Signs of What We Love

If someone were to walk into your home, without knowing you well, what would she notice? What evidence of your life would she see? Probably she would see things you hold dear - photos of family, mementos or souvenirs that are special. Think about places you’ve been where the interests, hobbies, or lifestyle of the owners were quickly apparent based on what you observed in their space.

Now multiply that by observing how they live. Not only the things that surround them in their home but the way they interact in various surroundings. How do they treat others? What do they spend time and attention on? How is their language or topics of conversation? We can learn a lot about people by observing them.

I’m a mom to three young children and no matter how hard I try to have a picture perfect home, there are always reminders that small children dwell with me. Handprints on windows, toys under chairs, half-eaten snacks at the kitchen counter. Then there are the pictures of my kids filling frames on the walls, sitting on shelves and side tables. A basket of library books, suspiciously filled with kid-friendly titles.

No one who enters my home would doubt that kids are a big part of my daily life. Neither would a visitor ask if I loved my kids or if they were important to me. It’s obvious from the popsicle stick crafts still drying on the table to the school worksheets spread over the floor. I’m proud of my kids, love my kids, devote my days to them and their growth.

The same should be true of our relationship with God. We could even call it the evidence we are Christians. When we talk about evidence of God in our lives, what are we talking about? What does evidence mean that we would choose that word to describe our relationship?

According to the dictionary, evidence means, ‘To make plain or clear, an indication or sign’. So our relationship with God should be plain for all to see and observe. It shouldn’t be a secret that we are Christians, children of God. It should be clear that how we treat people and respond in situations is tied to our belief in God. Everything about our lives should breathe and show that we know God.

When people observe us, they are witnessing much more than our love of family or a certain pet. Often, they are judging our faith by how we mirror God. Have you ever had an unsaved friend tell you you don’t act like a Christian? Or maybe that they couldn’t believe you were a Christian when they found out. Sometimes this is because their notion of what a Christian looks like is wrong. {Maybe they see all Christians as judgmental prudes that never have fun or delight in anything. So they are surprised when you are joyful or loving.} But sometimes it might be an indication that we have lived so long seeking after the things of the world that we haven’t allowed room for God.

Romans 12:2 is very clear on how a Christian should respond to the world we are dwelling in. “Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.” Hebrews mentions that we are pilgrims passing through, that we should recognize this is not our final home and we don’t serve the things of this world. [Hebrews 11:13-16}

When you look at how you respond to things or people, would you say there is a plain and clear sign in your life that you serve God above all else? Let’s hold the mirror up and truly evaluate how those around see us.

Photo by Andre Francois Mckenzie on Unsplash

One Thing All Children Need

Last week was Thanksgiving and we were able to spend several days with my in-laws and my kids got to play with some of their cousins. As I was talking about mom-stuff with one of my sisters-in-law, we started talking about the different personalities emerging from our growing children. Some of them are more sensitive, others confident, some defiant, some more helpful.

We agreed that we wouldn’t change our kids, even if we could, and it was interesting to see them all interact over three days. One thing we talked about a little was building the confidence of the ones that needed it. And that made me think about a part of childhood I think it’s easy for adults to overlook. Children need encouragement and praise.

Sometimes it’s easy to look at what our children show us - a chore complete, a craft designed, a room cleaned - and it doesn’t meet with what we would consider a good job. So we tell them what’s wrong with the picture they painted, the spots on the window they missed, the wrinkles not straightened on the bedcovers. Instead of looking at the job they did complete and the accomplishment they did do, we are often too quick to point out what is wrong with their effort.

So why is this a problem? Think about it in your present life situation. Do you enjoy always having the negative of your efforts pointed out? Do you enjoy hearing, “Good, but not good enough”? Would you like your boss or spouse or friend to always tell you what you are doing wrong? I believe if we are honest we have all been in that position and found it uncomfortable and frustrating. Why try our best when we know it will be picked apart and all our work will be devalued?

For the Christian, we know that God has created everyone and given everyone talents and abilities to use for his glory. Children are learning not only how to do things like chores and drawing and reading and serving, they are learning how they can use their particular talents in a broader sense to serve God. But if their tries and efforts are constantly ignored or corrected without any mention of well done, good try, etc, they will soon stop trying and maybe think they aren’t good enough at anything to contribute to.

Before I go on, I want to point out I’m not advocating we never tell children no or instruct them in how to do things. Children need guidance and help, especially when learning a new skill or task. And many times a firm no is needed to keep children from danger they don’t see or recognize. However, it is possible to guide and instruct, to correct and rebuke in a loving way and with some positive remarks.

I struggle with this sometimes. It’s not easy to put aside our first reaction and choose something more loving. But one recent event keeps coming to mind that taught me so much about the importance of choosing encouraging words over critical ones.

My children have their own bathroom with a large counter and mirror. I have occasionally given them the Windex and papertowels and asked them to clean their area. One day my four year old son came running to get me with pure excitement on his face. He took my hand and dragged me into their bathroom with a triumphant point at the mirror. You couldn’t see your reflection for all the smears and smudges. He quickly explained that he saw the mirror was dirty, grabbed his spray bottle full of water, and went to town, wiping it all with a washcloth. My first thought was to be upset that he had created more work for me. But then I looked at his face - practically glowing with pride - and I changed my response. With a hug, I told him I appreciated his desire to help without being asked but then I reminded him we use a special spray bottle to clean mirrors. I took what he would need into the bathroom and he cleaned the whole mirror again, just as excited as before. After another hug, I told him he could clean the bathroom whenever he wanted but to ask me for the special spray first.

Children really do thrive with just a few words of encouragement. A thank you or good job can go so far. And you don’t have to only praise your kids! If you work with children in sports, school, church, etc, recognize their efforts and congratulate them on a job or a try well done.

I’m afraid sometimes we withhold praise because we don’t want our children to think they are perfect or above others. But trust me, my children know they are sinners, that Jesus is the only perfect person, and that everyone on earth is created equal in God’s eyes. But I also want them to know I see their efforts, I appreciate their tries and attempts with new things. I never want them to give up because of something negative I said to them.

How can you encourage your children today?

Photo by Susan Holt Simpson on Unsplash