Who Are You Listening To?

In my Bible reading, I recently came across a story that I have read before but it gives me pause every time. In II Samuel 10, we read that the king of the Ammonites died and his son became king. David, in a gesture of kindness, sent some of his servants to the new king “to console him concerning his father” {v2}. However, the new king, Hanun, listened to bad counsel and humiliated the servants of David {vv3-5}. When King Hanun realized his mistake, he decided to strike before David could. He called up the Arameans to join him and marched against Israel. It didn’t go well and Israel defeated both kingdoms {vv8-15}.

All this from listening to bad advice. The thing is, we are all susceptible to this at different times. And because all people are sinful, we need to be discerning. This obviously includes who we choose for friends but also who we choose to listen to in the broader sense. Authors, experts, analysts, pastors, teachers. A lot of people can sound smart and convincing but charisma doesn’t equal biblical advice.

Proverbs has much to say about who we follow and who should have our attention.

“The way of a fool is right in his own eyes, But a wise man is he who listens to counsel.” {12:15}

“He who walks with wise men will be wise, But the companion of fools will suffer harm.” {13:20}

“Deceit is in the heart of those who devise evil, But counselors of peace have joy.” {12:20}

Allowing good, godly advice to lead us is equated with righteousness and wisdom. The opposite is to listen to fools. I can’t think of anyone who would willingly listen to a fool but fools are often disguised. We need to be discerning with wisdom of our own.

And Proverbs has things to say about discernment also!

“My son, let them {knowledge/wisdom} not vanish from your sight; Keep sound wisdom and discretion.” {3:21}

“The mind of the prudent acquires knowledge, And the ear of the wise seeks knowledge.” {18:15}

“For if you cry for discernment, Lift your voice for understanding…Then you will discern the fear of the Lord And discover the knowledge of God. For the Lord gives wisdom; From His mouth come knowledge and understanding.” {3:3, 5-6}

Discernment comes from wisdom. When we hear anything — especially something labeled as biblical — we need to go back to the Bible and discern if it is truthful. Many things in today’s world have a grain of truth or sound really nice, but when we dig a little, we find inaccuracies.

I’m not saying to distrust everyone and only listen to yourself. But we should be knowledgeable enough in the Bible to hear when something sounds off and start asking questions. It doesn’t matter how popular the podcaster is, it doesn’t matter what letters are behind the pastor’s name, it doesn’t matter how many books the author has published. We need to consume any teaching with discernment and wisdom.

And James gives us a huge dose of encouragement here:

But if any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all generously and without reproach, and it will be given to him. {1:5}

We aren’t mustering and striving to have wisdom on our own. The God of the universe will give us the wisdom we need if we ask! If we want wisdom, may we humbly ask for it as Solomon did and God has promised to give it.

Maybe it’s not a question of who we listen to as much as who do we believe? Who do we follow and submit to? Who are we giving our time to? May it be the God of wisdom first and above all else.

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The One Anothers

For all the connectedness we have, our society is more isolated than ever.

We sit behind keyboards and phones, “connecting” with others over the internet but only seeing what people want us to see. Algorithms make sure we are fed content we like and enjoy, creating echo chambers of agreement and anyone who disagrees isn’t worth keeping up with. We have people making emotional connections to an AI program! And we wonder at the state of things.

Throughout the New Testament we have what’s often referred to as the one another statements. These teach us about an important aspect of our Christian life: how we treat others. But it goes deeper than “Love your neighbor” because before we can truly love and care for those around us, we have to BE with them. We have to do things with them, live life, enjoy the ups and downs and still be friends. It’s not easy or glamourous but being in community is so important.

In the one another verses, we find statements like, “Forgive one another, bear one another’s burdens, encourage one another, exhort one another, comfort one another,” and I could go on. These are specific and go far beyond “love one another” to the daily grind of living life together.

In order to comfort others, we need to know them well enough to know when they need to be comforted. If there’s a health crisis, a family need, a sudden tragedy. Offering comfort can come through texts and cards, but it needs the personal touch of being in each other’s lives.

The one another statements are interesting because there are some verses that tell us what not to do. “Do not grumble against one another, do not speak evil against one another, do not provoke one another, do not lie to one another,” etc. These verses remind us that thinking of others isn’t always about doing something; sometimes it’s about not doing what our sinful nature wants us to.

There is a vulnerability in living these things with others. Do you have friends close enough that you feel like you can share your burdens? Do you forgive and work through differences?

These biblical statements and principles are reminders that this life isn’t about us, and the greatest things we do aren’t for ourselves. We are to live in community and grow and serve each other.

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Friendship at Every Stage

Friends are such a gift. I am so thankful that God placed us in community and gave us people to walk through life with. I have learned a great deal from the different friends God has given me at various stages of life; things like kindness, listening, gift giving, the joy of watching others succeed, how to encourage others. I have had/do have friends in my life who have demonstrated these things to me and taught me how to be a good friend.

This week, I had dinner with two friends from childhood. I remember playing house and Barbies and dress-ups with them. Sleepovers and birthdays and lots of little girl giggles.

Our friendship has lasted decades. We’ve seen each other through hard times and life changing decisions. Babies and houses and moves and job changes. We have a familiarity because of the years of memories accumulated with each other. I am so grateful for their friendship and encouragement and the fact that time and distance has not taken anything away.

While we often think of friends as being a staple of childhood, adults need friends too! I’ve had several conversations with people lately about the difficulty of making friends as we get older, and to some extent I think that’s true. We become more self conscious, maybe more particular, busier, stuck in our habits. But with all the obstacles, I believe having friends is an important part of life.

Even after all the times I’ve read through Proverbs, I’m still surprised at the number of friend passages. Many of these are warnings to choose the right type of friend, which proves how influential people are in our lives. But we also have verses like:

Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another. Prov. 27:17

Oil and perfume make the heart glad, and the sweetness of a friend comes from his earnest counsel. Prov. 27:9

A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity. Prov. 17:17

A biblical friend isn’t just someone to have a good time with but is someone who strengths you, who builds you up and offers encouragement. And we never outgrow our need to be encouraged to stand strong in the truth of the Gospel!

This month, I will enter the decade that used to be called “Over the Hill” and I still feel the need for good friends. On the other end of the spectrum, I’ve been having conversations with my kids about their friendships. About playing nice with everyone and not excluding people from games of tag to preteen hurt feelings when old friends start heading in a different direction.

There is always a risk, always a chance of getting feelings hurt or being misunderstood and left out. And as easy as it would be to say we outgrow our need and move beyond all that, it’s simply not true. If anything, as I’ve gotten older I’ve relied on my friends more for sound advice, encouragement when I’m disappointed, and help during trials.

As I go into another year, I’m more grateful for my friends than ever. The ways they help me, point me to truth, make me laugh, enjoy life, and celebrate life’s moments. My 40 years on earth wouldn’t be the same without the people God has brought into my life at times I needed them. And I will always be thankful.

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Sharing Our Burdens

I love to share and talk about so many different things. And, probably like you, I find myself talking about different things with different friends.

Motherhood and homeschooling dominate many of my conversations with many of my friends because we are in the trenches! Teaching, discipling, raising the children God has given us, and I need encouragement and advice from them. Other friends share creative hobby interests with me and we compare notes on flower gardens, books, and watercoloring.

It isn’t wrong to have specific topics and things that create a bond with a friend. It’s a healthy, helpful way to grow friendships and to grow ourselves as we learn and interact. But do you ever feel unable to talk about spiritual things with your friends? Does it embarrass you to ask for prayer? Do you struggle to bring a Bible reference into the context of a regular conversation?

I believe sometimes in our Christian lives, it becomes easy to compartmentalize and not view regular parts of our days as being spiritual. Is there really a Bible verse for everything? Well, no, not specifically. However, the Bible does give us verses and principles that are to be applied to every aspect of life.

For instance, when we don’t feel like folding another hamper of laundry, we can be reminded that, “So, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God.” {I Cor. 10:31} Or, “Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.” {I Thess. 5:16-18} No, this doesn’t speak to folding laundry itself, but rather to the attitude we are to have in whatever we find ourselves doing.

How do we bring this back around to friends? I have found for myself that I can get so carried away in the topic of conversation that I only insert my “wisdom” rather than adding biblical wisdom. I let my opinions and thoughts direct the conversation more than what the Bible has to say about it. It’s not wrong to have an opinion about things but how do I view my opinion and how do I present it to others?

I’ve also found myself hesitant to ask for prayer or wisdom at certain times. It’s not that I don’t trust my friends for good advice; it’s more pride that I don’t want them to know what I’m struggling with. I have times when it’s easy to let me daily Bible reading slip. I shouldn’t be too embarrassed to text a friend and ask her to keep me accountable. Is one of my children struggling with rebellion? Asking a friend or family member to pray is a good idea.

God created us to live in community. He instituted marriage and family and church. He wants us to commune with one another, love one another, forgive one another, help one another. And ultimately, to serve God together. We do these things best when we are honest about our struggles, open about burdens, and when biblical wisdom flows easily from our lips.

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Friendship

I’ve said it before and I’ll repeat it my entire life: I have wonderful friends.

Life is never without drama but for the majority of my life, I have experienced encouraging, uplifting, helpful friendships. And as I’ve gotten older, I feel the importance and value of treasuring the relationships I have. I am aware many of my peers have pain and heartache to look back on and as I walk with my pre-teen daughter {she’s told me the correct term is “tween”}, I’ve been reminded of how difficult friend transitions can be.

No matter what age we are, it’s difficult to begin again. To find people we click with, who get our sense of humor, who enjoy the same activities, who give us hard truth when we need it and listen when we grieve. True friends that will stand by you through laughter and heartache. That will build memories and forgive the disagreements.

I’ve also been astounded to realize how unlikely some of my friendships are. I don’t have cookiecutter friends; they have different strengths, talents, pet peeves, and struggles. And they are also not all like me. Some of my friends are not into reading {I know, gasp!}, one friend doesn’t like donuts or desserts with fruit in them, several of my friends are competitive {I’ll include a few in-laws here}, and one friend, in a truly mind-shattering moment in high school, thought she was being original in creating a football team called the Pittsburgh Steelers {face palm, for sure!}. I have friends talented in music, baking, decorating, art and all things creative.

My point is, part of the benefit of friendship is what we learn and teach and give each other. It doesn’t mean I have to give up donuts or never talk about books — because both of those sound impossible. But I can discover new things, like trying audiobooks or cooking a new recipe. I can encourage them with where they are while they cheer me on in my place of ministry.

My life is richer and fuller because of my friendships. They are worth every minute, every bit of energy I invest. I never take them for granted and I am truly grateful.

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