We all have things we look back on and wish were different. We regret saying or not saying something, being too busy for this person or ignoring that event. In the moment, our lives seem so busy and full and how could we possibly set it aside to make time for this other thing? We get in a heated debate and spill everything we’ve been thinking for years and walk away.
But then the moment passes. We realize how our words sounded or the unique opportunity we missed. And there are regrets. Because we are human and we aren’t perfect, we will make mistakes. And we will regret decisions we made or ignored. It’s not the regret itself to watch out for but rather what we do with it.
I’ve been regretting a lot recently. In May, a friend of mine passed away after a fight with cancer. It was a hard loss for many reasons but because of COVID, I had been unable to visit her the last few months of her life. We had set up a time but then got isolation orders. Over texts, I said as soon as it was safe, I wanted to see her. But she took a sudden turn and that safe time never came.
It’s difficult to not sort through in my mind all the times I could have seen her before March. We both had busy schedules and kids but surely there was an afternoon I could have texted and dropped by. Regret is a heavy burden to carry.
The truth in regret is that no matter what we do, we can’t change what’s already happened. We can apologize for words spoken hastily but they will always have been said. We can mentally rearrange past appointments to see how we could have made room for all that we missed but it doesn’t change the fact that we missed it. The moment is over.
But regret can teach us to make different decisions in the future and not repeat the mistakes of the past. If we know certain topics trigger anger and we have trouble communicating on those issues in a kind way, it may be best to step away from those conversations until we calm down. If someone pops in our mind, take a moment to text or call them. If we know we’ll be close to a friend’s neighborhood for other errands, call before and ask they’ll be home for a quick stop. Leave a note, cookies, flowers….
The older I get the more I realize relationships take effort but they are so valuable. Even for an introvert like myself, I love hearing how my friends are doing, how I can pray for them. I enjoy sending notes and special treats just because they were on my mind and I wanted to encourage them. Yes, all this takes time. Yes, it takes effort and planning. But I have never regretted doing it. And it often encourages me just as much as the person I was reaching out to.
I know there will always be regrets on this side of heaven. But I want to intentionally try to lessen them. I want to learn to make time and reach out and watch my comments. I want to seize the time I’ve been given and make it count in the lives of others.
Photo by Rodion Kutsaev on Unsplash