Looking Ahead

It’s December. Days are ticking away until Christmas and the beginning of another year. If this month follows the pattern of the previous eleven, it will go fast! I love the season from Thanksgiving to the New Year because of all the joy, traditions, fun, and family that it comes with. But because I love to plan and because I like to start the year off on a good foot, I always carve out some space in this busy time to focus on what happens beyond December 31.

During this time I decide on a Bible reading plan for the year and what version I plan to read. The past few years, I’ve chosen a word and Bible verse to focus on in addition to my read the Bible in a year plan. But this year I’m going to be doing something a little different.

I’ve decided to read my She Reads Truth Bible again in 2019 and use the reading plan that it has in the back to guide my daily reading {it usually is two Old Testament chapters, two New Testament chapters per day and you read Psalms and the New Testament twice}.

However, instead of focusing on one word for the year, I’m going to focus on prayer in general. I’ve been very burdened about my prayer life recently and the importance of asking God FIRST. So I’m going to focus on praying for specific people or things on certain days of the week. Of course there will be a certain amount of flexibility and some things I will pray for everyday, but hopefully this will help me to remember things like our government leaders, the persecuted church, etc.

I’ve also seen on Pinterest calendars for praying for your kids or spouse everyday for a month but being more specific than, “Please help little Johnny obey” or “Help my husband communicate better.” I want to incorporate some of these specifics - things like my children’s salvation, wisdom for my husband as he leads our family, good friends and influences for my kids. I believe when we are specific in our prayer requests we see how much God has already blessed us with and what he is already doing in certain circumstances.

2018 has been quite the year for our family. God blessed and went before and worked out so many things in ways we could never orchestrate on our own. I’m excited to see what I will learn, how God will stretch me, and what he has in store for our family in 2019.

Photo by Maddi Bazzocco on Unsplash

One Thing All Children Need

Last week was Thanksgiving and we were able to spend several days with my in-laws and my kids got to play with some of their cousins. As I was talking about mom-stuff with one of my sisters-in-law, we started talking about the different personalities emerging from our growing children. Some of them are more sensitive, others confident, some defiant, some more helpful.

We agreed that we wouldn’t change our kids, even if we could, and it was interesting to see them all interact over three days. One thing we talked about a little was building the confidence of the ones that needed it. And that made me think about a part of childhood I think it’s easy for adults to overlook. Children need encouragement and praise.

Sometimes it’s easy to look at what our children show us - a chore complete, a craft designed, a room cleaned - and it doesn’t meet with what we would consider a good job. So we tell them what’s wrong with the picture they painted, the spots on the window they missed, the wrinkles not straightened on the bedcovers. Instead of looking at the job they did complete and the accomplishment they did do, we are often too quick to point out what is wrong with their effort.

So why is this a problem? Think about it in your present life situation. Do you enjoy always having the negative of your efforts pointed out? Do you enjoy hearing, “Good, but not good enough”? Would you like your boss or spouse or friend to always tell you what you are doing wrong? I believe if we are honest we have all been in that position and found it uncomfortable and frustrating. Why try our best when we know it will be picked apart and all our work will be devalued?

For the Christian, we know that God has created everyone and given everyone talents and abilities to use for his glory. Children are learning not only how to do things like chores and drawing and reading and serving, they are learning how they can use their particular talents in a broader sense to serve God. But if their tries and efforts are constantly ignored or corrected without any mention of well done, good try, etc, they will soon stop trying and maybe think they aren’t good enough at anything to contribute to.

Before I go on, I want to point out I’m not advocating we never tell children no or instruct them in how to do things. Children need guidance and help, especially when learning a new skill or task. And many times a firm no is needed to keep children from danger they don’t see or recognize. However, it is possible to guide and instruct, to correct and rebuke in a loving way and with some positive remarks.

I struggle with this sometimes. It’s not easy to put aside our first reaction and choose something more loving. But one recent event keeps coming to mind that taught me so much about the importance of choosing encouraging words over critical ones.

My children have their own bathroom with a large counter and mirror. I have occasionally given them the Windex and papertowels and asked them to clean their area. One day my four year old son came running to get me with pure excitement on his face. He took my hand and dragged me into their bathroom with a triumphant point at the mirror. You couldn’t see your reflection for all the smears and smudges. He quickly explained that he saw the mirror was dirty, grabbed his spray bottle full of water, and went to town, wiping it all with a washcloth. My first thought was to be upset that he had created more work for me. But then I looked at his face - practically glowing with pride - and I changed my response. With a hug, I told him I appreciated his desire to help without being asked but then I reminded him we use a special spray bottle to clean mirrors. I took what he would need into the bathroom and he cleaned the whole mirror again, just as excited as before. After another hug, I told him he could clean the bathroom whenever he wanted but to ask me for the special spray first.

Children really do thrive with just a few words of encouragement. A thank you or good job can go so far. And you don’t have to only praise your kids! If you work with children in sports, school, church, etc, recognize their efforts and congratulate them on a job or a try well done.

I’m afraid sometimes we withhold praise because we don’t want our children to think they are perfect or above others. But trust me, my children know they are sinners, that Jesus is the only perfect person, and that everyone on earth is created equal in God’s eyes. But I also want them to know I see their efforts, I appreciate their tries and attempts with new things. I never want them to give up because of something negative I said to them.

How can you encourage your children today?

Photo by Susan Holt Simpson on Unsplash

Thankful

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving. It’s my favorite holiday but not because of the traditional food, football and parades, afternoon turkey induced coma, or amazing sales. I enjoy gathering with loved ones, reminiscing about the year, and taking time to be thankful.

I know thankfulness is an action we should participate in everyday, not just the month of November. And I truly try to show my thankfulness to God at the end of each day. But some days are easier than others. Sometimes when we look around, the circumstances seem too great to give thanks. We might think, “Surely we aren’t supposed to be thankful for this!”

The Apostle Paul had his share of trials. Imprisoned and beaten, Paul suffered many physical difficulties yet in Philippians 4, he reminds us, “Not that I am speaking of being in need, for I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content. I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound. In any and every circumstance, I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need.” (vv 11-12) Verse 13 reminds us where he is getting the ability to persevere: “I can do all things through him (Christ) who strengthens me.” A few books later, he tells us in I Thessalonians 5:18, “Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.”

Clearly thankfulness is something that should resonate easily with Christians. So why is it so often difficult to name our blessings? Sometimes it might be because we are looking at the world’s definition of what should make us thankful: nice house, new car, perfect health, happy family, money, good job. While it’s not wrong to be thankful for these things if we have them, as Christians we need to realize things in and of themselves are not responsible for our happiness and should not be the basis for what we are thankful for. Because of what God has already given us {salvation, grace, forgiveness} everything else in this world can’t compare.

As we celebrate Thanksgiving with all the traditions and fun and food, let us take time to be thankful for this past year and honestly count our blessings, remembering to give thanks in all things.

Photo by Alfred Schrock on Unsplash

Why We Homeschool

Recently someone asked if I homeschool because it’s easier than getting my kids to traditional school. I had to smother a laugh. Yes, I’m glad I don’t have to shuffle kids into the car each morning and brave the pickup line each afternoon. Yes, we love taking vacations when everyone else is tucked behind a desk. But our decision to homeschool is so much deeper than these reasons touch on. And it is far from easy.

**Before I begin let me say that how you choose to school your children is a personal choice. Homeschool is not for everyone and within homeschool there are various types {free schooling, classical, structured, online, etc}. My point in this post is not to shame anyone for choosing different than we have chosen, nor is it to say our way is best. But whenever people find out we teach our kids at home I get two immediate reactions: 1) people think I’m amazing and super patient for doing it, 2) they want to know why we chose to educate this way. So I figured a blog post would dispel some of the rumors of my patience and answer the incredulous question “Why?” Keep in mind different families homeschool for different reasons. Some of what I have below may not apply to all who school this way.**

Last week, I was explaining the hundreds place to my older daughter while cutting out a paper bat for my son and holding my nine month old who happened to be screaming in my ear. At that moment, our decision to school at home was anything but easy or desirable. When we left our little schoolroom - basically a walkin closet - I asked myself why I was doing this. And it wasn’t the first time I’d asked.

I’m going to first address the reasons people assume we homeschool but are false. These are things people have said about our decision but are not true for us.

-We don’t trust other people. This is almost laughable. I enjoy it when my kids can learn from others. For three years we were involved in a Co-Op and most of the time I was not with my kids for those three hours every week. Giving my kids the opportunity to sit in a classroom and listen and raise their hands was great for them. They also take music lessons and self defense classes from people outside our family.

-We only teach what we believe. This is a big one. My kids know about evolution, other religions, ancient mythology. We don’t shelter them from the world. But we do get to teach them through a biblical worldview lens, answer their questions without going through a third party, and choose when to introduce topics. Anyone will tell you children develop at different rates. So being able to see what my individual child can process and grasp and choose when to start talking about evolution vs creation, etc is a huge benefit of homeschool. And I’ll be honest, some of the questions they randomly ask from talking to friends, watching Netflix, or reading still catch me off guard. But I’m glad we have the framework of learning together daily to approach each question in turn.

-It’s less expensive to homeschool. Again, completely false. For two years we participated in ‘public online school’ where I was sent all the material and could teach it how I wanted and it was completely free. However, we had to do state testing, online meetings with a teacher, and keep to the district school schedule. The benefit was FREE!! But we decided we wanted to choose curriculum and my daughter was tired of having everything online. So now we purchase books, manipulatives, learning resources, etc that we want to use in addition to paying our state taxes for education.

So now that I’ve covered why my husband and I DON’T homeschool, why DO we?

-I love learning with them. It can be draining to go over the same concepts day after day and wonder when we’ll move on, but once it clicks I love seeing the pride and joy they take in it. And it really stretches me also. I have to change how I explain something or find another example that maybe will help them better. And their curiosity about things keeps me learning and exploring and seeing the world through new eyes. My kids love animals and over the last few years, I have learned more random animal facts and watched more nature programs than I thought possible.

-We get to learn together. My son doesn’t realize it but he knows more at four years old than I did. Because he has never liked to be alone, for the last three years he’s been sitting in on school with his older sister. When we read, he’s right there answering questions about the scene and characters. When we do science experiments he wants to watch the “volcano” explode and plant his own bean seed and everything. The other day, we were reading about Annie Sullivan and Helen Keller and he closed his eyes and covered his ears, trying to imagine a life lived in darkness and silence. Knowledge doesn’t have age limits.

-We can take time for extra things. My daughter loves crafts and art. So we’ve been learning about different artists every other week and doing a craft project. Since she’s taking piano lessons, we’ve also been learning about composers. I’ve already mentioned our animal fascination and we regularly check out the live animal cameras at the San Diego Zoo and a few other places, just to see what the pandas in Washington DC might be doing on a Wednesday afternoon. With online resources and YouTube, it’s amazing what we can learn about. And that doesn’t include our library trips!!

-I get to be with my kids all day. Moment of honesty: sometimes this introvert wishes I had a day to myself. I am far from perfect in my attitude and cheerfulness and joy every moment of everyday. But being a stay at home homeschooling mom has grown me and stretched me and taught me a lot about myself. I’m not as patient as I would like, I like things done a certain way, I definitely need grace and strength from God. When I look back on each day, I’m amazed at all the little blessings I saw. My daughter reading to her brother for Book It points, my son tracing his name with master concentration, the older kids playing with the baby and setting the table. They sometimes fight - we deal with hurt feelings and bad attitudes and complaining just like everyone else - but I am there to help them apologize and forgive and start a dance party. Though the days be hard I’m thankful this is what we’ve chosen.

As I said before, people choose how to educate their children for different reasons and our choice is not the right one for everyone. You may start with one type of school but switch as your family changes. But whatever your choice - public, charter, homeschool, private, online - remember that you as a parent are your children’s biggest influence. Even if they aren’t with you most of the day, get into their lives, learn with them, laugh with them, teach them. God placed your children in your family for you to disciple them. Pray for these gifts from God and never take a moment for granted.

For more reasons I love homeschooling, check out this post.

Photo by Evan Kirby on Unsplash

Showing Grace When We Would Do It Differently

Imagine this scene. Two homeschool moms are talking about the curriculum choice they made for their children. The first mom says they really enjoy the curriculum they are using. The second mom is semi familiar with it but quickly states that that curriculum is far too expensive and there's no way she would pay that much for books when there are other less expensive options available.

The first mom fires back that it's not as expensive as the second mom thinks and the quality of the material and the convenience of the program make it the perfect choice for their family. As both women go back and forth about the pros and cons of their choices, both get more involved emotionally and neither of them change opinions.

Now I used the example of what they choose to teach with because it's a debate I've heard in homeschool circles. They could just as easily have been discussing homeschool vs regular school or what food they feed their family or whether or not they vaccinate or a 100 other choices we make for our families.

The simple truth is that for everything we decide to do, there is a flip side we're choosing not to do and it often comes down to personal preference, family size, what we've found works best for our lifestyle, etc. It doesn't automatically make the other choice wrong - that option just doesn't work for our family.

The sad thing is many a mom has left a conversation like this feeling run down, questioning her decisions, angry, frustrated, maybe feeling personally attacked. Some moms might quickly shrug off an encounter but she probably replays it in her head a few times and mentions it to her husband. Other moms might start to doubt the decisions they've made for their children, rethinking choices and losing sleep because of someone else's opinion.

The simple truth is that no one is perfect. We are all trying to raise our kids well, doing what we believe is best for them. But our decisions shouldn't be a mandate for others to follow. Do we make mistakes? Of course. Can we change our minds? Absolutely. God gave us children who are different from other children, he gave us abilities and interests different from other moms, personalities that are not cookie cutter. Why would we think there's one way to do things when our families operate differently?

Multiple times we as Christians are called to unity. We are called to build each other up, to strive to be like Jesus (I Thess. 5:11). If we are following God's Word and raising our children to follow after Him, the choices we make reflect those values. And a mom who raises her children differently but desiring the same goals is doing what's best for her family.

Now I want to point out something quickly. Obviously if a mom is making sinful choices for her children {like encouraging them to do something illegal, or something against the principles God has outlined in the Bible} we should lovingly confront her with the problem. But let’s be honest. Usually the discussions we have and debates we enter into are more things of choice and preference than biblical command.

We need to show grace to others in a very practical way. It's acknowledging that the decisions other moms make are okay, even if they differ from ours. It's listening to why she made those choices and not demanding she listen to our choices and change her mind. It’s loving others as God loves us (John 13:34; I Peter 4:8-9).

Photo by Magdalena Raczka on Unsplash

Taking Time for Words and Pie

It all started with Amelia Bedelia.

This past weekend my mom took my two older kids for the afternoon with an interesting challenge in mind: make a lemon meringue pie from scratch. After reading the first Amelia Bedelia book - where she makes a mess of everything except her famous lemon meringue pie - my oldest daughter was enamored with the idea of making that same dessert. And since making pies isn’t foreign to my mom, she requested that Grammy buy lemons, pull out her recipe book, and start baking!

My son decided to join the adventure because it meant going to Grammy’s house! Of course he wanted to tag along! So it was with excited smiles from the kids that I dropped them off on an autumn Saturday.

Several hours later, my dad dropped them back home with the words, “It took three hours to make two pies but they did it.” And for the next hour my son explained to me how he had been the only one strong enough to squeeze the juice from the lemons. Sister tried and gave up but he could do it. And he had squeezed every lemon. My daughter talked about rolling dough, eating pie crust cookies (Mom bakes the bits of cut off crust with cinnamon and sugar) and homemade lemonade, and spending the day with Grammy.

From an adult perspective it was a fairly unremarkable day, made a little more difficult by ‘helping hands’. But for my kids it was an event. When we finally tasted the pies after church on Sunday neither of them liked it - too sour, too tart, too yellow - but they were very proud to let everyone know how they had contributed to the making of the dessert.

I think sometimes in life we want to do grand gestures for and with others. Invite them for a five course meal, go on a weekend trip, buy the toy our kids are begging for. But sometimes the efforts that seem the smallest to us are the ones that make the biggest impact. Sending a card on their birthday, taking time to listen, texting a greeting if they’re sick, making time to bake.

Ephesians 4:29 says, “Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.”

Have you ever thought of building others up and showing them grace merely with your words? Both written and spoken words have such power, to build up or to tear down. It might seem like the simplest thing we can do - to speak loving, encouraging words - but we so often overlook it. It doesn’t take money or special skills. It just takes time and a little effort.

When my kids came home bursting at the seams with excitement and pride over their pie making afternoon, they were obviously delighted with the day. My mom had fun too, although probably of a different kind. But isn’t that the way of doing for others?

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An Attitude of Prayer

Sometimes prayer is like the red headed step child of our Christian lives. We know we should do it, we feel bad when we don’t, but we just can’t seem to find the time.

Until we need something. Until a trial appears and we realize how much we need to lean on God’s strength to get through this life.

Every time I’ve taught a lesson to children about I Thessalonians 5:17 the question always comes up: how do we pray constantly (or without ceasing)? Do we walk around with our eyes closed?

Obviously Paul isn’t talking about stopping our lives and spending all day in a prayer closet. But note that in this passage, he book ends the thought on prayer with “Rejoice always” before it and “Give thanks in all circumstances” after it. Clearly he means for all three of these things {rejoicing, praying, thanksgiving} to be done on a continual basis.

So how do we pray continually? Jesus gives us a model to follow in Matthew 6 with the Lord’s Prayer. He acknowledges Who he is praying to (v 9), asks for God to work how He will (v 10), asks for the daily need (v 11-12), and the strength to do what we should (v 12), and finally for protection (v 13).

Think about this. These are all things we need everyday, throughout the day. These are not one time needs. And maybe sometimes we don’t know exactly what we need or how to ask. This is especially true in the middle of a difficult circumstance. But we are still told to pray without ceasing. To pray throughout all we do.

This idea forces us to not distance ourselves from God. If we don’t know Him, why would we ask for Him to provide our needs? If we don’t know Him, how can we trust He will help us or forgive us? To keep an open conversation with God means we must seek Him daily. Not when we have time. Not when it’s convenient for us. But constantly.

Like many things having an attitude of prayer requires work and effort and a daily accounting of how we’re doing. But the joys of continually communing with our Creator are worth every moment of our time and energy.

Photo by Aaron Burden on Unsplash

The Importance of an Unchanging God

In my office closet there is a white fabric box, tied shut with ribbon. Inside are the notes, cards, and verses people shared with us after my miscarriage. I don't open the box often but I have the contents memorized. In the weeks after that difficult 24 hours, I found myself trying to piece together what I could dwell on. I couldn’t focus on the here and now. It was too painful as life went on different than I had planned it to be.

And a common thread through everything I accumulated in that white box was about God. He is good, He is mighty, He is loving, He is powerful. God was {and is} everything that I am not. He wasn’t surprised by my baby’s loss and it didn’t happen because He wasn’t powerful enough to keep my baby protected. Even in the face of grief and sorrow God was {and is} merciful in so many ways.

Years before I participated in a study about the character of God. But unlike some studies, we didn’t just go to certain passages and notice what it said. We simply did our regular Bible reading and noted what it taught about God. We had papers with different headings {God is just, God is true/truth, God is creator, etc} and as we found verses that described Him we would write down the verse/passage under the appropriate heading.

The pages of the Bible are filled with Who He is and my notebook quickly filled up as well. We so often get caught up in wondering how we are to apply God’s Word to our lives that we overlook what the Bible is teaching about the Creator of it all. After losing Addison, I read over those pages and pages of verses, marveling that God was still all of those things. Despite my world spinning - seemingly out of control - God was unchanged. What was true about Him before that doctor’s appointment was true as I walked into the hospital the next day and the day after.

Because I knew God wouldn’t change, I could rest in Him for strength when I was weary, for comfort when I was wrung out, for grace when I didn’t know what I needed. And He is the only one who can offer that.

Photo by Jan Kahanek on Unsplash

When Others Weep

Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep.  Romans 12:15

Rejoicing and weeping. Opposite ends of the emotional spectrum. Yet in this verse they are given equal importance. It’s so easy for us to be happy for others. We celebrate birthdays, anniversaries, weddings, job promotions, good news of all sorts. I believe it’s the easier emotion because we like it. We want to be happy, joyful people and usually with the hoorahs and congratulations of life we know better what to say. Weeping is different.

When grief is involved we somehow feel tongue tied. If we haven’t experienced the loss or disappointment of our friend we aren’t sure if comfort is possible. What if we say the wrong thing? What if we make it worse? We so often are afraid of doing it wrong that we simply offer a pat on the back, maybe quote Psalm 23, and hope for the best. Or maybe we stumble for words so we feel better, so we can say we did something and it’s now up to the friend to use our advice.

The beauty and simplicity of Romans 12:15 is lost on us as we try to muddle through and decide what advice would be the most helpful and the least hurtful.

And while this verse is often used to remind us how to care for others, I’m afraid - like many passages - we don’t always return it to the context of the rest of the chapter. If we did we would find this smack in the middle of a whole paragraph of ways we are to live as Christians. In my Bible, verses 9-21 are labeled with the heading, “Marks of the True Christian.” And if we consider what these verses tell us I believe we’ll have a better grasp on how to fulfill verse 15. {For the sake of space I’ll condense the passage below but please take time to read the verses on your own.}

Verses 9-13 remind us to love others with genuine affection, honoring them and showing hospitality. Verses 14, 17-21 tell us to not seek revenge on those who persecute us or do wrong to us. We are to leave that to God. And verse 16 says we are to be humble and live in harmony with those around us. It is in the midst of all this that we find the command to rejoice and weep with others.

Notice that we are not told to offer advice or give approval for the rejoicing and weeping. We are simply to do it with others. And when put in context of what I mentioned above, we are to rejoice and weep while loving, honoring our neighbor, walking humbly and serving the Lord in our life, holding fast to what is good.

So when we have friends who are walking through a trial, sometimes the best help we can offer is simply to grieve with them. Cry, listen, pray. It’s not always necessary to offer words you hope will encourage. Recently several of my friends have gone through various hardships - sometimes with no end in sight - and I have found myself saying, “I don’t know what to say so I’m not going to say anything. Just know I’m here to listen and I’m praying.”

Have you grieved a loss recently? What is the most helpful thing someone has done to come alongside and weep with you?

Photo by Sharon McCutcheon on Unsplash

Memories of Comfort

October is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness month. Eight years ago last May, we lost our first baby at 15 weeks. The heart simply stopped beating. Of course there was nothing simple about the loss. My Granddaddy had died the previous January and we were all looking forward to celebrating the first baby, grandbaby, great-grandbaby. But God gave us a different path. We were not able to find out gender but we named our little one Addison Bennett (meaning ‘child of God, blessed little one’).

I don’t think about Addison everyday but when I do I can remember everything about the Monday I went to the doctor, the next day in the hospital when we said hello and goodbye. Some things time doesn’t take away. Memories are one of them.

I found the below post from my previous blog, written a week after my miscarriage. Fresh with pain - physical and emotional - these were the thoughts I took comfort in during those dark days. And I can honestly say they continue to bring me hope and comfort.

A week ago today, my husband and I were in the hospital after the birth of our baby, Addison Bennett. I was 15 weeks pregnant when the Dr. couldn't find a heartbeat on the ultrasound. Within 24 hours, I was in a hospital bed, taking medicine to induce contractions. There is nothing easy about losing a baby, in fact it was the hardest day of my life. However, especially in the trials, there are things to learn and ways to grow. A few things I've learned or been reminded of this week:

1. God is the creator of everything, even when we can't see it all. When we saw little Addison after birth, the baby was only 3 inches long. But already arms, legs, head, all the parts were there and clearly identifiable. God had been forming this little one, unseen by human eyes.

2. God is in control of everything, despite our misplaced efforts to do things our own way. Tommy and I read books, asked questions, did everything we could to protect our baby. But God had other plans and nothing any doctor did would have prevented Addison's heart from stopping.

3. God uses the hardest of times to draw us close to Him. The prayers that were said for us, the Bible verses quoted in the hospital, the messages from friends and family. Everything that happened that day pointed us to God and reminded us to draw close to Him and He would draw close to us.

4. God knows what is best for us and He will work this together for good in His time. When I see a baby or hear a friend is pregnant, I struggle to see why God took Addison. Then I remember the times we were able to witness to nurses in the hospital. I think of the people who have encouraged me the last week and the joy I've been able to share with them in return. God is already using our child for His glory.

 We are still adjusting to this change God has given us. I have laughed uncontrollably at the slightest joke then cried minutes later when I see a baby on TV. I'm obviously still learning. But God is gracious and I know He won't give up on us. His peace and comfort are the greatest encouragement and reminder that God knows what He is doing. We just need to be patient and wait on the Lord.

Why I Changed What I Write

When I was a child library trips were a weekly event. I knew which shelf my favorite authors were found on in three different libraries. I would return home and spend the afternoon in my room, usually finishing one of the books I had just picked out.

But I not only enjoyed reading what others put together. I loved to write my own stories and thoughts and questions. I started simple - a daily diary - and moved on to journaling, short stories, a few poems. It didn’t always make sense and almost always made my parents laugh but I loved writing.

In the years after I got married I tried to improve my skills. I read books about various styles and elements, I read different genres to compare them, I did worksheets and wrote scenes and brainstormed characters. I was focused on novel writing because that was what I read most frequently. But in 2016 my mind began to shift.

As a pastor’s wife I started reading more Bible studies, getting into theological conversations, and being asked to recommend authors. I found that the women in my church were hungry for more spiritual substance than many books written for women were giving. And as I read and researched I discovered it wasn’t limited to my church. There was a cry for Christian living/Bible study books written by women for women that contained more than “How do you feel?” questions. Books that dove into real study of the Word and made you ponder truths about God.

I was asking and studying a lot on my own. Questions spurred on by my husband’s preaching through Ephesians and conversations with others. As I outlined and wrote and had “wow” moments, I realized I enjoyed it more than creating my own universe in a novel. Studying God’s Word, learning, and then attempting to write and explain what I was learning became all I could think of when I sat down for writing sessions.

Now, I still love novels. I still have a notebook of ideas and half written scenes waiting for my time. And maybe someday I’ll return to them. But for now studying the Bible and writing my discoveries and sharing my “wow” moments is my passion.

As I’ve studied and read I’ve found some wonderful books by women for women that helped me greatly in studying in the Bible. That’s a post for another time. And I’m not saying my writing is better than most things out there. But I feel strongly that God is leading me in this direction for now. And I’m happy to follow.

Photo by Debby Hudson on Unsplash

A Journey Through Trials

I was talking to one of my sisters in law recently and she made a comment that made me think. She referred to a trial a friend was walking through as a journey.

It made me consider how we deal with and talk about the trials we face. I think if we were honest we usually want trials to pass as soon as possible and we look for ways to change an outcome for the better.

But trials are not merely hard things that we need to muster strength and get through. Trials are opportunities for spiritual growth, learning, and stretching. They give us experience we can serve others with. No, trials are not fun or convenient or something we would desire. But they can be used in our life for the good.

When my sister in law called it a journey I couldn't help but think how true that is. A trial is something we walk through and experience. We don't know how long the journey will last or what will happen along the way but we stand in the midst, praying for strength and leaning hard on God.

James 1 reminds us that endurance and faith come from testing/trials. If we never experienced trials we would have limited ways to grow in Christ. Instead, we grow and mature through the sufferings we go through (v 4). Remember also what Paul says in Romans 5. He tells us to rejoice in suffering because, “suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame…” (vv 3-5a).

For some reason trials seem to catch us off guard but we are told to expect difficult things to happen if we follow Christ (I Peter 4:12-14). We don’t know what trials will look like - sometimes it is a health diagnosis, family issues, personal struggles, or losing a loved one. Often it’s seasons of hard times with children, plans falling through, work, or relationships. The point is trials are different for everyone and come in all sizes. But we know the solution.

Instead of trying to escape trials we must turn to God in prayer and trust, asking Him to grant strength and grace for the road ahead. Sometimes a trial is over in a week. Other times we struggle for years before we see the end. But the constant to them all is God. He is merciful. He is gracious. He is able to comfort (II Cor. 1:3-4).

What trial are you going through? Have you turned it over to God and asked for His wisdom and help?

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When We Reach Beyond

Most people that know me wouldn’t consider me an introvert. But I am. I’m not super confident. I usually think whatever I’m doing someone else could be doing better. I love reading and quiet and I sometimes need to get away by myself to recharge {and my husband graciously allows me to}.

The point is even though I’m a pastor’s wife, I struggle to walk up to others and strike up a conversation. Once I do muster my courage, I enjoy talking with and getting to know new people. It just takes a lot of deep breaths and pep talks.

As I chat with other women from our church, I hear many of them say they want to get to know other ladies but it’s hard for them too. Maybe they are introverts like myself. Maybe they struggle to know what topics to bring up. Maybe they are super outgoing and they don’t want to overwhelm someone.

We all have barriers that can make it difficult to reach out to those not in our already formed circle. Yet we know we should be reaching out. So how do we move beyond our comfort zone and engage with those around us? A few helpful ideas are:

Invite current friends and a new acquaintance over for coffee or a playdate if they have kids. This will take some of the pressure off of conversing one on one with a new friend and introduce them to others.

Write down what you talk about. I find this very helpful when I'm first meeting someone. After we chat, I write in a journal a few things I learned about them, what they enjoy, where they've been, etc. It gives me ideas of things to ask them about next time and keeps my memory fresh of what they've already told me. Of course, the better you know someone the more this becomes organic and natural.

Ask if they text. If they do, send a message on occasion to ask how they are, if they have prayer requests or anything special for the week. It's a small thing but it's a great way to stay connected.

My point is even the small things add up to friendship gradually. Getting to know someone new takes time and we shouldn't expect to be BFFs with anyone after one occasion. It takes effort, it takes time, but it is worth going out of our way to befriend and encourage someone.

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The Idol of Busyness

When I talk to people the number one thing I hear is ‘I'm just so busy.’ It doesn't matter what season of life they are in, people find things to do and ways to keep busy.

Being busy isn't always a bad thing. God instructs us to not be lazy and to steward the things he has given us. But what about being busy for the sake of being busy? What about having your identity grounded in how busy you are?

Do you know someone who loves to be busy? Who can't sit still or relax for a minute? These people often go out of their way to fill the small gaps of time that are unscheduled in their lives. If nothing is going on they create something. But then they fall hard. They run themselves into exhaustion.

Often the things that they do define them, they are known because of their crazy, hectic lives and they enjoy that. The hard thing is they aren't doing bad things. Usually everything that keeps them busy is good - helping others, projects to make the home nice, volunteering, fun things with their kids. We wouldn't look at any of those things and say they were a waste of time or that they were done wrong. However, even good things can take us away from better things.

Evaluating if we're too busy comes down to two things: being honest with why we need to stay busy and what our busyness is keeping us from.

Our motivation for wanting to juggle many plates could be because of several reasons. As I mentioned, maybe we find our identity in it. The problem with this is our identity as Christians should be in Christ, not things. When we realize we are doing certain things for the sake of telling others all we have going on, we have ceased to be busy for the good. We are seeking validation or recognition more than trying to honor Christ with our actions. This might be difficult to recognize or admit because, again, what we're doing is good. We need to evaluate everything through the lens of "Would God be more glorified if I wasn't doing XYZ?"

We also need to consider if we are choosing what keeps us occupied to avoid something else we should be doing. Are we so busy with 'stuff' on our calendar that we never have time to read our Bible or pray? When we do have time for Bible reading, do we choose to fill those moments with other things? In that case, we are putting something good before something better.

All in all, everything that takes the place of God has become an idol and is no longer good, even if we perform those tasks with the best of intentions. But it's difficult to realize the priority we place on busyness in our lives. It's hard to see through the good things we're doing to why we're doing them and be completely honest.

Think to the example of Jesus himself. He was healing and telling people their need for a Savior. Yet even he withdrew at times for rest and prayer. We were not created to go constantly. 

So is being busy wrong? No, as long as we check our motives and keep what God wants us to do at the center of it all. And remember our identity isn't found in what we do but in what Christ has done for us.

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Parenting a Perfectionist

I am not a perfectionist. I want things to look nice, be organized, have symmetry. But if I color outside the lines, don't evenly frost the cupcakes, or have to try something a second time I'm okay with it.

My oldest daughter, however, is a perfectionist. And even when she was 3 she would be frustrated if her drawing didn't look exactly the way she had imagined. When we started school she wanted to do everything perfectly the first time. When she started piano she bemoaned the fact that she would have to practice a song more than twice before she could play it well.

As a non-perfectionist I found it difficult to understand why such small things would cause her so much frustration. I tried assuring her that trying and failing were natural parts of human life. No one does anything perfect the first time, no one can get away with never improving, and everyone has lessons to learn in the process.

I am by no means the authority on parenting a perfectionist {especially since I am not one} and I do not fully understand the necessity to have everything exact. But one thing I have learned in trying to help my daughter is that everyone has their own standard of perfection. What looks acceptable to me causes my daughter to cringe and ask if I'm going to leave it looking like that.

I don't judge my daughter for wanting things to be a certain way. This is part of her personality, part of who God made her to be. It's important to remember that even in her perfectionist tendencies she can serve the Lord. My job as a parent is to guide her and show her how to use that perfectionism with the correct attitude and responsibility.

Parents are not supposed to mold their children to who they wish they would be. Rather we are to see the children that God has given us and realize he created them to be who they are and to use their unique gifts for him.

I believe part of parenting a perfectionist is to allow them to try different things. Don't discourage them from trying because you don't want to deal with the fallout when they fail. Part of growing up is failing, learning from those mistakes, and tackling the issue again. We need to help our children realize that things still take time, they still take effort, and they are certainly worth both.

As parents we can use these moments for spiritual teaching. The truth is our children will never be perfect this side of heaven. Only Jesus can claim a perfect life and part of our humanity is depending on him to fully use the talents we have. God doesn't require or expect us to be perfect before he will love us. He loves us regardless. Romans 5:8 reminds us we were still sinners - imperfect before a holy God - and God loved us. While desiring everything to be just so might be part of a child's personality, we need to be careful as parents that he or she never believes something in that behavior brings them closer to God.

It's easy as parents to be frustrated when our children are not like us therefore we don't know how to relate to them. But I have found the most important things we can do are to pray for them and to pray that God would give us the wisdom to know how to parent them.

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A Few Favorites

I think it's important now and again to remember things that bring us joy. It's easy to get bogged down in the worries and frustrations of life and never look at the good and beautiful moments around us. So here's a brief list of things that bring me joy.

Watching my kids learn

Reading a book that challenges me

Laughing with my husband

Writing anything

Coffee dates with friends

Arranging fresh flowers

Organizing anything!

Fresh homemade cinnamon rolls

This is just a small list but a good start! What are your joys that are often overlooked? 

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Ministering as an Introvert

(This was previously posted on acjeffcott.blogspot.com)

I remember when I was younger - I don't know how old I was but it was before high school - I heard my mom tell someone she struggled with meeting new people. I remember not understanding what she meant by that. I never thought of my mom as shy or unsure in new situations.
And I certainly didn't consider myself an introvert. I loved to perform and make people laugh and spend time with friends. But sometimes things change.
When I was entering 10th grade, we moved across country and I started attending school for the first time after being homeschooled. I knew four girls in the school and they had been emailing me over the summer. I honestly don't know how I would have made it through that first year without them. They introduced me to more people, showed me the ropes of school, and let me tag along everyday to eat lunch with them.
It was about this time that I noticed my attitude changing. I enjoyed being with my friends, laughing at their antics and stories {and boy could we laugh!!}. I met more people who became life long friends and I experienced things I never would have if God hadn't moved my family. But I found myself walking by new people and just smiling instead of introducing myself. I didn't jump at the chance to get my driver's license because when I got home after school, I just wanted to stay home {I waited until I was 19 to get my license but I do have it now}. I was self conscious and afraid I would say the wrong thing to someone, probably because I'd said the wrong thing a lot.
As I entered college, I kept the same group of friends close. We all attended the same university and I was comfortable within my small circle. I roomed in the dorms with my best friend from high school and we have some amazing memories together. I laugh just thinking about them! :)  A lot of my friends branched out, finding new friends, doing other things. I sometimes envied their ability to make friends. They could find things in common - shared hobbies and talents and interests - with other people so easily. They were the people others wanted to be around because they were fun and interesting. I never felt confident like that.
Starting my sophomore year, I moved home and became a town student. Most of my classes were filled with people I didn't know. I would enter class, smile, maybe say hello. But I couldn't muster the nerve to start a conversation with anyone. If they talked to me, I would happily chat and then wave when I saw them elsewhere on campus. I went to soccer games but only if I knew friends were going or I could convince them to go with me. I skipped lunch rather than sit alone or ask someone to eat with me. I was always afraid of inconveniencing someone or putting them on the spot, making them feel like they needed to say yes so I just didn't ask. I found a quiet spot in the library and read or wrote or watched the people I was too nervous to talk to.
I graduated, got married, and now I'm a pastor's wife. I love ministry and our church family but it's not always easy for me. People think that walking up to visitors and asking them questions is natural for me. It honestly isn't! It's a struggle because I want to stay in my comfort zone, talking with people I know and having the confidence to be myself.
It really comes down to a matter of pride in some cases. I'm afraid how people will view me, what they'll think of me. You know what they say about first impressions. And that fear drives me to seek out the comfort of people I already know. Where I know what to talk about with ease instead of searching for appropriate questions.
I guess the funniest thing is, if you asked my friends, they would probably laugh at the thought of Angela the Introvert. And I finally understand what my mom meant. Being an introvert doesn't always mean you hate being with people or you are anti-social and just sit in your home all day.
For me it's having difficulty putting myself out there. I've said the wrong thing to someone, hurt feelings, broken a promise. And I hate the thought of doing that again. Of disappointing someone. So when I don't know someone, I often choose to smile and wave and wait for them to approach me with an offer of friendship. And as I get to know them, I come out of my shell and become the Angela who, as a senior in high school, was voted as having the loudest and most memorable laugh. {It's often likened to a witch's cackle. Their words, not mine.}
Fortunately for me, anything I do isn't done in my own strength. Or at least I shouldn't try to do it that way. God has called me to where I am, doing what I'm doing. And he's given me what I need to fulfill the role I'm in. As a wife, mother, pastor's wife, friend. He hasn't called me to compare myself with all the amazing, outgoing, talented friends I have. I'm to use the talents he's equipped me with.
Have you ever bemoaned not being able to serve God like so-and-so? Or been so intimidated by someone else's skills you never attempted to serve the way she does? I think God brings people like that in our lives to humble us and to make us rely on Him more. The question is if we follow through with the ministry he has for us. Introverts and all.

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What 12 Years of Marriage Have Taught Me

Todayis our 12th wedding anniversary. Time passes too quickly! When I got married I was young, sure I knew what was going on and what was to come. Marriage was a wake up, to say the least. There are no premarital classes, books, how tos, or lectures that can fully prepare you for the everyday selfless decisions that sharing your life with a spouse brings. But with the hard comes joy, growth, and lessons learned.

I like to think I've grown a little in 12 years and as I reflect here's a brief list of things I've learned.

1. Communication never stops being important. No matter how well you know each other or think you know what the other one will say, nothing beats actually talking. If something is bothering you, let it out (this is one I'm still working on). Take time each day to chat, even about mundane things. With kids this becomes more difficult but make a point of connecting in conversation everyday. While I make dinner Tommy will tell me something he learned from a podcast or the news. I'll share something from my day with him. Before bed every night I ask Tommy if there's anything he needs me to do the next day. He asks me if there are things I need help with. Communication doesn't have to be a huge, formal affair. It's simply connecting.

2. Don't refuse to try something new. Part of marriage is discovering how you are similar and how you are different. When we got married camping was not part of my vocabulary. But Tommy really loved being in the outdoors and all that camping offers. When our oldest was 9 months we went tent camping...and decided to hold off a few years. Last summer we went twice and had a great time. We have both made compromises and communicated (!!) what we like and don’t like about certain activities. We’ve recently discovered Pickle Ball which we can both play and enjoy - Tommy for the ping pong aspect, me the tennis aspect.

3. Your marriage doesn’t have to look like your parents marriage. I naively assumed after we got married that what my dad did Tommy would naturally do. Take out the trash each night, keep up with bills, clear the dinner table. He assumed I would sweep the floor daily, dust everytime I walked by something, fix three meals a day. We grew up in different homes so - even though we were raised with similar values - the working out of everything looked different. We have come to a place where there isn’t ‘his jobs vs her jobs’. If something needs to be done, whoever is able to will do it. Tommy does keep track of our finances but he keeps me in the loop of how much things cost, etc. I usually make dinner but he’ll pitch in with the clean up. Yesterday he vacuumed the upstairs. Marriage is about working together to glorify God. And that working together looks different for different couples.

4. There has to be a leader in the family. Tommy is the leader of our house in terms of spiritual guidance, big decisions, etc. but he talks with me about the decisions he’s making, his reasoning for them, and he makes sure I’m comfortable with it. I respect him and I know he would never make decisions without first praying. I have always felt able to take concerns I have to him and he will hear me out. He respects my opinion and knows I see things in a different light that maybe he didn’t consider. When we talk about things like child discipline, moving, how we school our kids, budgeting, etc., we both have a voice in the discussion, we both have the responsibility to pray, and I choose to submit to and trust his end decision for our family.

5. God is good. It doesn’t take marriage to figure this one out but I’ve definitely seen God’s work on display in the last 12 years. From Tommy finishing grad school debt free to providing financially when things were tight, keeping us safe in a car accident to giving us four children - one we’ll meet in heaven. God is always good and He doesn’t hesitate to show us His love in amazing ways.

I’ve learned more than these five things but we’ll stop for now. Happy anniversary, Tommy! Love and appreciate you more each day and so thankful God brought us together all those years ago.

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What Is Important in Mothering

Motherhood is not for the faint of heart. There have been days when I get in bed at the end of a long 15 hours and feel like I have barely survived. However on these days of just surviving I feel guilty for all I have not been able to do with my children simply because of my attitude of just needing to get through.

Just finish the dishes. Just fold that pile of laundry. Just think of something to make for dinner.

While every task we do is important and necessary for the smooth function of a house, we often get bogged down in so much of the doing that our focus is on having to do it rather than getting to do it.

Parenting is just about the most selfless thing you can do. Especially when your children are young and depend on you for everything, their needs come first. They eat before you do, sleep before you do. If they are cranky from a new tooth coming in you battle through with them.

But while motherhood is difficult it is also a joy and a privilege. We are entrusted with these little ones to lead them to Christ, to be an example. In Deuteronomy 6 parents are given a series of commands that they are to pass on to their children.

You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise. (Deut. 6:5-7)

Here we see the greatest call of parenting: to teach them diligently. But not just anything. We are to teach them to love God not only during family devotionals or when we walk into church together. It is to be a constant, continuous example of loving God in everything we do. Our children should not just hear of our love for God; they should see it in our actions.

Living in survival mode takes the joy out of parenting. We frantically try to do it all and get frustrated when we get nothing done. It also shows our children what is most important and who we are relying on. I’ll be the first to admit I usually don’t have the energy or strength to get done what I need to in a day. And some days it takes me longer than I would like to get the house in order. But as long as I’m doing what God has called me to as a mom and wife and my family knows I love and care for them, I’m doing the most important thing.

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Five Novels You Have Time to Read

We're all busy. I get it. And often sitting down to read just feels like too much of a luxury. Or maybe you're one of those people who doesn't enjoy reading (I don't understand you but please keep reading! This post is for you too!). I consider reading relaxing and a great way to learn about new things. But with three young kids, housework, cooking, ministry to keep up with my reading time is significantly less than it used to be.

That hasn’t stopped me from stacking books to read on my nightstand and filling up my library account with holds. However, because my time is more limited now, I’m becoming more choosy about what I’ll spend time reading. Every book that looks interesting doesn’t get a pass like it used to. I measure how interested I am in the subject, how well I like the author, what benefit the book will have on me. I hate starting a book and not being able to finish it. There is a very short list of books I have started and not completed - most of them because of objectionable material that I just couldn’t put up with. So when I pick up a book, I want to know it’s something I will want to read and complete without feeling like I’ve wasted my time.

I know others are in the same situation. They may not take it as far as I do - I’ve been seen stirring spaghetti sauce while reading a book because I just couldn’t stop reading but my family still wanted to eat - but many busy women out there are trying to tackle their TBR lists and still keep life running smooth.

So here is my current list of novels that I think are worth your short, precious time to read.

The Butterfly and the Violin and A Sparrow in Terezin by Kristy Cambron

These dual time historical novels are beautiful and tragic. The present day stories follow the same woman as she learns about two different heroines during World War II. What they endured will haunt you.

The Light Between Oceans by M. L. Stedman

A lighthouse keeper in 1920s Australia is torn between helping his distraught wife and following the law when a boat containing a baby washes ashore. The anguish he goes through and the resolution to the twisted lies they lead will bring you to tears. The movie was good but the book was much better.

As Bright as Heaven and Secrets of a Charmed Life by Susan Messiner

The first one is about a family newly in the funeral business when the flu epidemic of 1918 hits Philadelphia. One decision leads to events that trickle through the next decade. The second novel finds two sisters in London before the Blitz during World War II. Guilt drives one of them the rest of her life as she tries to undo one fateful morning.

While I have many other books that I’ve enjoyed, these are the ones that I kept thinking about long after closing the back cover. I’m working on a post of non fiction reads that I’ve enjoyed so keep your eyes open for that in the coming weeks.

What’s a book that has influenced you?

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