I’ve recently read several things about friendship and influencing others. We tend to have the idea of big, grand gestures but what if true influence is more about small, quiet moments of simply showing up when needed?
Last Christmas was quite different from past ones. My family joked that it was the Christmas of the influencer. Without intending to, the opening of most of the presents I received or gave were followed with, “So I watched a lady on YouTube…” or “This ad popped up on Instagram…”
I wasn’t looking to have an Influencer Christmas or trying to buy only things I had seen advertised on social media. But it suddenly became clear that many of the items I had added to my wish list or cart were there purely at the recommendation of someone I didn’t know personally but had seen on the Internet.
There isn’t anything necessarily wrong with this. But it does show how easily we can be swayed by others and how quickly we follow advice when it sounds credible.
Influence is a powerful thing. Nowadays, anyone can become an “influencer” for good or bad. Most of the time, we think of influencers as telling us which Amazon clothes are the best, what deals will hit on Black Friday, or maybe the newest life hack. But influence is so much more. It’s encouraging people to think, act, live a certain way, to hold sway over what a person believes is normal or acceptable. I would say that most cultural influencers have no business speaking into the lives of others.
But that’s part of the problem. We choose who influences us. It’s not a passive act, like we might want to think. We decide who to listen to and whose advice to take. We continue to watch the channels and listen to the podcasts and share the viral hacks. And with every choice, we are demonstrating what is important and valuable to us. Who or what holds sway over our decisions.
I have noticed that in this noisy, busy world of everyone connected all the time via the Internet, what most people crave isn’t someone else to listen to but someone to show interest in them. We are a self-centered, narcissistic society and sometimes, the reason we latch onto someone and start listening is because we believe they are authentic, relatable, and similar to us.
And we might even value the role of influencer ourselves. It makes us feel good to know people are listening to our opinion, advice, and commentary. But we don’t need to have thousands of followers or hundreds of clicks to influence someone, for good or evil. Look around. The people you see everyday — whether at work or home — are influenced by your decisions, values, and attitude.
We don’t need to make money at it to influence someone. It’s in small things; listening to a grieving friend, putting your phone aside while your children talk about their day, remembering a neighbor’s birthday with a bunch of flowers, checking in with a friend over text, laughing with your family over a special memory.
Each of these little moments show who we are prioritizing and speak volumes more than all the ads on Facebook. Stop and consider your corners of influence. Ask who you are allowing to influence you. And never take small moments for granted.
Photo by Mats Havia on Unsplash