I am not a perfectionist. I want things to look nice, be organized, have symmetry. But if I color outside the lines, don't evenly frost the cupcakes, or have to try something a second time I'm okay with it.
My oldest daughter, however, is a perfectionist. And even when she was 3 she would be frustrated if her drawing didn't look exactly the way she had imagined. When we started school she wanted to do everything perfectly the first time. When she started piano she bemoaned the fact that she would have to practice a song more than twice before she could play it well.
As a non-perfectionist I found it difficult to understand why such small things would cause her so much frustration. I tried assuring her that trying and failing were natural parts of human life. No one does anything perfect the first time, no one can get away with never improving, and everyone has lessons to learn in the process.
I am by no means the authority on parenting a perfectionist {especially since I am not one} and I do not fully understand the necessity to have everything exact. But one thing I have learned in trying to help my daughter is that everyone has their own standard of perfection. What looks acceptable to me causes my daughter to cringe and ask if I'm going to leave it looking like that.
I don't judge my daughter for wanting things to be a certain way. This is part of her personality, part of who God made her to be. It's important to remember that even in her perfectionist tendencies she can serve the Lord. My job as a parent is to guide her and show her how to use that perfectionism with the correct attitude and responsibility.
Parents are not supposed to mold their children to who they wish they would be. Rather we are to see the children that God has given us and realize he created them to be who they are and to use their unique gifts for him.
I believe part of parenting a perfectionist is to allow them to try different things. Don't discourage them from trying because you don't want to deal with the fallout when they fail. Part of growing up is failing, learning from those mistakes, and tackling the issue again. We need to help our children realize that things still take time, they still take effort, and they are certainly worth both.
As parents we can use these moments for spiritual teaching. The truth is our children will never be perfect this side of heaven. Only Jesus can claim a perfect life and part of our humanity is depending on him to fully use the talents we have. God doesn't require or expect us to be perfect before he will love us. He loves us regardless. Romans 5:8 reminds us we were still sinners - imperfect before a holy God - and God loved us. While desiring everything to be just so might be part of a child's personality, we need to be careful as parents that he or she never believes something in that behavior brings them closer to God.
It's easy as parents to be frustrated when our children are not like us therefore we don't know how to relate to them. But I have found the most important things we can do are to pray for them and to pray that God would give us the wisdom to know how to parent them.
Photo by Brooke Lark on Unsplash