Good, Better, Best

One of the joys of being a homeschooling mom is that I get to teach my kids about many different things.

The hard thing about being a homeschooling mom is that I have to teach my kids about many different things.

Do those seem at odds? Let me explain. I don’t just get to teach the fun things that I love and find interesting. Things like literature, history, geography, and art are all really fascinating and, I think, fun to teach. But then I also have those other subjects. Things like math and science and grammar that just aren’t…fun. And because they don’t appeal to me, I don’t always enjoy the process of laying out the facts behind these subjects.

But what! You might be asking, “How can a person who loves reading and writing not like grammar?! Aren’t those related?” Well, here’s the thing. Because I’ve been reading and writing for so long and have loved to for so long, the grammar is kind of lost on me. I don’t think about the rules or parts of speech or the technical terms of what I’m doing. I just use the language and it makes sense to me. It sounds right.

So when I’m faced with explaining to my children how to diagram a sentence, what the different phrases in a sentence are, singular vs plural rules, and tenses…it just doesn’t excite me. I find it monotonous and it’s really hard for me to not just say, “Can’t you hear why that’s not right?” to my second grader who’s never heard a word labeled as a direct object before.

I know a lot of people have issue with the weirdness of the English language {been there} and one of the harder things to teach and get is when a word doesn’t follow the rules. My son and I were talking about adding an -er or -est to a word {like fast, faster, fastest} to help us describe something more clearly when he — totally believing he had caught on and was about to impress me — said, “Like good, gooder, goodest!” To which I took a deep breath, prepared myself, and said, “Nope. Some words, like ‘good’ have their own rules.” His eye roll and frustration were completely understood.

That launched us into a conversation on good, better, and best and why it gets special attention. Then we practiced using each word correctly {He is good at math but she is better at spelling}. And it got me thinking about the good, better, and best situations in our lives.

Sometimes in practical living it’s difficult to distinguish between what is good and better. We want to believe that the opportunities we choose are the best options for us. The things that we want to do, the choices that offer the biggest paybacks or results or growth. We want to be people that choose the best for us and our families.

Often the problem comes when we have to stop doing something good in order to do something better. If you’re like me, you think, “I can just cram this other thing into my life because it’s a good choice but I don’t want to give up anything I’m currently doing…because those are all good things too!” But then all the running around to all the “good” things wears us out. We become short and temperamental with our families because we’re tired. We don’t fully enjoy the things we’re doing because we always have one foot out the door to “get to the next thing.” We moan over our busyness but we don’t want to give anything up. “It’s all good,” we tell ourselves.

But sooner or later, something will break. Something will have to be given up, no matter how “good” it is. And sadly, as a pastor’s wife I’ve often seen church as one of the first “good” things to go. People have offered reasons like “Our family just needs a day to ourselves” “We’ll be back when schedules slow down” “We want to be there but we’re so busy” and on they go. What breaks my heart in these excuses is that people are choosing to give up the best thing for their family {being in a church community, learning about God together} for a good thing.

These “good things” vary but when I talk with people, it usually comes down to prioritizing other things and getting so tired they need a free day and that becomes Sunday. Because it’s easier to not come to church on Sunday than miss a soccer game on Saturday. You see, extra curricular things for your kids aren’t bad. Those can be good things that teach valuable lessons. But when you choose to spend so much time on those that your family is too tired to come to church, the “good” activities have replaced a better option {i.e. church}.

Now I know vacations, sickness, unforeseen circumstances happen and keep us from meeting on Sundays. Even as a pastor’s family, we miss services on occasion. But when we get into the habit of making Sunday our “free day” and we do all the good things through the week, thinking we can always regroup on Sunday if it’s too much, we need to seriously reevaluate what we consider good, better, and best in our lives.

And this isn’t just about church. Think how easily we can push daily Bible reading and prayer out because “We have to get to work, take the kids to school, get homeschool done, have coffee with that friend, tackle those chores, make dinner, get everyone to their after school activities…” Now when we read this list, these things aren’t bad. Most of them are necessary {work, food, education, etc.} but when the list takes the place of spending time in God’s Word, we need to think about our priorities and how things can be rearranged to give more time for the best thing.

It’s difficult to stop doing something “good” in pursuit of something “better.” Sometimes it feels like we failed or gave up. But the truth is we can’t do everything and our culture is constantly bombarding us with possibilities. Sometimes certain seasons of life mean we can’t do all the good things we want. But that season will pass and we can say yes to other things.

As nice as it would be, there are no hard and fast rules for what is “good, better, and best” in our lives. Choosing the best requires us to take an honest look at our lives continually. What is good today might need to be replaced by something better next week. But, unlike pesky grammar rules, I can guarantee that choosing God over whatever the world throws our way will ALWAYS be the best choice. Reading your Bible, praying, being in a church family should never be cut out to make room for something better. Because that “something better” will not be worth it.

Photo by Patrick Bald on Unsplash

Grieving but Not Alone

Last week was a sobering week for me. It marked two anniversaries that bring me to tears.

It was the eleventh anniversary of miscarrying our first baby and the first anniversary of my friend’s death from cancer.

Both of these losses left me grieving for a long time and in some ways, I still mourn. The losses were different but they affected me unexpectedly, continuously, and painfully, and even after the passing of time, it’s difficult to remember without crying.

Grief is an emotion that sometimes feels wrong. We might think if we mourn too deeply we aren’t trusting God or resting in his peace. We are allowing our fickle and sinful human nature to guide us. Therefore, we often brush by the grieving process and try to ‘get on with life’ without completely confronting how the loss tore us up inside.

I’m slowly coming to realize that grieving is not a sin, mourning someone is nothing to hide or forget. God gives us people and relationships and memories. They bring joy but there’s also a chance for pain. However, the pain doesn’t negate the happy times or how far God brings us in the healing process. I was talking with a friend who has also suffered loss and she wisely said, “People will tell you you’ll get over it but it’s not about getting over grief. It’s about just pressing forward, even with the grief.”

When my friend was diagnosed with cancer, it was difficult for me. She was a mom with children similar in age to my own and the gravity of this broken world became very evident as I saw her struggle and become weaker and deal with pain. We had scheduled a meet up and I was so excited to see her but that same day, quarantine fell on everyone. By the time quarantine ended, she was gone.

My miscarriage was sudden and the furthest possibility from my mind. I had crossed into that blessed second trimester, when the chance of miscarriage falls. But a series of ultrasounds confirmed my fears and suspicions. Going home from the doctor that Monday morning knowing I would be admitted to the hospital to deliver our baby the next day was crippling. I went upstairs and curled on the bed while Tommy called our parents and close friends. When we arrived at the hospital, I checked in at the Labor and Delivery door and sat to the side waiting while happy, excited, full term women filed by, their joy a stark contrast to my sorrow.

Both these experiences are things I’ll never “get over” in the sense that I’ll never forgot those moments. The passage of time doesn’t take away the pain, it doesn’t make me grieve these losses less each year. As long as I’m on this side of heaven, I will miss my friend and her sweet smile and genuine laugh. I will wonder about the baby we named Addison and mourn the memories we never made together.

However, I do not allow grief to define my memories of these people or grow so entrenched that I become bitter at what these losses denied me. In the early days, it was difficult to comprehend how life kept going for so many people while I sat in heavy memories. I felt left behind but had no desire to catch up. For me, it wasn’t about trying to get away from grieving. It was just doing what I could that day, stopping when I needed to, and allowing the tears to flow.

Probably the most comforting thing in those times was remembering I wasn’t alone. The God who walks beside me daily is also the omniscient God who knows the future. He doesn’t leave us, he knows our sorrow, he offers a peace that we can’t fully understand.

The Psalms are a great source of comfort as walk the road of grief. I repeated Psalm 23 to myself over and over. Psalm 71:1-3 reminds us we can trust in God. Psalm 121 tells of God’s help to us, how he never sleeps but keeps us. Psalm 139 speaks to the way God knows us, forms us, and is everywhere. The Bible is filled with hope we can cling to when we face sorrow. Even when people don’t know how to comfort, God does through His Word and his promise to never leave us or forsake us.

If you are experiencing grief, whether from something past or that you are currently in the midst of, I want to encourage you. Don’t be afraid to bring your sorrow before the Lord. Tell him your struggles, ask for his help, and trust him to provide your strength. Keep reading the Bible and write encouraging passages on notecards to leave throughout your home. Grief will still show itself on anniversaries and in random remembrances and it’s okay. Grief isn’t something to be overcome; it’s something we live with but don’t allow to control us. It’s another way we lean on God and trust him to carry us.

Loss and grief are difficult and in this broken world, they will never go away. But lean on the God of all comfort who knows you and loves you. There is grace and hope through him, for today and all your coming tomorrows.

Photo by Sandy Millar on Unsplash

A Reminder to Pray

One of the lessons I learned last year was the importance of prayer.

Of course, I’ve always known prayer is important and vital for a Christian but there were so many days last year when all I could do was pray. I couldn’t control directly most of what bothered me about 2020 but I could bring my worries, frustrations, uncertainties, and requests before the Lord.

We so often relegate prayer to certain times; meals, before bed, when difficult things happen. And the rest of life, we just go on, doing what we need to, getting our schedule finished.

Going into 2021, I was thinking about habits and what it takes to form new ones. The internet is filled with advice on how to make new patterns a habit, how long to try before it really sets in, ways to make a habit stick, and so on. One of the more intriguing ideas I stumbled on was tying or stacking habits to things I’m familiar with doing.

The premise if that you find something you already do regularly — like putting makeup on — and attach or stack a new habit to it — like cleaning the bathroom sink. So every morning when you finish your makeup, you wipe down the sink and faucet before you go on with your day. You don’t try to think of ways to multitask these efforts; rather you give each their own time. But you keep the stacked on tasks small. Instead of cleaning the whole bathroom you just do one part. The goal is to make whatever you stacked on {in our case cleaning the sink} a natural habit.

And that was what I wanted in my prayer life. I wanted it to become a habit and part of my daily structure. But I also wanted it to be sincere. Prayer isn’t {or shouldn’t be} just something to check off a daily list. It’s talking with God. It’s seeking his wisdom and asking for his help. It’s praising him and confessing sins and verbally recognizing Who he is. And I didn’t want to confine it to after a certain task.

My answer came in an unexpected way. We live near a military airbase and jets fly directly over our house multiple times a day. There is no escaping or ignoring the sound of a jet soaring overhead. It is deafening inside, outside, basement, garage. And there was my answer. For the last several months, every time I hear a jet fly overhead, I pray.

I pray for whoever I know that pops in my head. I praise God for one of his attributes. I think through my day so far and confess any sins. I pray for missionaries. For my community. For our nation and leaders. For my family.

They aren’t long prayers. I don’t always close my eyes. But it’s amazing. Once I start praying, I just keep going. Unless a child needs me and starts screaming, I usually think of things to keep bringing before God. While I do dishes or fold laundry, I find myself praying.

And now, even on Sundays or cloudy days when the jets aren’t roaring above me, I suddenly will start praying. If no one is talking to me and I’m doing my household chores, I’ll just begin praying simple yet heartfelt prayers of need and thanks and praise.

Photo by Alexandra Mirghe from Unsplash

The Power of a Good Influence

Can we talk about role models for a minute?

I see this as a huge blind spot in Christian circles. Some people don’t think they matter — just follow God, they would say. Others advise to follow someone in your ‘field’ to really do well in your career. Or follow the example of someone you admire. Or listen to the popular, groundbreaking person that everyone’s talking about.

I’m not saying that role models are evil, but I think we need to put a little more stock in who we hold up for ourselves and definitely our kids. And we need to be careful to not fall into the trap of following whoever the world says.

One of the definitions in the dictionary for ‘role model’ is ‘A person regarded by others as a good example to follow.’ So then we need to ask ourselves what makes for a good example? Is it how wealthy they are? How successful? Is it behavioral or being empathetic?

As Christians, we should have a set of standards that don’t equal what the world calls ‘good.’ We should desire and want to instill in our children a different reason for listening to and following someone. It’s not because of worldly ambitions or gain. It’s not for popularity or joining the crowd. When we hold someone up as a role model, basically saying follow this example for your life, we need to proceed with caution.

Disclaimer: I know everyone is sinful and flawed. Even the greatest people in Christian history have things they said, actions they did that we would not commend. However, part of holding these people up is to show that they needed — and received — God’s grace, just like we do. I’m also not saying we can’t read, admire, etc. secular people who did amazing things. But I am saying we need to be careful WHAT we are teaching our children to follow in these ‘heroes.’

Here’s a personal example. When I was 8 or 9, I read about Clara Barton and Florence Nightingale. At the time, I wanted to be a nurse and I was fascinated by what they overcame, their tenacity, their compassion for others, and their courage and diligence to do what they did. These traits are things that are commendable. However, Barton was a Universalist and believed everyone had some good in them. Many of the founding fathers {Benjamin Franklin, Thomas Jefferson, etc.} had qualities that helped make this country possible yet their religious beliefs and morality leave much to be desired.

If we’re holding up examples of people merely because ‘they were the first’ ‘they have done what no one else has’ ‘they are popular’ ‘they have overcome huge barriers’…those might not be the best reasons.

What should exemplify a Christian’s life? Many things! The below notes are by no means exhaustive!

The fruit of the Spirit. “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law.” {Gal. 5:22-23}

Prayer. “Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer.” {Rom. 12:12} “Continue steadfastly in prayer, being watchful in it with thanksgiving.” {Col. 4:2}

Humility. “Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves.” {Phil. 2:3}

Compassion. “Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience.” {Col. 3:12}

Forgiveness. “Bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive.” {Col. 3:13}

Fear of God. “The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge; fools despise wisdom and instruction.” {Prov. 1:7}

In Philippians 3, Paul reminds his readers to imitate him in following Christ and to remember the examples of other Christ-followers {v17}. As Christians, our goal on earth should be to witness to others and to glorify God through every aspect of our lives. We should be careful about idolizing godless people who stand completely against His Word and live in a way that shows it.

We shouldn’t hold anyone in higher position than God but if we’re following the example, lifestyle, and opinions of people who don’t exemplify ANY biblical characteristics, we need to rethink our view of a role model. And we need to be careful how we encourage our kids to think about role models and who we hold up for them to follow.

Photo by Todd Trapani on Unsplash

Does Worldview Matter?

In Christianity, there are many ‘buzz words’ that people talk about, debate, and hold as important.

Something we don’t often think about is our worldview.

We think, “I’m a Bible believing, born again Christian” and that’s the end. While it should be that simple, our culture and world has a way of making everything more complicated. Or maybe you naively believe it’s not important to have a worldview. So what is a worldview and why is it important?

The dictionary definition of a worldview is “a comprehensive conception or image of the universe and of humanity's relation to it.” Let’s break that down.

Comprehensive - a large scope or a thorough understanding of something.

Conception - an idea, beginning, or plan.

Universe - the cosmos, space.

Humanity - the human race, all people in the world.

Relation - a connection, or the association between things.

By putting all these pieces together, we could restate that your worldview is a “thorough understanding of an idea or plan of the cosmos and how the human race connects with it.”

Despite what the world may tell you, everyone has a worldview. Everyone has some framework or idea for how all people relate to the rest of the world and all the universe. It’s basically the backbone of what you believe and how you interact with the world because of what you believe. Even if someone doesn’t believe in a god or follow a certain religious belief, everyone believes in something. Even humanism is a belief. Even atheism is a belief.

So if you don’t think a worldview is important or you don’t think you have one, what do you think after reading these definitions? Does it sound important for how you frame your thoughts on…

relationships with others {respect, love, empathy}

issues of life and death {abortion, euthanasia, murder}

authority {government, The Bible, God}

responsibilities {work ethic, gratitude, family}

Hopefully, you are beginning to see that your worldview — literally the way you view the world — touches and affects how you see everything!

Why can this be a difficult topic for Christians? Because there are a lot of ‘pastors’ and ‘Bible teachers’ who say they are Christians but do not have a biblical worldview on issues like a seven day creation, the authority of God, who Jesus is, homosexuality, abortion, race, marriage, etc. But because they call themselves a Christian or Christ follower, many people are led to believe the Bible is silent, neutral, or oblivious to these issues. And people follow those false teachers in the belief that the world or science has the answers and the Bible is outdated or ignorant. When you aren’t using the Bible as the lens for how you see and live in this fallen world, it’s going to be very easy to simply follow the game plan of the world.

Put that way, worldview sounds a little more important, doesn’t it?

This may sound shocking but hear me out. There are two sides — God and Satan. If you aren’t following what God has laid out for us in the Bible, you are following Satan. The Bible is clear that the Devil is not a passive participant in what goes on {I Peter 5:8}. He knows God wins in the end but he isn't a quiet loser. He wants to deceive and bring down as many people as possible and he uses any means he can to do it.

When we don't keep the truth of the Bible before us and use it as our guide for how we live and what we believe, we will be susceptible to believe what we hear in the world. Satan is a good liar! Remember his deceit with Eve {Gen. 3:1-5}? He tempted her with half truths. He didn't directly attack God or his character. He asked a question and lied. The fruit looked good {Gen. 3:6}! The lies of a secular worldview look good! False Christians sound like they get it and they throw in enough truth to make us listen. If we are only hearing them and our own wisdom, we will easily be swayed.

Second Timothy 3:16-17 reminds us that Scripture was given by God to teach, rebuke, correct, and train us. Not so we can claim wisdom on our own but to complete and equip us. So when Satan throws his lies via the world, we can know we stand on a firm foundation.

In case my arguments don’t convince you of the importance of your worldview, I highly recommend this podcast episode from a man who has been in the secular college circle and strongly advocates for Christians having a biblical worldview. Parts of his interview are specifically about preparing your children and teaching your children a biblical worldview, not just expecting them to ‘get it’ from living in a Christian home, but his points are worth considering for everyone.

Photo from Adolfo Felix on Unsplash

The Idols We Create

This last weekend, Tommy canceled our Netflix subscription.

It was something we had talked about and debated off and on for awhile. We grew increasingly frustrated that we would sit down to watch something and then scroll through hundreds of options but find nothing we wanted to watch! And often when we would start a program that looked interesting, we would turn it off soon after because of vulgar language and inappropriate content.

Whenever we talked about canceling I would think, “But Netflix is something we’ve had so long.” But finally the day came when it didn’t matter how long we’d subscribed, how much our kids liked certain programs available on it. It just wasn’t worth it anymore.

When I woke up on Monday and Tommy told me he had canceled, I didn’t feel the disappointment I had anticipated. I was relieved in a way. We had weighed the pros and cons, talked about why this was an important decision for our family, and stuck with it.

But it did make me consider something rather ugly in myself: had Netflix been an idol for me? I didn’t feel like I had worshipped the streaming service or given it too much of my life. But the very fact that I had made excuses to myself for why we still needed to subscribe left a bad taste in my mouth.

I knew a lot of the programs were nasty.

I knew we watched maybe 8% of the content available because the rest wasn’t worth watching.

But still, there was that tug on me that “we’d always had this so shouldn’t we just keep doing it?”

You see, when we first got Netflix 12 years ago, we went through a whole list of why we wanted to spend money on this new streaming thing. For one, being in ministry, we found ourselves at the church five out of seven nights a week. So when we wanted to sit and watch something together {at dinner or 10pm}, there was nothing on regular TV. We didn’t have a DVR but we could get Netflix through the Xbox. We could also get DVDs in the mail a few times a month for the rare Friday night we were home. In short, it fit our budget and stage of life {no kids yet} and it had things we wanted to watch like older TV shows and movies.

As time went on, it was just something we had. With kids, it was easier to have TV “on demand” than waiting for PBS to run a kids show. It wasn’t until Netflix began producing so many of their originals that the quality really went down and we started debating if it was worth our money. But again, we’d always had it! Our ministry schedule was still crazy and it was nice to know we could watch when we wanted.

But 2020 has proven many things, and not just about Netflix. It’s showed what we are depending on, what matters most to us, what we are willing to deal with because “the world is just that way.” But we decided no. It was not worth it for our family — for the handful of shows we watch over and over — to continue supporting Netflix seeing for ourselves the things and materials they are promoting.

I’m sure some people reading this will wonder what took us so long, others will think we’re overreacting. I’m not writing this to persuade you to cancel Netflix. I’m not trying to make you feel guilty for subscribing or put my family on a pedestal for taking this action.

I’m asking you to think. To look at your life and be completely honest…is there something — maybe something “you’ve always done” — that is taking a place in your life it shouldn’t?

Like I said, at first I didn’t really consider Netflix an idol in my life because I wasn’t spending hours a day watching, it didn’t control my life, I didn’t make decisions based on Netflix. But if I was bored, I would scroll the categories to add things to my watch list. It was always there if I needed a distraction for myself or the kids. I started justifying why we needed it. I used excuses like “We won’t be able to watch this” or “I’ll miss out on that.” But really in defending it, I was showing how it had taken a place in my life I didn’t even realize. And I saw the same thing in my kids, as they asked to get on Netflix every afternoon.

Idols can be anything we put in our affections above God:

• If we consistently choose to read the news over reading the Bible, we have made news an idol.

• If we place being popular at work over being a testimony for Christ, we have made popularity an idol.

• If we choose scrolling social media over prayer, we have made social media an idol.

There are multitudes of examples and often as our stage of life changes, so too do our idols. We must be consistently looking at our lives, how we spend our time, what our “must haves” are, and evaluate the place we give them compared with God. I close with a few verses that have been encouraging and convicting to me lately.

But by the grace of God I am what I am, and His grace toward me was not in vain; but I labored more abundantly than they all, yet not I, but the grace of God which was with me. — I Cor. 15:10

So rend your heart, and not your garments; Return to the Lord your God, for He is gracious and merciful, slow to anger, and of great kindness; And He relents from doing harm. — Joel 2:13

I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that you present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable to God, which is your reasonable service. And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God. For I say, through the grace given to me, to everyone who is among you, not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think, but to think soberly, as God has dealt to each one a measure of faith. — Rom. 12:1-3

Photo by Mollie Sivaram on Unsplash

The Power of a Tweet

I have a Twitter account handle. But if you've looked me up you'll know I rarely tweet. 

It's not because I don't have anything to say. I will admit it's difficult for me to keep to 250 words and articulate what I mean but that's not the main reason for much of my silence on that platform.  

I find the platform often depressing. I don't follow a huge list of people - some Christian authors, sports teams, various royal families - and I'm saddened at how often it's the Christian accounts that burden my heart. 

It all comes down to loyalties. Pastors will retort back and forth, setting up camps. Others will join in to defend this point or that. Every controversial topic must be addressed, everyone must know who thinks what about everything. But in 250 characters, it doesn't always come across well. And many times it seems like people are defending ‘their person’ more than addressing the actual issue from a biblical standpoint.

I think of Twitter as social media sarcasm. People try to say the wittest thing in the fewest words. But sarcasm is hard to read when you can’t see the person’s body language. I’ve seen many a comment where someone said, “Are you serious?” and completely blew up because he thought the author was taking a certain a position. And the author replied, “No, I was being sarcastic.” How is that helpful? Who does that benefit? And why must we always seek to outdo the comment before us?

And then on Sunday Twitter, all the Christians come out with their favorite Bible verse, praise song, some uplifting sentiment. Monday is business as usual, flinging verbal mud at whoever disagrees about something. 

Now I know if someone who claims to be Christian is taking an unbiblical position or sinning, that needs to be confronted. But I rarely see that done on Twitter in love. And usually the statements that draw the most comments have to do with politics, culture, or a certain stand on an issue the author is taking. Immediately, people swoop in, writing things [I hope] they would never say to someone’s face. It’s pure anger and pride.

Let's be clear. No human is perfect. No leader or pastor or theologian has it right 100% of the time. And remember my dad was a pastor/Bible teacher for years, my husband is a pastor, several brothers in law are pastors, my father in law is a pastor…I’m surrounded by many wise, learned men who have studied the Bible for years. But they always encourage me to study the Bible for myself and not just take their word or blindly follow their every opinion. Because they know they are fallible.

We are not called to attack other Christians because they said something bad about our 'favorite Christian personality.' Which begs the question should we even have a favorite Christian personality? There are some well-known authors that I genuinely respect but I don’t always agree with everything they write. I have yet to find someone I would defend as passionately as I would the Bible.

I've seen several times where as soon as something hits the internet - a video or speech - a Christian thought leader will post thoughts or criticism or his/her take on it. Often it corresponds to the Christian leader's platform or favorite topic. Then a few days later when more of the story breaks or a new witness to the video steps forward, everything changes and apologies are issued. Grace and forgiveness are asked for. And I can't help thinking maybe they should have sat on their thoughts a few days before blasting them onto social media. 

But in this technology age, everyone wants to be relevant. Everyone wants to be heard. Everyone wants to be the first to issue a statement on things. 

This isn't the attitude we read about in the Bible.

Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others. Phil. 2:3-4

We are told as that chapter continues to be humble like Jesus who went to the cross, the most despicable way to die. Not because he was thinking of what it would do to him - to take our sin and have God turn from him -  but because he was thinking of us and how we didn't have hope without his sacrifice. 

Like I said, I don't tweet often. But I have typed out several, probably more than I've ever published, and then deleted. When I see my own words and imagine people reading them, people who don't know me or my background and me not knowing where they're coming from, it's easy to see how unhelpful my shotgun thoughts can be. I've been misunderstood in social media posts before. Where someone read my comment, framed it in their way, and turned it back in anger. It's incredibly frustrating to have strangers or friends think the worst about you because of hasty words. Misconstrued words. 

Let's be better. With God's help and wisdom, let's think before we tweet (or post), considering one another. Arguments are rarely won on the internet but oh the strife created! And doesn't Satan revel and laugh at our folly. Instead let's build one another up unto every good work {I Thess. 5:11}. Christians and unsaved alike are watching and judging and being influenced by how we conduct ourselves in the most public of places: online.

Photo by Julien Pouplard on Unsplash

Be Kind

Does it really need to be said? Apparently it does.

It has grieved and.troubled me how rational, Bible believing people have turned to anger, suspicion, and hate toward other Christians and unsaved alike. And to compound the issue, they are taking to social media where anyone can see their hatred and rage. I recently observed an online conversation that started with, “A video I posted was removed by Facebook” and within 20 comments had escalated to name calling, threats of unfriending, and some really angry remarks that had nothing to do with the original post.

So let’s pause a moment and gain some wisdom from a rabbit.

In the animated movie, Bambi, a rabbit named Thumper makes an observation about the fawn which is true but not necessarily nice. The mother rabbit asks, “What did your father tell you this morning?” To which Thumper replies reluctantly, “If you can't say something nice, don't say nothing at all.” What wisdom from a bunny! My Me-Ma had another saying along these lines that she loved to pop into conversation when someone was struggling: “Pretty is as pretty does.” Meaning act pretty (kind) if you want to be pretty on the outside.

But that seems to be the farthest thing from anyone’s mind right now. Everyone cares about stating their opinion and sharing why anyone who disagrees is wrong.

So indulge me in a little refresher course on what kindness is.

1) Kindness is speaking in love. Sometimes we need to share the truth with others and oppose what they are saying BUT that is in reference to people speaking against God, glorifying sin/sinful behavior, etc. And even then, it needs to be in an attitude of love. At this point, we could stop and read all of I Corinthians 13 but let’s just focus on verse 4: “Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant.” Don’t forget Ephesians 4:32: “Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.”

2) Kindness is sensitive. Do you know the situation/circumstance/life story of every person you contact? We have no idea what other trials or decisions people are facing, especially if we’re only engaging with them on social media. I have been hurt by something someone posted just after a huge trial in my life. It might not have been directed at me personally but the tone and condemnation of what was written hit me at a very fragile time. I know some of you are rolling your eyes, thinking, “If I did that, I’d never post anything. I can’t think of every person’s emotional state before I say something.” It’s true, people are accountable for the way they take things and for their attitude and actions after. But that doesn’t give us the right for angry, insulting remarks. Recognize that people have reasons for choosing to wear a mask/not wear a mask/stay home/go to the park, etc. And it’s not our place to shower criticism or anger on their personal choices.

3) Kindness is humble. Have you ever been wrong? Have you ever passionately stood behind something and then changed your mind as you got older, learned more, etc? We all have and in this current age of technology and information, we receive new information constantly. And it contradicts! And it changes! And the media does have a bias and does report negative, scary news because that is what gets clicks! “Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves.” (Phil. 2:3) Be careful to not shout your knowledge in an attempt to look smart, thumb your nose at others, or look more spiritual. That is not humility and that is not thinking of others. Philippians 2 is all about the humility of Christ and how we are to follow that example.

4) Kindness is a fruit of the Spirit. We are told in Galatians a list of nine things that should be evident in a Christian’s life. Kindness happens to be one of them. “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law.” (Gal. 5:22-23) 

I’m just going to throw this out there for you to consider: if you read something that really burns you up and you want to belittle the author or the person who posted, go to your bathroom and talk to the wall. Or write it all out in a notebook. Do you know how many times I’ve complained or vented frustrations to myself and when it was over, I was very glad I was the only one who heard my angry words? Things spoken in anger are rarely helpful. If you need to get it out, do it alone. The internet doesn’t need more venom.

I know sometimes we post things that aren’t meant to offend; we’re sharing information or articles for people to consider. But if someone posts a comment disagreeing or angry about the article, we need to monitor our response and decide if it’s worth engaging. Every comment doesn’t need a reply. Most people who comment on social media aren’t looking for a real discussion of pros and cons and you probably won’t change their mind, even with a well-crafted response. They just want to get their two cents in. It’s okay to walk away first.

Here’s my last thought on this. On social media, we don’t know who will read what we say. Please be considerate and remember, everyone is struggling to make their own decisions based on what is best for their families and within their states guidelines. Don’t think people are just following the crowds and haven’t given thought to their choices.

Let’s cover ourselves and each other in prayer. Think about your responses before responding. Remember, you’ll be worshiping, going to family picnics, interacting with these people who have witnessed and observed you online. Guard your heart. Trust God. Be humble.

Just be kind.

Photo by Dayne Topkin on Unsplash

Don't be Discouraged

Waiting is hard.

It often breeds discouragement as we believe the longer we have to wait for something, the less likely it is we will succeed. This can be true for waiting for a husband, a baby, the perfect job offer, and the list goes on. Waiting and discouragement thread through life in many ways.

I love reading books. Although I read a lot of non fiction, I love a good novel too. I’ve come to realize, however, that I love getting to the finish but I’m not always a fan of the journey. No, I’m not one of those crazies who reads the last chapter of the book before starting the beginning. But if the journey takes too long, if the hero makes too many mistakes along the way, I’ve been known to skim a few pages. But without the struggle the climax would be less satisfying. The triumph of the hero succeeding is made more spectacular by all the obstacles he had to overcome to get there.

And so it is in reaching our goals. Often we don’t take the time to celebrate or even realize we had a small victory toward our main objective. We instead focus on what others are doing, what others are accomplishing. When we face disappointment, it’s hard to imagine rising above discouragement, working and continuing on although the odds seem stacked against us. But when we reach that goal, the joy is all the greater because of what we’ve experienced along the way. We can look back at specific moments when we could have given up. But look how we came through!!

I love hearing about people who work hard and accomplish their goal. But it has burdened my heart when I see friends and acquaintances getting book deals, opening businesses, living their dreams. I thought, “They’re moms too. When did they find time to do that? I’m so behind.” It is basically a pity party but it makes me doubt what I love doing. I wrongly measure success off of the timing that others were succeeding in. And I don’t take into account the years and tears and sacrifices that they have gone through.

I’m reading the life of David in my Bible reading. Talk about waiting!! He served the king he knew he was going to replace and hid for years from that same king! He knew what God had promised but he waited and waited. Several times David could have killed Saul and sped up the timeline {at least in human eyes}. But he wanted things to happen in God’s timing, not because he acted impatiently.

I would really love this time of quarantine to end and everything to go back to before. I would really love to be published and hold a book with my name on it in my hands. I don’t want to wait weeks or months to go to coffee with a friend. I don’t want to wait years for all my words currently sheltering in notebooks to find their way into the broader world of books. I want to know that there is an end and it will be the ending I want in the time I want.

But that thinking isn’t healthy or biblical. Instead of focusing on what we want to keep from being discouraged, when we find ourselves in the middle of something, we must turn our desires and disappointments and expectations over to God and wait for his timing.

Photo by Aaron Burden on Unsplash

The Question We Should Ask

It’s the new year which means we are all thinking of resolutions. Even if we don’t write down a list of things, the beginning of the year always means reflection on the past and looking with anticipation for the future. That future usually has us considering what we would like to do, what we would like to change, and how we want to make those things happen!

I read the book, In His Image by Jen Wilkin for Bible study and before I got to the first chapter, I was hit by something she wrote. She said that the premise of the book is to show the difference between two questions: What should I do vs Who should I be.

When we think about finding God's Will for any decision, we usually ask for a specific outcome or guidance in what specific thing we should do. But, Wilkin argued, it's not about filling a list of qualifications before we know what to do. It's growing through sanctification to be who we should be that changes us. And as we grow in Christ, we pursue things that please God and decisions become a little easier.

All this made me think about why we always ask what instead of who. Our default it seems is to fix issues by changing our circumstances instead of asking if there is something about ourselves that needs to change. Those kinds of ponderings are usually uncomfortable because of one things: pride.

No matter what we think, we are proud. We might admit we need to grow in some areas but other things are practically sacred to us because “that’s just how I am.” I need to learn patience? No, I’ll just work harder to make things happen. You think I’m easily aggravated? You don’t know what I have to live with. We have a list of excuses for why we are the way we are. And in some ways, we don’t really want to change.

But over and over in the Bible, we are told to put off the former things and put on a whole new life in Christ. When God saved us, he didn’t want us to stay captive to our past selves and sins. He wants more for us. I’ve always found Galatians 5 convicting. In the same breath that Paul condemns sorcery, idolatry, drunkenness and a host of things I wouldn’t dream of, he also mentions envy, anger, jealousy, divisions. And he’s telling us to remove all those things from our lives (Gal. 5:19-21)! Then he lists what we are to be replacing all those sinful attitudes with: the fruit of the Spirit (5:22-23).

Another passage about putting off the old is Colossians 3. In verse one we are clearly told, “If then you have been raised with Christ, seek the things that are above…” If we are saved, we should want to be growing and changing, not still in our former selves. Verses 5-9 are filled with sins that used to characterize us but now should have no part in our lives. If that list discourages you, keep reading to see all the things we are to be putting on or growing in (3:12-17).

If this seems like the impossible mission — turning from all the former and completely becoming a new creature in Christ — remember this: you aren’t doing it alone. By God’s grace, we have the Holy Spirit living in us, convicting us of sin, helping us to put on these things, challenging us to change and not dwell in where we were. We can’t will or force ourselves to be better. It is only through the power of God and with a sincere desire to change.

So as we jump into 2020 and make all the plans for what we want to do and change, let’s not forget to also pray about who we are in Christ and how we need to seek God and grow in him this year.

Photo by Danielle Macinnes on Unsplash

Prayer

I've often felt inadequate in many ways. I know a little about a lot of things but I'm not an expert or particularly skilled in any one thing. As a homeschooling, stay at home mom to three kids, there are many things I don't have the time or energy or physical ability to accomplish. 

Many is the time when I want to do something and just can't. There are needs and opportunities even in my own church that I am not able to meet or contribute to.

Those realizations are hard. Especially when I think, 'If I wasn't homeschooling, I'd have all morning for that,' 'If my kids were older, they could stay home alone while I did that,' 'If there wasn't cooking, cleaning, laundry, meal planning…' Our lives can quickly become a list of grievances or hindrances instead of looking at what IS possible in the place we are now.

My biggest shift in this thinking has been prayer. The beautiful thing about prayer is we can do it anytime, anywhere. There is no formula to follow, no time limit or special place. In the chaos of our daily surroundings and in the long, sleepless nights, God hears our prayers.

Suddenly, my perceived inadequacies are swept away. You don't have to be an expert to approach the throne of God. We come before him with awe, humility, broken, and needy people. And he hears.

When I can't worship at church because of sick children or attend a Bible study because of schedules, I can pray for those who are there. When visiting others isn't possible and carting kids around keeps us from hospital bedsides, we can pray for healing and peace.

I believe one of the reasons prayer is often difficult is because we do it in private. Has anyone ever asked you if you pray daily? Maybe they tell you a request but do they ask if you actually follow through? In our society of sharing and recognition, do we take time to do things no one sees? It's hard to take a prayer selfie. And yet it should be a crucial, vital part of our Christian lives.

I love I Thess 5: In everything give thanks, pray without ceasing. This idea of being in constant communion with God. When we hear a request or a friend pops in our mind, just stopping for 30 seconds and bringing them before God. When we are on the verge of tears, tired of disciplining children, a 1 minute prayer for wisdom and love. Situations that break us, circumstances that confound us, people that fail us, opportunities that shock us. God knows them all. He hears them all. And he wants to heal, protect, renew, and forgive us.

Photo by Sergey Zolkin on Unsplash

Giving Away Grace

Over the weekend I was able to travel to Indianapolis and attend a women’s Christian conference. This was my third time going and I do enjoyed the speakers and time with great friends. Every session of this conference taught me something, showed me something, challenged me in some way. And it was wonderful to head back to the hotel with some friends after a full day of listening and just pour out everything I learned and hear what challenged them and cry and grow together.

I can’t really choose a favorite session or speaker because they all spoke to me in a different but good ways, however, one session I plan to rewatch when it hits YouTube is the one on grace. I love the word grace — the meaning, the way it works in lives and changes us — it truly is an extraordinary gift from God. I love it so much it’s on my author tagline {Grace. Hope. Everyday.} and we gave one of my daughters the middle name Grace.

The problem is we seem to limit grace to salvation. When we are witnessing to someone or marveling at our own salvation, we are quick to point out it is by grace alone. Nothing we do. Nothing we earn. Just plain grace from a Holy God who loves us and gives us the amazing gift of grace that we don’t deserve. But after we accept this free gift, we tend to keep grace to ourselves. Maybe we don’t realize we still need it daily. Maybe we don’t know we can continue to share grace with others. Or maybe we’re just plain selfish. But the truth is, grace is not a one time occurrence. We continually need it and God continually gives it. {James 4:6} And guess what?! Other people need it after salvation too! Now we can’t give them the same grace God bestows on us but we can show them love, patience, acceptance when they haven’t done anything to earn those responses from us. And isn’t that what grace is?

Back to the conference. The speaker gave an illustration that caused us to chuckle but also struck a nerve. She said sometimes we walk around in need of a toe-stub amount of grace. That’s not a whole lot and then we look over at a friend who’s lying on a stretcher, she can’t even move she’s in need of so much grace during a certain trial or stage of life. We might be tempted to say, “Don’t worry, God, I don’t really need this grace. Give it all to her and I’ll just stumble along until I need more than a stubbed toe amount.”

Meanwhile, our friend on the stretcher might look at us and think, “Why in the world does she need grace? She only stubbed her toe! She’ll live. She can do anything she wants, she doesn’t need grace from me or anyone else. Her life is fine. I’m the one in need here!”

Both of these responses are wrong. The person who says she doesn’t need grace until something big happens is trying to live life without God’s help, trusting in herself to make it through the everyday. She appears to be self sacrificing and thoughtful of others but in reality, she’s refusing the grace God offers because she doesn’t believe her problems are big enough to need God.

Her friend on the stretcher believes her unique, huge, difficult circumstances demand more grace than others around her. Maybe she’s bitter or angry when she hears them talk about their situations because it all seems so small compared with what she’s facing. She wonders why they need grace and resents them.

The truth, and the point the speaker was making, is we always need grace. For salvation, of course. But everyday after we must be dependent on God’s gift of grace. {Heb. 4:16} Without it, we start depending on ourselves and thinking we can do things in our own strength and wisdom. Grace meets us in our weakness and carries us along. {II Cor. 12:9-10}

And we also need to come alongside others and show them grace. Maybe you have a friend in a deep valley of life. When she doesn’t text you back, never wants to meet for lunch, instead of brushing her aside you can show grace through your prayers and continued friendship, even if you’re the only one trying. {I Peter 4:10} And if we’ve just stubbed our toe and we’re okay but feel on the verge of stumbling deeper, we can ask for prayer, look to God, and he will abundantly provide what we need.

Think about this in closing: God doesn’t just give us the exact amount of grace we need for a day. He lavishes it on us, giving more than we need at a time. Our cup overflows with his goodness. {Eph. 1:7-8} And what do we do with this abundant grace? We pass it on to those around us. God isn’t going to run out. We don’t have a set allotment of grace for our lives so we need to keep some in reserve. We can give grace to others in gratitude for the grace already showered upon us.

Photo by Ina Soulis on Unsplash.

The Importance of the Journey

I love a freshly weeded flowerbed. Nothing but beautiful flowers and clean mulch, nothing sticking out where it shouldn’t be. Just beauty.

The problem is I hate weeding.

Sitting in the dirt, grabbing as close to the base as possible so I pull the root, frustration when I get a handful of weed ‘leaves’ and no root, time in the hot sun, and the knowledge that those weeds I just pulled will somehow come back next week.

I dread and put off the process while looking with envy at weed-free flowerbeds, somehow forgetting that they are weed-free because of effort on someone’s part. I want the success and satisfaction of the goal without the time and effort required to get there.

The crazy thing is my kids are the same way. My son really wants to read but he doesn’t want to learn how to sound out individual letters. My daughter wants to play songs on the piano but sighs in frustration at the simple exercises she has to practice to learn scales and fingerings. And I remind them constantly that practicing and doing the little things will result in greater things. But it takes time and energy and diligence and faithfulness. Now. Today.

I really need to apply my own peptalks to myself.

I think many of us struggle with the idea of the journey. Making the little steps now toward a bigger future goal. We want to arrive, to achieve something, to reach a goal. We want to be a certain weight or master a skill. But it’s the pesky little daily practice that proves so difficult.

Our Christian walk can have the same frustrations. We think how content we’ll be once we reach a certain point in our Christian life. We’ll be the one mentoring others, we’ll know all the encouraging Bible verses, we’ll understand all the difficult passages. But daily Bible reading? Who has time for that? Actually studying a passage instead of just skimming it? That would take too much effort. We want to skip the journey, the actual process of learning and growing. But as with all tasks, the journey is necessary to reach the end.

We can point to numerous biblical characters who had to wait through a long journey before they reached the desired goal. Sarah was barren for decades. Joseph was in prison for crimes he didn’t commit after being unfairly sold into slavery. The Israelites were forty years on a literal journey through the wilderness before reaching the Promised Land. David knew he would be king years before it happened and once he was king, life didn’t get any easier.

The important thing to remember is that when we’re in the process of learning, doing, waiting, God doesn’t leave us. He is walking the journey with us, helping us, loving us, proving himself faithful. As much as we want to skip this step in life, it is in the journey that we learn the most and see God work. If we skipped straight to the end goal, oh the blessings we would miss! The journey isn’t glamorous or always fun and it usually requires patience and consistent effort, but how much more satisfying it is in the end.

So if I were to sit down with you and we were to talk about the waiting stage you’re in and how I hate weeding and just want the results without the effort, I would smile and nod in agreement and then encourage you to keep on being faithful. Because the journey is just as important as the destination.

Photo by Nanda Green on Unsplash

When Discouragement Hits

**NOTE: I wish discouragement was something we grew out of. Unfortunately, it doesn’t end with a certain age. I wrote this about a week ago and then I received some discouraging news and what I’m writing here was as true for me in last week’s disappointment as it was 20 years ago. Things happen that discourage us and seem to knock us over but the truth of God’s Word still stands. I hope this encourages you and I’m repeating these things to myself in the wake of my disappointment.**

When I was in college, I tried out for a play. It was something a little out of my comfort zone but as a speech minor, I had taken an acting class and wanted to try. Days passed but no callback. I was disappointed but proud of myself for auditioning. Several weeks later, I was talking with my voice teacher and he asked why I hadn’t responded to his email about singing in a recital he was conducting. I hadn’t gotten an email. He said the campus address he had sent it to and I immediately recognized it as the work email I had used over the summer in my campus job. It was supposed to be deleted because I wasn’t working there anymore. I ran to the computer lab and checked the email I hadn’t used in months. There was the invitation to sing in the recital and there - sent days after my audition - was a callback notice. I quickly emailed back explaining why I never made it to callbacks and apologizing. But it was too late. The cast had been set and two of my friends had received the lead women speaking roles.

Seeing that email was more disappointing than all the weeks of not knowing I had been called back. I kept thinking, “Why did they use this email instead of the one I wrote on my audition paper? Why wasn’t this email account deleted? How would I have done in callbacks? If only….”

Life is filled with disappointments. Sometimes they are small and quickly forgotten. Other times they stick with us and we rehearse over and over what went wrong, what we could have done different, if things will ever get better. And while disappointment itself isn’t wrong to experience, our attitude in the face of disappointment can be good or bad.

Usually when disappointment or discouragement strikes, it’s because things didn’t go the way we expected or hoped. We have in our mind how we want things to play out and when that doesn’t happen, we might question what brought us to that point. A lot of times disappointment comes from a result of things we can’t control. Like weather ruining our picnic plans, a missed flight changing vacation schedules, or a sudden illness canceling a fun trip. We know we can’t do anything to change our circumstances but disappointment still weighs heavy when we think about what we’re missing.

Then there’s broken friendships and missed opportunities, things we think “Maybe if…” and try to analyze what happened to bring on this struggle.

God’s people are not immune to disappointment. Isaiah and Jeremiah preached the same message again and again, waiting for the Israelites to listen. Naomi mourned her husband and sons and traveled back to her homeland with discouragement about the future surrounding her.

When we find ourselves in the midst of disappointment for whatever reason, we need to remember we are not ultimately in control of anything. Disappointment often gives way to many other emotions — anger, fear, bitterness — but we can’t let those things control us or our attitude about life. The Bible says that we are to be content {Phil. 4:11; Heb. 13:5} and we aren’t supposed to be anxious or worried {Matt. 6:34; Phil. 4:6; I Peter 5:7}. In the moment, those are difficult things to remember but focusing on God instead of ourselves brings things back into focus.

So did I overcome my disappointment at missing my chance? Yes, and I was given another opportunity the next year. I went to auditions again with no expectations but wanting to try. And I got a callback. And then a second callback. And finally an email with my name listed as the lead female character. It was so much fun to be part of the original musical production that I was cast in. And I’ve not forgotten how disappointment is sometimes the first step to something else.

Photo by Toni Lluch on Unsplash.

The Long Road of Faithfulness

Our family spent last weekend mourning the loss and celebrating the life of Tommy's grandpa. Death is bittersweet for Christians. There is sorrow for those left behind, facing moments without loved ones and adjusting to new routines. But there is also joy that pain and death and troubles of this world are gone for the departed. They are with God, praising, rejoicing in ways we can't fully fathom.

As we reflected on the life of Tommy's grandpa and his many years of Christian ministry, I was struck with a theme that is present in many Christian lives but not often noticed until death takes them from us. Faithfulness. The constant, consistent, day in-day out service that adds up over a lifetime.

And that, oddly, made me think about another big day that happened recently. Last week we received our much anticipated ants for our ant farm. After a very eventful transfer from mailing tube to plastic farm {meaning the ants suddenly woke up and started crawling all over the kitchen counter} we started watching the busy ants make their home. The incredible thing about ants is how they can lift those pieces of sand and carry them somewhere else, all in a coordinated effort to make a series of tunnels.

What does a faithful life have in common in ants? Well, the job of the ants is being consistent in their task. Grain by grain, piece by piece, they transfer piles of sand from one place to another. When we first poured the sand into the bottom of the ant farm, my son looked less than convinced that they would actually be able to make tunnels. “It’s too much,” he insisted. “They have nowhere to move the sand and they’re too small to dig it out.” But to our surprise, by the time we went to bed that first night, those industrious little ants were well on the way to making a home.

My son’s biggest misconception was that the ants were going to try and move all the sand from the tunnel in one trip. He pictured moving each grain as too time consuming, an impossible task for such small creatures. But he had ignored the importance of faithfully keeping on. Sometimes the job looks impossible and difficult and days in the making. Instead of dwelling on all the reasons why we couldn’t possibly do something, we must faithfully tackle each day and do what that day requires. Even when we don’t know how we could ever get through the rest of the week, we need to focus on what we can do today. And over a lifetime, oh the things we could do!

As people shared memories of Tommy’s grandpa last weekend, it was mainly little things that added up to great achievements. It was the daily faithfulness to do what he knew the Lord was calling him to do. As a mom with young kids, I often struggle. It’s so easy to get caught up in the big things. How will I handle my kids as teenagers, what if they want to do that, how can I teach them this? But you know the truth? All those things have roots in the here and now. You want your kids to trust God in the future? Then show them how it’s done now. While they’re young, while they look to you and come to you with questions.

Maybe we want to do big things but the time and energy we have are limited right now. We think what we get done today couldn’t possibly matter in the long run. Cooking, cleaning, laundry, outside the home jobs — it might seem so monotonous and unimportant. But faithful consistency where God has us today has influence we may never know. Maybe you are moving one grain of sand at a time, but over years of working at it, think at what will be built!

Faithfulness is a fruit of the Spirit so I know it’s something worth pursuing. I also know it doesn’t come naturally. But it is such a vital part of our relationship with God and our diligence in doing what he wants us to do. Small, faithful steps over a lifetime become a journey walked in God’s grace.

Photo by Vlad Tchompalov on Unsplash

Hello and Goodbye. But God is Still Good

Nine years ago today I lay in a hospital bed. The room was silent except for a few interruptions from nurses. I tried to focus on something other than the reason for my stay but that was impossible. After hours of waiting, it finally happened. Our baby was born at 14 weeks.

I thought I had prepared myself in the 24 hours before, when we found out the baby's heart had stopped for an unknown reason. But seeing the tiny form — so small yet perfectly formed — brought a fresh wave of grief at what the day meant. The death of our child, the desire for a baby unfulfilled.

When trials flip our world upside down it’s easy to question everything we thought we knew before. Things that seemed so obvious in our carefree, everyday lives are challenged and we are forced to not just mouth the truths we hear but to dwell on them, to run after them, to actively remind ourselves that those things are still true.

After our baby was born, Tommy and his parents gathered around my hospital bed and we quoted a portion of Psalm 139 — “For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well.” {vv.13-14}

As I said hello and goodbye to my baby on the same day, a part of me struggled to believe God was good in this. But goodness doesn’t always equal what we think we want. I’ve come to learn that part of trusting God day in and day out is believing that he knows me better than I know myself and he loves me more than I love myself. He doesn’t bring harm into my life but because we live in a sin cursed world, bad does exist and we are not immune from its touch.

When we experience the pain that is now part of our world, we can find rest in God. Because of his grace. Because he gives us hope. Not “I hope everything is going to be okay” but a confident, knowing, expectation that he keeps his promises and he loves us. The Bible is filled with his promises and his attributes which we can lean on and cling to. He is our Rock, our Fortress, our Shelter from whatever hardships we encounter. And he is Faithful.

We don’t know the gender of our baby who would have turned nine this October. But we named that baby Addison {child of Adam} Bennett {blessed little one}. And our daughters have the middle names Hope and Grace.

Do you know how I can still say God is good after heartbreaking loss? I Peter 1:3 says — “Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! According to his great mercy, he has caused us to be born again to a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead.”

That is what I find joy in despite the hurt and sorrow. That is how I know God is still good. That is what I find rest and peace in.

Photo by Antonio Ochoa on Unsplash

The Danger of What If

In this age of social media, we hear a lot of warnings about comparisons. Don't covet the image someone is posing on Instagram, don't measure your life compared to someone else. While these are good advice and worth following, there is another lesser-known game we fall into that can be just as deadly. It's the question of what if.

In our lifetime we are faced with a multitude of decisions from where to go to college to whom to marry or if you want to marry, what job to apply for, where to move, how to raise our kids if we have kids, and so on. Most of these decisions are {hopefully} made with careful thought and intention, knowing the outcome will affect any future decisions we come across.

But sometimes when our circumstances seem hard and the trials unending and we view all the other people in the world making other decisions and doing other things, we start to question if we really knew what we wanted back then.

Did I marry the right person? Where would I be if I'd taken that job? What if I hadn’t made that mistake? What if I hadn’t done that? What if I had moved there, gone to that church, learned that skill….

It's a never ending game that's pointless in every way. Not only can we never go back and make those decisions over, we are in a very real way stepping out of where we currently are and being dissatisfied with the outcome. We've all made bad choices, we've all had things we want to get another chance at. But that doesn't mean God has stopped working with where we are.

I think of David from the Old Testament. He had many choices to make, some good, some not so good. When he was the only one brave enough to stand up to Goliath {I Samuel 17:26} he showed real trust in God and made the right decision. When he married multiple women {I Samuel 18: 27; 25: 42-43} those decisions would have consequences for the remainder of his life. Then we have his sin with Bathsheba {II Samuel 11}.

Throughout his life, David had much to ‘what if’ over and decisions he probably regretted. However, many of the Psalms were written while he was in the midst of a trial. There were perhaps times when he looked back on his decisions and wondered ‘what if I had done something else.’ But we have his words in Psalm 40: 1 — “I waited patiently for the LORD; he inclined to me and heard my cry.”

You see, after we make a choice, God doesn’t scold us for making a wrong decision. Sometimes there are consequences to what we choose and we have to live with them. But God doesn’t leave us there, hopeless and alone because we should have chosen the other path. His character is the same. He is still with us. We’ll never know the outcome of the what ifs in our life, but that shouldn’t stop us from serving God and seeking him right now where we are.

When we are struggling and maybe regretting something from our past, we can run to God and pour our heart and cares and concerns to him. And he is faithful to hear our cry.

Photo by Kelly Sikkema on Unsplash

Signs of What We Love

If someone were to walk into your home, without knowing you well, what would she notice? What evidence of your life would she see? Probably she would see things you hold dear - photos of family, mementos or souvenirs that are special. Think about places you’ve been where the interests, hobbies, or lifestyle of the owners were quickly apparent based on what you observed in their space.

Now multiply that by observing how they live. Not only the things that surround them in their home but the way they interact in various surroundings. How do they treat others? What do they spend time and attention on? How is their language or topics of conversation? We can learn a lot about people by observing them.

I’m a mom to three young children and no matter how hard I try to have a picture perfect home, there are always reminders that small children dwell with me. Handprints on windows, toys under chairs, half-eaten snacks at the kitchen counter. Then there are the pictures of my kids filling frames on the walls, sitting on shelves and side tables. A basket of library books, suspiciously filled with kid-friendly titles.

No one who enters my home would doubt that kids are a big part of my daily life. Neither would a visitor ask if I loved my kids or if they were important to me. It’s obvious from the popsicle stick crafts still drying on the table to the school worksheets spread over the floor. I’m proud of my kids, love my kids, devote my days to them and their growth.

The same should be true of our relationship with God. We could even call it the evidence we are Christians. When we talk about evidence of God in our lives, what are we talking about? What does evidence mean that we would choose that word to describe our relationship?

According to the dictionary, evidence means, ‘To make plain or clear, an indication or sign’. So our relationship with God should be plain for all to see and observe. It shouldn’t be a secret that we are Christians, children of God. It should be clear that how we treat people and respond in situations is tied to our belief in God. Everything about our lives should breathe and show that we know God.

When people observe us, they are witnessing much more than our love of family or a certain pet. Often, they are judging our faith by how we mirror God. Have you ever had an unsaved friend tell you you don’t act like a Christian? Or maybe that they couldn’t believe you were a Christian when they found out. Sometimes this is because their notion of what a Christian looks like is wrong. {Maybe they see all Christians as judgmental prudes that never have fun or delight in anything. So they are surprised when you are joyful or loving.} But sometimes it might be an indication that we have lived so long seeking after the things of the world that we haven’t allowed room for God.

Romans 12:2 is very clear on how a Christian should respond to the world we are dwelling in. “Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.” Hebrews mentions that we are pilgrims passing through, that we should recognize this is not our final home and we don’t serve the things of this world. [Hebrews 11:13-16}

When you look at how you respond to things or people, would you say there is a plain and clear sign in your life that you serve God above all else? Let’s hold the mirror up and truly evaluate how those around see us.

Photo by Andre Francois Mckenzie on Unsplash

The Truth about Suffering

I don’t write or share about political things often because I find, personally, those types of conversations are better served in person. Just throwing my opinion on the internet, I have no idea who will read it and it doesn’t always end up edifying. But sometimes the things I read strike a note that I can not ignore. I know these are difficult things to talk about but, personal feelings aside, what the Bible says is what should govern our lives. Not how we feel, not what is popular, not what so-and-so is saying. We need to bring the truth of the Bible into these conversations and that is my purpose in writing this. I’m not saying suffering is easy, enjoyable, or we should walk through life with a permanent smile. But suffering is addressed in the Bible and that is what I pray you see in this post.

There seems to be a myth in certain branches of Christianity that suffering is bad. While scrolling through Twitter last week, I came across a tweet by a supposedly Christian author. In her series of tweets she proposed we shouldn't judge people who choose to abort babies known to have a terminal illness or defects because we should want to keep the baby and the parents from unnecessary suffering. According to her, it isn't merciful or necessary to have the baby and praise God for the few hours you might have with your child. We won't go into all the problems with that assumption but it made me think about what we read in the Bible concerning suffering.

I'm sure we can quickly point to several examples of suffering in the Bible and the lessons learned. But I want to look at one specific reference that I believe shows the attitude we should have when faced with trials, no matter the length of time we experience them.

In John 9, we read of a man who was born blind. The disciples asked Jesus why he was born without sight and we learn a great deal from his answer. “Jesus answered, ‘It was not that this man sinned, or his parents, but that the works of God might be displayed in him.’” (v. 3) In this instance, God was glorified because the man was given his sight and people saw Jesus's power on display. But even though our circumstances might seem less dramatic, God still works in them and we should still glorify him in the midst of our suffering.

Now I want to note two things that are important to remember. First, sin has consequences - sometimes lasting ones - so when we find ourselves in the middle of something, we need to honestly look at our life and see if there's something we've done that has put us in the situation.

Second, God is good. Therefore he doesn't bring bad things into our lives. But we live in a sin cursed world where evil and pain exist. The good news is God can use suffering and trials to draw us closer to himself and also to show us his power (Rom. 8:28-29).

In all his teachings, Jesus never promised his followers an easy life (John 15:18-19). He said they would suffer persecutions, loss of family, even lose their own lives. James reminds us in his book that trials are part of the Christian life (1:2-4, 12). Peter also notes that suffering is to be expected when we follow Christ (I Peter 4:12).

This doesn’t mean we should long for suffering and trials and pursue difficult paths just to see how God will work. But when we find ourselves in the midst of suffering, we shouldn’t be looking for any opportunity to get away or willing to compromise biblical truth so we can enjoy life better. The familiar example of this is Job. He suffered the loss of everything - family, wealth, possessions, health - and though he never knew the reason for his sufferings, he learned a whole lot about Who God is (Job 38-40).

And isn’t that what we should long for in any situation? Whether we are going through a trial or living our daily life, we should desire to know God more. Sometimes it takes a hard season to fully see the power of God in all circumstances and we will miss out on the lesson and the chance to glorify God if we are focused on making this life easy and pain free.

Back to the tweet that started my mind down this path. When we start saying we deserve to avoid suffering no matter the cost, we start limiting God’s power. In the case of a difficult diagnosis for an unborn baby, God can work miracles. I’m amazed at the number of posts I’ve read in the last week where a baby that should have died at birth is thriving years later. Yes, there is pain and heartache in the waiting and circumstances but there is also God who gives peace, grace, and healing when we rest in him.

Photo by Annie Spratt on Unsplash

Who Do We Trust?

I've been thinking a lot about trust lately. In our kids program at church I've been talking with the children about trusting in Jesus alone for salvation. But that made me think about after. Can we ever stop trusting God? And what does trust even mean? If we say we are trusting God for XYZ, what are we admitting to?

The dictionary definition of trust is, “Reliance on the integrity, ability, strength of a person or thing.” We could also use the words “Confidence, hope.” Trust is a word we probably use frequently: “I’m trusting this chair will hold me, I trust the store will have my order.”

I admit trust is a word that's easy to say but not always easy to do. I've also found it difficult to live out this trust in a daily way. How do we show we trust someone? My biggest struggle is with my children.

Moms are supposed to be the glue that holds a family together and, while that's a nice thought, I don’t find it very comforting. I daily feel the pressure to raise my kids to follow God, be kind, be smart, be humble, be leaders, and the list goes on. Society has made us question everything we do when it comes to raising children. And if we do something wrong, our children will suffer later in life from the strain (that's a little dramatic but you get the idea). When we believe we are completely in control of future outcomes, we obviously have a trust issue.

The truth is no matter how much we mold and lead and influence our children for how we want them to turn out, they are individual people with free choice. There are no guarantees that the perfectly structured childhood we plan for our kids leads them to a perfect adulthood.

It might sound like I'm advocating to do nothing and let the dice fall where they may. Not so. We as parents have the greatest influence and God has given us the responsibility to raise our children to follow him. But we also must trust God with our children. There are a whole list of things God can do for my kids that I just can't. If I run around thinking I have all the answers and all the ability to be everything to my kids, I will very quickly become discouraged and fail. As a sinful human myself, I am not the perfect model of what I want my kids to be. All I can do is follow what I know God wants me to do, teach my children to do the same, and pray God will work in their lives.

Trusting God involves so much more than our initial moment of salvation. Trust means opening my tightly clinched fists and giving God everything - my time, my family, my ministry - and asking him to work. Trust is acknowledging I don't have control and to stop trying to achieve it.

When we come to Christ in salvation, trusting that he only can save us and take our punishment, that is only the beginning of our need to fully rely on God. As we go through the process of sanctification, we see more and more how our lives are transformed by the simple, difficult, daily decision to trust God more than we trust ourselves.

Photo by Muhammad Muzamil on Unsplash