Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep. Romans 12:15
Rejoicing and weeping. Opposite ends of the emotional spectrum. Yet in this verse they are given equal importance. It’s so easy for us to be happy for others. We celebrate birthdays, anniversaries, weddings, job promotions, good news of all sorts. I believe it’s the easier emotion because we like it. We want to be happy, joyful people and usually with the hoorahs and congratulations of life we know better what to say. Weeping is different.
When grief is involved we somehow feel tongue tied. If we haven’t experienced the loss or disappointment of our friend we aren’t sure if comfort is possible. What if we say the wrong thing? What if we make it worse? We so often are afraid of doing it wrong that we simply offer a pat on the back, maybe quote Psalm 23, and hope for the best. Or maybe we stumble for words so we feel better, so we can say we did something and it’s now up to the friend to use our advice.
The beauty and simplicity of Romans 12:15 is lost on us as we try to muddle through and decide what advice would be the most helpful and the least hurtful.
And while this verse is often used to remind us how to care for others, I’m afraid - like many passages - we don’t always return it to the context of the rest of the chapter. If we did we would find this smack in the middle of a whole paragraph of ways we are to live as Christians. In my Bible, verses 9-21 are labeled with the heading, “Marks of the True Christian.” And if we consider what these verses tell us I believe we’ll have a better grasp on how to fulfill verse 15. {For the sake of space I’ll condense the passage below but please take time to read the verses on your own.}
Verses 9-13 remind us to love others with genuine affection, honoring them and showing hospitality. Verses 14, 17-21 tell us to not seek revenge on those who persecute us or do wrong to us. We are to leave that to God. And verse 16 says we are to be humble and live in harmony with those around us. It is in the midst of all this that we find the command to rejoice and weep with others.
Notice that we are not told to offer advice or give approval for the rejoicing and weeping. We are simply to do it with others. And when put in context of what I mentioned above, we are to rejoice and weep while loving, honoring our neighbor, walking humbly and serving the Lord in our life, holding fast to what is good.
So when we have friends who are walking through a trial, sometimes the best help we can offer is simply to grieve with them. Cry, listen, pray. It’s not always necessary to offer words you hope will encourage. Recently several of my friends have gone through various hardships - sometimes with no end in sight - and I have found myself saying, “I don’t know what to say so I’m not going to say anything. Just know I’m here to listen and I’m praying.”
Have you grieved a loss recently? What is the most helpful thing someone has done to come alongside and weep with you?
Photo by Sharon McCutcheon on Unsplash