The Idol in my Kitchen

When we moved into our home in 2018, we knew there were things we would eventually like to change. The location and overall layout of the house were just what we wanted but the kitchen had a few quirks. We knew the countertops needed replacing and the floor was breaking in a few places but we didn’t want to spend money on those until we knew what else might need to be addressed.

We started saving money. We began writing down ideas. We asked what was possible to change and what we needed to make work. And we waited. To be honest, it sometimes felt as if it was the project that would never be. But finally, last summer the demo happened. Cabinets, floors, the fireplace stone were all ripped out. Electrical and plumbing were exposed, walls came down. And slowly over six months, the kitchen was put back together.

I didn’t know that so many decisions could exist in the world but we found them all and sorted through things I’d never thought about! Not just the big decisions like appliances and flooring and cabinet color. But which drawer I wanted my knives in, where I would store the cutting boards, what counter the mixer would be on. Where did I want outlets? How many outlets on each wall? Where did I want the light switch for the under cabinet lights? Which side did I want the garage disposal in the sink? Did I want adjustable shelves in the pantry or fixed? How many cabinet doors opposed to cabinet drawers? Thankfully, we had an experienced team who we knew and trusted and they navigated the questions and options and gave advice. We couldn’t have ended up with the kitchen we did without them! They are heroes!

After six months without a kitchen, eating dinner in the basement from a Crockpot most nights, the day our contractor said goodbye was filled with anticipation and joy. What would we make first?! We could bake, blend, fry, whatever we wanted! We moved utensils and pans to their new spaces and filled up the pantry and fridge. When the kids came down the first morning, they wanted to fix bacon and eggs for themselves. It tasted glorious!

But as I continued to fill our new space and load all the drawers and shelves, a strange feeling of fear crept over me. All the waiting, all the money, all the time. I wanted to be a good steward of the amazing blessing this kitchen remodel was and I wanted to keep it as nice as possible. But I also know how messy cooking is. How was I going to use this space AND keep it perfect? The first few weeks, my family probably thought I had been replaced by a neat freak. A knife with peanut butter would be put on the counter and I would zoom in to clean the knife and wipe the counter. I might have burned myself a time or two with my over zealous need to wipe down the stovetop when it was still warm. I tiptoed around the kitchen, afraid of spoiling it.

One Sunday, I was chatting with a friend who had redone her kitchen the year previous to ours. I lamented how stressful it was to cook now because I was afraid of ruining the things we had saved and waited for. I concluded with, “Who knew a kitchen remodel would bring an idol into my life?” And it struck me with sudden clarity that the kitchen — or maybe the desire for a perfect kitchen — had become an idol. My fear of damaging or misusing something was driving my joy. The whole point of our remodel had been to create a space our family could cook in and instead of gratitude that it had been accomplished, I was afraid it might look like we were using our kitchen! The irony was not lost on me.

Idols are sneaky because something good {family, friends, home and things in it, work} can become idols if we begin valuing them more than the One who gave it to us. When our identity, our joy, our purpose is wrapped up in something else, it quickly starts to control us and how we interact with others. That’s idolatry.

I believe there is a balance. We can be good stewards of the gifts God has given us without veering into elevating those gifts beyond their value. But it takes effort and sometimes it takes a realization that we have gone too far. I’m not neglecting the cleaning of my kitchen to show it holds no power over me. But I am giving my kids space to bake and use the kitchen without hovering behind them, waiting for the mess I will immediately clean. I still wipe my counters and stovetop more often than I used to, which is probably a good thing. But I’m not obsessing over messes that might happen or ignoring the joy my beautiful kitchen gives our family. I’m reminding myself it’s a gift to use and enjoy. And that is what we are doing.

Photo by Collov Home Design on Unsplash‍ ‍

The Idols We Create

This last weekend, Tommy canceled our Netflix subscription.

It was something we had talked about and debated off and on for awhile. We grew increasingly frustrated that we would sit down to watch something and then scroll through hundreds of options but find nothing we wanted to watch! And often when we would start a program that looked interesting, we would turn it off soon after because of vulgar language and inappropriate content.

Whenever we talked about canceling I would think, “But Netflix is something we’ve had so long.” But finally the day came when it didn’t matter how long we’d subscribed, how much our kids liked certain programs available on it. It just wasn’t worth it anymore.

When I woke up on Monday and Tommy told me he had canceled, I didn’t feel the disappointment I had anticipated. I was relieved in a way. We had weighed the pros and cons, talked about why this was an important decision for our family, and stuck with it.

But it did make me consider something rather ugly in myself: had Netflix been an idol for me? I didn’t feel like I had worshipped the streaming service or given it too much of my life. But the very fact that I had made excuses to myself for why we still needed to subscribe left a bad taste in my mouth.

I knew a lot of the programs were nasty.

I knew we watched maybe 8% of the content available because the rest wasn’t worth watching.

But still, there was that tug on me that “we’d always had this so shouldn’t we just keep doing it?”

You see, when we first got Netflix 12 years ago, we went through a whole list of why we wanted to spend money on this new streaming thing. For one, being in ministry, we found ourselves at the church five out of seven nights a week. So when we wanted to sit and watch something together {at dinner or 10pm}, there was nothing on regular TV. We didn’t have a DVR but we could get Netflix through the Xbox. We could also get DVDs in the mail a few times a month for the rare Friday night we were home. In short, it fit our budget and stage of life {no kids yet} and it had things we wanted to watch like older TV shows and movies.

As time went on, it was just something we had. With kids, it was easier to have TV “on demand” than waiting for PBS to run a kids show. It wasn’t until Netflix began producing so many of their originals that the quality really went down and we started debating if it was worth our money. But again, we’d always had it! Our ministry schedule was still crazy and it was nice to know we could watch when we wanted.

But 2020 has proven many things, and not just about Netflix. It’s showed what we are depending on, what matters most to us, what we are willing to deal with because “the world is just that way.” But we decided no. It was not worth it for our family — for the handful of shows we watch over and over — to continue supporting Netflix seeing for ourselves the things and materials they are promoting.

I’m sure some people reading this will wonder what took us so long, others will think we’re overreacting. I’m not writing this to persuade you to cancel Netflix. I’m not trying to make you feel guilty for subscribing or put my family on a pedestal for taking this action.

I’m asking you to think. To look at your life and be completely honest…is there something — maybe something “you’ve always done” — that is taking a place in your life it shouldn’t?

Like I said, at first I didn’t really consider Netflix an idol in my life because I wasn’t spending hours a day watching, it didn’t control my life, I didn’t make decisions based on Netflix. But if I was bored, I would scroll the categories to add things to my watch list. It was always there if I needed a distraction for myself or the kids. I started justifying why we needed it. I used excuses like “We won’t be able to watch this” or “I’ll miss out on that.” But really in defending it, I was showing how it had taken a place in my life I didn’t even realize. And I saw the same thing in my kids, as they asked to get on Netflix every afternoon.

Idols can be anything we put in our affections above God:

• If we consistently choose to read the news over reading the Bible, we have made news an idol.

• If we place being popular at work over being a testimony for Christ, we have made popularity an idol.

• If we choose scrolling social media over prayer, we have made social media an idol.

There are multitudes of examples and often as our stage of life changes, so too do our idols. We must be consistently looking at our lives, how we spend our time, what our “must haves” are, and evaluate the place we give them compared with God. I close with a few verses that have been encouraging and convicting to me lately.

But by the grace of God I am what I am, and His grace toward me was not in vain; but I labored more abundantly than they all, yet not I, but the grace of God which was with me. — I Cor. 15:10

So rend your heart, and not your garments; Return to the Lord your God, for He is gracious and merciful, slow to anger, and of great kindness; And He relents from doing harm. — Joel 2:13

I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that you present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable to God, which is your reasonable service. And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God. For I say, through the grace given to me, to everyone who is among you, not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think, but to think soberly, as God has dealt to each one a measure of faith. — Rom. 12:1-3

Photo by Mollie Sivaram on Unsplash