Communicating with Our Children

One of the joys of having children is watching them grow, seeing personalities and interests and talents emerge, being able to participate in such an intimate way with someone’s life. It’s a huge responsibility but it’s also a blessing.

As my children grow older, I notice shifts happening, slowly but steadily, as they gain more independence and foster interests. For one, they become more serious. They notice the world around them in a different way and are more aware of the dangers. They don’t always laugh at the simple things anymore and it takes more to impress them.

They also are not as forthcoming with their every thought. My three children have all been early talkers and there are definitely times when the constant conversation in my home is draining. A never ending commentary takes place from the minute they wake up until they reluctantly fall asleep. Even during meals they make noise. But as my oldest daughter grows, I feel a pull to draw her into the conversation, to ask about her day or friends because she’s not always volunteering the information.

I believe communication is a vital yet often overlooked part of raising children. When my children were younger, I remember reading much literature on the benefits of reading aloud to your children. We made weekly trips to the library and I would sit everyday and read aloud our selections, pointing to each word and sounding out longer ones.

As I mentioned, my children were early talkers and had a large vocabulary. I believe part of this is because I constantly talked with my children before they could respond. I remember many grocery trips, my oldest barely big enough to sit in the cart on her own, and I would talk about what we were buying, what I would make with the ingredients, what was on our list. I received many looks for chatting it up with a five month old but I honestly believe it’s important to start talking with kids, even before they can understand.

Equally important is listening. When children think we aren’t paying attention, they will eventually stop trying. When they are telling us a story and we continue scrolling on our phones or they ask a question and we brush it off because we’re too busy, it communicates that we don’t value or care about what they are saying. Not listening communicates as much as words.

I’m at the stage of motherhood where I feel like a lot of what I communicate are the don’ts.

Don’t touch that.

Don’t draw on that.

Don’t hit.

Don’t stick out your tongue.

Don’t, don’t, don’t….

It’s exhausting and can feel very discouraging. No one wants to be remembered as the mom who didn’t say anything positive. So I’ve tried — and am still trying — to include praise, encouragement, and honest conversations in my daily life with my children. When they help, I say thank you. When they achieve something, I notice and say good work. When they are afraid, I talk about a time I was afraid and what helped me. I ask questions about their day, their interests, what excites them. When they have an idea, I try to listen. I look them in the eye. I give them my attention.

All these things add up to make them feel loved and valued and important. And that makes them want to communicate. I’m not by any means perfect at this and we haven’t hit teen years yet, but I’m encouraged by the number of times my kids will seek me out, sit down, and just start talking. They ask me questions. They tell me why they’re sad or frustrated. And we talk about it.

Don’t wait until you think your kids are listening or until they are old enough to understand. Start talking with them now! About little, mundane, ordinary things. Don’t talk with them just about big, life changing moments. Lay the foundation today for the relationship you want tomorrow.

Photo by Kelli McClintock on Unsplash

Why I'm Proud to be a Mom

This is National Women’s History Month. All month, people are supposed to remember, reflect, celebrate, and commemorate everything that women have achieved.

I should start this post by saying I’m not against women or working or contributing. Women have different talents and abilities than men, given to them by God. This doesn’t mean women aren’t smart enough for math or can’t physically work on a car. It means God created men and women differently and I’m thankful for those differences and how God uses them in people’s lives.

Now, my issue is that in secular culture and sadly seeping into the church we see women championed and celebrated in every sphere except motherhood. Sure some commentators will acknowledge that moms are important for children’s mental, physical, and spiritual formation. But in this month of “Look what women have done!” not many people are talking about moms. And when they are, it’s disparaging. They talk about stay at home moms as if we sit on the couch watching the world go by. We have no ambition, no drive, we aren’t contributing to the family income so what good are we? We’re lazy, poor role models. I mention all these because these are actual comments on various Twitter feeds that I’ve seen this month. Downgrading what moms do and exalting the CEO woman who's tearing up Wall Street. We put so much pressure on women to get out there and seize their chance that those who want to stay home with children are ridiculed.

But what no one seems to consider is that behind that woman changing the world and shattering the glass ceiling is probably a mom. Isn't it interesting that so many Olympic athletes talk about the sacrifices their mom made for their child's dream? How many times have we seen a nameless mom with tears of happiness on her face while her child receives a gold medal? We praise the athlete's dedication but often ignore or overlook the mom who gave up something so her child could make history. 

Moms are important, whether they stay at home or work outside the home. The work of nurturing, feeding, caring, keeping a dozen brain tabs open at all times...the value of a mom has become a punchline on sitcoms but it is so important. The work of training your children and showing them they are loved and valued is important.

My oldest turns ten this year and I’ve been reflecting on what I still need to teach her, what I want her to know, and things I want to do with her before she becomes an adult. I admit, it’s enough to leave me overwhelmed. These previous nine years with her have been a joy and a learning process for me and I definitely feel lacking to guide her in some ways. But when I’m at a complete loss for how this mothering adventure is going, I remember these words from Deuteronomy: You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise. You shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes. You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates. {6:5-9}

So much of what we teach is how we act {gulp!}. And these verses remind me that everything I do and say is teaching something to my children. Teaching them anger or patience. Teaching hate or love. Trusting in man or trusting in God. Teaching them to love God and follow him above all else is the most important thing I can model. And moms are perfectly placed to demonstrate these truths to their children.

Becoming a mom doesn’t mean your dreams end. Becoming a mom doesn’t mean you never have fun or do what you want. Often our desires or aspirations are put on hold while we have little ones but those years are never wasted. Maybe your child will be a doctor who helps others, or a judge who stands for the oppressed, or a teacher who loves kids unwanted at home. For all of these careers, raising children who love God and His Word is the greatest lesson you can teach. And it begins with a mom who loves them.

Please don't read this and think I'm advocating for a mom month. But if you are a mom and feel overlooked or marginalized or invisible, I see you and I'm cheering you on. The fruit of your labor {raising your children} won't be fully known for years but what you do today matters. Press on, Momma. And lean on God.

Photo by Guillaume de Germain on Unsplash

A Thrill of Hope

December has arrived and I see/hear people all over talking about how they can’t wait for 2020 to end because 2021 HAS to be better!!

But wait! In December 2019, weren’t we all wide eyed innocents plowing into the new decade full of excitement and delight at what 2020 would hold? The truth is, no matter how bad we think the previous year was, that doesn’t guarantee a perfect new year. I’m not saying things are always doomed to be worse, but we need to not expect all our problems to magically disappear when the clock strikes midnight. It’s never worked in previous years and 2020-21 isn’t going to be the exception.

The good news is that we have hope! And not a shallow, I really HOPE this next year is better, but a sure, lasting, promise-fulfilling hope in our Savior. We can rejoice and celebrate this hope year round, although it certainly comes to mind easiest in December. The innocent baby in a manger, born to bring us hope and salvation.

It is so easy to get pulled into the mentality of better things are coming! Hang in there and it’ll all go away! While having a positive outlook certainly helps in life, we shouldn’t just sit around, waiting for the calendar to turn and solve our problems.

The truth is, God has already given the solution to our greatest problem {sin} through Jesus Christ. When Jesus was born on earth, fully human and fully God, the world was a dark place. Yet hope came, in the form of a baby Who was the promised, waited for Messiah. And angels filled the sky and rejoiced, wise men journeyed far and wide to worship him, shepherds couldn’t contain the news. The Savior was born!

The world continued to be a dark place after Jesus was born. Herod demanded young boys killed, paganism still surrounded the people, there was oppression and injustice. But God’s plan of redemption was in motion.

If {or maybe when} you wake up on January 1, 2021 and the same things that discouraged you about 2020 are still present, remain joyful! We are not living on a whim in a universe out of control. God’s plan is still in motion. We can — and should — still live in hope. Jesus has conquered sin and paid for our eternal salvation!

We can rejoice this Christmas season and continue into the new year filled with hope that God knows what the future holds.

Photo by Dan Kiefer on Unsplash

With a Thankful Heart

It’s the week of Thanksgiving, one of my favorite holidays.

I try to keep a list of gratitude all year but for this week, what I’m thankful for comes to the front of my mind. It’s a good practice and habit to recite to others and ourselves what God has done for us. But it’s also important for us to remember and give thanks for Who God is.

With everything going on in the world in 2020, I’ve felt a special pull to rejoice in Who God is and the confidence I can have — even in times of chaos — because of Him. As we go into Thursday and through the end of the year, take time to praise and thank God for Who He is and what He has promised. Here are a few prompts to get you started:

God is…

Compassionate

Faithful

Just

Patient

Everlasting

Worthy

Holy…

God is also the giver of good gifts and because of that, we can praise Him for all the blessings we experience…

Family

Home

Music

Friends

Ability to worship

Ability to pray

Health…

Let’s leave 2020 with a grateful heart and a long list of what we are thankful for.

Photo by Wisconsin Pictures on Unsplash

Raising Children in a Sin Cursed World

As a mom, one of the things I talk about with my friends is raising my kids to love God and value what He values. Even with my friends who aren’t moms, I’ve expressed frustration and concern for what’s going on in the world and how it affects my kids.

Every generation faces challenges when it comes to raising children. A sin cursed world is never going to be easy or convenient to teach children to follow God and love Him. Even in the “good old days,” sin was present and slowly influencing and chipping away at the family. I believe we sometimes sell the previous generations short by moaning about how much more difficult it is to raise children now, in the 21st century. And while previous parents didn’t have to face social media and technology, they still had to deal with sin and a sinful world.

Imagine the world just before the flood. Things were so terrible and wicked that God destroyed everything except Noah’s family and the animals to repopulate the world. We can’t imagine such times. And every civilization from then until now has been driven by sin.

Consider the first century Christians. Ancient Rome was not the most wholesome civilization to be raising children in. Even by secular standards and historians, ancient Roman culture was full of perversion, debauchery, and violence. There were areas where you could leave healthy, born, but unwanted babies for wild dogs to eat. Senators and emperors were corrupt and ready to kill to gain power. Adultery and homosexuality were rampant. People thronged to the Colosseum and similar amphitheaters to watch gladiators kill each other and see Christians torn apart by animals.

But for God’s grace, it would be impossible to even begin to raise children counter culture! As parents, I believe raising children to be God fearing comes down to several things:

• Realizing we can’t isolate them from the evil of this world

• Filling their mind with Bible truth

• Surrounding them with prayer

We as parents are the primary influencers and teachers for our children but that doesn’t mean we can go at it alone. We need wisdom and strength from the Lord and we certainly can’t know or anticipate every curveball that parenthood throws at us.

I guess my point is, everyone has been raised in a sin cursed world. This isn’t something new we’re facing for the first time. A desire to be godly examples of a family in ungodly times has existed since Adam and Eve. We may feel like it’s more prevalent or in our face now with the internet and social media, but sin is sin. It’s always stood there, against the family and trying everything possible to tear us down.

Instead of excusing the difficulties of today and saying it’s harder than anyone else has faced, we must trust God, soak ourselves in the Bible daily, and not let the culture dictate how we parent. We must know what the Bible teaches on issues of sin, values, and moral standards and instill those into our children.

Photo by Melissa Askew on Unsplash

Learning from the Past

My sister and I gave our parents an interesting gift for Mother’s and Father’s Day this year. A chance to write their memoirs!

Through an Instagram ad, I heard about a company that asks questions to your loved ones throughout the year and then prints a book with all their answers, pictures, etc. for a family keepsake.

Both of my parents have been talking about writing their childhood stories and family information so we didn’t give them the option to back out!!

I’m a big lover of stories and it really is true that fact is stranger than fiction. While I read my parents’ weekly excerpts, I’m consistently struck by the reality that they are writing about real people. Sometimes things that happened to them, sometimes stories of grandparents or other relatives. But it’s history, it’s reality.

We are so inundated with stories. Fiction, non-fiction, the news, TV shows, movies, books. I sometimes wonder if all these things have made us immune to the truth of what has happened. We hear of other people’s experiences and thoughts so much, sometimes I think we ignore the value of the stories closest to us. We fail to ask about the experiences of our own family because we’re too interested in the more exciting stories of the people down the street.

I believe sometimes the younger generations have a reputation for not listening to or caring about the history behind them {and for some, that’s unfortunately true}. But the twentieth century saw some incredible changes! In our grandparents and parents lifetimes, we had some of the largest leaps in terms of technology, inventions, how life was lived, etc. And those experiences of living without much technology and growing up without the world in your palm will never happen again.

I for one find history fascinating. The things I completely take for granted — air conditioning, easy transportation, indoor plumbing — are relatively new when you think about the history of the world. Yet it’s hard for me to imagine growing up without them.

It’s so important for us to learn and listen from other people who have been through different experiences than us. We understand and appreciate things when we see them from various perspectives. But we never know a perspective besides our own unless we ask someone for theirs and listen.

Once we stop assuming we know everything about someone, we might find out some incredible things. Like my mom grew up on a farm and had to help thin and pick the cotton. She walked the fields barefoot and climbed trees to pick cherries. My dad went to Detroit Tigers double headers with his family, competed in football competitions, and taste-tested his mom’s homemade sauerkraut.

All these things are simple, small details but sometimes those are things that get lost and are underappreciated and yet, they have a bearing on memories and lives and decisions made. God uses even the littlest circumstances and we need to appreciate that in our lives and in the lives of others.

So, my challenge is to take time to write about your memories and childhood. You might it’s uninteresting or will never be read, but it is valuable. And take time to ask questions of others and listen to their life stories. I can guarantee you will learn something!!

Photo by Roman Kraft on Unsplash

Choosing Books

I mentioned in a previous post about letting your kids read what interests them. However, that doesn’t mean you have your hands off the wheel of what they’re being exposed to. So how can you help your kids make good choices about books?

I think one of the keys is communication. Even once children can read for themselves, parents shouldn’t leave them to their own devices. There are a lot of crazy books out there!! And mature topics are being introduced at earlier ages. So as a parent or caregiver, communicating with the children is so crucial. Ask what they’ve learned, why they love that series, or read some of it for yourself.

Another key is to be the gatekeeper. My kids know when we go to the library, I can veto any book they want to put in the bag. They are welcome to browse and bring me books that look interesting to them, but if I look through it and decide it wouldn’t be best, they know I will put it back. End of story. This hasn’t happened often but I have reshelved books and said it’s not something I want them reading.

In order to be a gatekeeper, you have to know what you want in and what you want to keep out. Reading preferences vary from house to house and depend on your children’s ages, how sensitive they are to scary/frightening things, etc. We have made a rule to not read things {at this time} with witches, zombies, or other scary type creatures. Even in picture books, we have decided to not go there. If we get books about dinosaurs from the library, my kids know I won’t read the evolution stuff. We read about archaeologists digging up bones and how large the dinosaurs were but not the millions of years parts. Knowing what you want your kids learning from books and dwelling on is crucial to picking out good literary choices!

Since I love reading, researching children’s books and series is fun for me. I also have so many fond memories of books I loved as a child that I want to share with my kids. But if you weren’t/aren’t a bookworm, I suggest looking up “Laura’s List” by Beverly Darnall. It is a wonderful resource to get ideas of books for children of all ages. There is also “Books Children Love.” These books give the title, author, age range, and basic description of the story.

If you would like a Christian mom’s perspective, I recommend the “Read Aloud Revival” website. Sarah Mackenzie is a homeschool mom who is passionate about getting kids to read…and families to read together. She offers recommends and reading lists on her website and talks books on her podcast of the same name.

Choosing books can be daunting if you just step into a library or bookstore with no idea what you’re looking for. But with these guidelines and a little prep work, you — as a parent or caregiver — can help your kids make great choices about what they’ll read and introduce them to the wonderful world of books.

Photo by Gaelle Marcel on Unsplash

Kids Loving Books

Summer is almost here! Outdoor activities are calling!

I love summer. Flowers blooming, kids laughing, sitting outside, fresh breezes blowing. As a homeschool mom, summer gives me a chance to do things in the morning besides school. And those things are usually reading and researching for our next school year!

It’s no secret that I love books. Reading is one of my favorite ways to unwind and relax and spend a day. I don’t go in for audiobooks much — I need to see the words to really follow along. But going to the library is one of my favorite past times and it’s something I love sharing with my kids.

I get a lot of questions from people about choosing books for their kids or getting their kids to love reading. And summer is a great time to start a reading habit! Even though I love having my kids play outside during the summer months, it’s also important to keep learning. We make time everyday for books. Sometimes it’s sitting on the couch before dinner, sometimes it’s sitting in the shade outside taking a break with a snack and Kool-Aid. And sometimes it’s right before bed to help calm down.

For the next few blogs, I’m going to be sharing all things about kids and books. This first post is to hopefully help you get your kids reading! Let’s start with some tips for getting your kids interested in reading and for making time everyday for it.

1) Let them find what interests them. When my oldest was really little, I read the books that I loved as a child or simple board books. As she got older and started reading by herself, her preferences started showing. So I asked her what things interested her about the books she chose. A certain time period? A certain animal? Country? With her input, I searched Amazon, Barnes & Noble, and the library for books that might appeal {you can do this from home!}. On one of our library trips {before COVID}, I showed her some of the books I had found. She picked what she wanted to try. I’ll be honest, there were some books I really wanted her to read that she declined. But I knew I couldn’t force her to love the same things I do. And I can always try to introduce it again when she’s older.

2) Introduce fiction and non fiction. I’ve been amazed at how much my six year old gravitates to non fiction. He wants books about animals and different countries and science more than anything else. With the exception of a few super hero books, he always wants to check out non fiction books first. Even non fiction kids books are usually harder to read than fiction because they use words kids aren’t used to seeing or hearing. But I don’t mind reading the books aloud if it catches his interest and teaches him something.

3) Ask them about what they read. This is huge and, I think, under appreciated. When my daughter started reading American Girl books, it opened a whole new dialogue of conversation between us. I read many of those books when I was her age and remembered the characters and stories enough to comment. So when Kirsten’s friend died of cholera, my daughter wanted to know what the disease was, how she could have gotten sick, etc. When Molly met a friend from England, we talked about children having to leave their families because it wasn’t safe to stay in their homes. When she started reading Horse Diaries and Dog Diaries, series that weren’t around when I was younger, I deliberately asked about the horses and dogs, the breeds, what they did, why they had a book written about them. She never ran out of things to tell me. Kids are people {duh, right?!} and they enjoy knowing others are interested in hearing from them. I’ve found sometimes kids have questions they are dying to ask but they don’t know exactly how to open the conversation. If we ask, look out!

4) Make the time. We can’t force our kids to love reading but we can give them opportunities without them feeling like they are missing out on something more fun:

When you start making lunch or dinner, call kids to the couch for a ‘wind down’ time before the meal. Have a stack of books for them to look at. If your kids can’t read yet, encourage them to look at the pictures and guess what the story is about and promise to read it together after dinner.

During the hottest part of the day, call the kids to the shade with a snack and a book to read aloud. Even my eight year old still enjoys listening to me read. Sometimes she asks me to read aloud to her while she colors or draws.

Find a book or series you can read as a family at a specific time of day. Choose what works for your schedule. I know some families who read together after breakfast or dinner. We usually do it before bed. We’ve read two Chronicles of Narnia, Pilgrim’s Progress, several Bible story books, and Bible devotional books.

A big reality is that it won’t be picture perfect, especially when you’re first starting. Little kids will roam off to play, big kids will roll their eyes. Don’t give up! It takes consistency and time. We have a basket where we keep all our library books, fully accessible to everyone. They know they can look at them anytime.

In my next post, I’ll talk more about choosing books and and building your own library.

One of the things I tell my kids is that when you know how to read, you can learn anything. It truly is a beautiful and wonderful gift.

Photo by Aaron Burden on Unsplash

Counting Those Blessings!

When I was in college, I went to the Ukraine on a mission trip. The first weeks we were in two different cities; lots of concrete, tall apartment buildings, people everywhere. But then we made a trip into the countryside to visit some smaller churches and communities. I remember watching field after field of poppies and wildflowers pass by the van windows. So beautiful in various colors and heights, as far as you could see flowers, impossible to count individual blooms.

I like to think of blessings as being like those fields of flowers. So many things come and go in our lives, many more than we could count, but still worth looking out the window for, still worth acknowledging the beauty and joy they bring.

We all know we have things to be thankful for. We repeat to strangers sometimes, “Yes, I’m so thankful that….” But are they things we repeat because we know we should be thankful for them or have we ever sat and thought about it?

So far, in this social distancing we are practicing, I haven’t run out of things to do. But knowing that I’m not going to be late for an appointment, I don’t need to guess how long it’ll take to wrangle my kids into the van…I’ve been taking time each day to stop and think, even gaze out the window, and count my blessings.

In times when things are taken away and so much is beyond our control, I tend to realize how much I really do have. It’s a cliche but in times of plenty it’s easy to believe ‘this is just the way it is.’ And then those things are slowly — or quickly — gone and we see what really matters.

Now, I know these are trying times and sad things are happening. I’m not proposing we ignore the grief or the gravity of a situation by pasting on a smile and mustering through. But continuous dwelling on bad, frustrating, hard things isn’t healthy. It messes with our minds and attitudes. It plunges us into further chaos and despair. We need to acknowledge the grief and difficulty of our situation and then turn our attention to the only One who truly understands.

We are well acquainted with Philippians 4:8-9 when we are instructed to ‘think on these things’ with a list of specific qualifications. But the verses proceeding are just as important and beneficial to recite.

‘Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, rejoice. Let your reasonableness be known to everyone. The Lord is at hand; do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. What you have learned and received and heard and seen in me—practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you.’ {Phil. 4:4-9}

In these verses, we are told to rejoice, to not be anxious, to pray, and then God will give peace. Then — taking those instructions a step further — Paul tells us what to fill our minds with to help us rejoice and not be anxious and pray!! So, a great beginning to filling our minds with things that are true, honorable, just, pure, lovely, commendable, excellent, and praise worthy is to remind ourselves of all God has given us {ie counting our blessings} in the midst of everything that could be causing us anxiety.

So, let’s make the next weeks full of gratitude and praise for what we have in the midst of chaos! No blessing is too small to mention. Instead of complaining about what we can’t do, let’s be grateful for what we can enjoy! Think what a difference our positive attitude could make, even just in our solitary, isolated homes!

I encourage you to start a journal {here I go again!} and try to list just three different things each day. As you go on, you might find three a small, confining number. The sky’s the limit! Write the date, your list, and offer a prayer of thanks. The next day, repeat! At the end of the week, read over your lists and marvel at what God has given.

This is a great activity to get kids thinking about the good happening in a time when everything seems wrong and unfair. Encourage them to keep their own list {if they can write} or draw pictures. Talk about them over dinner since you won’t have anywhere you need to rush off to. I’m not pretending this is easy or a one-then-done situation. It is a daily, conscious, deliberate act which is why writing it down is such a great practice! But I do believe it is beneficial, encouraging, helpful, and good!

And in the long run, I don’t think you will regret any effort it takes in the here and now. Start with three a day. Dwell on those three. And see how quickly it blossoms into so many more.

Photo by Laurentiu Iordache on Unsplash

Getting Sentimental

A few weeks ago was my birthday.

I’m already sensitive and sentimental — I cry {very} easily during movies — but as I get older, things are hitting me harder, I appreciate things more, I reminisce. For some reason, in the midst of turning a year older, I thought about two people who I wish I knew better but still impact me with how I witnessed them living: my grandma {my dad’s mom} and my granddaddy {my mom’s dad}.

My Grandma Short wasn’t given to many words. My grandpa was the big talker in the family. Grandma was content to listen, laugh, and cook. If my grandpa forgot someone’s name or part of a story, she would call from the kitchen or poke her head into the living room to offer the information. She was always in the kitchen, usually baking. Pies, puddings, cookies, chocolate dipped-everything. I remember when we would visit she would be by the sink when I woke up in the morning and by the sink when I said goodnight. She didn’t do anything quickly; slow, patient, deliberate would be good ways to describe her process. I never heard her raise her voice unless she was trying to get Grandpa’s attention. But it wasn’t that she didn’t have opinions. When she didn’t approve of something — whether it was something her grandkids did or something on TV — she would shake her head or slowly shake her finger. It was enough of a punishment to know she was disappointed.

I’ve often longed for her calm approach to life. If she was worried about things, I could never tell. She also wasn’t a complainer. As she got older, her feet really bothered her. She didn’t have any — literally any — fat on the bottom of her feet so when she stood and cooked all day, even with her thick-soled shoes on, she would almost limp into a chair after dinner. It became a tradition that I would rub her feet almost nightly when we would visit. She would never complain but when I pressed a certain way, she would wince a little. She often fell asleep during these foot rubs and would apologize after.

Everything she did pointed to these two truths: she loved God and she loved her family.

My granddaddy was just as quiet. When we would visit their Tennessee farm, I remember him spending the mornings in the fields and the afternoons in his office. He taught Sunday School at their church for decades and would spend hours reading and studying every week. He always struck me as contemplative. He didn’t feel the need to fill silence, often sitting and gazing out the window even if someone else was in the room. I remember as a very talkative little girl wondering why anyone would be content to just watch the birds fly by and not comment on it.

As inclined as he was to silence, he did laugh. I remember his eyes crinkling with laughter while we watched The Three Stooges. My Me-Ma {grandma} had a running collection of sad movies where the animal dies at the end and we would regularly watch them. Granddaddy would wander into the room, see what was on the TV and say, “Y’all watching that Old Yeller again? Y’all knows how it ends, don’t ya?” and walk out chuckling. Even as he became more forgetful and slower toward the end of his life, I still remember him whistling, softly laughing when something struck him funny, and content.

Both of these people had seen hardship {Grandma’s brother died when she was a teenager and Granddaddy’s parents died when he was young} but they didn’t let difficulty define them or keep them from smiling. They both faced life with the perspective that God was in control.

I wish I would have had more opportunities to sit and ask questions and learn from them. The memories I do have are precious and going into this next year God has given, I’m making a conscience effort to not let the things around me dictate my mood or attitude. I want to find joy in simple things, serve my family well, and point others to Christ by my daily attitude.

Do you ever think what your legacy will be for those who know you? How would you like to be remembered?

Photo by James Besser on Unsplash.

A Word for the Year

In the last few years, it has gotten popular to choose a word to ‘live out’ for the year. Depending on what your focus is, the word can be anything from kindness to confidence.

I don’t always pick a word but I do find it helpful to give some intentional thought to what I want to focus on for the year. And I usually try to study what the Bible says about that word or brainstorm ways I can put it into practice. I’ll get to my word for 2020 in a minute. But first, let’s talk about my process for choosing a word and my purpose in doing it.

When I start to think in December about a possible word for the next year, I think a lot about what my struggles that year have been. Is there something I need to pull away from, learn more about, focus on? Do I know of hardships, challenges, changes coming in the New Year that I need to prepare for? {I realize the next year is largely an unknown time but sometimes we know a surgery is coming, a move might happen, struggles from the previous year that carry over…} I start to pray and think about where God would have me focus my time and energy.

I already mentioned the benefit of focusing my study and learning about a single word. When I chose humility, I was blown away by all the things the Bible has to say — both positively about being humble and negatively on being proud. I started a running list of verses and examples of pride vs humility. I also noticed in my own life that a lot of things I struggled with looped back to being proud; either how well I did something, not asking for help, having a superior attitude. The root of it all was pride. It made the humility of Christ stand out even more in my mind.

Last year, my son was learning the Fruit of the Spirit in our church kids program and we talked A LOT about how we live out each of those nine words. So for 2019, I decided it would be good for me to dwell on them, study them, memorize them too so as I talked with my son, I would be practicing myself what I was telling him to do.

For 2020, I chose the word Ask. One thing that kept coming back to me at the end of last year was my struggle to admit when I needed something. And not just physical help from those around me but asking things of God — for wisdom, peace, everyday needs. My desire to control situations and be seen as a strong, self-sufficient person meant I wasn’t doing a basic thing — praying — and I was getting discouraged by all the things I couldn’t do. {Remember when I mentioned earlier a lot of issues boil down to pride? Clear example here!} The more I thought about it, the more I realized I needed to dwell on the importance of asking. And once I started looking for verses that talk about what we should ask for, why it’s important to ask, etc, I was completely convinced this needed to be my word!!

Do you choose a word or a verse to think about throughout the year?

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Christmas Eve

Christmas Eve. By now we’ve heard all the Christmas songs, played in various versions, some our favorites, some we skip over.

I love Christmas music. The memories they evoke, the words that remind us what we are celebrating {I know not all Christmas songs do this} , the beautiful melodies that we hum along with so easily. One of my favorite carols is Silent Night. The words and melody are simple enough for a child to memorize and yet timeless.

Silent night, holy night
All is calm, all is bright
'Round yon virgin Mother and Child
Holy infant so tender and mild
Sleep in heavenly peace
Sleep in heavenly peace

Silent night, holy night!
Shepherds quake at the sight!
Glories stream from heaven afar;
Heavenly hosts sing Alleluia!
Christ the Savior is born!
Christ the Savior is born!

Silent night, holy night
Son of God, love's pure light
Radiant beams from Thy holy face
With the dawn of redeeming grace
Jesus, Lord at Thy birth!
Jesus, Lord at Thy birth!

I’ve been reading a lot about World Wars 1 and 2 recently. The losses on all sides, the tactics, the horrors people witnessed that they never dreamed were possible. But in the midst of the Great War {WWI}, a well known event happened that is worth remembering.

It was Christmas Eve and the British were hunkered down for another miserable night in the trenches. Suddenly, they heard a familiar tune but with unfamiliar words. Across No Man’s Land, the Germans were sitting in their own miserable trenches singing “Stille Nacht” — “Silent Night.” The British soon joined in, singing in English, filling the evening in an unexpected harmony. The next day, tentative British and German soldiers climbed the ladders from their trenches, left their weapons, and met on the field previously covered in blood, bodies, and destruction. Handshakes, smiles, and food were exchanged. Some of the Germans knew English and short conversations were shared. The day would become known as the Christmas Truce of 1914. It is the only known or recorded instance of its kind. A day in the midst of a devastating war where both sides came together sharing peace and hope.

As we celebrate and remember the baby in the manger, let’s not overlook the importance of the coming cross he bore. Because he came, we can be reconciled to our Creator. Because of God’s Son, we are shown the redeeming grace of God.

Merry Christmas and a joyful New Year!

For further reading about the Christmas Truce, I found this article and short video interesting.

Photo by Gareth Harper on Unsplash.

Holiday Expectations

This week is Thanksgiving and then we rush headlong into the busy season: Christmas.

Everyone knows holidays can be crazy. Extra people, lots of food meaning lots of planning and preparation, decorating, special events, concerts, recitals, parties. I don’t know of anyone who doesn’t have a hundred things going on between now and December 31. And even though we love family and doing special things and making the season memorable for our kids, it’s hard to not become a little overwhelmed.

As my kids get older, I feel more pressure to do things that they’ll remember. If they loved something we ate or did last year, we have to do it this year and the next and the next…. Traditions are important, right? As moms, it’s easy to believe tradition making is all down to us. We have to make every moment of the holidays special, no matter what it requires or how tired it makes us.

The thing is, no one can do everything, as I was recently reminded by a friend. We can pin all the ideas, buy all the trendy stuff, stay up all hours but we’re only human. If we’re too drowsy to enjoy the fun, too irritated to be joyful, too busy to sit and eat, what is the point of it all? It’s not bad to want to make the holidays memorable and keep traditions going, but if we’re so focused on doing all the things that we don’t enjoy them and our joy is actually being replaced with anger and complaining, it’s not worth it.

So how do you stop a grumbling spirit from ruining the holidays? Be honest about why you’re doing things. Is it out of true joy or a feeling of obligation? Are you afraid the holiday will be terrible unless you do XYZ? Are you putting too much on yourself in this season?

Let me give you a silly example. When I was growing up, Thanksgiving meant pulling out the china and making place cards. I loved the food but as a little girl who aspired to be a princess, I loved the beauty and specialness of a well set table. I still love making holiday meals really special by using china, real silverware and cloth napkins, and decorating the table with place cards and candles. Even after having children, I’ve pulled the china out of the cabinet for Thanksgiving, Christmas, and Easter. But this year for Thanksgiving, I bought paper plates and napkins at Hobby Lobby. We’re hosting my parents and some of Tommy’s family and the number of people coming just made real dishes and napkins not realistic. I knew I would love the look of the table set with fine china but I would also be standing at the sink washing dishes long after the meal was over. And probably grumbling to myself that everyone else was off playing games and watching football.

Maybe this would never bother you but I half jokingly sobbed to Tommy that my standards were slipping when I told him we would be using paper this Thanksgiving. Maybe for you it’s not preparing a whole turkey or buying pies from Costco instead of homemade. Maybe it’s asking for help with the meal or changing a tradition slightly. Things like illness, a new baby, changes in the family, or moving are events we sometimes experience around holidays that make traditions difficult or impossible. Give yourself grace and do what you can with a joyful spirit, not expecting perfection.

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Thanksgiving Activities

As I mentioned in my last post, an attitude of being grateful is so important for us and necessary to cultivate in our kids. We are not naturally thankful people. Our mind and desires are constantly pulled by what we want, not pleased with what we have. If we are truly to be good stewards and appreciate what God gives us, we must be thankful people.

It's easy to talk a good talk but true thankfulness is demonstrated by our attitude and actions. When we complain or worry or covet, we are showing how ungrateful we are for the blessings we already have. Sitting down and literally counting our blessings is one of the best ways to fight off the bad attitude blues and there are a variety of ways to get kids involved in this practice. November isn't the only month to use these ideas and I'll give some adaptation ideas if you want to practice thankfulness in May.

Wreath

Last year at Target in the dollar spot I found a foam wreath and 20-something leaves that you could write on and attach to the wreath using double sided tape squares. This year I saw a similar idea there but it was snowflakes instead of leaves. Something like this is a great afternoon craft and then it can go on display for the rest of the month with something you are thankful for written on each leaf. If you can’t find these at Target anymore, the Dollar Store would be a great place to look.

Tree

If you have a tree in need of pruning, cut branches off and put them in a vase or container — in essence making your own tree. Cut leaf shapes out {I found free leaf printables on Pinterest and printed them on colorful paper}, hole punch, and tie loops with yarn or twine. In the past, we’ve used this as a centerpiece on Thanksgiving Day, giving people a leaf or two to write what they are thankful for. Before our meal, we go around the table reading our leaves and hanging them on the tree. This can easily be changed into Christmas ornaments with time given to express thanks before we open presents.

Garland

One year I printed enough leaves for everyday in November leading to Thanksgiving and gathered clothespins. I hung twine across the family room, attached to the walls with Command hooks. Each morning at breakfast, I would ask my kids what they were thankful for, write it on two leaves {I only had two children at the time}, and hang them on the garland. When the leaves in our box ran out, it was Thanksgiving Day and our garland was a full decoration for our guests to read and enjoy. This is a great way to count down to an event and keep the focus on what we’ll be celebrating, not on how long we have to wait for the day to get here! Change the leaves to snowflakes, flowers, watering cans, or pumpkins depending on the season and make any time of year a time to give thanks!

Journal

Another great Target dollar spot find is a set of eight journals, each with 16 or so pages. Challenge older kids to write something everyday they are thankful for, maybe with a little more embellishment than “I’m thankful for food.” For younger children, they can draw a picture. This activity can be modified for different ages and various seasons very easily. In the spring, have children list what they are most excited about for summer then ask how it makes them thankful {“I’m excited to swim” becomes “I’m thankful we can go to the pool” or “I’m thankful I know how to swim”}. If you don’t have a journal or notebook, have kids make their own by hole punching copier paper and stringing yarn through the holes. These would be fun to keep and look back on each year.

A-Z Game

My dad is famous — maybe infamous — in our family for always instigating this game on Thanksgiving Day. No matter who is sharing the day with us, we always gather after dessert and before football to play. The challenge in this game is that nothing is written down, it all comes down to memory. Everyone takes turns and every turn begins by saying, “God is the source of all good things and I thank Him for…” and the first person says something starting with an A. The next person says the phrase, repeats what player one said for A, and adds B. You get the idea where this is going. This would be a great game to play in the car or on vacation, camping…. Because you don’t need any supplies, just a group of people, it’s perfect for anytime.

I hope you see that anything can be used to show what we are grateful for. What I try to do is something tangible that kids can see. When they can see how full the garland is, how many leaves are on the tree, it’s helps them to grasp how much we have to be thankful for. A running list on a chalkboard or post it notes stuck to a mirror can be just as good! Make a game of it and set a timer for 5 minutes. For every thing they mention, they get a block or a sticker or anything! When the timer goes off, count it up.

Giving thanks can be fun and creative. It can be done as a group on Thanksgiving Day or alone throughout the month. You can do it with your preschoolers all the way to college age and beyond. We are never too old to say, “Thank you, God, for all your good and precious gifts.”

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Cultivating Gratitude

It’s that season of Thanksgiving.

I love Thanksgiving. The food, the football, Fall, a chance to reflect on the year. It’s easy to think our thanks is relegated to this one day. But really we should be grateful all year. I’ve found being thankful is something that is often the first to depart in the midst of life. We’re busy, stressed, frustrations happen, disappointments. The car breaks down, the kids get sick on vacation, we don’t get a promotion, a friend gets difficult news. All the perfect plans we have made and counted on are suddenly ashes. And our attitudes become the first casualties.

I hadn’t really noticed how much work gratitude takes until I became a mom. Once my kids were old enough to voice an opinion, it quickly became apparent it didn’t take much to ruin their day. A toy goes missing, a playdate is cancelled, they aren’t allowed to just eat chicken nuggets and fries. Then they start throwing around the words, “never” and “always” and it sounds like they have the worst life ever.

Suddenly, any fun they were having is gone. All joy is taken from their faces as they focus on one thing: what they don’t have. It used to frustrate me until I applied the admonitions I gave to my children to myself. We can choose to be happy, even in the midst of disappointment. We can choose to be grateful in what we have, even while we mourn something that was lost. It’s all about choosing where our focus will be and dwelling on gratitude not complaining.

We don’t like to think of ourselves as ungrateful because we usually don’t like to be around complainers {am I alone in this?!} And when we aren’t thankful for what we have, it tends to manifest itself in complaining. Have you ever considered that adults have the same emotions as children? The difference is that we’ve learned we can’t physically display it in tantrums — maybe I should say most adults have learned this. When something disappoints us, we probably don’t sit on the floor screaming that life isn’t fair but we might tell our friends all our woes, state nothing good happens to us, everything is against us, etc. In those moments, we are complainers, seeing what we don’t have instead of having a grateful heart.

November is a wonderful time to form a habit of cultivating gratitude. We are reminded to, '“Give Thanks” through home decor, plates, pillows, and garlands. And while kids might already be writing Christmas wish lists, it’s the perfect opportunity to talk with them about being thankful for what they already have before they go wanting more.

On my next post, I’m going to give a few suggestions for cultivating gratitude in yourself and your kids this November. They aren’t difficult or time consuming. Just gentle reminders that choosing thankfulness makes all the difference.

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Why I Don't Tell My Kids They're Perfect

Before you become a parent it’s so easy to plan the way things are going to go. Great family pictures, daily memories made, everyone enjoying the same things, in bed by 8pm. The sky’s the limit when you’re dreaming about your “perfect life.”

It’s not that your ideas about parenthood and children were wrong or impossible. They just might need some tweeking. And a healthy dose of reality.

Aside from the outward plans we have for how our family looks, we also have to consider the inner. The wills, emotions, and personalities we are charged to bring up and discipline.

I’m afraid sometimes in our culture {maybe world} we expect perfection in some small doses in our children. And I’m not talking about when our children are perfectionists {see my post here about raising a perfectionist}. I’m talking about expecting our children to follow every rule, to clean up messes without being taught or told, to be naturally kind and humble and grateful. All those qualities that you appreciate in others.

Obviously I’m saying part of this with my tongue in my cheek but don’t our grand expectations sometimes amount to that? We forget that such things must be taught and modeled for our children. We look around at other kids and wonder how to get our kids to copy them. Maybe in a moment of weakness, we even ask our children why they can’t do such and such like so and so. We teach them to compare their abilities to others.

And just like comparison is dangerous for adults, it is equally dangerous for children. They might think, “I’m not as bad as him, I would never do that, I’m so much better than her.” Or conversely, they might start to believe they will never be good enough in our eyes, “My mom loves him better than me because he’s kinder, I never measure up to her.”

Although I don’t enjoy demonstrating my flaws to my kids, I also don’t shrink back from apologizing to them or admitting when I make a mistake. We have many conversations about how Jesus is the only one who lived a perfect life and while we try to follow that example, we know we will fail and should be ready to ask forgiveness when needed.

While it is very important for our kids to know we love them and listen to them and pray for them, I don’t want my children to ever think they don’t need God. I don’t want them to believe they can attain perfection or that they need to copy someone else to gain my attention. Instead, I tell them I love them, I give praise when they do a good job, and encourage them when they try something new. No matter what they choose to do in life, I want them to always know ultimately the strength and wisdom and guidance they need to succeed in anything doesn’t come from themselves, but from their Creator.

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Why Moms Need Prayer

We hear over and over that mom's need to pray. We need strength. We need help. We need everything God can give us to stay up to the task of mothering. But it's about more than requesting God give us the physical ability to make it through the next day. Mothering is not about surviving until it gets easier. Mothers are in the business of mentoring.

In the midst of changing diapers and fixing meals it's easy to forget our most important role as moms. We are charged with shaping and molding the little lives God has given us. If we provide merely for their physical needs, we are neglecting the most important need and setting them up for struggles later in life. Every mom wants what is best for her children. That's why parenting blogs and mommy magazines are so prolific. We want to know we are doing what is best for our children and have validation for those choices.

But life is about more than getting good grades, being athletic, or looking picture perfect. We are here to glorify God and that doesn't begin at a certain age. The truth is we need to teach our children, while they are young, the importance of a relationship with Christ. Proverbs 22:6 says, “Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.” This doesn’t guarantee that perfect parenting with automatically equal perfect children. But it is encouragement that when we take time now to correct, discipline, and guide our children in Christlikeness, those lessons are important for their future.

And this is where prayer comes in. As mothers we need to pray not just for ourselves in dealing with our children but pray for the individual needs of each child. We need to realize that ultimately their spiritual growth doesn't come down to our rules, restrictions, or regulations. They need the Holy Spirit indwelling them just as we do. It is God that can affect true change in their lives. While we can and should be examples of godly living, we can't force spirituality on our children.

Prayer is communication with God. He hears, he answers, he guides. Think of all the times the psalmist cried out to God. He was praying. James instructs us to ask for wisdom and if there's one thing mom's need wisdom about, it's raising children! (James 1:5) Proverbs 3:5-6 reminds us to trust God first and lean on him and he will direct our steps. If we aren't going to God in prayer over how we teach our children, how can we say we are trusting his guidance?

I want to close by issuing a challenge. I’ve put together a week long prompt on praying for yourselves and our children. Click the button below to download and print out the schedule.

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Time Management in Busy Years

Life is crazy.

No matter what stage of life we find ourselves {working, stay at home mom, retired, single, married…} there are always things that should be done, things that have to be done, and things we want to get done.

The difficult thing is that we only have 24 hours in a day and some of those need to be spent sleeping. No matter what we do we can not increase the time we have been given. So how does it all get done? Should we give up and just focus on surviving? Should we wait for the next season of life and hope it gets better?

Unfortunately, we aren’t promised life will ever slow down. More likely our to-do list will only grow longer. I am by no means the expert on time management but I have found four things that help me and maybe it will encourage you to consider your schedule.

• Know what’s coming

  On Sunday evening I look at the calendar for the next week and see if there’s anything special or different I need to remember. Parties, appointments, play dates, events. Anything that is different from our usual week I make note of.

• Know what always needs to be done

  People have different thoughts on doing laundry. Some prefer to do a load a day. I like getting it all done in one day — Monday. I also try to grocery shop on the same day each week. We homeschool and try to get finished by noon each Monday-Friday. My daughter has piano lessons the same day and time each week. Knowing this shows me what time is taken and what time I have to get the extra things done.

• Know what extra needs to be done

  If I’m teaching a lesson for something at church or I need to buy a gift for a party, I write a to-do list and prioritize. Going off of what I know has to be done (laundry, meals, school, etc) I plan when I’m going to do those extras. If I need a present by Friday afternoon, I see when I’m already going to be out of the house before Friday and write to buy a present then. If I have an article due on Saturday, I make time on Monday and Tuesday so any sudden disruptions {sick kids, unexpected meetings} don’t throw off my ability to turn in the article on time. Now this sometimes means I have to choose to do one thing that HAS to get done over something I would LIKE to get done. Like not reading as much one week so I can make party decorations that are needed by Friday.

• Know what would be nice to get done

  The list of ‘I wants’ is probably the longest list I have. Home projects, books to read, words to write, crafts to tackle, organizing, coffee dates…I want to do a lot! The key is to not expect to get it all done now {Rome wasn’t built in a day} and to decide how to prioritize those desires into manageable chunks. When I know my kids will be somewhere else or busy with a play date, I try to get done projects that take all my attention, that are better done in a large chunk of time, or involve messes I don’t want them wandering into. When they are playing outside and could come running in at any minute, I use that time to read, research homeschool materials, things that I can easily pick up again if interrupted for a few minutes. I usually don’t have the ability to plan when I’ll get to my ‘nice to get done list’ but when unscheduled time pops up and my other things are finished, I have a list I can quickly jump into.

So much of time management and the struggle to get things done comes down to our discipline. Are we wasting time scrolling through everyone else’s feeds but never living our own lives? Do we take advantage of the moments we have?

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Needing Grace as a Parent

**Before I begin, this post in no way is saying you shouldn’t try your best! As you read, I hope you understand I’m not advocating that we try to make mistakes. But when we do fail, I think it’s important for our children to see how we cope and Who we rely on.**

One of the first lessons of parenting that you learn is that your idea of what a parent is drastically changes. Your goals and ideals suddenly change. The things you said you would never do or allow as a parent also change. Errands are more difficult, tasks take longer, and priorities change.

Obviously we want to be good parents for our children but sometimes our ideas of what makes a good parent are flawed. I've learned that being a good parent doesn't mean I'm good at everything. It doesn't mean I have to do everything for my children. When we look at other parents around us and we see what they are willing and able to do for their children, we might feel inadequate.

Just like comparing ourselves to others in other aspects of life is dangerous comparing our parenting to the parenting of others is equally treacherous. I'm afraid sometimes we want to be like other parents so much that we don't stop to ask why it's that important to us. I also think we are failing to teach our children an important lesson they need to learn.

Admitting we need help or are not perfect at something is difficult for some of us, especially when it is to our children. Just like it is difficult to apologize and ask our children for forgiveness, the discipline of letting our children see us fail sounds impossible. But consider this. If your children never see you struggle with something or never see you deal with disappointment in the correct way, how will they learn how to cope with disappointments and struggles in their own life? Children learn by example. They learn to talk, throw a ball, polite manners, kindness, etc. all by watching and listening to us.

Also if our children grow up believing we have everything in our life put together and perfect and we never struggled or learned hard lessons along the way, how comfortable do you think they will be with sharing their struggles with us? They will go to someone else for advice and for comfort because they might not believe we have any experience to offer them.

Part of living and growing in our Christian life is that it is not static, it is changing. God offers us his grace and faithfulness but if we don't show our children that we need it, they will grow up thinking they don't either.

In our culture it seems to be that any time we need help or fail at something we are told not to admit our weakness. We sweep it under the rug so to speak. We make excuses for why we didn't get that done or do this. However, Paul reminds us that it is through our very weaknesses that Christ gives strength. Sometimes the failing is in small things like messing up a recipe. Other times it might be bigger like breaking something that doesn't belong to us. Our attitude and actions following these types of failures communicates much to our children. The day we are too proud to admit our failings is the day we think we don't need the Lord.

Our children don't need to see us accomplish everything we desire, or perfectly execute something on the first try. They need to see us attempt things, maybe fail, yet get up and try again. They need to watch us depend on God's grace for everything just like we want them to. And they need to see us glorify God and praise him, even if life doesn’t go as planned.

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Imitation Motherhood

Have you heard the saying, ‘Do what I say not what I do’? It seems to be a favorite phrase of parents everywhere. The problem with this is that children are born imitators. That's how God created them. They hear us repeat words before they attempt to join in. They watch us toss a ball and mimic our motions. In fact, we encourage children to watch how we do something before trying a new skill for themselves. But when we don’t want our behavior or bad habits to show up in the next generation, we fall back on sayings and excuses for why it’s okay for us but bad for them.

This is one of the challenges of motherhood, especially as children get older. They observe how we react to someone cutting us off, they listen to us complain about long lines in the grocery store, they repeat phrases they've heard us use dozens of times. Becoming a mother forces you to listen to your own advice and realize you aren't doing what you recommend. It is the greatest opportunity to be a role model, for better or worse.  

When we allow the gospel to filter through every aspect of our lives, we can turn everyday moments into teaching opportunities. We also hold ourselves to a higher standard because we are seeking the same thing we want our children to emulate: Christlikeness.

Modeling the gospel to our children requires more than a ‘do what I say not what I do’ attitude. Our goal is to point them to Christ as the ultimate source of our imitating. Moses reminded the children of Israel that they needed to repeat truths about God to their children continuously throughout the day.

‘Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one. You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise.’ (Deut. 6:4-7)

Diligent is defined as a constant effort to accomplish something. So to teach diligently gives the idea of continual instruction from us to our children. This goes beyond words to actions as well.

Paul understood the importance of being an example in the life of a Christian. When he wrote to the church in Corinth, he stressed in two different chapters, ‘Be imitators of me.’ But he knew he wasn't the prime influence these people needed. I Corinthians 11:1 clearly states, ‘Imitate me as I imitate Christ.’

With each of his instructions to the church Paul reminded them that he was not the top authority the body needed to emulate. The goal for this life is to be like Christ. And because Paul sought to follow Christ in word and deed, the Corinthians could look to his example as one of Christlikeness.

Many times our excuse for not being the gospel focused example we are called to be in Christ comes down to one thing: we know we aren't perfect so why should we want our children to imitate us? We think it's so much easier to simply tell them what we expect than to actually live it out on a daily basis ourselves. But that's taking the easy road. That's not holding ourselves to the same standard we expect of our children.

And they might keep all the rules and do what we say for the short term but it won't make a lasting impression on their lives or create any real change. The truth of the gospel is that it can take our sinful nature and work change in us and in our children. The grace we have received is available to them also.

But that requires us to show the gospel to our children, even at the earliest ages. Proverbs 22:6 says ‘Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.’ The Hebrew word for train here is also translated as dedicate in three other passages. Our role as mothers is not passive or one of expecting our children to just turn out well. We are to actively show them the gospel and dedicate them to following the Lord. There's no better way to train children for a task than to show them an example. And we are the closest example God has put in their lives.

Asking our children to imitate our example is a huge commitment. It means when we fail, we seek forgiveness. It requires that we live in the light of grace everyday and show them the grace we ourselves need.

When we watch our children, their sin is so obvious to us and our response is equally cut and dry. We remind them of biblical truth, emphasize why it's important to follow God, explain why their behavior was a sin, point out that God is always ready to forgive when we ask, and so on.

However, we are not always as quick to call our failings sin. We stress the importance of relying on God to provide for our needs but try to plan everything ourselves. We tell them to apologize for yelling at a sibling but excuse our own raised voices as frustration. We quote, ‘Do all things without murmurings and disputings’ (Phil. 2:14) when they complain about chores but gripe every time we have to clean the bathrooms.

If we want our children to grow in gospel grace we must show them that the same truths we apply to their lives apply to us as well. We know we will never be perfect examples but we can point them to the Perfect Example. By allowing the gospel to be our source of hope and help, we model what they should be trusting as well.

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