Homeschool Update

It’s been awhile since I’ve talked about our homeschool year! Here’s a brief update on all things school.

1. My oldest was struggling with history. She loves to read and usually loves history but as this was more of a review year for her with our current curriculum, she was getting bored. She’s done small portions of American history for the last four years and this year was one big overview. I don’t think it’s possible to know/remember everything you’ve learned over the years but when I would talk with her, she clearly knew the big events, people, and time periods and was simply bored. I’ve NEVER switched curriculum in the middle of the year but I felt it necessary to keep her interest engaged. So she started reading A Child’s Geography on the Holy Land. It combines geographical, historical, and cultural information with lots of colorful pictures. She’s enjoyed it much more and it started the ball rolling for world history, which she’ll begin next year.

2. My second grader is loving Handwriting Without Tears…as much as a boy who doesn’t love writing can! This has been a great program for him; it combines learning and practicing separate letters with writing them in words. He’s almost finished with his current book and ready to move on to pre-cursive.

3. The big win for our preschooler has been UsBourne Wipe Clean books and activity books. She loves them and with the Wipe Clean, I’m amazed how she happily does the same activities over and over. She does need help reading the pages to know what to do/look for in the activity book but I can easily step away from the older kids, tell her what to do on those pages, and she completes them on her own.

4. I recently bought this book and we’ve enjoyed reading the entry for the day. It’s opened some questions about different people, events, inventions and so far we haven’t come across anything not appropriate for kids. We also read a nature poem a day from this book and the older kids have started taking turns reading them aloud. I think reading poems aloud is such a great skill to have!

   That about sums it up! This year has gone fairly smoothly and I can’t believe we’re already in March! Another school year almost complete.

   Photo by Anton Sukhinov on Unsplash

Joy in Lingering

We are a society bent on going.

The pace at which we feel we must live is exhausting, even for the most ambitious person. Messages of hustle, keep going, push in, try harder, be more, have it all…these are all about going even when you’re falling asleep standing up.

They are also all about you. What YOU can do. What YOU need to strive for. Why YOU need to keep going.

There are definitely times when life demands a lot. There are moments when you have to just keep going even through fatigue. But these shouldn’t dominate us or be the norm.

I used to view life as a checklist of things to get through. What did I HAVE to do before I could read or write or craft or just take a break? And I realized that my checklist was never complete. When I neared the end, something would come up that needed my attention and the list would grow.

So then I thought the answer was to rush. Clean quickly. Rush through meal prep, eating, and cleanup. Skim books, multitask everything possible. But the checklist was never complete and I was more exhausted and actually accomplishing less. And I certainly wasn’t enjoying anything.

Then one day, I was at a friend’s house. Susan is a busy interior designer and she easily has 50 tabs open in her brain at all times of things she’s working on. But as she was moving around her kitchen preparing our meal, there was nothing rushed. She took joy in every aspect of the moment. She chopped the onion precisely, sometimes stopping as she thought of the right word to describe something to me. She carefully folded the napkins for the table. She arranged the food on each plate to perfectly match. She wanted to give her best effort at where she was then, what she was doing then, and leave the next task for when this one was completed and enjoyed. No use to rush. The next thing would still be there after dinner.

I realized with young kids these stylized meals would be difficult for me to duplicate. However, I could adopt a less frenzied attitude in what I did. And I could change my thinking from a HAVE to checklist to a GET to checklist. I realized that my frustration with certain tasks was based on my attitude toward them. It’s a joy to have food to feed my family. A privilege to have a nice kitchen to work in. A blessing to sit and savor time together as we review our day as a family.

All those things were missing when I was hustling to get done with that to get on with something else.

I believe we miss out on realizing so many blessings around us because we’re too busy running from thing to thing to notice what just happened. And often things that should be a blessing are phrased as a complaint. We don’t feel we are ungrateful but we certainly aren’t thankful!

So I’ve been attempting {and it’s not always easy} to linger a little longer when I’m in the midst of things. I turn on music and sing along while I cook. I make a cup of hot tea and sit to enjoy it. I fold laundry and let my thoughts wander over the funny moments of the day. I don’t try to make things pass quickly. I don’t fill every moment with noise or tasks. I allow myself to just sit and pray.

And I find a new enjoyment and thankfulness in small, lingering moments.

Photo by Aaron Burden on Unsplash

Faithfulness

We’re still in that bubble at the beginning of the year where people are envisioning and resolving and dreaming of all the possibilities that 2022 might hold. But sometimes, we struggle to take that first step. We know the end goal we want to achieve but how do we get there?

Maybe we’re afraid of doing it wrong or making a mistake or failing. Maybe we believe we need to sit back and let God work. Maybe we’re waiting for a sign that never comes so year after year we press toward the same goal but we never get any closer.

One thing I’ve learned in life is that it’s not passive. Yes, we need to be wise and sometimes steps are slow and steady instead of fast and furious. But we need to keep showing up and doing what God has called us to. Often that means just doing the next thing. And sometimes we don’t know exactly how the next thing is going to help us or serve God but we keep going.

When I was going into my last year in high school, the seniors had the option of taking one university class for credit. Most of my friends were taking History of Civilization which was a class famous for the amounts of reading you needed to do and dates you had to memorize. I wanted to do something different. I decided to take a language since I knew my major would require two years. But which language?

My mom had been working with a lady from the Ukraine and I loved how the Russian language sounded, not harsh like German but fluid, smooth. So with no reason but that, I signed up for first year Russian and bought my textbooks. I’ll be honest and say it was hard. I spent hours in the language lab after class listening to phrases and repeating them into a microphone and practicing writing in a different alphabet.

I enjoyed the class, my teacher made it interesting, but it was hard. There were times I wondered why I was doing this and if I’d made the wrong choice in choosing this class, this language. At the beginning of second semester, our teacher gave us a heads up: our final for the year would be to recite the wordless book with at least two Bible verses per section. It ended up being two pages of Russian text to memorize and we had to understand what we were saying enough to answer questions our teacher asked about the Gospel.

During this same semester, my senior class was preparing to go to New York City for a missions trip. It was a busy few months but just before finals, we loaded into buses and drove to Brooklyn. One of the afternoons, we held a children’s club at the church and we shared the Gospel message using wordless books. Just before we started, several classmates excitedly ran up to me and said there were two Russian children in the back who didn’t understand much English.

With nerves rattling, I approached and introduced myself and asked if I could explain this book without words to them in Russian. They sat by me while I slowly staggered through every section, every Bible verse I had spent the semester memorizing for my final. They left the kids club with a Russian tract, a wordless book, and the gospel. I have no idea if they ever visited the church again but a seed was planted by a very overwhelmed and nervous high schooler.

It’s an extremely humbling experience to be used by God. To take your simple efforts and things you’ve unknowingly been cultivating and have God use them in ways you never imagined. When I set out to take Russian, I never dreamed that nine months later I would be witnessing in another language to two children who knew nothing of the Gospel. When my teacher assigned us that final project to work on, I had no idea my missions team would be sharing that same material in the children’s program. But God…

I often think when we set out to make resolutions and reach our goals, we only have that in mind: our goals. Our desires. Our purposes. But how much richer our lives become when we set our priorities on God’s desires for us. What he has for us this year, this month, this day. And while we can’t anticipate everything God has for us, we can practice faithfulness, right here, where he’s placed us.

It’s impossible to know how God will use what we’re doing today for the future. But that’s okay. We don’t need to know the ends and outs of what God will do or how. We just need to be faithful where we are. We need to be praying for opportunities and studying the Bible so we know what to say when the need arises. How will you be faithful today?

Photo by Charles Black on Unsplash

A Happy New Year!

We are almost finished with 2021!

This week, I’ve been looking back at things I learned, read, tried, and failed at. I’ve also been anticipating everything 2022 might hold. Even though change is not my favorite, there is a special excitement going into the new year.

I’ve been planning my Bible reading schedule, setting up my planner, and trying to organize the house from the Christmas chaos. Today the decorations will start to come down and I’ll get my kids on dusting/vacuuming duty!

Whenever I look ahead to January and beyond, I try to think back over the previous year. How did I struggle? Where did my habits falter? How can I keep from making the same mistakes again? The Bible has many passages about Israel remembering their past. They were to look back and reflect on what God had done for them, how he had shown himself and protected them. And that looking back was to give them hope and courage for how he would continue to work in the future.

Of course, we see Israel struggling with this but it’s a theme we read again and again… “Remember how God brought you out of Egypt” “Remember when God provided manna in the wilderness” “Remember when God delivered you by parting the Red Sea”….

Our moments of protection might not be so dramatic but God certainly brings us through many trials, joys, hardships, and changes. And just as Israel was reminded to look back, we need to also. With the remembering, I hope we can also evaluate what we need to adapt going into 2022. Not everything worked or went well in 2021; maybe some bad habits were fostered and good practices lost. Each of us — with prayer and not pride — needs to honestly look back and decide what to keep and what to loose from 2021.

I created a simple printable for you to download and print off as a reminder of 5 small ways to make 2022 better. These are simple suggestions but they will take effort, time, and a decision to put them into practice. If you think of other things to add, I’d love to hear! Click the button below to access the printable! And thanks for reading in 2021.

Not to us, O Lord, not to us, but to your name give glory, for the sake of your steadfast love and your faithfulness! Psalm 115:1

Photo by Kelly Sikkema on Unsplash

The Weary Rejoice

Christmas hymns are some of my favorites, probably because they bring back so many memories. Violin concerts, orchestra concerts, choir performances, church programs. I can remember the arrangements, settings, hard spots on so many Christmas songs from across the years.

One of those favorites is O Holy Night. Think about these words:

Long lay the world in sin and error pining
Till he appear'd and the soul felt its worth.
A thrill of hope the weary soul rejoices
For yonder breaks a new and glorious morn!

The world had been broken and sinful and watching for a Savior for years, generations. Then, in a most unexpected way, God delivers on his promise in the form of a baby, bringing hope and joy. The gloriousness of that event was much more than just a new life entering the world. It was the beginning of the end, in a way. The load of the weary was going to be lifted and placed on the perfect Son of God. Born to die for our sins and offer the grace and hope we desperately needed but had no ability to make.

I think many of us are weary this year. A lot of difficult, trying, hard things have happened and we might try to muster the excitement and joy of the season but we’re struggling. We know the source of our grief isn’t going to go away or magically resolve itself. We still have next year to face, with unknown challenges to come.

But here’s the thing about hope — it’s not just for Christmas and it promises much more than solving earthly frustrations. We have salvation, we have the Holy Spirit, we have eternal peace. Our souls, weary with the cares of this world and all the brokenness of sin, can still rejoice with true joy. All because of Jesus, coming humbly to die humbly.

Photo by Debby Hudson on Unsplash

A Selfless Holiday

It's a paradox.

We spend so much time leading up to Christmas preparing everything for the perfect holiday. We want our kids to have a memorable month, we want our family to appreciate the food we prepare, we want our friends to love their gifts. All our energy seems to be pointed at making others happy. Yet this can be the most selfish time of year.

How is wanting the perfect holiday for others selfish? Because often we are wanting our version of the perfect holiday rather than want others want.

Each thing we attempt to do is often shrouded in something we want: perfect photos so we buy matching clothes our kids will never wear again, carrying on a tradition by making the proverbial fruitcake knowing no one will eat it, attempting to do every suggestion for a memorable 25 days of December from all the mommy blogs. We use the excuse it's all for others but we are really putting our checklist at the forefront.

Do we ever go into holidays asking our children or spouse what they want to do? What would really make the day special to them? It might not be exciting or picture worthy. It might involve doing something you really don't love doing. But if we really want everyone to enjoy the Christmas season, shouldn’t we be willing to ask?

I definitely have food and traditions that I love but I try to ask Tommy what meals he likes, sweets he loves, special Christmas things that mean something to him from childhood. And I try to display the sled and reindeer he made as a child.

December is such a busy rush of excitement and activity. It can feel like we’re giving every ounce of ourselves for others. But what if what they wanted was more of us present and less of us doing? We could make memories with our loved ones that were truly meaningful and we could avoid some of the crazy that we put on ourselves “for the sake of others.” Less of us. More of friends and family.

Photo by Freestocks on Unsplash

Christmas Joy

It's December! 

My children have been eagerly eating their way through their advent calendars and counting down the days. 

I've gotten all the shopping done and planned the baking. 

In some ways, it's easy to be joyful as Christmas approaches. All the memories and fun we just do once a year, watching my kids exclaim with excitement over decorations and lights and extra candy. Thinking about the surprises waiting, wrapped under the tree.

But there's also a lingering sadness. Another year almost gone. Missing loved ones who have passed. Watching the world celebrate Christmas but missing the real meaning. 

Is it possible for joy and sorrow to merge? Can we mourn the difficulties of the year yet still feel joy at what's around? 

These emotions are not exclusive from each other. Though opposites, we can express both feelings. Think of the first Christmas. Joy that the savior was born, sorrow that he was born to die. Joy for God's fulfilled promise, sorrow that he would be rejected. 

In a broken world, we will live with the pull between these. 

And in a way, that tension is because of us. We needed a Savior because sin couldn't be overcome by us. We sometimes sing "Love came down on Christmas day" but it was joy also. The shepherds displayed joy and excitement even though they didn't fully comprehend what that baby meant. But the reason Jesus was born was sorrowful; he needed to die in our place so we could enjoy eternal life with God.

Instead of trying to ignore one emotion and amplify the other, both can be experienced this season. Family and friends who aren't here to celebrate can be remembered and mourned while rejoicing that the birth of Jesus was a step toward death being forever conquered.

We have joy in annual traditions and looking ahead to a new year while regretting parts of the past year. 

This tension is part of life in a world tainted by sin. But it doesn't make the miracle of Christ's birth less wondrous, less important, or something to pass by. Joy and sorrow meet, in a manger and then at the cross.

Photo by Mel Poole on Unsplash.

Thanksgiving

It’s the week of Thanksgiving, one of my favorite times of year.

I love the food, traditions, moments of reflection, colors, decor. It’s a wonderful blend of family and friends coming together to celebrate and remember.

I always try to have an activity or craft for the kids that focuses on what they are thankful for. It’s true that once you start listing things, it’s difficult to find a stopping point! We have so many blessings, big and small, that should be remembered and rejoiced in.

For kids especially, these “I’m thankful for…” lists usually amount to their favorites. Favorite food, animals, things. It becomes a “My Favorites” list, which isn’t a bad thing; you can be thankful for your favorite things. But I was thinking, are we ever thankful for things that aren’t in that favorites list?

It’s an easy practice to think about what we love, what was fun, what went well and be thankful. But have you ever looked over the year and reflected on how the hard, difficult times and decisions changed you? I’m not saying you have to be thankful for the actual hard things themselves: illness, pain, loss, strain, etc. It might be difficult or impossible to truthfully say we are thankful for those things in our lives and situations. But maybe while walking through a hardship, you learned something about God, you found yourself focused on a certain attribute of his you’d overlooked, you memorized a Psalm that took on new meaning or significance. These are the things we can be thankful for, even after a difficult year {or two!}.

When I look back on 2021, I see a lot that frustrated me and discouraged me but I also have some wonderful memories with my family, I saw God provide financially, I grew deeper in some friendships, and learned more about empathy with others. I came to the end of my strength while dealing with constant pain and was reminded I have nothing under control, but God does.

So as you enter Thanksgiving and hopefully have time to reflect on 2021, don’t be afraid to give more than surface thanks {food, shelter, friends, etc.}. Think and pray about how God has used the good and discouraging of this year to draw you closer to himself.

Photo by Priscilla Du Preez on Unsplash

Seek the Light

I’m not super great at houseplants.

I have good intentions. I buy indoor plants, get them in {what I think} are perfect locations, and promptly forget to water them. Or I really want a plant in a certain place that gets no sunlight and it doesn’t last long.

When my kids learn about living things in science, we talk about what living things need to survive: food, water, and for plants, sunshine. It seems like such a simple list. How hard could it be to give plants sunlight, water, and food {nutrients in soil}?

Several months ago, I wanted to do a little sprucing up in our master bathroom. Our bathroom is somewhat large with a sink, linen closet, walk-in shower, and a large tub in the corner with big windows on two sides. The toilet is in its own little closet-like room with a small window. I found some cute shelves for above the tub opposite the windows and a matching over-the-toilet storage rack with shelves.

I’d never thought about putting plants in a bathroom before but we had these great shelves and lots of natural light pouring in. It seemed like a good fit, a little spa-like. I put a few starts from my spider plant in two containers, set them on the shelves in all that light, and waited to see how long they’d last.

The thing I love about spider plants is all the viney little shoots they send out. I love how they hang and fall and fill in so much space. And before long I noticed something that really shouldn’t have surprised me. The spider plant sent out a long narrow shoot right at the window. In fact, the whole plant began leaning toward the light in such a way that I was afraid the weight would tip the pot right off the shelf! So I rotated the pot, moving the fullness of the spider plant and that first shoot away from the window and toward the bathroom.

I didn’t keep track of how long it stayed that way but one day, I noticed the plant was leaning again and sending out another shoot, again to the natural light of the sun filtering in. The plant could not be stopped in its relentless seeking of the sun, one of the things needed for its survival.

Now, I’m not getting sci-fi and suggesting that the spider plant as a will, mind, conscious. I am pointing out that God designed the plant to need certain things and grow when those needs are met. And in a weird way, the plant unknowingly seeks out what it is designed to need.

God designed people with needs also. Our needs aren’t just about survival but about thriving and glorifying our Creator. We have basic health needs {food, water, oxygen} but we also need community, encouragement, to be productive, and above all, we need God. Even people who don’t acknowledge God’s existence have a need for him. And they will feel an emptiness, a desire to fill that space with something, even if they don’t admit it.

The trouble is sin. We get so wrapped up in the things of this world that we stop really seeking after what God wants. It might start with the lie that we are too busy to read the Bible then grow to skipping church and fellowship with believers because we feel out of touch or that it’s not convenient. We stop praying because we don’t see the need.

The Christian life is not a one and done. It’s a daily pursuing of the One who Created us. Just as my spider plant will send out shoots in pursuit of the sun’s rays, we as Christians should be seeking the truth of God’s Word and leaning toward Him. We need His guidance, care, strength, and grace more than we often believe. We daily pull away from the cares of this world and seek Him, the giver of light and life.

Photo by Matti Johnson on Unsplash

When Anxiety Threatens

Anxiety is an equal opportunity villain.  

I don’t think I’ve ever met a person who hasn’t experienced fear or anxiety at some point. We might be more prone to it depending on active imaginations (me!) or always jumping to worse case scenarios (me!) or being a pessimist (not me!). There is something in our human, fallen minds that lands on fear when uncertain or frightening things happen. 

I didn’t consider myself a fearful person in my younger years. Maybe I naively always thought that difficult things happened to other people, not me. But over the course of a few years, I had several times when I was gripped with a sudden anxiety that was difficult to shake. One of these times was when my daughter was born.

When I went to the hospital to have my daughter, I was so excited. I was two weeks overdue and those weeks seemed like a lifetime. Every appointment those last few weeks, I had to have a stress test which meant I sat in a comfortable chair for 30 minutes while a machine took my vitals. I was declared stress free every time. 

My labor was long and slow. Even after induction, my water didn’t break on its own and the doctor had to do it. And when she did, a problem was discovered. My baby had already had a bowel movement in the womb and there was a high likelihood she had swallowed fluid and developed an infection. The doctor warned that when she was born, her lungs would need to be suctioned and cleared before they would attempt to get her breathing. 

With that on our minds, we continued to wait for labor to progress. When our baby came hours later, it was a rush of activity. As soon as she was born, she was put on a cart and suctioned again and again. I couldn’t see anything happening, but I also couldn’t hear a baby crying. Time seemed to stretch until finally, we heard a little slap on skin and a baby’s wail.  

She was cleaned up and placed in my arms for the first time but not for long. In less than an hour, the nurses needed to get her to the NICU and run tests for infection and start antibiotics. Watching my daughter being wheeled away was not how I had pictured our first hours as a family. I slept on and off and was finally put in a wheelchair to visit our baby and move to a new room. 

For the rest of the week, every day was a new anxiety. The baby wouldn’t nurse and would only drink half the bottle of milk I pumped. We were told she would need to stay in the NICU for at least five days of antibiotic, but I could only stay in my hospital room for 48 hours. We could visit and hold our daughter except for a few hours each day when the nurse schedule rotated. Every doctor round brought some encouraging news coupled with discouraging news. They needed her to eat more at each feeding and gain more weight before releasing her. A certain number of wet diapers a day. A certain heart rate and oxygen number and blood test. 

I would look at the other babies in our NICU room and feel grateful, knowing many of them had more serious issues that required them to stay longer. But seeing my baby in an incubator, needing a nurse to help me lift her out with all the wires and tubes connected to her, not knowing when she would get to come home. I would sit and rock her and sing Jesus Loves Me until my husband came. Then I would head home to shower, change clothes, eat, and head back to the hospital to catch the doctor on his rounds and hear a test update. I would pump and deliver small bottles of milk for the nurses to try and feed her. 

Those five days were life changing. I realized in a way I hadn’t before the fragility of life and how little control we truly have over life’s circumstances. Until my water broke, we had no idea our week would be spent driving back and forth from the hospital, sleeping when we could, cheering for every milliliter of milk our daughter would drink. Finally bringing her home was exhausting relief that we had made it through. God had provided the strength, stamina, and wisdom we needed. 

Most people I know like to have a feeling of control or knowledge of a situation. When we are afraid of outcomes that scare us, we start focusing on the problem instead of on God. 

Anxiety can be paralyzing, taking over our physical and mental capabilities. But again and again, we find comforting words in the Bible, meant to encourage and give us rest. 

Psalm 23 is a beautiful example. It shows the range of depth our lives can have, from the joy and comfort of peaceful moments to the fear and dark times of shadows. While familiar to many, this Psalm isn’t one to be hastily quoted; it deserves consideration and consistent remembering, especially when we are feeling the weight of anxiety pressing in.

The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want.

He makes me lie down in green pastures. He leads me beside still waters.

He restores my soul. He leads me in paths of righteousness for his name’s sake.

Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.

You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies; you anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows.

Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life, and I shall dwell in the house of the Lord forever.

Photo by David Mark on Pixabay

An Unhurried Life

Our fall schedule has started and that means things are quite a bit busier for us!

Summer wasn’t exactly the restful, quiet time I always hope it will be. But fall brings on a different kind of routine and busy. School, piano lessons, Bible studies, AWANA. And then we have special things like playdates, parties, and field trips.

I guess what I’m saying is there is no ‘restful season’ that will magically happen. Each change of the calendar and tick of the clock brings a new, different type of hurry and bustle and rush.

I’ve always thought it amazing that some people seem immune to the hustle mentality. They get done what needs to be done without running, frantic lives.

One of the most slow paced people I’ve known was my Grandma Short. She got a lot done in a day but she didn’t do anything quickly. Everything that was worth doing was worth doing well. Making pie crust, ironing, watering flowers. Grandma didn’t run or rush.

I remember shopping with Grandma and Grandpa when they visited us. Grandma looked at every shirt on the rack, touched the fabric, slowly moved the hangers to get to the desired size. She didn’t feel rushed, even when the rest of us moved ahead. But she also never seemed concerned about falling behind. She knew what she needed to get done in a day and that was what she got done.

Grandma didn’t neglect others in her to-do list. She wasn’t so focused on the tasks that she didn’t cultivate relationships. My Grandpa owned two businesses in a small town and he and my Grandma were born and raised in that area. They knew most of the people in town and people knew they could drop by for a chat. There were many times when people would knock and yell “Hello!” and Grandma would answer and welcome them in for a visit. It didn’t matter that she was in the middle of laundry or dishes or baking.

When we would visit, we would often go on the back patio after dinner. It was sometimes the first time all day my Grandma had sat down except for eating meals. But she didn’t complain or draw attention to how much she’d gotten done or hadn’t accomplished. She would sit and visit and laugh and comment on the nice evening and wave at every person who walked by.

I didn’t really notice her contentment with life and her patience with tasks as a child but as I’ve gotten older and felt the weight of responsibility and everything that needs to be done, I look back at my memories of her and long for her unhurried approach to life.

It’s not just about a slower pace. It’s also about being content with what we can do in a day and maybe scaling back on expectations. With modern conveniences and technology, I believe some of our frustration is we think we can do more in a day than we actually can. And when we fail to do it all, instead of focusing on a few tasks the next day, we believe we just have to wake up earlier, hustle more, stay up later.

This is certainly something I need to try harder at and do not have the perfect answers for. But it is something I recognize in my life as needing to change. I need to set my priorities more realistically so I’m not rushing from task to thing to place. I need to recognize my limits and accept them.

Living an unhurried life doesn’t mean not getting things done or living in slow motion. It’s a mindset of living within our limits and being content. With not trying to do it all everyday. And trusting God with our efforts.

Photo by Theme Photos on Unsplash

Good, Better, Best

One of the joys of being a homeschooling mom is that I get to teach my kids about many different things.

The hard thing about being a homeschooling mom is that I have to teach my kids about many different things.

Do those seem at odds? Let me explain. I don’t just get to teach the fun things that I love and find interesting. Things like literature, history, geography, and art are all really fascinating and, I think, fun to teach. But then I also have those other subjects. Things like math and science and grammar that just aren’t…fun. And because they don’t appeal to me, I don’t always enjoy the process of laying out the facts behind these subjects.

But what! You might be asking, “How can a person who loves reading and writing not like grammar?! Aren’t those related?” Well, here’s the thing. Because I’ve been reading and writing for so long and have loved to for so long, the grammar is kind of lost on me. I don’t think about the rules or parts of speech or the technical terms of what I’m doing. I just use the language and it makes sense to me. It sounds right.

So when I’m faced with explaining to my children how to diagram a sentence, what the different phrases in a sentence are, singular vs plural rules, and tenses…it just doesn’t excite me. I find it monotonous and it’s really hard for me to not just say, “Can’t you hear why that’s not right?” to my second grader who’s never heard a word labeled as a direct object before.

I know a lot of people have issue with the weirdness of the English language {been there} and one of the harder things to teach and get is when a word doesn’t follow the rules. My son and I were talking about adding an -er or -est to a word {like fast, faster, fastest} to help us describe something more clearly when he — totally believing he had caught on and was about to impress me — said, “Like good, gooder, goodest!” To which I took a deep breath, prepared myself, and said, “Nope. Some words, like ‘good’ have their own rules.” His eye roll and frustration were completely understood.

That launched us into a conversation on good, better, and best and why it gets special attention. Then we practiced using each word correctly {He is good at math but she is better at spelling}. And it got me thinking about the good, better, and best situations in our lives.

Sometimes in practical living it’s difficult to distinguish between what is good and better. We want to believe that the opportunities we choose are the best options for us. The things that we want to do, the choices that offer the biggest paybacks or results or growth. We want to be people that choose the best for us and our families.

Often the problem comes when we have to stop doing something good in order to do something better. If you’re like me, you think, “I can just cram this other thing into my life because it’s a good choice but I don’t want to give up anything I’m currently doing…because those are all good things too!” But then all the running around to all the “good” things wears us out. We become short and temperamental with our families because we’re tired. We don’t fully enjoy the things we’re doing because we always have one foot out the door to “get to the next thing.” We moan over our busyness but we don’t want to give anything up. “It’s all good,” we tell ourselves.

But sooner or later, something will break. Something will have to be given up, no matter how “good” it is. And sadly, as a pastor’s wife I’ve often seen church as one of the first “good” things to go. People have offered reasons like “Our family just needs a day to ourselves” “We’ll be back when schedules slow down” “We want to be there but we’re so busy” and on they go. What breaks my heart in these excuses is that people are choosing to give up the best thing for their family {being in a church community, learning about God together} for a good thing.

These “good things” vary but when I talk with people, it usually comes down to prioritizing other things and getting so tired they need a free day and that becomes Sunday. Because it’s easier to not come to church on Sunday than miss a soccer game on Saturday. You see, extra curricular things for your kids aren’t bad. Those can be good things that teach valuable lessons. But when you choose to spend so much time on those that your family is too tired to come to church, the “good” activities have replaced a better option {i.e. church}.

Now I know vacations, sickness, unforeseen circumstances happen and keep us from meeting on Sundays. Even as a pastor’s family, we miss services on occasion. But when we get into the habit of making Sunday our “free day” and we do all the good things through the week, thinking we can always regroup on Sunday if it’s too much, we need to seriously reevaluate what we consider good, better, and best in our lives.

And this isn’t just about church. Think how easily we can push daily Bible reading and prayer out because “We have to get to work, take the kids to school, get homeschool done, have coffee with that friend, tackle those chores, make dinner, get everyone to their after school activities…” Now when we read this list, these things aren’t bad. Most of them are necessary {work, food, education, etc.} but when the list takes the place of spending time in God’s Word, we need to think about our priorities and how things can be rearranged to give more time for the best thing.

It’s difficult to stop doing something “good” in pursuit of something “better.” Sometimes it feels like we failed or gave up. But the truth is we can’t do everything and our culture is constantly bombarding us with possibilities. Sometimes certain seasons of life mean we can’t do all the good things we want. But that season will pass and we can say yes to other things.

As nice as it would be, there are no hard and fast rules for what is “good, better, and best” in our lives. Choosing the best requires us to take an honest look at our lives continually. What is good today might need to be replaced by something better next week. But, unlike pesky grammar rules, I can guarantee that choosing God over whatever the world throws our way will ALWAYS be the best choice. Reading your Bible, praying, being in a church family should never be cut out to make room for something better. Because that “something better” will not be worth it.

Photo by Patrick Bald on Unsplash

Good for the Wrong Reasons

It came out of nowhere. We were in the frozen foods section at Sam’s Club, my youngest child in the cart and my oldest two standing next to me while my husband decided what sausage to buy. I vaguely noticed the lady with two very rowdy children across the aisle when suddenly I heard her exclaim, “Look at those children over there! They are waiting quietly and patiently. Just be like them!”

And then it happened. My mind flew in a dangerous direction. “Yes,” I thought, “Look at how well my kids are behaving. They would never dream of jumping into the freezer and banging on the door. I can’t believe what some kids get away with.”

Of course, two aisles later my daughter was crying that she was hungry and wouldn’t make it to the car. I pushed the cart faster in an effort to depart the store before anyone noticed her cries.

Pride is an easy trap to fall into. And motherhood brings it out in a whole new way. Suddenly, we feel people measuring us not just on our own merits but also on our children. We believe how they behave is a direct reflection of our parenting. We know from the glances, the headshakes, the raised eyebrows that people are watching our children’s tantrums and the god of self raises its ugly head. We know what they’re thinking about us because we’ve probably thought the same about another mom. 

Pride has been a problem since Satan decided he wanted to be like God. We know the definition of what pride is but we rarely stop and consider what place and appearance it has in our lives as mothers. And while there is a pride in mothering that is good - like celebrating the hard work and accomplishments of our child - unbiblical pride often takes the form of us trying to look better through our children. And in the process demanding behavior from them merely for looks.

“Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves” (Philippians 2:3). When we tell our children to “be good because you're embarrassing me” but offer no lasting reason for the behavior, we aren't really thinking of teaching them. And we certainly aren’t being humble or considering our children’s spiritual growth. We want the results without putting in the teaching time. It is merely pride in how our children appear and selfish motives that drive us. We should instead desire our children to have good attitudes and behavior because it is glorifying to God. 

Here is another verse that often convicts my heart. “For am I now seeking the approval of man, or of God? Or am I trying to please man? If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of Christ” (Galatians 1:10). Considering our motives for why we expect certain behaviors is a great heart check. Are we trying to grow our children in the Lord or looking for outward proof that they listen to us?

Wanting kind, polite, well behaved children is not sinful. But when we elevate and expect that behavior for the wrong reasons, we are treading in dangerous waters. As mothers, we have the biggest responsibility and opportunity to train our children. We can teach them biblical obedience through loving and serving God or a works-based merit system where they obey us and behave because that's what we demand. We might get the results we want short term but without God working in the hearts and lives of our children, we do them no favors for the long term.

I'm not suggesting that we shrug off and make excuses for tantrums or that we go through life not caring if our children are the neighborhood terrors. But when we see these attitudes emerging, whether in the aisles of a store with an audience or in the privacy of our home, we need to use more than demands for better behavior or listing comparison children.

We need to remind them and ourselves that we are sinful, we need forgiveness and grace, and God provides both. Instead of putting our children on a pedestal because they've never cried over unbought cookies at the store, we need to humbly acknowledge that they are still sinful - maybe just in less public ways.

So how do we encourage good behavior without making it all about good behavior? It begins with the beauty of the gospel. Romans 3:23 says “For all have sinned and come short of the glory of God.” I like to remind my kids that all means all meaning everyone. As painful as it is, my children know I'm a sinner and they know they are too. The beauty of this is that when I talk about Jesus saving my sins and forgiving me and the Holy Spirit helping me make good choices, they know the same freedom is available to them. They know they'll mess up, but they also know they will be forgiven.

 They know I don't expect perfection, but they also know why I ask for good attitudes and behaviors.

It's not because I want perfect children to show off at Sam's Club. It's because I want my children to willingly serve God.

It's not wrong to want our children to behave or to expect a certain behavior in certain situations. But when how our children behave becomes a matter of pride to us, we have an issue.

As a parent, our ultimate goal should not be to raise perfect children or children who believe they are perfect. Our goal is to train them to glorify God and to serve him. Whatever embarrassment our children sometimes cause should not be the primary goal in addressing our children's bad behavior. Teaching our children that they are sinners in need of a savior is important in shaping their overall care.

Photo by Brigitte Tohm on Unsplash

New Bible Verse Printable!

Last year, as we were going into the schoolyear, I made a collection of cards with Bible verses that could easily be printed off and left around the house, schoolroom, or whatever you wanted. My aim was to encourage all the mamas out there and give you a resource for memorizing a Bible verse a week with your kids, whatever education choice you made.

This year, I wanted to do it again with a few changes. I’m really excited to share this new printable with you! A few things different from last year:

• I found these amazing printable index-sized cards at Walmart. I thought they were a perfect option for our weekly Bible verse cards! They are perforated which makes it so easy and fast; just print and fold and you’re done!

• The cards this year are larger — I put four verses on each sheet opposed to the six last year. I did this so they would fit the printable index cards mentioned above and so I could make the font larger.

• Extra room to doodle! It’s a proven fact that copying, highlighting, underlining, etc. all help in memorization. These cards have more room and larger font for kids to trace the words, copy on the back, draw symbols, or whatever they want to lock these Bible truths in their hearts. Print a set for each child and let them underline new words or put stickers on the corners.

• If you print these on index cards, they are thicker and an easy size to hold. Of course, you can print these on regular paper, cut them out, and glue them to fancy cardstock as well.

• This summer, I felt a pull to focus on Bible verses that have to do with our personal character. We’ve memorized verses about God helping us, salvation, peace, etc. But the Bible has a lot to say about how we should act…and shouldn’t! Many of the verses I chose this year are reminders of how we are to treat others, listening, confessing our sins, and the benefits of obeying God.

I hope these are a help and blessing to you! Many of you commented to me that you had printed off the verses last year and enjoyed them. Please print off as many as you want and share the link to this post with friends. I’m praying this school year brings joy, growth, and a love for our God and the children we’ve been entrusted with.

Photo by Sixteen Miles Out on Unsplash

Times of Drought

I’ve been thinking about water a lot.

Where we live in Utah, we are in the midst of a summer drought. Advertisements are all around that we need to conserve water, we have limited days and times that we can water the grass and the fire risk is high.

At times, it’s easy to forget I live in a high desert. We aren’t surrounded by cactus and sand, temperatures in the 100s are rare {although this year we have hit the 90s a record number of times already}, and we have snow in the winter. It doesn’t feel like a desert except in these years of drought when the news is constantly how the reservoirs — filled with melted snow runoff — are getting lower and yards are getting brown.

But one of the amazing things about drought is the weeds are thriving. Even though the grass is getting brown in some spots, viney weeds are creeping up nice and green. It doesn’t seem fair.

I find nature to be such a good metaphor for much of the Christian life. Even some of the language we use {going through a spiritual desert or dryspell} makes us think of nature. So it shouldn’t really be a surprise that my mind jumped to spiritual application while trying to keep my plants alive.

The other day, I missed an evening watering of my flowers. Because our sprinklers aren’t turning on as often, I’ve had to fill a watering can and go to each pot and plant. I try to go around sunset so the plants can soak up all the water without the sun evaporating any. After missing that one watering, when I went out the next evening, the ground around my seed spouts was so dry and cracked, the water I poured ran right off. The hard ground didn’t let any of the water soak in and nourish the struggling plant. I had to fill my can a second time and slowly pour the water at the base of each plant before the ground finally accepted it and turned to mud.

I thought how incredible it was that forgetting to water just one day made all the difference in the ground. With constant sun and heat and no water or shade, the ground almost became unreceptive to the water the plants around it needed. And watering seemed fruitless. Maybe I should just give up this year. Let the flowers dry and wither and spend my evenings on more profitable than hauling water across the yard.

Now I know all object lessons break down at some point but let’s compare this to a spiritual dryspell we might experience. In my own life, I’ve found that it’s harder to live a consistent Christian life when I’m not reading my Bible. I get angry and frustrated more easily and things seem more overwhelming. And when I stop and think about what brought this change, it’s usually because I’ve missed my Bible reading or I’ve been consuming so many other things that fill my mind instead of God’s truth.

My heart becomes like the hard ground, unable to soak in the good things God has put in my life or dwell on his Word.

Spiritual droughts happen for many reasons: life transitions, trials, sometimes laziness or mixed priorities. But droughts don’t have to last forever. Unlike a physical lack of water, we can do something to help our situation. We can faithfully read and apply God’s Word, even when we don’t feel like it and it’s hard.

One of the best books I read during the pandemic was, “Everyday Faithfulness” by Glenna Marshall. In it, Marshall devotes each chapter to explaining how even in suffering, even in waiting, even in doubt, even in….you name it, we can practice faithfulness. But the thing about being faithful is that it doesn’t happen overnight. It is a slow, steady, diligent process. One of her quotes that I love is, “Many of us long to follow Jesus more closely, but we are more focused on our present circumstances than on a long view of faithfulness.” {p 19}

Faithfulness is that diligent watering even when days of heat seem to be withering the flowers. Faithfulness is pulling weeds that multiple in dry grass overnight. Faithfulness is opening our Bibles and reading a chapter when we would rather do something else.

Times of drought — physically and spiritually — are almost inevitable. But by being faithful TODAY in what we know we should be doing, we will be building a foundation of faithfulness for the hard times to come.

Photo by Pawel Czerwinski on Unsplash

Why Personal Bible Study Matters

I recently purchased The Daily Grace Co’s Bible study called “Search the Word.” The purpose of this six week study is to show why personal Bible study is important and how to do it.

Even though the information in this study is not new to me, it has been an extremely helpful study and I’ve enjoyed it so much. One of the big takeaways from it is that reading and digging deep into the Bible is not for a select group of special experts. It’s for ALL people. No matter your education level, time, resources, skill…you can read and study God’s Word and learn.

If you go to church every week, maybe you’re wondering why you need more than that. Consider these points:

• We should never blindly believe anyone. Know what the Bible says so you can know when it’s falsely used/applied, even if it sounds good.

• A relationship with God is personal. He wants us to know him as he knows us. We can’t fully do that if we don’t personally spend time learning about him.

• The Bible wasn’t meant for one person. It was written for ALL to read and know and learn. Think about the Epistles written to entire churches. EVERYONE in that church was to read/listen to that letter and then know how to live as Christians.

• We have more Bible resources/helps that are more available than ever better in history. Don’t read Greek or Hebrew? We have the Bible translated in our language. Find parts of it confusing? We have commentaries {many online for free!!}. We have it on audio to listen while driving to work or walking the dog. We have dictionaries and atlases and online tips.

• You cannot grow spiritually and truly apply God’s Word to your life by only being exposed to it one hour a week. The Bible offers wisdom, comfort, encouragement, help for EVERY SITUATION AND CIRCUMSTANCE. But if you’re just waiting for your pastor to get to a certain passage to glean that wisdom, you are missing out on something you could benefit from now.

So if those are the reasons, how do we do it? This is one of the things I love about the study I’ve been going through from The Daily Grace Co. They break up the process into simple steps with lots of examples and helps. They explain how the Bible works together across every book, major themes and words to look for, how to highlight and underline to see each chapter/books main theme, and more. Using I Peter 2:1-12 as a guide, you read and walk through the text multiple times, adding a new step to each reading. They make it not overwhelming and very doable. Then they show how those same steps can be applied to every Bible passage. There are workbook pages, charts, examples, memory verses. I love it!

This is a great place to start if you’ve never studied the Bible on your own, if you’re starting a Bible study with friends, if working through a chapter study seems impossible or overwhelming. As I said, the information in it isn’t new or earth shattering but it’s so practical and well laid out. It takes the guess work and excuses out!

If you are interested in checking out this exact study, click here.

Photo by Aaron Burden on Unsplash

What I've been Doing....

It is July and summer is moving fast!

I always have a list of things I want to accomplish after school ends and before the next school year starts. Because I homeschool, there is only so much I can feasibly get done while also seeing to school each morning. So summers are not slow down times, just a change in focus. Here are a few highlights!

New Office!

In June, we wanted to make a few changes to the function of our house and that involved moving a lot of furniture, painting several rooms, and reorganizing some spaces. I was able to use Tommy’s former office space for my desk and books and it’s been wonderful to have a room with just my crafting, writing, and reading things all available. The kids still bring their toys in and make background noise for my writing efforts but I honestly didn’t think that would change.

Writing!

I have slowly been researching, reading, and making notes about rest. I’m considering things like why it’s important, why it gets pushed away, how an attitude against rest is harmful, biblical examples and implications, and more. It’s definitely been a challenge and growing experience for me because I’ve struggled to rest for years. I feel like I’m wasting time, not being as profitable, etc. Studying the biblical purpose and necessity for rest has been eye opening. I hope to share more in future posts!

Newsletter!

I am not tech savvy. In building and modifying my website, YouTube was my mentor and Google was my friend. I’ve been wanting to start a monthly newsletter for quite awhile but it’s turned out to be more complicated than it seems! {Maybe it’s just me.} With some help from Tommy and again turning to YouTube experts, I think we’ve got it figured out! I will hopefully have a form on this website soon where you can sign up!

My purpose in having a newsletter is multi-faceted. It allows me to connect with people who are interested in what I write even if they aren’t active on social media. It also is easier to post links to things I’m using and loving, articles I learned from, and other random tidbits.

Homeschool!

Summer wouldn’t be complete without planning for the new school year! I’m going to have a pre-preschooler, second grader, and fifth grader in the classroom. I’m nervous {fifth grade math is more complicated than I remember!} but also excited. I’m planning some fun new things we haven’t done before {more coming in a future post!}, my kids requested more art projects, and I hope to incorporate some fun poems to our day. Planning the school year and researching materials is always fun for me. Just a little more and I’ll start ordering our supplies!

So that’s the summer so far! We also went camping in April, piano recital in May, finished AWANA, hosted our church family for a backyard picnic, enjoyed playdates, family movie nights, days in Grammy’s pool, the library summer reading challenge…and we still have July!! I hope your summer is off to a fun start!

Photo by Joanna Kosinska on Unsplash

Communicating with Our Children

One of the joys of having children is watching them grow, seeing personalities and interests and talents emerge, being able to participate in such an intimate way with someone’s life. It’s a huge responsibility but it’s also a blessing.

As my children grow older, I notice shifts happening, slowly but steadily, as they gain more independence and foster interests. For one, they become more serious. They notice the world around them in a different way and are more aware of the dangers. They don’t always laugh at the simple things anymore and it takes more to impress them.

They also are not as forthcoming with their every thought. My three children have all been early talkers and there are definitely times when the constant conversation in my home is draining. A never ending commentary takes place from the minute they wake up until they reluctantly fall asleep. Even during meals they make noise. But as my oldest daughter grows, I feel a pull to draw her into the conversation, to ask about her day or friends because she’s not always volunteering the information.

I believe communication is a vital yet often overlooked part of raising children. When my children were younger, I remember reading much literature on the benefits of reading aloud to your children. We made weekly trips to the library and I would sit everyday and read aloud our selections, pointing to each word and sounding out longer ones.

As I mentioned, my children were early talkers and had a large vocabulary. I believe part of this is because I constantly talked with my children before they could respond. I remember many grocery trips, my oldest barely big enough to sit in the cart on her own, and I would talk about what we were buying, what I would make with the ingredients, what was on our list. I received many looks for chatting it up with a five month old but I honestly believe it’s important to start talking with kids, even before they can understand.

Equally important is listening. When children think we aren’t paying attention, they will eventually stop trying. When they are telling us a story and we continue scrolling on our phones or they ask a question and we brush it off because we’re too busy, it communicates that we don’t value or care about what they are saying. Not listening communicates as much as words.

I’m at the stage of motherhood where I feel like a lot of what I communicate are the don’ts.

Don’t touch that.

Don’t draw on that.

Don’t hit.

Don’t stick out your tongue.

Don’t, don’t, don’t….

It’s exhausting and can feel very discouraging. No one wants to be remembered as the mom who didn’t say anything positive. So I’ve tried — and am still trying — to include praise, encouragement, and honest conversations in my daily life with my children. When they help, I say thank you. When they achieve something, I notice and say good work. When they are afraid, I talk about a time I was afraid and what helped me. I ask questions about their day, their interests, what excites them. When they have an idea, I try to listen. I look them in the eye. I give them my attention.

All these things add up to make them feel loved and valued and important. And that makes them want to communicate. I’m not by any means perfect at this and we haven’t hit teen years yet, but I’m encouraged by the number of times my kids will seek me out, sit down, and just start talking. They ask me questions. They tell me why they’re sad or frustrated. And we talk about it.

Don’t wait until you think your kids are listening or until they are old enough to understand. Start talking with them now! About little, mundane, ordinary things. Don’t talk with them just about big, life changing moments. Lay the foundation today for the relationship you want tomorrow.

Photo by Kelli McClintock on Unsplash

Things I've Learned from Homeschooling

We have finished our fifth year of homeschooling!

Even though I knew I wanted to homeschool my kids before we even had kids, each year that we successfully complete is a triumph but also kind of amazing! Homeschooling is an opportunity that I am very grateful for but it’s not the easiest option, it’s not always the most convenient option, and it’s a responsibility I don’t take lightly or flippantly. It’s definitely a choice that we make every year and go into with much prayer.

I’ve had so many people ask me about homeschooling and how we do it year after year. To be honest, we look at just the year in front of us and plan our best for that year’s needs. I’m also changing routines and aspects of our school days each year based on what worked the previous year, what didn’t, what my kids are interested in, how they learn best, and how they’re developing. Learning is not a static process and I don’t treat our school that way.

Although I love homeschooling and recommend it without reservation, I know people’s situations are different, there isn’t one answer to good education, and I try to never disparage another parent’s decision about education. That said, I want to share some things I’ve learned about homeschooling and present an honest truth from my own experiences.

I don’t have to know everything before I teach my children. One of the most humbling things about teaching is realizing all the things you’ve forgotten. Especially as my oldest gets into complicated math problems, more complex literature and grammar rules, and deeper science theories, I find myself with a niggling in my mind that at one time I did learn these things; I just don’t completely remember them. So I have to review, work a few long division problems, watch some YouTube videos about diagramming sentences, and move forward with my daughter.

Not everyday is the same. Because I like planning and routine, I used to set out with grand plans for everything we would do each hour of our school day. But those aren’t practical for us or very sustainable. I know some homeschooling families are much more structured but one of the beauties of homeschooling is making it fit with your family. Sometimes history takes us 15 minutes, other days we’ll stop after 45. If something is resonating and sparking questions, we’ll dwell on it a little more. When my daughter was learning about sand being heated to make glass, she asked about the process and we watched a few YouTube videos that showed the glass making process. That led to a conversation about recycling, how things are recycled, and another video on that topic. We are flexible and I’m thankful for the option.

Learning can look different than books. I love reading and beautiful illustrations and diagrams and maps. To me, books are great treasures for learning about things. They can involve your imagination and emotions and teach you in ways other mediums can’t. There’s nothing like holding a book in your hands and being transported. But I’ve found my kids can put into practice the things they’ve studied in so many different ways. By giving them Legos, blocks, pipecleaners, buttons, and a host of other ordinary things, they can build and imagine in such a diverse way. It’s one thing to read how a bridge supports weight or how people lived in castles and another to actually build a structure that stands and design your own town with everything people need to survive. But it is all learning.

I’m not strong enough. The hardest days in homeschooling are when I’m frantic, distracted with worries and anxious, and haven’t read my Bible or fixed my mind on biblical truth. Anything I try to push through and muster the strength for on my own leaves me frustrated, tired, and ready to give up. Even though we are the teacher for our children and it feels like a weight and responsibility we alone need to bear, we were never meant to do it alone. I love James 1:5, “If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him.” God has promised to give us the wisdom we need to fulfill what he has called us to. We have but to ask, yet how often do we attempt to power through on our own? It’s not weakness to admit we need grace and help. It’s living in humility.

Life is about learning. Homeschooling is a humbling, growing, stretching blessing that I don’t take for granted. I’m thankful to teach my children and learn alongside them. Every year that I homeschool I find out more about God and my children and myself. It’s a unique and remarkable journey that I don’t regret.

Photo by Kimberly Farmer on Unsplash.

Grieving but Not Alone

Last week was a sobering week for me. It marked two anniversaries that bring me to tears.

It was the eleventh anniversary of miscarrying our first baby and the first anniversary of my friend’s death from cancer.

Both of these losses left me grieving for a long time and in some ways, I still mourn. The losses were different but they affected me unexpectedly, continuously, and painfully, and even after the passing of time, it’s difficult to remember without crying.

Grief is an emotion that sometimes feels wrong. We might think if we mourn too deeply we aren’t trusting God or resting in his peace. We are allowing our fickle and sinful human nature to guide us. Therefore, we often brush by the grieving process and try to ‘get on with life’ without completely confronting how the loss tore us up inside.

I’m slowly coming to realize that grieving is not a sin, mourning someone is nothing to hide or forget. God gives us people and relationships and memories. They bring joy but there’s also a chance for pain. However, the pain doesn’t negate the happy times or how far God brings us in the healing process. I was talking with a friend who has also suffered loss and she wisely said, “People will tell you you’ll get over it but it’s not about getting over grief. It’s about just pressing forward, even with the grief.”

When my friend was diagnosed with cancer, it was difficult for me. She was a mom with children similar in age to my own and the gravity of this broken world became very evident as I saw her struggle and become weaker and deal with pain. We had scheduled a meet up and I was so excited to see her but that same day, quarantine fell on everyone. By the time quarantine ended, she was gone.

My miscarriage was sudden and the furthest possibility from my mind. I had crossed into that blessed second trimester, when the chance of miscarriage falls. But a series of ultrasounds confirmed my fears and suspicions. Going home from the doctor that Monday morning knowing I would be admitted to the hospital to deliver our baby the next day was crippling. I went upstairs and curled on the bed while Tommy called our parents and close friends. When we arrived at the hospital, I checked in at the Labor and Delivery door and sat to the side waiting while happy, excited, full term women filed by, their joy a stark contrast to my sorrow.

Both these experiences are things I’ll never “get over” in the sense that I’ll never forgot those moments. The passage of time doesn’t take away the pain, it doesn’t make me grieve these losses less each year. As long as I’m on this side of heaven, I will miss my friend and her sweet smile and genuine laugh. I will wonder about the baby we named Addison and mourn the memories we never made together.

However, I do not allow grief to define my memories of these people or grow so entrenched that I become bitter at what these losses denied me. In the early days, it was difficult to comprehend how life kept going for so many people while I sat in heavy memories. I felt left behind but had no desire to catch up. For me, it wasn’t about trying to get away from grieving. It was just doing what I could that day, stopping when I needed to, and allowing the tears to flow.

Probably the most comforting thing in those times was remembering I wasn’t alone. The God who walks beside me daily is also the omniscient God who knows the future. He doesn’t leave us, he knows our sorrow, he offers a peace that we can’t fully understand.

The Psalms are a great source of comfort as walk the road of grief. I repeated Psalm 23 to myself over and over. Psalm 71:1-3 reminds us we can trust in God. Psalm 121 tells of God’s help to us, how he never sleeps but keeps us. Psalm 139 speaks to the way God knows us, forms us, and is everywhere. The Bible is filled with hope we can cling to when we face sorrow. Even when people don’t know how to comfort, God does through His Word and his promise to never leave us or forsake us.

If you are experiencing grief, whether from something past or that you are currently in the midst of, I want to encourage you. Don’t be afraid to bring your sorrow before the Lord. Tell him your struggles, ask for his help, and trust him to provide your strength. Keep reading the Bible and write encouraging passages on notecards to leave throughout your home. Grief will still show itself on anniversaries and in random remembrances and it’s okay. Grief isn’t something to be overcome; it’s something we live with but don’t allow to control us. It’s another way we lean on God and trust him to carry us.

Loss and grief are difficult and in this broken world, they will never go away. But lean on the God of all comfort who knows you and loves you. There is grace and hope through him, for today and all your coming tomorrows.

Photo by Sandy Millar on Unsplash