I believe no matter how realistic we are in life, at some point we will be tempted to play the comparison game.
Maybe we look at a friend who always seems to be happy and content and assume nothing challenging comes her way; hence the reason she is always happy and content. Maybe we see someone with a trim figure and assume she has great genetics or perfect discipline. We see a clean house or well behaved children or….
There are dozens of ways we compare ourselves to each other and we usually feature ourselves on the short end of the stick. We feel like we’re out of control, not normal, life is too hard, everything would be better if…. All these are dangerous words and assumptions.
Over the years I’ve had to remind myself of several different truths whenever I start dipping my toes into the ocean of comparisons.
We don’t see the whole picture
One of the dangerous things about social media is we’re constantly seeing snapshots of people’s lives without always remembering they are snapshots. They are clips; memories; brief moments of time chosen to highlight. Most people are not going to share moments disciplining children {and they probably shouldn’t!}, or washing dishes and doing laundry. They aren’t going to showcase failures and disappointments. We see the highs on social media and we tend to think those people ONLY have high moments. They ONLY go on vacation. This is simply not true. I have struggles and disappointments daily, either with myself or with others. But I prefer to show pictures of my flowers then selfies of my crying face.
We need to remember, if we are basing our information about people entirely on what they post on social media, we aren’t seeing the whole picture! If we are only seeing people in certain places or situations, we aren’t seeing the whole picture.
A season for everything
When my three kids were little, my life looked a lot different. I had two children who were terrible sleepers, didn’t nap, needed to be held all the time. During that phase of life, I got done what was necessary: I fed my family, did laundry, cleaned when I noticed dust. I didn’t have a garden, I didn’t pursue hobbies, we didn’t go out a lot. We did things with our church, which was our priority. But we didn’t do big trips, we didn’t do a lot of playdates, I said no to things.
However, as my children became more independent, older, and started sleeping better, I started having more time and coming out of the fog. I could garden without carrying three kids and all their gear outside. I could paint without a toddler wiggling in my arms and knocking my paintbrush. My kids started helping with dinner, cleaning, and doing chores. It makes a HUGE difference in what a day looks like when you have kids that need help with everything versus kids that can do for themselves.
If you are in a difficult, in-the-trenches, in a trial stage of life — because of kids or health or a work situation — don’t look to women in completely different circumstances and compare your life to theirs. Those stages are different and will look different for everyone.
Not everyone has the same capacity
I will sometimes look at everything others are able to do and feel a little envious. Go hiking for that beautiful view! Take my kids to that amazing place! Bake all the desserts! But if I’m honest, not all those things are really my favorite way to spend time. So why would I be envious? Because of the end result. Because I wish I was interested in certain things. Because I feel like I’m missing out or causing my kids to miss out on something that could be amazing.
And that’s a silly reason to compare myself to others and get bent out of shape! I am not a Type A personality. I like to sit and read for the afternoon instead of running unnecessary errands. I enjoy walking through my garden alone instead of going to every party and event. Once I realized and admitted that doing all the things really held no interest for me, it was much easier to stop comparing myself to the moms going all the places.
I don’t think we will ever outgrow the temptation to compare our lives to others. We need reminders of what’s really important and what God has called us to on a daily basis. When comparisons start to cloud your thinking, look up at what’s surrounding you and take hope that it won’t last forever, that no one’s life is perfect.
God has put you where you are. And he’s not going to leave you there alone. When I was deep in the little years, I would read the Psalms and it helped me consider how much God cares for me. I read Lam. 3 and it reminded me God is faithful and every morning is new with his mercies.
Photo by Annie Spratt on Unsplash