Something I’ve been hearing a lot in recent years is, “Give them grace.” And I think some people use this phrasing to mean, “Be patient with her.” Maybe the person is a new believer and she is struggling through theological truths and you need patience as you help her. Maybe someone is walking through a trial and you need to demonstrate patience in your expectations on her during this time.
But when we consider what grace means and how it is used in the Bible, what should we be meaning when we say we’re giving grace and how do we go about actually doing that? Do grace and this idea of being patient go together? Or should we use another word?
A flip through the New Testament and we are confronted with the word “grace” many times. We probably recognize it the most for being Paul’s standard greeting in his letters {Rom 1:7; I Cor 1:3; II Cor 1:2; Gal 1:3; Eph 1:2; Phil 1:2; Col 1:2; I Thess 1:1; II Thess 1:2; I Time 1:2; II Tim 1:2; Titus 1:4; Philem 1:3} where he says, “Grace and peace.” He also closes all of his letters with “grace” {Rom 16:20; I Cor 16:23; II Cor 13:14; Gal 6:18; Eph 6:24; Phil 4:23; Col 4:18; I Thess 5:28; II Thess 3:18; I Tim 6:21; II Tim 4:22; Titus 3:15; Philem 1:25}.
So what is this grace and peace and grace of our Lord Jesus that Paul finds so important? God’s grace is what saves us from sin. Eph 2:8-9 tells us it is by grace, not works, that we are saved. I learned the definition as grace is God giving a free gift that we can never earn. Nothing we do will give us grace. God offers it because he loves us and is rich in mercy toward us {Eph 2:4-5}.
The Unger’s Bible Dictionary says, “Any intermixture of human merit violates grace” {p504}. If we try to work our way to salvation, we are saying God’s perfect grace, his gift of salvation to us, isn’t good enough. We have no part in salvation except confessing our sins and accepting the free gift of God’s grace. A note in Thayer’s Greek Lexicon states that, “Karis {the Greek word for grace} contains the idea of kindness which bestows upon one what he has not deserved” {p666}. In God’s kindness, he gives us karis; grace we don’t deserve.
When we think about peace, we think of calm, restful, quiet. But Paul isn’t merely wishing his readers a calm day. He is talking about spiritual peace, rest and confidence that comes to us because we have God’s grace. True biblical peace is not something we can fabricate. There are hundreds of things that steal our peace and only knowing and acknowledging Who controls them all will give us any semblance of rest. Note that when Paul opens his letters, he says, “Grace to you and peace from God our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ.” {emphasis mine} He is reminding the reader that our peace comes from God, not from meditation or anything we can force. God offers grace. God gives peace.
So bringing this back to our original question, what should we mean when we say we are giving someone grace? To be consistent with what the Bible means, we are stating that we choose to show kindness to someone who doesn’t deserve it. It almost seems to have more to do with forgiveness than patience, doesn’t it? We offer grace to someone who has hurt us, we show kindness to someone who isn’t kind to us.
It’s not wrong to say, “Give them grace” but keep in mind what grace means: Unmerited favor. Undeserved kindness. What God gives us freely in salvation and what we should freely offer those around us.
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