m focusing on other things.

But for all the writing, sharing, and talking, I don’t know how all those thoughts and musings will turn out. Will one person read my blog post? Will the manuscript I’m working on ever be a book in someone’s hands? Will my words make a difference to anyone? There are a lot of writers out there, many who communicate with greater clarity than I do. What will make someone want to read my ramblings?

One thing I’m learning about any creative endeavor — painting, drawing, sewing, writing, music, anything creative — is the effort isn’t wasted, even if it seems like no one cares. And why? Because every creative endeavor I do is changing me. I am learning, even if no one else is coming along for the ride.

Last year, when I challenged myself to draw a doodle a day, I wanted to see if I could actually do it. Could I draw something that others would be able to recognize? I definitely had a few rough ones, doodles that I grimaced at. But through them, I learned. I learned I draw too small, where to put lines, how to make shadows, the realism of plants not being symmetrical. And I took that acquired knowledge and made the next doodle better.

It was just as much about me trying to learn a new skill as me sharing beauty with others. Because not all those efforts were beautiful. But they were still worth doing. And I’m learning that the same is true about writing.

I might not achieve writing success by the world’s standards — a best selling author, published in multiple languages, books in all the stores. Maybe it’ll come down to me self publishing. Maybe it’ll always be this small blog. But the lessons I’m learning, the things I ponder and pray about and research are benefitting me. The things I learn about parenting are helping me steward my motherhood and disciple my children. I’m interacting with friends and women in my immediate circle of influence and learning from them.

Nothing is wasted. Instead of wishing for a different kind of success, I am learning to appreciate these moments and grow from them.

Photo by Sixteen Miles Out on Unsplash

The Value of Trying

Does anyone else have trouble trying something new?

I have recently been encouraging my kids to try new things: new foods, new activities, new skills. And I’m always met with at least some resistance. “Why try something new?” they ask. “What does it matter?”

To be honest, I’m sometimes right there with them. I would rather make a familiar recipe than try something that might fail. I would rather spend my time on something I know I love than be disappointed when I spend all my time attempting a new skill.

It’s not easy to try.

And yet, it’s so important. Without trying something new, we would never grow. We wouldn’t discover new interests or abilities. We wouldn’t learn the value of sometimes failing. Life becomes boring without stretching ourselves on occasion.

But always there’s that fear of failing. No one wants to fail. No one seeks out discouragement. And we often believe the best way to avoid those pitfalls is to not step out of our comfort zones. But that’s not healthy. While we shouldn’t be reckless and simply run into new things for the sake of doing new things, we also shouldn’t be scared of what might happen if we try.

It’s easy to be controlled by fear without realizing it. We might not feel fearful or afraid, and yet our motivation for what we do or don’t do is based on those feelings. Personally, I’ve hung back from certain things because I was afraid of seeming flighty. I know people who have jumped in and tried something, but it only lasted for a few months before they left that and moved to the next thing. While I would admire their confidence in trying new things, I would wonder if they knew what they were really after. If it was more about thrill and the excitement for something new than really wanting to learn or create something of sustainable value.

I didn’t want to jump from thing to thing. So in my indecision and quest to only do what I would stick with, I didn’t do anything. Didn’t learn any new skills, didn’t try anything away from my comfort zone. I was allowing the fear of failure and what people would think of my efforts to keep me from experiencing anything new.

My turning point came when I started following Emily Lex on Instagram. She challenged herself to do a small watercolor painting everyday for a year to improve her drawing and painting. Everyday she posted her paintings and encouraged others to try something they were interested in. I started my Doodle a Day challenge and began watching/practicing watercolor.

When you’ve told yourself you aren’t as good as XYZ or your efforts aren’t as nice as ABC…it’s difficult to see the value in trying AND showing others. As strange as it seems, it takes courage to try something new, knowing you won’t be as good as someone else…at least not in the beginning.

Something I remind my kids {and myself} is that everyone starts as a beginner. Those who we look at and admire — those who play beautiful music, write moving stories, create breathtaking art, pipe perfect frosting roses — they started by trying, attempting something that caught their interest or found enjoyment in. What we don’t see are the hours of practice to play a perfect sonata, the stacks of journals riddled with ideas and words, the paintings that failed, the frosting that fell and cakes that didn’t rise. No one makes progress without trying and no one achieves beauty without failing a few times.

Instead, we should be willing to fail AND intent on learning from that failure. Trying, falling, trying again, and again, and again. But there’s value in it all. In the success at the end and the trying along the way.

Photo by John Mark Arnold on Unsplash

Homeschool Update

It’s been awhile since I’ve talked about our homeschool year! Here’s a brief update on all things school.

1. My oldest was struggling with history. She loves to read and usually loves history but as this was more of a review year for her with our current curriculum, she was getting bored. She’s done small portions of American history for the last four years and this year was one big overview. I don’t think it’s possible to know/remember everything you’ve learned over the years but when I would talk with her, she clearly knew the big events, people, and time periods and was simply bored. I’ve NEVER switched curriculum in the middle of the year but I felt it necessary to keep her interest engaged. So she started reading A Child’s Geography on the Holy Land. It combines geographical, historical, and cultural information with lots of colorful pictures. She’s enjoyed it much more and it started the ball rolling for world history, which she’ll begin next year.

2. My second grader is loving Handwriting Without Tears…as much as a boy who doesn’t love writing can! This has been a great program for him; it combines learning and practicing separate letters with writing them in words. He’s almost finished with his current book and ready to move on to pre-cursive.

3. The big win for our preschooler has been UsBourne Wipe Clean books and activity books. She loves them and with the Wipe Clean, I’m amazed how she happily does the same activities over and over. She does need help reading the pages to know what to do/look for in the activity book but I can easily step away from the older kids, tell her what to do on those pages, and she completes them on her own.

4. I recently bought this book and we’ve enjoyed reading the entry for the day. It’s opened some questions about different people, events, inventions and so far we haven’t come across anything not appropriate for kids. We also read a nature poem a day from this book and the older kids have started taking turns reading them aloud. I think reading poems aloud is such a great skill to have!

   That about sums it up! This year has gone fairly smoothly and I can’t believe we’re already in March! Another school year almost complete.

   Photo by Anton Sukhinov on Unsplash

Seek the Light

I’m not super great at houseplants.

I have good intentions. I buy indoor plants, get them in {what I think} are perfect locations, and promptly forget to water them. Or I really want a plant in a certain place that gets no sunlight and it doesn’t last long.

When my kids learn about living things in science, we talk about what living things need to survive: food, water, and for plants, sunshine. It seems like such a simple list. How hard could it be to give plants sunlight, water, and food {nutrients in soil}?

Several months ago, I wanted to do a little sprucing up in our master bathroom. Our bathroom is somewhat large with a sink, linen closet, walk-in shower, and a large tub in the corner with big windows on two sides. The toilet is in its own little closet-like room with a small window. I found some cute shelves for above the tub opposite the windows and a matching over-the-toilet storage rack with shelves.

I’d never thought about putting plants in a bathroom before but we had these great shelves and lots of natural light pouring in. It seemed like a good fit, a little spa-like. I put a few starts from my spider plant in two containers, set them on the shelves in all that light, and waited to see how long they’d last.

The thing I love about spider plants is all the viney little shoots they send out. I love how they hang and fall and fill in so much space. And before long I noticed something that really shouldn’t have surprised me. The spider plant sent out a long narrow shoot right at the window. In fact, the whole plant began leaning toward the light in such a way that I was afraid the weight would tip the pot right off the shelf! So I rotated the pot, moving the fullness of the spider plant and that first shoot away from the window and toward the bathroom.

I didn’t keep track of how long it stayed that way but one day, I noticed the plant was leaning again and sending out another shoot, again to the natural light of the sun filtering in. The plant could not be stopped in its relentless seeking of the sun, one of the things needed for its survival.

Now, I’m not getting sci-fi and suggesting that the spider plant as a will, mind, conscious. I am pointing out that God designed the plant to need certain things and grow when those needs are met. And in a weird way, the plant unknowingly seeks out what it is designed to need.

God designed people with needs also. Our needs aren’t just about survival but about thriving and glorifying our Creator. We have basic health needs {food, water, oxygen} but we also need community, encouragement, to be productive, and above all, we need God. Even people who don’t acknowledge God’s existence have a need for him. And they will feel an emptiness, a desire to fill that space with something, even if they don’t admit it.

The trouble is sin. We get so wrapped up in the things of this world that we stop really seeking after what God wants. It might start with the lie that we are too busy to read the Bible then grow to skipping church and fellowship with believers because we feel out of touch or that it’s not convenient. We stop praying because we don’t see the need.

The Christian life is not a one and done. It’s a daily pursuing of the One who Created us. Just as my spider plant will send out shoots in pursuit of the sun’s rays, we as Christians should be seeking the truth of God’s Word and leaning toward Him. We need His guidance, care, strength, and grace more than we often believe. We daily pull away from the cares of this world and seek Him, the giver of light and life.

Photo by Matti Johnson on Unsplash

The Question We Should Ask

It’s the new year which means we are all thinking of resolutions. Even if we don’t write down a list of things, the beginning of the year always means reflection on the past and looking with anticipation for the future. That future usually has us considering what we would like to do, what we would like to change, and how we want to make those things happen!

I read the book, In His Image by Jen Wilkin for Bible study and before I got to the first chapter, I was hit by something she wrote. She said that the premise of the book is to show the difference between two questions: What should I do vs Who should I be.

When we think about finding God's Will for any decision, we usually ask for a specific outcome or guidance in what specific thing we should do. But, Wilkin argued, it's not about filling a list of qualifications before we know what to do. It's growing through sanctification to be who we should be that changes us. And as we grow in Christ, we pursue things that please God and decisions become a little easier.

All this made me think about why we always ask what instead of who. Our default it seems is to fix issues by changing our circumstances instead of asking if there is something about ourselves that needs to change. Those kinds of ponderings are usually uncomfortable because of one things: pride.

No matter what we think, we are proud. We might admit we need to grow in some areas but other things are practically sacred to us because “that’s just how I am.” I need to learn patience? No, I’ll just work harder to make things happen. You think I’m easily aggravated? You don’t know what I have to live with. We have a list of excuses for why we are the way we are. And in some ways, we don’t really want to change.

But over and over in the Bible, we are told to put off the former things and put on a whole new life in Christ. When God saved us, he didn’t want us to stay captive to our past selves and sins. He wants more for us. I’ve always found Galatians 5 convicting. In the same breath that Paul condemns sorcery, idolatry, drunkenness and a host of things I wouldn’t dream of, he also mentions envy, anger, jealousy, divisions. And he’s telling us to remove all those things from our lives (Gal. 5:19-21)! Then he lists what we are to be replacing all those sinful attitudes with: the fruit of the Spirit (5:22-23).

Another passage about putting off the old is Colossians 3. In verse one we are clearly told, “If then you have been raised with Christ, seek the things that are above…” If we are saved, we should want to be growing and changing, not still in our former selves. Verses 5-9 are filled with sins that used to characterize us but now should have no part in our lives. If that list discourages you, keep reading to see all the things we are to be putting on or growing in (3:12-17).

If this seems like the impossible mission — turning from all the former and completely becoming a new creature in Christ — remember this: you aren’t doing it alone. By God’s grace, we have the Holy Spirit living in us, convicting us of sin, helping us to put on these things, challenging us to change and not dwell in where we were. We can’t will or force ourselves to be better. It is only through the power of God and with a sincere desire to change.

So as we jump into 2020 and make all the plans for what we want to do and change, let’s not forget to also pray about who we are in Christ and how we need to seek God and grow in him this year.

Photo by Danielle Macinnes on Unsplash

A New Perspective on Birthdays

We've been in birthday mode at our house this month. My youngest turned one last week and my birthday was a few days after. My two older children were very excited to be planning and preparing for a first birthday party and going out to lunch for my birthday.

Somewhere along the years, birthdays lose the magic they had when we were children. We start dreading the day that rolls around every year, a sign we are another year older. We downplay the day, maybe fudge on our age. The joy of each year bringing new adventures and learning new things doesn't excite us anymore.

I will admit, this year I was not looking forward to my birthday. I didn’t want to admit how old I was turning, even to myself. In the months before, I thought about all the things I haven't done yet, the sleep I've lost because of my kids, the things I've failed at, the people I've hurt. My life doesn’t look like I expected it to at this age. To be blunt, I was discouraged with where I am and all the wasted years.

But after seeing the excitement of my children as they woke up every morning and asked if it was finally a birthday day, I took a long look at what those years behind me meant.

For one thing, the years are a testament of God’s grace and protection in my life. My reaching another birthday is not a surprise to God. He continues to show patience and mercy with me as I follow him, make mistakes, and start following him again.

I’m also not in the same place I was a year ago. I’ve grown in my mothering abilities — not without some failures — I’ve learned more about God through my Bible reading, seen answered prayer, and witnessed people changed. I would like to think I’m more mature but maybe that’s wishful thinking.

As hard as it is to admit that I’ve lived another year that I’ll never get back, when I looked at the attitude I was displaying because of that fact, I was somewhat ashamed. Tommy and I remind our children to ‘Do all things without complaining’ and ‘In everything give thanks’ and I noticed as February drew closer those verses could not be used to describe me.

Have you noticed when you first meet someone with children you ask their ages? The answer gives a clue to what they are able to do, their school grade and what they might be learning. How old you are is big news until you reach mid 20s. Then most people start to answer the age question with, ‘I graduated high school awhile ago,’ or ‘I don’t remember being that young.’ Suddenly our age is perceived as a negative strike against us, instead of the banner we proudly held as a youngster.

Well, I’m thankful for every year of life God has granted me. Every one of those 365 — sometimes 366 days — is a witness that God is patient and gracious and faithful. He has worked in my life and through various situations in every one of my years. Some brought more tears than smiles, others were covered in joy and laughter. But through every year God has been the unchanging guide. I’m no longer ashamed to proclaim my new age. And I am no longer disappointed with the haven’t dones and missed chances of my life. I’m challenging myself and you to give God our days and years and praise him for every one.

And by the way, I turned 35.

Photo by Thomas AE on Unsplash